Severe Anxiety

[katiemay]

Hi All,

Writing this at 1am UK time in a bit of a spiral. I’ve suffered from severe anxiety for years on and off. More off than on thankfully. After our failed IVF and many months of TTC it got very bad. The only thing that helps is Diazepam (Valium) taken only when absolutely necessary. Because my attacks have been so infrequent and random, my doctor was happy to prescribe me some for when needed. This is quite rare in the UK, they are very strict with it.

I think I’ve only taken about 10 tablets over the past year, so not a huge amount.

But now I’ve found out I’m pregnant, Tonight as I was falling asleep I started to worry what if I need the tablet to calm me/knock me out and I can’t take them now I’m pregnant.

So I googled, and found conflicting info. Birth defects when taken in first trimester, withdrawals for baby in third. And then info contradicting all of that too. Studies showing no risks and numerous women who have taken benzos throughout pregnancy and all is fine.

I’m spiralling, I can feel the panic taking over and when I try and sleep I jolt awake with panic again. Usually this is where I would take a tablet. Knock me out and feel absolutely fine in the morning.

I’m now seriously worrying that pregnancy/hormones is going to make my anxiety uncontrollable. (A lot of my anxiety I think is to do with hormone fluctuations - IVF, my menstural cycle and the contraceptive implant showed me this)

Has anyone got any advice or experience with this kind of stuff? I feel like I can’t do anything to help myself and I can’t breathe

Xx

[Sora]

Can't tell you much but in France, they don't seem to hesitate prescribing them to depressed or anxious pregnant women. When I was pregnant with DD1 then DD2, they wanted me to take some too considering my past but I refused. Idk if you can manage for 9th months without it bit if you feel you can (or can find other means to relax), then do so. More than the baby whom I think should be fine (or else we would already have had a bunch of disastrous pregnancies here), do it for yourself. Benzos are known to sometimes aggravate the very thing they're supposed to fight and with the hormonal highs and lows of the pregnancy, I wouldn't want Valium to give you dark ideas and send you spiraling downwards.
If it's anxiety, how about trying out yoga or sophrology (if it's called that in UK) and the likes ? It worked for me.

[katiemay]

Thank you for responding Sora. I usually feel great the next day but I still feel quite panicky. I didn’t sleep much which won’t have helped. And I think part of the problem may be that my anxiety comes on a lot with feeling really nauseous and having an upset belly. And this morning I’m assuming what is morning sickness started and makes me feel like I’m anxious? Does that sound nuts?

Thank you for the advice, I’m going to look into yoga x

[Sora]

Thank you for responding Sora. I usually feel great the next day but I still feel quite panicky. I didn’t sleep much which won’t have helped. And I think part of the problem may be that my anxiety comes on a lot with feeling really nauseous and having an upset belly. And this morning I’m assuming what is morning sickness started and makes me feel like I’m anxious? Does that sound nuts?

Thank you for the advice, I’m going to look into yoga x

Of course not, it doesn't sound nuts ! When you're stressed out you can feel nauseous so it's no wonder that when nauseous, you would feel anxious. No one likes it. Are you the type who gets very ill with morning sickness ? Did you try eating less but more frequently ?

[atomic sagebrush]

I had some benzos when I was having a mystery health issue tht was panic inducing. I also found that just knowing I could take them when I needed to, and sleep, reduced my anxiety enormously. Because just like you say, the night of sleep was always a reset and I felt fine again in the morning.

I suspect that at least part of why you're feeling so anxious now is the idea that you will not be able to take even ONE. I know quite a few women who were given the occasional Xanax during pregnancy by their docs so I know it's done. But I'd go ahead and call and talk to someone, and they can likely reassure you. I bet that just knowing you have the ability to take one here and there will really reduce the need to do so.

FWIW - Personally I found my anxiousness mostly reduced during pregnancy. It comes raging back postpartum for me. So don't assume that you're going to have major and untreatable anxiety - it very well may be that you don't.

[katiemay]

Thank you Atomic, you are right, it is the thought of not being able to take one if I need to that sent me spiralling.

I’m scared to go to bed tonight in case it all happens again. Which probably means it will because I’m making it so.

Il try some relaxing sounds to fall asleep to but if all else fails, il take a tablet. Thank you for the reassurance. Xx

[atomic sagebrush]

How are you today, Katie??

[katiemay]

Much better, had a great night sleep last night and feeling really relaxed this evening to, thank you. I’ve actually been in bed since 7.30pm... I forgot how tired I get in the early weeks of pregnancy! Im usually awake past midnight most nights but now I’m asleep by 10!

I am finding it hard not to obsess over if our sway has worked or not though, Iran on my mind pretty much all day. I guess that’s normal in our shoes!

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes that's exactly what I found - something about pregnancy made me super tired so even on days I felt pretty anxious about health or gender stuff, I was still able to sleep. It's the anxiety at night + insomnia that is soooooo draining!

[katiemay]

Yes, at night it can be unbearable. I can always manage in the day, but the night anxiety seems to go on forever with no end in sight. I’ve never had suicidal thoughts, but I have an understanding of why people who suffer mental health issues get to that point. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I’m sorry you’ve suffered this too. Xx