Sonographer pretty much gave it away!

[Lilyflower]

Ugh! Had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday and after a long wait, finally got taken in by a student sonographer who said she would be taking a few images and then her instructor would come and take over. My husband and I both spent over five minutes explaining that we adamantly do not want to know the gender of the baby so please don’t say anything about it other than asking us to look away when she was near the pelvic area. I even explained to her that with DS1, we asked not to know and when the tech said “ok I saw it and it was obvious” we know immediately that it was a boy. I said “if you say “it”, we’re going to think boy, if you even say it’s obvious, we’re going to think boy, if you say it was easy to tell, we’re going to think boy so PLEASE DO NOT SAY ANYTHING other than close your eyes!!”. She assured us that sonographers are very good at keeping secrets and not to worry.

Well within the first three minutes, she says “please close your eyes” and then “I want to make sure you keep them closed because no matter where I sweep, I can still see it at every angle”. !!!??? I felt like i was in the twilight zone and my heart jumped into my throat. I looked at my husband in panick and he just closed his eyes and shook his head. Then a while later after asking us to close our eyes again she says, “just keep your eyes closed, I’m not checking gender I’m looking at the legs but it can pop up any second so don’t look”. I felt sick. The third time she asked us to close our eyes I asked her not to say anything else.

After a long 1.5 hour ultrasound, her instructor finally came in and went over the images with her and said to me “well we know something you don’t!”. I couldn’t hold it in and cried out that actually I do know and explained all of the things the student had said and how it very clearly leads us to realize boy! The student apologized and said something like “oh I’m so sorry but I would have said that even for a girl” and her instructor was like “stop talking!!”. After the student left, the instructor tried to explain away her verbiage saying they make references like that either way and other stuff that I pretty much couldn’t even hear because I was so upset by the basic confirmation- I think even the apology alluded to it being a boy.

After dissecting the appointment, my husband chooses to believe the explanations given by the instructor and believes that maybe the student’s inexperience prevented her from being overly polished in how she handled the situation but that maybe she did in fact feel she was being vague and ambiguous. I really don’t know but her apology seemed to recognize that she burst our bubble (again my husband feels I interpreted it with the lense of my gender disappointment).

The only thing that happened that was good was that at the end of the appointment, after the instructor retook several images, she pulled up a metrics screen that I could see and redid a few measurements and I glanced and somewhere in the middle of the form, I saw the word FEMALE. I know that this was most likely my information but it was somewhere in the middle and somehow let’s me believe that maybe just maybe it’s information about the baby. Obviously after the whole ordeal, there’s no way the instructor would have been so careless but I need some shred of hope to hold onto just to allow me to get the next five months feeling that somehow I’m till team green and even after all of that, don’t really know one way or the other.

[Noemi2017]

Im sorry for your bad experience, i have the same. I said i didnt want to know gender but my doctor after ultrasound said he saw gender of baby “very well” it was in 12 weeks so we thought he saw boy parts. I was very disappointed coz i want to stay Team green and have some hope. Some of my friends told me he could say the same about girl nub but who knows...
Dont be sad, nothing is sure for u and u saw there written female so there is big hope

[atomic sagebrush]

Here's the thing though. I think it is probably very difficult to get through an ultrasound scan not using the word "it" - especially if they've been trained to do that - and she probably did indeed think she was being vague. The way you describe the "apology" was pretty damning, but are you 100% sure it was really framed that way?? Is there no way she could have been still trying not to reveal anything?

I also wonder if the instructor might have been trying to lend you a hand letting you see 'female' on the screen - did they know you already had boys??

[Lilyflower]

Here's the thing though. I think it is probably very difficult to get through an ultrasound scan not using the word "it" - especially if they've been trained to do that - and she probably did indeed think she was being vague. The way you describe the "apology" was pretty damning, but are you 100% sure it was really framed that way?? Is there no way she could have been still trying not to reveal anything?

I also wonder if the instructor might have been trying to lend you a hand letting you see 'female' on the screen - did they know you already had boys??

So my husband and I have been debating the apology a bit. He feels there is no way to interpret it one way or another but I feel I was reading her correctly. To me, when I said we were going to leave knowing it’s a boy, she never corrected me to say it’s not for sure. The instructor also cut in so quickly when she was apologizing that it really seemed as though she didn’t want her to confirm and she really tried to save it and explain that it’s not a giveaway. I don’t know really. I suppose that there is a chance I misread the conversation but at the time it seemed pretty clear and simple.

As for the metrics screen that the instructor updated, I’m not sure if she was doing it so I might see the word female because I’m sure she would not for a second wish to confirm that either, but she definitely saw how upset I was (I was pretty much crying), and she knew I have a son already. She spent a ton of time reiterating how much the student’s wording was vague and common to them as sonographers, even the terminology of something “popping up” as meaning that it’s because they are observing a moving human.

My understanding was that they would not even record gender and that it was most likely just my info but where I glanced at the word, it was in the vicinity of the fetal measurements which gave me the glimmer of hope. I looked away immediately because I also didn’t want that confirmation either way but it’s been the only thing to balance the overwhelming boy feeling I was left with. All night I kept thinking maybe just maybe it was the sex of the baby.

