Trying to find my life path... any advice appreciated 😊

[kittendreams]

Kitten I just ordered my stay plan so we wont be trying for another three months once my body is ready.

I'll be excited to walk this journey together if you guys give it a go!!

Praying for healthy babies for all of us!!

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I would love that Rayalynn!
I ordered a sway plan last time and it was awesome having Atomic there to guide me xx

[Pbn3]

Kittendreams I would love nothing more than to see you conceive your longed for dd. Having just looked at your sways I'm amazed how good they were!!! I too would do a light sway and yes absolutely would give it another go! I see you used clomid for your last sway, is that an option again? Better to 'up' yours odds even a small amount than not at all so yeah I would definately incorporate the most successsful factors which seem to be diet (perhaps a looser version or pcos version, I'm sure atomic had those with sway opposites go to this sometimes? but I may be wrong or info out of date) and one attempt (perhaps the one at pos opk rather than e4d?) and clomid. Having 3 children I would never suggest the exercise as my gosh how would you ever have the energy??!!

As for age, I turned 40 when my dd turned 6 months and dh turned 47. I ideally would have loved even more kids! It truly has been a case of the more I have the more I want more?!! I honestly think if I'd had the time and health I would've liked 5 kids I and dh both did notice the sleep deprivation was noticably worse though, as in coping with it lol, but here we are a year and a bit in and are dealing with it.... Still.... unfortunately

I'm pretty sure you know the circumstances around my journey but to summarise it was two years trying beginning 2015, lost 3 pregnancies in 2016 then after a final go at just gettimg pregnant, did 3 cycles of clomid and multiple attempts each time. This obviously failed and I was happen to move on from ttc in March 2017 (not as happy as dh though lol). I fell pregnant from an unplanned and unprotected bd the following cycle (first and only sex since previous cycles attempts) I had been drinking alot more than usual as it was easter break and I was feeling 'free' and so happy to not be ttc that I really let loose I am only relaying this so you get a picture of my mindset I suppose and the 'successful factors' (clomid, alcohol and one attempt) that somehow resulted in me being so very lucky enough to have just one more pregnancy and child. Through some amazing luck she was a girl.

While I would love to see you try once more and in a more relaxed laid back approach, I also cant bear to think of encouraging you to do something that may/will cause you a lot of grief if unsuccessful. I had reached a place in my life where my crappy fertility and losses finally allowed me to embrace the idea and even hope towards the end for a 3rd boy. I feel so blessed to have had that peace during my final pregnancy in life and it truly enabled me to savour every pregnancy milestone and remain team green. That's all well and good for me, but what about you?? You really need to put yourself first in this situation, especially your mental health.

I wasn't sure what to write initially especially when I got my dd unplanned, it seems insulting to say, but somehow this novel came out and I only mean everything I've said in the most lovimg way, so please know it is from the heart and I wish you peace and happiness in whatever you eventually decide to do.


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[Lilawt]

Hi Kitten !

I’ve followed your posts now since you found out you were expecting ds3, so happy to hear how well you have bonded and how he has settled in to your family perfectly.

I’m definitely on the ‘go for it!’ Team. At the end of the day I can only see it as a win win situation. If your baby is your longed for daughter, I , like many others, will be over the moon for you, however IF you are blessed with a boy then you are also very lucky. Another beautiful baby , different face, different personality but still a huge part of your heart. Someone else to cuddle and kiss and in later life someone to come to you for guidance and support. The heart wants what it wants I know this from my own experience but every child regardless of gender is their own person and I just know whoever comes into your family next will bring with them a huge amount of love.

I agree with going for a lighter sway. When I have read some of the sways that resulted in opposites I have seen quite a few of them were from sways that were stuck to for quite a long time, yours included I think. Obviously you can’t help how long it takes to conceive but perhaps trying a lighter sway that still incorporates the most successful aspects would be easier to go with long term and would mean there was less pressure and stress on you.

Good luck to you!

