Trying for a boy - need help!

[Stafa]

Hello dear Atomic and Genderdreamers!

First and foremost, I'd like to thank you for being here and for helping so many people from all over the world make their dreams come true!

My name is Stanislav and I am writing to you from a little part of the world - Bulgaria! I am probably one of the very few DH's that decided to take the shot and share his thoughts and challenges with your amazing and always ready to help community.

Before moving forward, I'd also like to apologize for the wall of text and the questions I have as I know most of them are already well covered but it is just way too much information available out there that I just got really overwhelmed. Another thing is that there is probably a slight language barrier especially when it comes to some abbreviations and I really want to make sure I am doing everything right. The reason I am the one writing is because my DW's english is not even as good as mine.

So, here's my story - I am 29 and so is my DW. We have a 16 months old girl and we very much (desperately) want a boy. We do love our DD, of course! I've been reading pretty much all sources of information for the past few weeks but I am still not sure what to believe and what not. Now that I found you guys, I feel much more confident that there is someone who can actually give me a hand with this big challenge of mine. So here is what I know so far and respectively what I need to confirm:

- Diet and health condition - At the time we conceived our daughter I wasn't in the best possible shape, nor was my DW. I've been drinking alcohol and smoking quite often back then. As of May this year, I am working out 3/4 times a week and am definitely in a better shape than before. I am eating big amount of protein, cottage cheese, oatmeal and powder protein for breakfast, salad and meat for lunch, pretty much the same snack as the breakfast and meat (pork, chicken, veal) with some rice or potatoes for dinner. I've stopped or drastically decreased smoking and drinking and it will about a month and a half like this before TTC.

DW eats mainly oatmeal + banana and oat drink for breakfast, some soup or sandwich for lunch, fruits (orange, banana, apple) as a snack and pasta/sushi/meat/pizza as a dinner. I guess she will need to increase her protein levels? As we are planning to eventually try for a boy February 2021, we are about to start taking some Vitamin D and E, Zink, fish oil, q10. She doesn't smoke and drinks a glass of red wine per day tops. I've also read something about lemon water and coconut water couple of days before starting the actual attempts?

- Timing - from all I've read, I noticed you don't really find the timing that important but I did notice some tips in that aspect. Would you please explain it to me in just a few words (simple way) what's the best way to try for a boy. I've heard a lot about the Shettles method but I am totally fine to forget about it and trust you guys. So what do you suggest here - shall we start having sex right after AF, on what interval, when should we start making the actual attempts of her getting pregnant and how many times shall we do it? This is something I find really hard to understand.

I've also read something about having a cup of coffee + coke or energy drink an hour before BD so as to boost the fertility (speed of the little ones attacking the egg).

Also, what does cutoff mean exactly - does it mean that I should restrain from ejaculating for say 5-10 days before starting the actual attempts? I heard that helps swaying blue.

- Count of sperm - I have some doubts about the count/quantity of sperm I have as I had a varicocelectomy when I was younger but given the fact that we conceived our daughter from the first or second time, I guess it is all fine there. Do you think I should undergo a semen analysis just to be on the safe side? Is there anything else rather than less alcohol, more exercises and good food that can help me boost my fertility and overall sperm quality?

- Position - read some theories about the position and deep penetration too. Any suggestions here? Also, what does J&D (jump and dump means) and what's this about the woman laying for some time after BD?

- Chinese calendar and tables/Russian charts - I've found a lot of different sites mentioning that the month of getting pregnant is very important and all these formulas where you need to calculate the age of the mother and the month of the year she is getting pregnant - any thoughts on this?

- Blood changes - Interesting thing which I think I found only in some Bulgarian and Russian sources. People here say that the gender of the baby very much depends on the parent which blood has "changed or recirculated" sooner. The saying says that the man's blood changes every 4 years while the woman's blood every 3 years starting from the date of birth (and in case there wasn't any significant blood loss - car accident, surgery etc.). So for example, now that I am 29 and my blood changed last year and my DW blood is about to change next year (June) if she gets pregnant before June, the baby will more likely be a boy - have you ever heard of this theory?

