Time sensitive question! Looking for advice please!

[MamaK1]

Hello, I just miscarried on 1/10/19 and hubby and I have decided to just right back in. We have 2 amazing little boys and so badly want a daughter. Since my miscarriage, I have gone right back to Dieting, exercising 60 min 6 days per week now, and trying to stay as calm and stress free as possible. DH and I dtd Monday night just for fun, but.... today (to my surprise) I’m having a lot of ewcm. My opk is still negative today but I have a feeling tomorrow, I could get a positive (just based on my previous cycles). If I get my pos opk tomorrow, should we BD or is that too close to our “fun” on Monday night? That would only be 4 days and I was advised in my plan to bd once at positive opk. I do see some ladies are advised to bd every 4 days but I was not and I just want to have my best chances at a girl. Please help! Thanks!

[atomic sagebrush]

I would have an attempt at any point after today. If you get a pos OPK like say this evening, use the rule of thumb "for best sway stick with attempt you've had, for best chance of conception have another attempt" but any time after tomorrow have another attempt.

AFter a couple more months I'd have you go to e4d regardless (and in that case I'd have you attempt today) but I know you want absolute best chance and so I'd have u be slightly more cautious for now.

[MamaK1]

Perfect, thank you. Got my positive opk yesterday and made the one attempt late last night. Fingers crossed. Thanks!

[MamaK1]

We weren’t able to catch that first egg unfortunately, but due to a stressful
Couple of weeks DH and I abstained (unintentionally) for 3-4 weeks. I got my positive opk today and made the attempt. I’m seeing that abstaining for so long can cause birth defects?? If I even happen to fall pregnant, will my baby even have a chance of survival and if so will he or she have a birth defect bc we were too busy to dtd? Any info is appreciated or suggestions if I should do anything right now?

[Pbn3]

Mamak I believe I've read somewhere there "may" be some correlation with old sperm and miscarriages (which is likely due to defects) however I've not seen any scientific studies or any proof this is true. Atomic will know if there's anything to know. I myself conceived my very healthly now 14 month old dd from a random bd that occured a full month since last dtd. My husband couldn't recall whether he'd released on his own during that time (when I finally asked) but he's quite sure he hadn't... he was going through a stressful time at work and didn't have much libido. My belief is that you could have the healthiest, freshest sperm result in abnormalities so why stress about an idea/belief that is totally out of your control? Try and think positive! Hope you get your sticky (pink) bfp!

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[Twogirls0607]

Mamak my second daughter was conceived with one attempt and abstaining from i think 2-3 weeks. She is perfectly healthy. I dont know if we dtd on o day or whenever because we didnt ttc.



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[atomic sagebrush]

It is only a very very SMALL link. Still a bolt of lightning out of a clear blue sky, just a slightly more likely bolt of lightning.

The thing is that abstaining does not work for a sway tactic, so my thinking is, why take on even the slightest risk (even if it's a super longshot) pursuing a sway tactic that does nothing? It just doesn't make sense to continue doing something that doesn't work, may cause even a slightly higher chance of issues with the baby, and cuts odds of conception hugely to boot??

If abstain was something that always and invariably caused birth defects, or even usually, or even occasionally...anything besides exceedingly rarely...you would hear about it from EVERY quarter. The March of Dimes, ACOG, the CDC, WHO, etc would be shouting it from the rooftops.

I am simply trying to get people to stop using sway tactics that may have ANY risk associated with them (even if only theoretical), particularly in the case of things that do not work at all and also cut odds of conception.

[atomic sagebrush]

Mamak I believe I've read somewhere there "may" be some correlation with old sperm and miscarriages (which is likely due to defects) however I've not seen any scientific studies or any proof this is true. Atomic will know if there's anything to know. I myself conceived my very healthly now 14 month old dd from a random bd that occured a full month since last dtd. My husband couldn't recall whether he'd released on his own during that time (when I finally asked) but he's quite sure he hadn't... he was going through a stressful time at work and didn't have much libido. My belief is that you could have the healthiest, freshest sperm result in abnormalities so why stress about an idea/belief that is totally out of your control? Try and think positive! Hope you get your sticky (pink) bfp!

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I don't want anyone deliberately abstaining as a sway tactic. Yes, it's a "may" thing but since it doesn't work anyway (and often makes for an extremely annoyed hubby) not to mention cuts odds of conception considerably it makes no sense to have people deliberately pursue it. It does happen, and can end in conception, just that I don't recommend doing it deliberately, that's all. https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum...over-35-a.html

[Pbn3]

I don't want anyone deliberately abstaining as a sway tactic. Yes, it's a "may" thing but since it doesn't work anyway (and often makes for an extremely annoyed hubby) not to mention cuts odds of conception considerably it makes no sense to have people deliberately pursue it. It does happen, and can end in conception, just that I don't recommend doing it deliberately, that's all. https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum...over-35-a.html

Sorry if my post caused confusion, I absolutely wasn't recommending abstaining in any way, I was simply trying to explain that old sperm does not always equal abnormalities and mc. These things can happen with the freshest of sperm. The OP seemed concerned her attempt may result in abnormalities if successful. I was just trying to say theres no guarantee either way but it's not something she should stress over. In my case I wasn't even ttc and our abstain was simply a lack of sex drive and nothing at all to do with swaying

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[atomic sagebrush]

Sorry if my post caused confusion, I absolutely wasn't recommending abstaining in any way, I was simply trying to explain that old sperm does not always equal abnormalities and mc. These things can happen with the freshest of sperm. The OP seemed concerned her attempt may result in abnormalities if successful. I was just trying to say theres no guarantee either way but it's not something she should stress over. In my case I wasn't even ttc and our abstain was simply a lack of sex drive and nothing at all to do with swaying

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No not at all I was just trying to clarify my original reasoning in telling people not to abstain. Just as you say people can and do get pregnant with abstain and their babies are fine and healthy, just that I don't see a point in embracing it as a sway tactic for all the reasons I already went into in mind numbing detail.

Sorry for confusion, I really appreciated your reply and was just zipping thru the post as quickly as I could. That wasn't meant as a rebuke in any way.