Swaying with an unhelpful husband

[Throwaway_panther]

So obviously I think my issues with my husband are out there at this point, but as the only thing keeping me going is being prepared to sway again -- with a man with bad sperm and a family history of male infertility despite his BBBG family makeup, with one of those Bs having BGB -- after this pregnancy since I'll be bowled over backwards, seeing pigs fly, if it ends up not being a girl.

However: DH has gone even further away from anything I'd hope for for a boy. Smoking is really out of the picture and has been for awhile, but he's occasionally run or biked during this pregnancy and keeps talking about wanting to do it. His alcohol intake is back up, though I'm working on getting him to reduce that for other reasons (he averages a drink a day, maybe every other day; always craft beer or wine, occasional whiskey). He is now also wanting to drop red meat from his diet completely and eat mostly beans :eyeroll: He's resistant to even taking a multivitamin because "they're BS" as he says. He still takes the L-Arginine though as that's helped his BP stay stable. And he drinks the oatstraw infusions I still make him because dropping a hop pellet in it makes it taste like nonalcoholic beer apparently lol.

I'm realizing after 2+ years spent trying to exert any sort of control or influence beyond smoking (which hey, ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU, lol, so I don't feel bad about getting him to drop the occasional cigar he used to touch), that there is no way I can do that again. Or that he would put up with it. I had a huge supplement list for our sway for this baby up, but have since found out he barely took any of those so...

I guess I'm looking for input and (hopefully even better) success stories, of still getting a boy even when DH is a.) not doing the most blue compliant things and b.) when it really is just me swaying all on my own. We know frequent sex will never be an issue at least for him, but his new "diet" plans have me quaking in my boots a bit (example: "I read fermented soy is the best stuff you can eat!" Cue me pulling my hair out).

I've seen all the girl sways where even running, smoking husbands got boys still. I have all the real world examples of chubby or obese men popping out boys and even my own FIL somehow producing 3 boys in 3 years after 6 years infertility. But looks like I'm walking into fierce winds than other people, so "other people's" stories only help so much, too.

Just looking for any conversation on this, I guess.

[atomic sagebrush]

Let him try the beans - I promise that will last about 3 days.

Fermented soy is actually not so bad - the microbes break down some of the hard to digest elements of other soy. So even that isn't terrible. Tell him if he eats it more than 2-3 times a week he can grow moobs from it (which is true LOL) REmember, even in countries where they eat the most soy, the gender ratio is still 50-50.

90% of my blue swayers are in it totally alone. Their husbands won't do anything. (you may recall that is why I am not so in their face about what the husbands need to do, because it is the rare blue hubby that will help with a sway and blue swayers need to focus on what they can change, rather than feeling defeated about what they can't.)

My husband is a pretty heavy drinker (le sigh) and has been for quite some time. Before our third son, he went off alcohol for only about a month before. With our 4th, he kept drinking the entire time - about the same as your hubby is drinking now.. He has never eaten well at all, never took any supplements, was putting on weight with the 3rd and 4th, etc. This is true of lots and lots of blue mamas too, just as you say.

What you have to keep in mind is the underlying logic of swaying. Men can "hit and run" and women not only grow the baby in their body, feed the baby from their body, but also nearly always raise the child in their environment at least for the first few years or so. So the signals you are getting from your environment - foods, lifestyle, etc is going to be MUCH more important than anything your husband brings to the table. It very well may be that the signal you guys send from the frequent BD (that a father is present) is far more important than the stuff he eats and drinks and smokes anyway.

[goldielock615]

I don't know how your husband is with these types of things... but myself and my husband sometimes go through food phases. We went through a phase of drinking red wine every night, we went through phases of eating tons of pasta, he went through a "raw diet" phase once. It might actually be better if he gets his soy and no red meat phase out of his system right now when you're not close to trying. Most people I know who drop red meat from their diet come back to it eventually. I would wait a month and see if it's more of a long term change before thinking about ways to help mitigate. Especially with the holidays, it seems like he'll have a lot of temptation to come back to the dark meat side. Good luck!

[The Anchor]

My husband didn't sway, in fact, he didn't even know that I swayed! LOL

He was a smoker back then, a bit overweight, and a pretty heavy drinker. Don't give up hope!

[Nell_]

I bet if you cook him lovely meaty meals like steak etc he wouldn't be able to resist 😉 I'm sure its mainly down to what you eat etc anyway! Try not to worry you have the same chance as everyone else to get your baby boy xx

[Maureenhdez]

My husband has always been overweight, and we have 2 boys. He won’t do much to sway either. I am swaying girl, but he doesn’t believe in any of it. He was only willing to do FR for obvious reasons and gave up red meat from af-o.


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[aira22]

TP, you are definitely not alone!!! I have an unhelpful DH as well! Smoking and drinking on and off, being overweight and sometimes he gets a sports flash for a few weeks where he goes running every day and gym in the evenings. He never eats breakfast and sometimes not even lunch when his days are stressful. And even when he agreed on taking supplements, I found most of them untouched in his backpack a few days later So.. yeah, I did my sway alone. Hard enough that his argument "what HE does is not as important anyway" seems to be true - adding to not believing in swaying...
I don't know so much about his sperm as you do. But I have to believe he has more "girl-sperm" after 3 daughters. He has no brothers, only one sister - who has 2 sons...
I come from a family with almost only girls. And we couldn't even succeed with going Higtech... So I guess that's on me big time as well
I don't know if we could ever have a son, the odds are very low.
I try not to give up hope for this baby now because I don't want to stress myself over something I don't know. In 6 days I'll be finding out...

[atomic sagebrush]

Aira - that's not meant to give men a pass on what they do. The men smoking is a pretty big deal. But I just feel that for most blue swayers, if I dwell too much on the things that cannot be changed (like what our hubbies do) that it contributes to the overall feeling of defeat and then in turn passivitiy that probably affects a blue sway even possibly MORE than those annoying things our husbands will not give up.

Gender does NOT run in the family. I promise. My grandma came from a family of 6 girls, 2 boys, and ALL the girls went on to have both boys and girls.

[aira22]

Aira - that's not meant to give men a pass on what they do. The men smoking is a pretty big deal. But I just feel that for most blue swayers, if I dwell too much on the things that cannot be changed (like what our hubbies do) that it contributes to the overall feeling of defeat and then in turn passivitiy that probably affects a blue sway even possibly MORE than those annoying things our husbands will not give up.

of course. I understood that. I just wanted to relate to TP and tell her, that she is not alone with her unhelpful husband. I did my best not to let it bring me down.

Gender does NOT run in the family. I promise. My grandma came from a family of 6 girls, 2 boys, and ALL the girls went on to have both boys and girls.

I know, I know.. I've read all your brilliant essays (more than once but it's just so easy to have this excuse and people make it hard to drop the nonsense when I hear it so often. "oh you have 3 girls...poor daddy.... do you have sisters? yes, 6 - oh, no wonder.. I guess this 4rth baby (bump is quite obvious) will be a girl as well. hahahaha"
I shouldn't repeat that stuff myself when I know better!

Of course you have to comment on that post so other readers won't get wrong info here! So thanks for getting it straight.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to chastize you, I just wanted to reassure you that I think you have a great chance of a boy!

I always have to chime in and say my "atomic stuff" but I always want you guys to feel free to discuss what is on your mind!