- IVF and PGD or ARRAY CGH - that's one of the other things we are seriously considering as I am not even sure if I want to risk it. As we are very close to Greece, we found a fertility centre in Crete where IVF and PGD/ARRAY CGH and basically gender selection is allowed and I wanted to check if any of the genderdreamers have any experience with that clinic. Not sure how better ARRAY CGH is than PGD too.

- PH levels - a lot of people are saying that this is actually a thing, what do you think and how do I increase PH levels. Mine is currently 6 (urine tests).

Any other tips/information that can help me get that super wanted boy is highly appreciated.

Thank you very very much for all your help in advance and happy holidays!

[atomic sagebrush]

Can you bump this for me?? It's a bit longer and I have holiday stuff tonight. Thanks and welcome!

[Stafa]

Thanks, Atomic! I've PM'ed you. Will be looking forward to hearing back from you! Happy Holidays

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome Stanislav! I LOVE my swaying dads!

I am always happy to answer questions. I know it's a lot of reading and that's why I am here, is to help you navigate through it all.

The changes you've made in diet and lifestyle are GREAT! Keep it up!

If your wife is already eating 90+ g protein that's fine, she doesn't need more. If she'd between 70-90 g yes I'd try to get in a little more protein.

Rather than seeing you take some of those nutrients separately I'd have you both take a multivitamin that has Vit. D, Zinc, E in it already. Unfortunately the doses are very high on the separate pills and it's better to only get about 100% of Zinc and Vit. E (and up to 1000 IU Vit. D, no more than that). Fish oil (up to 500 mg) and Coq10 (200 mg) are fine to take separately.

Lemon water you can have every day to make sure you stay well hydrated. Some believe it also helps with pH - now, I personally don't buy into pH stuff any more but that's the theory. Coconut water is not necessary but can be a good way to get a lot of potassium without having to have a lot of calories.

I'm going to post this first half to save on scrolling!

[atomic sagebrush]

Do you want to do timing? I am ok if people want to try it, just that it's not supported by science. We have a method where you can have timing, while still having the benefits of the number of attempts and regular release! up to you!

When it comes to having caffeine before attempt, there is an issue in that we want you to have 3-5 attempts in the fertile window. Since most people attempt at night, drinking caffeine often leads to a sleepless night, and exhaustion when men are meant to be having more attempts! (let alone having to work.) Since the caffeine has never been proven to help anyway, I worry that it causes a lot of trouble for people for no benefit, even interfering with your ability to have the attempts you need!

There are two ways the term "cutoff" is used online. One of them is "cutting off" a man from ejaculation for a certain number of days. This method is not useful because you have to basically predict in advance when ovulation will occur, and it rarely works out. Plus, abstaining for 5-10 days sways PINK, not blue!!

The other way "cutoff" is used, and the much more common way, is as a Shettles method for pink. People "cut off" intercourse all together a set number of days before ovulation occurs, and claim that sways pink. But it doesn't really work either. Long story short you don't need to do any sort of a cutoff.

The supplements we give you and the lifestyle changes will do a lot to boost sperm count. I would also have you take 500 mg of arginine and 1000 mg carnitine in addition to what you're already taking. I don't see any need for you to have a sperm analysis as we are doing what we would do regardless.

Also, let's add in probiotics for both you and your wife.

Doggy style with deep penetration is considered best for blue. It isn't a magic bullet but it cannot hurt!

Don't do jump and dump (that is having the woman get up very quick after sex). That sways pink. She should lay down 30-60 minutes and spend part of the time on her tummy if possible.

If the Chinese had any ancient wisdom that guaranteed gender there would not be orphanages full of unwanted baby girls. We have done tons of polls and surveys on all these charts and it's always 50-50 on all of them. I would not bother with them.

The gender ratio can't rely on things like 3 and 4 year cycles because we see changes in the ratio with diet, lifestyle, and even some truly strange things like the career a person has. If there was some set cycle that was not changeable we would not see any variation in gender ratio on the basis of diet, exercise, career, etc because it would be unchangeable in that situation. So that is also not something I would worry about.