Lil


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[4blue2pink]

Thanks Nell and 4blue xx
4blue I cannot wait to see what your next little one is- I am in awe of your ability to go team green. Have you any tips for doing it? I would love to do it just once to experience a delivery room surprise but am worried it may increase my gd and effect bonding with Bub.

for me team green was about wanting to have that experience at least once, and it is one of those things that can only happen while you are having babies, same with drug-free birth or breastfeeding etc.. they are all life experiences that you can only have during your relatively short child-bearing window if that makes sense? I knew id look back with regret if i never had at least 1 team green baby!! i tried with DD2 but caved at my scan at 37 weeks.. instantly regretted it and knew i was 100% team green next time no matter what!! in the end that next surprise baby was DS5 (sway opposite) but i was so glad to have experienced the surprise and for me it saved me from having my pregnancy destroyed by hearing "boy" at 20w scan. i went through the whole pregnancy just enjoying it for the first time ever which was amazing
names wise i also had a name i loved for DS4 but dh said no.. then we had 2 girls so the name sat on the shelf but it was still my boy name, there were no other boy names for me!! even though i wanted girls i also felt that if i got what i wanted then that name would be the "name that got away" for me, so when DS5 arrived i put the name forward again and amazingly dh agreed my sway failed but i got "him" i got my W
love that the old ladies (and gents) find you too!! i love how they puts things into perspective, its so easy to get lost in the little child phase and lose sight of the fact that they will grow up and that regrets do last so do things while you can!!

sway wise id do PCOS diet, 1 attempt, clomid if you want to/can and if you can go for a walk most days or something then do but dont exercise yourself into the ground (i walked the dog for my exercise this time) Atomic switched me to PCOS diet this time after having an opposite and its such a different diet!! if you didnt do it before id give it a try xx

[kittendreams]

Kittendreams I would love nothing more than to see you conceive your longed for dd. Having just looked at your sways I'm amazed how good they were!!! I too would do a light sway and yes absolutely would give it another go! I see you used clomid for your last sway, is that an option again? Better to 'up' yours odds even a small amount than not at all so yeah I would definately incorporate the most successsful factors which seem to be diet (perhaps a looser version or pcos version, I'm sure atomic had those with sway opposites go to this sometimes? but I may be wrong or info out of date) and one attempt (perhaps the one at pos opk rather than e4d?) and clomid. Having 3 children I would never suggest the exercise as my gosh how would you ever have the energy??!!

As for age, I turned 40 when my dd turned 6 months and dh turned 47. I ideally would have loved even more kids! It truly has been a case of the more I have the more I want more?!! I honestly think if I'd had the time and health I would've liked 5 kids I and dh both did notice the sleep deprivation was noticably worse though, as in coping with it lol, but here we are a year and a bit in and are dealing with it.... Still.... unfortunately

I'm pretty sure you know the circumstances around my journey but to summarise it was two years trying beginning 2015, lost 3 pregnancies in 2016 then after a final go at just gettimg pregnant, did 3 cycles of clomid and multiple attempts each time. This obviously failed and I was happen to move on from ttc in March 2017 (not as happy as dh though lol). I fell pregnant from an unplanned and unprotected bd the following cycle (first and only sex since previous cycles attempts) I had been drinking alot more than usual as it was easter break and I was feeling 'free' and so happy to not be ttc that I really let loose I am only relaying this so you get a picture of my mindset I suppose and the 'successful factors' (clomid, alcohol and one attempt) that somehow resulted in me being so very lucky enough to have just one more pregnancy and child. Through some amazing luck she was a girl.

While I would love to see you try once more and in a more relaxed laid back approach, I also cant bear to think of encouraging you to do something that may/will cause you a lot of grief if unsuccessful. I had reached a place in my life where my crappy fertility and losses finally allowed me to embrace the idea and even hope towards the end for a 3rd boy. I feel so blessed to have had that peace during my final pregnancy in life and it truly enabled me to savour every pregnancy milestone and remain team green. That's all well and good for me, but what about you?? You really need to put yourself first in this situation, especially your mental health.

I wasn't sure what to write initially especially when I got my dd unplanned, it seems insulting to say, but somehow this novel came out and I only mean everything I've said in the most lovimg way, so please know it is from the heart and I wish you peace and happiness in whatever you eventually decide to do.


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Oh Pbn of course I know you come from a loving place you are one of the most caring people here- we are so grateful for you xx
I know your story and think of you often and am so so happy you have your dear daughter and third child at long last! Plus being a qlder too I'm particularly interested in your journey!
Every word you said was so comforting and helpful and I do need to be in that mindset of being grateful/excited for another child regardless of gender and definitely ease up on the sway-cession as a result.