[Nell_]

It's so annoying! Why say anything they should just keep quiet and refer to scan as "the baby" ... popping up doesn't mean boy and neither does her saying I'd say that if it was a girl... if you felt she was implying it was a girl she would surley say id say that if it was a girl too. Try and focus that you came out of the scan and your baby was healthy and you're still team green no one said it's a boy or it's a girl

[Blue2]

Lily - I feel SO bad for you!!!! That student should be failed. She had one job. ONE job. The only thing she should be thinking about is "could what I'm about to say be interpreted by the parents as a gender confirmation"? And if the answer is yes, then DON'T SAY IT

Unbelievably frustrating

But... you have a healthy baby. What kind of sway tactics did you use? LE diet? I think there is still hope for a girl, particularly if you had someone as dumb as that student doing the assessment

If you find out otherwise and have GD, I have a strong feeling I am (1) pregnant and (2) it's another girl {I'm swaying blue} so if that is confirmed next February we can comfort each other

Pink dust xx

[Lilyflower]

It's so annoying! Why say anything they should just keep quiet and refer to scan as "the baby" ... popping up doesn't mean boy and neither does her saying I'd say that if it was a girl... if you felt she was implying it was a girl she would surley say id say that if it was a girl too. Try and focus that you came out of the scan and your baby was healthy and you're still team green no one said it's a boy or it's a girl

I love your point of view! My mom said the same thing - she said that no one actually said anything one way or the other and the most important thing (of course) is a healthy baby. I’ll find out the results of the actual scan next week. But yes you are right, no one actually said boy or girl

[Lilyflower]

Lily - I feel SO bad for you!!!! That student should be failed. She had one job. ONE job. The only thing she should be thinking about is "could what I'm about to say be interpreted by the parents as a gender confirmation"? And if the answer is yes, then DON'T SAY IT

Unbelievably frustrating

But... you have a healthy baby. What kind of sway tactics did you use? LE diet? I think there is still hope for a girl, particularly if you had someone as dumb as that student doing the assessment

If you find out otherwise and have GD, I have a strong feeling I am (1) pregnant and (2) it's another girl {I'm swaying blue} so if that is confirmed next February we can comfort each other

Pink dust xx

Yes! It was SO frustrating! The whole experience was quite surreal, especially after prepping her for so long to please not say anything!

For my sway, I did LE on the upper limits of everything because I was still nursing a very active toddler at the time and have blood sugar issues so needed all the protein and fat I could get. But I decreased the nutrient value, stopped snacking, upped my coffee intake and did cardio 5-7 days per week. We also did one attempt 2-3 days before O. I think I posted my sway a few months ago, happy to link it if you want more details.

Like you, I knew I was pregnant before even taking a test - and felt even then that it’s a boy. But until my due date in April, I won’t really know. So I’m still hoping it’s a girl for the next few months

And yes, if after I deliver I have a boy and you have a girl, we can definitely console one another! Good luck with blue and hopefully you get some good news!!

[katiemay]

Hi Lilyflower, I’m so sorry for your experience at the scan Hopefully you’re feeling better about it now that you’ve had some advice from the other ladies.

Can I ask you a question? (Don’t feel as though you need to answer if you don’t want to) - I have 2 boys and found out at 16 weeks at private scans their gender. I’m trying for another baby now (swaying girl) and il find out as soon as I can again. Rreading your post firstly just made me feel really sorry for your experience, but secondly I wondered why you’d put yourself through all this heartache and guessing... would it not help you to find out the gender now?

I can only go by how I feel, team green would be too much for me. All the guessing and reading into things and obsessing. I just couldn’t do it. I just wondered if finding out would offer you some comfort. Or your reasons behind remaining team green?

Hope you have a happy and healthy remainder of your pregnancy.

[atomic sagebrush]

She probably just didn't know what the student was going to say and was trying to stop her before she blurted it all out. You know best because you were in the room at the time and were able to pick up on their non-verbal cues but then again your husband was there too and he's not convinced. I would personally prepare for a boy, but then there's still some hope here.

May I ask a question?

How are/were you planning to handle it in the delivery room if it is a boy? Were you just relying on trusting that once the baby is here you will be ok?? Because your level of being upset is a bit concerning to me. I mean I agree it's lousy that this happened but I'm not sure if you're as upset that they revealed it in the way that they did (if they did, which I am not convinced that they did) or that you think it's a boy when you wanted to go on hoping, if that makes sense.

Do you think that it might be better to find out gender for sure now?

I have seen some people who were Team Green end up very upset in the delivery room. Not often, but often enough that I get really worried when I feel like someone is terribly upset just by the possibility of a boy, I feel it may be better for them to find out.

I cried for 2 weeks when I found out DS 3 was a boy. It's not that you are upset, it's just that I don't want you to go on hoping if you are going to for sure be really upset when the baby comes, if it is a boy. Either prepare for the worst now or do go get a gender confirmation just to be sure because you don't want to end up in the delivery room trying to deal with this cascade of emotions right when you need to be pulled together and dealing with doctors and visitors and a new baby.