IVF/PGD is great and something I very much recommend looking into if you have the means. Though swaying is great PGD is the only way to get a guarantee. I would ask about the ARRAY CGH in our IVF forums and the experts we have there will be better able to help you than I am.

After getting a boy with a supposed "girl pH" and seeing thousands of pH opposites, I no longer believe in pH and we don't bother with it any more. Some people still do some pH methods and that is ok. The blue sway will help raise pH regardless so you still don't need to worry about it. just beware some of the methods that are said to "raise pH" like baking soda, alka seltzer, and douching. Those things are worse than nothing and will hurt your sway and lower chances of conception.

But I can tell you this much - urine tests are not how you measure your pH for swaying. You are meant to measure the pH of your semen (sorry! gross I know) because it is the semen that matters for your sway. and in your wife's case, you would measure the pH of her cervical mucus around ovulation (no other time of month, only ovulation). Urine pH is useless and only measures the foods and drinks you've recently had! But the good news is that everything we do for swaying will help with pH anyway, no need to test it.

[Stafa]

Atomic, thank you so much!!

Re: supplements - we are doing 100 UI/67mg vit. E, 400 UI/10mg vit D, 25mg Zinc and 450mg fish oil per day. Does that sound OK? DW starts folic acid today, we will both start probiotic tomorrow and I just ordered some L-Carntine and Arginine, will start them tomorrow too.

DW will start lemon water today/tomorrow too. I also found many people talking about preseed and primrose oil - could you please shed some more light on this, what is preseed exactly and how are they used?

Also about caffeine - how does it sway and shall we change anything in this direction? We both usually do two coffees a day.

Got it about the cutoff, thanks for clarifying!

Also, about the exact timing and to make sure I get it right - we wait until her AF is over and start having sex every second day but do I release inside (unprotected) or is that only when we get a positive sign for upcoming O? I guess releasing inside or outside before the positive ovulation signs doesn't really matter? When we do get that sign (we bought Oview ovulation strips) - what's the exact way we do it, is it one attempt two days before ovulation, one attempt the day before ovulation, two attempts at the O day, one day rest and then last attempt two days after ovulation? Otherwise said - first attempt at the moment we get two equally colored lines on the test and then all the rest?

This is what I find hard to understand.

I am not keen in following Shettles and even if we do it as you suggest, we will still have one attempt at the day of ovulation as the Shettles method recommends.

One other thing I forgot to ask - I read something about ice/cold showers which is believed to boost male sperm? Any thoughts on this?

I've also found some reviews about a book called "The Babydust method" - I am sure that I can find pretty much everything from the book in your forum but do you think it's worth checking. I trust your knowledge and experience on the matter

Last but not least, I also found a post where you mentioned that a small gap between the first and second kids may sway pink. Our DD is 16 months old now, she will be almost 18m when we TTC - is that OK or we better postpone it a bit? We do want to start trying in February. DD happened from the first or second attempt if that matters.

I understand I am probably asking too much but I really want to do everything on my powers to make it happen so if I need to get any of the other GD plans, please do let me know and thanks again! I really appreciate all your help and contribution!

[Stafa]

Hi Atomic and Happy New Year! Wishing you good health, lots of happiness and success in the new 2021! I know you are very busy and I don't mind waiting but I just wanted to make sure you saw my reply above and will get back to me when you get the chance.

Thanks again!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks so much for your patience and the bump!

I would rather see you just take an all around all purpose vitamin. The nutrients taken separately, particularly the Vit. E and the Zinc, are too high (for your wife particularly) and you're missing out on some other ones that would be in a prenatal or multi.

Evening primrose, we've seen associated with a lot of opposites and disruption in the cycle so we've moved away from that.

Preseed is fine, though natural EWCM is likely better. If you notice that you need a vaginal lubricant around ovulation (or she is very dry) then use Preseed. If (and this happens a lot with blue sways) she ends up making a lot of natural EWCM then the Preseed may end up being too much of a good thing and you should just skip it.