Yes I want to do pcos diet this time just need to wrap my head around it- I also want to try myo-inositol as I have heaps of baby weight to lose. Definitely would try clomid again and definitely only one attempt well before o.
Although I've got the 3 boys I would still do the exercise somehow- even if it means being on the treadmill after the boys are asleep. It's just too good a tactic I think.
So yeah that's my sway I guess. I've got 20 kg to lose so that should keep me busy!

How is your beautiful miss M and your beautiful boys?
And I hear you on the sleep- I sometimes wonder if I'll ever truly sleep again ��

[kittendreams]

Hi Kitten !

I’ve followed your posts now since you found out you were expecting ds3, so happy to hear how well you have bonded and how he has settled in to your family perfectly.

I’m definitely on the ‘go for it!’ Team. At the end of the day I can only see it as a win win situation. If your baby is your longed for daughter, I , like many others, will be over the moon for you, however IF you are blessed with a boy then you are also very lucky. Another beautiful baby , different face, different personality but still a huge part of your heart. Someone else to cuddle and kiss and in later life someone to come to you for guidance and support. The heart wants what it wants I know this from my own experience but every child regardless of gender is their own person and I just know whoever comes into your family next will bring with them a huge amount of love.

I agree with going for a lighter sway. When I have read some of the sways that resulted in opposites I have seen quite a few of them were from sways that were stuck to for quite a long time, yours included I think. Obviously you can’t help how long it takes to conceive but perhaps trying a lighter sway that still incorporates the most successful aspects would be easier to go with long term and would mean there was less pressure and stress on you.

Good luck to you!

Lil


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Oh beautiful words as always lil you are a sweetheart!
So so true- every child is a new personality and new cherished member of our clan. Ds3 has taught me that. I honestly just could not imagine having 3 boys at one point but now it is like I can't imagine not having them! It's amazing really.

And yes I swayed too long and too early after ds2s birth last time. As a result my ovulation took too long to return pp and I think the effect of the sway just wore off. This time I will wait for my ppaf to return and then begin my sway for 12 weeks before first attempt. I simply don't have the time to have a delayed cycle return at this point in my life so at the moment I'm eating everything and anything and not trying to lose any weight actively.

I will be following you too and praying you get your longed for dd as well Lil xx

[JaneL]

I am so glad to have found this forum - I have read all the replies and it’s so nice knowing there is others in a similar situation! Reading everyone’s comments has made me more confident to have baby number 4! I really believe you will never regret having another child & I love the thought of a big family when they are all older.

I feel a lot more at peace at the thought of having a fourth boy .....and I know i would adore him just like my other 3.

I’m still breastfeeding my 11 month old and my periods have not returned yet. I plan to wean him off at the end of this month and then hope to ttc number 4 once my fertility returns.

I’m hoping to do a light sway .... make diet changes, increase the number of days I go walking, take clomid, 1 attempt. I find the diet the hardest ....I snack a lot and love red meat!

Hoping we all get our girls xx

[kittendreams]

for me team green was about wanting to have that experience at least once, and it is one of those things that can only happen while you are having babies, same with drug-free birth or breastfeeding etc.. they are all life experiences that you can only have during your relatively short child-bearing window if that makes sense? I knew id look back with regret if i never had at least 1 team green baby!! i tried with DD2 but caved at my scan at 37 weeks.. instantly regretted it and knew i was 100% team green next time no matter what!! in the end that next surprise baby was DS5 (sway opposite) but i was so glad to have experienced the surprise and for me it saved me from having my pregnancy destroyed by hearing "boy" at 20w scan. i went through the whole pregnancy just enjoying it for the first time ever which was amazing
names wise i also had a name i loved for DS4 but dh said no.. then we had 2 girls so the name sat on the shelf but it was still my boy name, there were no other boy names for me!! even though i wanted girls i also felt that if i got what i wanted then that name would be the "name that got away" for me, so when DS5 arrived i put the name forward again and amazingly dh agreed my sway failed but i got "him" i got my W
love that the old ladies (and gents) find you too!! i love how they puts things into perspective, its so easy to get lost in the little child phase and lose sight of the fact that they will grow up and that regrets do last so do things while you can!!

sway wise id do PCOS diet, 1 attempt, clomid if you want to/can and if you can go for a walk most days or something then do but dont exercise yourself into the ground (i walked the dog for my exercise this time) Atomic switched me to PCOS diet this time after having an opposite and its such a different diet!! if you didnt do it before id give it a try xx

4blue I just love your replies you are such a treasure and so wise!

