Post failed FET cycles so broken I could cry

[LacePrincess]

xposted to HT boards.

Hi ladies,

I haven't been posting in awhile, just needed to stay off the boards for my own mental sanity. I've been having a terrible time with my cycles post FET and I just needed to not obsess too much.

I've now had 3 cycles post failed-FET, and they've ALL been absolute CRAP. I would've thought by 3 cycles things would be normal-ish, but none of them have been remotely normal. I'm incredibly frustrated right now and feeling so damned broken.

So far my post FET cycles have been:

-one cycle with delayed O at CD25 and a 9 day LP

-one anov cycle of 26 days

-one cycle with regular O at CD16 and a 5 day LP. FIVE DAYS ARRRRGH!!!!!


I'm only taking Metformin and CoQ10, and doing the fertility/PCOS LE diet. Actually I've not even really been doing the diet much anymore because at this point I just want to get freaking FERTILE again geez. So all I'm doing is skipping breakfast, really, and exercising moderately. I'm still eating veggie based but added more carbs/full fat dairy this past month as advised by Atomic, to increase my fertility. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point.

I just wanted to see if anyone else had experience with taking this long with whacky cycles after failed HT cycles. I'm super frustrated and disappointed right now. I do have an appt with my local fert center on May 19, not for HT GS at all, but just for fertility help. I've always had iffy LP's before but 5 days is just ridiculous.

Also, I think this last cycle the really really short LP probably means a really weak corpus luteum. I'm really quite sure I O'ed, I had a super dark OPK and great CM dry up and post O temp rise. The corpus luteum is supposed to take over prog production by mid LP and it just didn't - so I'm thinking it likely that my ovulation is just terrible. I thought the Metformin should help with that so not sure why it's so shot, maybe that PCO tendency of mine again? Not sure if there's anything I can do without Clomid/Femara though.

[Junie]

Hi I remember you posting in the 2ww and had wondered where you went!

I've not had any experience with HT. But I do think that unfortunately it can take quite a few cycles for our bodies to get back to normal after medicated cycles, a miscarriage, coming off hormonal birth control, etc.

To me it seems like you are doing everything right which is why I think it is a good thing that you have an appt with your fertility center.

I wish I could offer you great advice but unfortunately I can only say that I hope your body is just getting back to normal and that this next cycle you have a good LP.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this!

[LacePrincess]

hi Junie,

thanks for the kind words. Yeah I had to take a break, I was just mentally fried and still am. It really REALLY isn't helping me that my neighbor is so preggo she'll pop any day, so everyday I get to see her at the kids' school bus stop and everyday it reminds me how shot my body is right now. Depressing as hell.

I am happy I have the RE appt soon, so there's at least hope on the horizon. Though I'm worried they won't do anything at all until they redo all my pretesting which would mean yet another 4-6 week delay which is gonna suck with hubby leaving home soon for his new posting.

I just hope that my messed up cycles are from HT hormone imbalance and not signs that my fertility is permanently disappearing!

[Frilly Lady]

Hi Lace sorry to hear you're not having a good time with your cycles. Thinking back to my ht cycles it took about 5 to 6 months after finishing a my first three rounds of ivf for my cycle to get back to some sort of normality. I did the 3 rounds of ivf in 8 months with almost no bleeding inbetween because of the meds I was on, so I didn't really think much of it when it took so long for my cycles to get back to normal. Plus stress always affects my cycles and i'd certainly gone through that big time! Saying that my periods have never been the same since but I put that down to age rather than ivf. With each month they seemed to get a little better to the point of not thinking about them and before I knew it they just seem to settle into a pattern but a little different from when I started this journey. I hope you get things sorted soon. X

[LacePrincess]

Frilly, thank you!! That helps me a lot. I was just so discouraged when I googled and people on other ttc boards would be saying how their cycle was off for a month and then ok again. And here I am with 3 sh!tty crap cycles in a row and nothing working 'right' yet.

I just don't want to be fiddling and fiddling and fiddling with my diet/supps and making things worse. Nothing to do but be patient and hold tight till my RE appt I guess. It's so hard though!

I appreciate hearing your experience because it helps a lot to know that it can take more than 3 months for things to 'settle' back to normal, and that hopefully I'm not permanently screwed up. I was on Lupron for a long, long, long time too....about 3 full ivf cycles worth of Lupron because of cysts and other delays which meant a lot more Lupron than you'd usually have to take in one IVF and one FET cycle. So I assume that much Lupron over 5-6 months can really throw the body for a loop.

[Junie]

I definitely don't think things are messed up permanently. I think our bodies have quite a strong urge to get back into the swing of things and get everything back into place so we can get pregnant. Even though we can't always understand it or see a pattern to it until later on, I think that in the end our bodies probably do what they need to do to get everything back on the right track.

I'm dealing with something similar- 3rd cycle after miscarriage, last cycle was 50 days, I had to go on a high dosage of cortisone (prednisone) last cycle which I am also on again and which totally messed up my cycle last time (due to an ear infection!) And it just drives me crazy to not at least be able to TTC like normal. I can't plan anything as my CM is gone since the miscarriage, my OPKs are unreliable due to PCOS tendencies and it just all gets very frustrating when all I really want is to get pregnant at this point!

I just try to focus on the grand scheme of things and the fact that the chances are very very good that I will get pregnant again. It might not happen on the time plan I originally wanted but it probably will happen and that is the important thing. I feel it will be similar for you and probably wouldn't tinker too much in your position. There isn't any reason why this coming cycle won't be perfectly normal and end in a BFP for you!

Hugs I know this process can be hard!

[atomic sagebrush]

Your body is going to be working to fix things on its own. Give it what it needs and it will work itself out over time. I know that it's SO HARD to wait but the medical solutions are the better ones - the people who start throwing the pharmacopia at the issue, I feel tend to cause more harm than good.

I feel like the next logical step is to see the RE and just keep doing what you're doing here.

[atomic sagebrush]

One thing to keep in the back of your mind is that it may be just part of what needed to happen to get you your DD in the end. If you can, try to put it back in the hands of your preferred higher power, your God(s), the universe, luck, the ghost of Charles Darwin...and remember, "even a miracle needs a hand". Sometimes we of the "Martha Clan" need it to take a while (although it's taken too long for you I know!) in order for it to succeed.

[Junie]

I know this wasn't meant for me but I really appreciate what you wrote Atomic. I'm trying to remind myself that this whole crazy journey has a purpose and all the stuff that is happening is putting me on the path that I need to be on to bring a third baby into our lives.

[LacePrincess]

Junie - omg 50 days!!! I'd go insane! The longest anov cycle I've ever had in my life was 42 days and THAT drove me batcrap so I can imagine how frustrated you must've been. I am grateful that AF seems to be kicking in for me at least, better than dragging on and on and on forever with no hope.


Atomic - thank you. I agree that I think it's better not to intervene with pharmaceuticals and let nature work itself out. While in the midst of things though it's sooooo hard!! I wish I was younger though, then I wouldn't have this 'what if I'm too old to get preggo ever again' fretting in the back of my mind.

I think maybe this is fate/God's way of teaching me to be grateful though, and getting rid of my GD. I've said it before but I'll say it again, this has really cemented the desire in me to just have another baby of EITHER gender, I would be so grateful at this point to just conceive again.

Just gotta try not to 'kitchen sink' myself right into another strong blue sway, LOL. I hate how my hubby's job is throwing such a wrench into things, TTC is so danged stressful and knowing he'll be in another city as of Aug isn't helping the pressure any.