Tea is likely better than coffee, if you could switch one of those to tea, or ADD a separate tea like in the afternoon or whatever. It's entirely possible it is NOT caffeine that sways but some other aspect of the tea. We have a lot of GIRLS conceived with coffee so I'd focus more on tea than coffee.

If you don't care about timing, then yes, have the releases inside. This is because some evidence indicates there are hormones in your semen that may make her more fertile and more boy friendly. Some people choose not to do this because they are scared of timing. But that is how many of us with all boys got our boys.

If you CAN, then an attempt 2 days before O, one day before O, O Day (2x if possible) and the day after is GREAT. If that seems like too much or you can't predict when the ovulation day will be in advance then use the OPK and start the 3 attempts when the lines are as dark or darker than control.

There is no benefit from icing testicles or taking cold showers before sex. ONLY if you were to keep your testicles cooler for many hours a day (like 6-10 hours a day) has that ever been shown to aid fertility. Ice on the testicles for 15 minutes does nothing other than torture you LOL. Sperm cannot be magically resurrected from 15 minutes of ice. We accomplish the same thing by avoiding tight underwear, and letting you sleep in loose clothes or even in the nude overnight.

The Babydust Method is junk. They stole some of our methods, combined with old Shettles timing, went out and found a very sketchy study that supposedly "proved" it (but didn't), and have been selling it to people. But I am having people show up here who have gone a year or more trying that and haven't gotten pregnant, and many others who had opposites. From what I hear they've had so many opposites on their Facebook group that it's really dropping off in popularity.

If your daughter is 18 months then that is a big enough gap. For some reason some of the blue swayers want a very close gap (like 3-6 months) and it's that I cannot recommend. 18 months is enough.

You're not asking too much at all, that's what I'm here for, and I LOVE answering questions. Sometimes it just takes me a couple days for longer ones, so I really appreciate the bump just in case I need it! Thanks!

[Stafa]

Thanks, Atomic!

DW switched to multi + fish oil and folic acid separately. I will probably keep doing Vit E, D, Zinc, fish oil, probiotic, L-Carnitine and Arginine separately. I am working out every other day and I feel in a very good shape and condition with all supplements I take. Shall DW take probiotic too and what about prenatal? She says she used to take prenatal when she was pregnant with our DD and she is a bit worried to take it on a daily basis now but I do see a lot of people doing it.

We'll try to get rid of the second coffee and substitute it for a tea for the time being and then I can try to increase my caffeine levels when we start our actual attempts - does that sound right? Is there any particular tea that you recommend?

As far as attempts are concerned - all I care about is to do as much as we can to sway blue so everything is possible I was a bit scarred that releasing inside, outside the fertile window may sway pink but since your experience says the opposite, I will give it a go.

I am doing ice showers 2-5 minutes per day but I guess if it doesn't help, it can't hurt at all.

Our daughter will be a week or two before 18 months when we start our actual attempts but that probably makes no difference at all?

Last but not least, when it comes to food, we are trying to do something like the HE diet, having breakfast every day with some good amount of protein and bananas, having avocado at least once a day or every second day, dropped most of the dairy and added a lot of meat and salt. DW is having lemon water pretty much every day too. Is there any crucial thing we are missing?

Re: Babydust method - I thought so too but thanks for confirming!

And thanks again for all your help!

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes definitely have her take a probiotic.

I am not understanding why your wife is nervous to take a prenatal?

If she is taking a multi she should just stick with that instead. Do not mix multivitamin and prenatal.

Green and black tea are fine. I'd avoid herb tea.

If you're ok with the ice showers they're probably fine, don't help don't hurt kind of thing.

It is also fine not to have those additional releases inside if you're too worried about it. It's just what has worked for a lot of us when we got boy after boy!

Yep a couple weeks beforehand is no big deal. That's close enough to 18 months.

I generally don't recommend cutting dairy and eating a ton of salt but if that's your preference I'm fine with it as long as you're on the supplements and eating a good amount of animal fat otherwise.

Are you guys exercising?