Any tips for the pcos diet it looks so different to LE and I will definitely be doing it this time as well as exercise again for sure.

I love your story of going team green finally and yes it's so true it is only something you can experience during these short years and I am a person who wants to try everything once! It will take will power and getting dh on board but I really really think I will do it this time.

I hope pregnancy is treating you well!
Thanks again for your reply it means the world to me xx

[kittendreams]

I am so glad to have found this forum - I have read all the replies and it’s so nice knowing there is others in a similar situation! Reading everyone’s comments has made me more confident to have baby number 4! I really believe you will never regret having another child & I love the thought of a big family when they are all older.

I feel a lot more at peace at the thought of having a fourth boy .....and I know i would adore him just like my other 3.

I’m still breastfeeding my 11 month old and my periods have not returned yet. I plan to wean him off at the end of this month and then hope to ttc number 4 once my fertility returns.

I’m hoping to do a light sway .... make diet changes, increase the number of days I go walking, take clomid, 1 attempt. I find the diet the hardest ....I snack a lot and love red meat!

Hoping we all get our girls xx

Your sway plan sounds spot on Jane- so wise to wean Bub first it will make it easier for sure. I may do the same this time as I have conceived two boys while breastfeeding now and while I know it sways pink I think it just complicates my sway too much when I really don't have time on my side anymore.
So glad this thread has helped you feel more confident- it has helped me immensely too and when I posted it I had in my mind hey this could really help others on the fence too so I'm stoked it has xx

[ABC.2606]

Kitten - Like Pbn I’ve been trying to think about how to respond to you as well and like Pbn, prepare for my novel… cuz as it turns out I do have lot of thoughts on this subject!

So, the "practical" side of me worries – what if she does have a 4th and it’s a boy… can she survive the GD again? Honestly – I was SO worried about you after you found out DS3 was a boy and disappeared from here for awhile. And believe me – I’m not judging you at all for staying away and I totally understand why you did!! You had to go through a process to work through the news - a quite beautiful process it sounded like, as you told us about the time you spent bonding and reconnecting with your boys. But I just want you to be OK and happy and hate to think about you having to go through GD again. But maybe that’s where going Team Green may be the best choice for you if you do have another, so that you can at least try to focus your energy on enjoying the pregnancy and if it is a boy, you wont know that until you’re holding him and already madly in love with his sweet little face!

Here’s where the “non-practical” side of my thinking comes from… Exactly 1 year ago at this time I was in the middle of a horribly depressing period of my life. I’d just had my 3rd miscarriage in less than a year – the “missed miscarriage”, the one that I had to have a D&C to remove. To this day I remain convinced that baby was a little girl. At that time I was sending PM’s on here to Pbn and Mommy2Apples (they were a HUGE support to me during that period and I remain forever grateful to them for it) about how depressed I was and how I couldn’t keep trying anymore. I’d pretty much lost hope that not only would I never have my DD, I would never even have another child period. I drank a lot of alcohol that month. I cried myself to sleep every night. I was very, very close to giving up TTC completely, and yet, I still didn’t know how on Earth I could give up on my dream of a daughter. To sum it up, March 2018 really, really sucked.

Exactly one year later and I’m here snuggling my beautiful daughter and my “bonus” DS3. Never in a thousand years would I have imagined last March that one year later I would have two perfect, healthy twins, and that one of them would be the little DD I was so obsessed with meeting. Nor did I know that I could love another DS as much as I love DS3. His big, beautiful almond eyes have me completely hooked!

So all that is to say… I don’t blame you, and I will encourage and cheer you on 100% if you decide to throw out what’s “practical” and hold steadfast to your dream of finding your DD. Because you have every right and every reason to believe that she is still out there and waiting, and that one day, soon hopefully, you’ll be holding her in your arms. In the midst of my darkest, most hopeless moments last March, somewhere deep inside there was still that tiny hope that I’d find her – my sweet Miss E 😍 If you still feel that tiny but powerful hope deep inside that she is there and waiting for you to find her, then don’t give up. Keep fighting to find her.

Ok that’s really sappy I know but it’s what I feel. Dreams are powerful and we have to fight for them with all we have. And if you do get another DS, ultimately, I know you will be ok because I’ve interacted with you enough to know that you are an amazing mother and that you really, really LOVE your kids. You will love another little boy if that is what happens (and how could you not? You guys make the most gorgeous little boys!!! Seriously!).

Now more to the practical again… As far as 4 kids, I’m 2 months into that (we had only planned on a MAX of 3!) and yea it’s HARD. Our house constantly feels like it’s in chaos. No, I wouldn’t change it, but it’s definitely a lot of work and I do feel guilty a lot because I don’t feel like I can meet each of my kids’ needs right now. Each of my kids (even the two babies) have specific issues and things I need to focus time on addressing and I just feel already like I’m struggling with doing that. DS1’s academic struggles, DS2’s temper/behavior issues, getting the babies on a healthy schedule, some very minor health-related things with DS3, etc. etc. We're still trying to get into a groove. I’m exhausted to the point of sometimes being angry and short-tempered. And the craziest thing is I’ve also struggled a lot since the twins were born with knowing that we are “done” now. We only wanted 3 and I thought when #3 AND #4 popped out I would feel done and yet I’ve really struggled knowing the reproductive stage of my life is over. Like Pbn said it’s like the more kids I have the more I want!! 😂 But given that I had life threatening complications with my last two deliveries (two post-partum hemorrhages requiring blood transfusions), it’s just too risky to have more…. In addition to all the other reasons I know we need to stop! So as crazy as 4 is, overall I do love having a lot of kids and would have more if I could!

And here’s one other thing that I just want to put out there too… while I love DD with every ounce of my being, her being here hasn’t made life “perfect”. I still struggle with things, I still cry, I still have REALLY hard days. While that probably seems obvious, I say it because I think I really did convince myself before I had her that if I could just get her everything would be perfect. And I know Atomic has warned on here that that doesn’t happen, and like always, she is right. My life IS better with her, but it’s still hard and certainly not perfect. I guess I just say all that as a warning because I think a lot of us on GD get into that trap of “if I could just get my desired gender everything will fall into place”, but, I think for the vast majority if not all of us, that just isn't the case!

As far as your sway… I agree with what others have said. My first thought in reading your post is that I think possibly one of the factors that worked against you is that you swayed for so long before and I know that atomic has said things on here that perhaps long sways are maybe not as effective because your body gets too used to all the changes and as you said the effects just wear off. I have often wondered if that’s why I still ended up with a boy twin after hard swaying for more than a year and with 3 miscarriages. I’d suggest doing a short sway, even starting to TTC after maybe 8-10 weeks, so that your body really is “in shock” from a change in nutrient levels, etc. Definitely 1 attempt rather than E4D if you can (I think you guys have a history of getting pregnant pretty fast, if I recall?). With our twins not only did we do only 1 unprotected BD that entire cycle, DH released like 24 hours before our attempt and I did J&D after like 5 minutes. We did a ton to try to limit how much sperm was in me and we STILL got two babies and one of them was a boy - LOL!! Clomid for sure… but be forewarned the twin risk is real!!! 😂And you do have # of pregnancies and age to increase that risk!! Did you do the regular LE diet before? The PCOS version is great because I think cutting out sugar really does help improve your insulin response which is good for swaying pink. I lost weight SO easily doing the PCOS diet and I’m someone who has always struggled to lose weight! You'll be amazing if you do PCOS how easily the lbs melt off! I keep trying to convince myself now to go back on that diet just to lose all the baby weight I gained with the twins! Unfortunately my motivation is not as strong now as it was when I was trying to get my DD!!

OK... novel done Do what's in your heart, kitten - no regrets. We are as always going to be here to support you!! And the great thing is that while you're trying to figure all this out, you've got that sweet perfect little boy to snuggle with Baby snuggles are seriously one of the best things ever!