Trying to find my life path... any advice appreciated 😊

[kittendreams]

Hi girls,
Some of you may know me as I've had two failed sways and others won't as I've been quiet here since I found out my 2nd sway failed and my ds3 was born 6 weeks ago.

I'm probably just wanting to write down my thoughts but I would really appreciate any insight you may have too.

I and dh thought 3 was it for us ) when we thought we would have a dd) but #4 is on the table for now.

I'm 39 in a few months- dh is 40 early next year. This means #4 needs to be conceived sooner rather than later due to age/work/finances.

I went to a psychic in the midst of my gd while pregnant with ds3 and she told me I would have a daughter.... but not for another 4 or so years! Now I know my dh, and being 43-44 and still in the baby phase won't fly with him- no way no how! I would wait forever for my daughter but that is not realistic.
So as much as I want to believe this psychic ( my heart leaps to think of it) I know I can't listen to her or I will never have a chance at my dd.
AND I can hear Atomic crying out not to believe her as well!!!

So where I stand is I cannot wait 4 years I need to have a 4th in the next year or two.
But I just feel so defeated- I've had two failed hard core sways is this just never going to happen for us?
And if I pluck up the courage to try again- do I sway or leave it to fate? And if I sway what the hell do I try next? I've done everything before!
I feel so strongly that there is a daughter for me, I dream of her, my son even says he wants a sister next and says it like it's really going to happen.
My heart hurts every day as much as I love my beautiful sons and even as I'm holding my perfect 6 week old baby boy in my arms right now I just know this can't be it!

Like I said just a think out loud post to mummas who know how I feel but if you have any guidance please feel free to comment xx

[Nell_]

Congratulations on your baby boy! Im sure other mums with more experience will help but just thought id chime in with what id do... you only live once and i believe you should follow your dreams if it were me id go for number 4 and soon as you feel ready after this little one, and id probably just leave it to fate and do a gentle sway but only if i could accept a 4th boy of course but obviously hoping for your girl. I hope you get your daughter kitten

[kittendreams]

Thanks so much for responding Nell xx yes I do agree with you there we only have one shot at this life and it's going to be a long time after my fertile years to regret not trying one more time for a 4th and hopefully a dd.
I also am leaning toward a light sway too- I figure close spacing may sway pink, our age may sway pink and dh does smoke so there's that too!

Other than that I've got heaps of pregnancy weight to lose so that could help too!
Thanks again and good luck to you too x

[JaneL]

Hi kitten

Just wanted to let you know I am in a very similar position. I have 3 sons.....two sway opposites, second son was a light sway but third son was a strong sway.

We also had agreed only 3 kids but now I keep thinking about the fourth. I adore my boys but I feel like there is a picece of the puzzle missing. My husband had agreed to try for a fourth because I would love another baby.

I’m so nervous about going again tho ..... I’m already so busy with 3 kids and I’m scared another child could be too much and I won’t be able to give everyone the attention they deserve.

I was very down when I found out my third was a boy ....he is 11 months now and I have been besotted with him from the minute he was born. I’m really enjoying being a mum of 3 boys! I just can’t shake the feeling that someone is missing from our family.

I’m scared of being pregnant again and getting my hopes up that I’m having a girl xx

[kittendreams]

Hi Jane thanks for responding.
We sound very similar and I'm sorry you are going through this indecision and hurt as well.
I think it's extra hard because 3 was our number so having three was easy because I always wanted 3 children- it's just I thought there would be a girl in there somewhere! But 4 was never an option so it feels extra scary and the stakes are so much higher. It feels like it would be a whole other life for us as a family of 6 I'm not sure why?
I honestly have no idea how I would react to a 4th boy- I would hope I would get over it and love him just as much as I did ds3 but what if I don't?



Are you planning to sway this time? When are you thinking of ttc if you do go for a 4th?
I totally get the being scared of being pregnant again and going through those awful gd feelings- I'm sending you lots of pink dust and crossing everything you get your girl xx

[Nell_]

Thank you kitten! I hope we get our daughters and you too jane! I've heard 4 is easy after 3, you girls are pros 😘 i always say the more the merrier! Xox

[4blue2pink]

Im with Nell on this Kitten, you only get one life
I couldnt of stopped without a girl so i completely get where you're coming from!!
for some reason i seem to attract old ladies when im out with the kids, they often come over to talk to me and at this point ive had so many tell me that they always wanted x-amount of kids or just "more" kids but stopped short (usually due to other people telling them they should be done) my friends aunt even randomly told me at a wedding that she always wanted 4 but stopped at 2 because people said she should.. all these ladies are way past the point of being able to have more but they still regret it, clearly its not a feeling that just goes away with time..
on the other hand some of the old ladies who've approached me have told me about how they had a larger family and guess what.. no regrets voiced from them, the thing they all say to me is that its hard work now but so rewarding when the kids are older when i think about the different encounters with these ladies and then think to the future i know which "group" i want to be in when i get to that age.

is 4 more work than 3? yes. but as the old ladies have assured me so many times, it does get easier!! they arent little forever they do all grow up regardless of how many you have i went to school with a family with 10 kids and their youngest just moved out, so thats the 2 parents by themselves at home now after raising 10 kids!! its not all nappies and toys and kids "stuff" forever.

I so hope you do get your little girl and i promise you you wont regret #4 xx

[Nell_]

We have a lady in the uk she has 21 children, she's 42 i think now and still not saying no to potentially more! It sounds like your heart is telling you to go for #4 xox

[kittendreams]

Thanks Nell and 4blue xx

Yes it is such a strong feeling and it will not ever go away- I know that because I know me I never give up on anything.
I think the stress of having 4 kids would be far better than the regret I would feel at not trying again and my fertile years are gone. I already feel regret that I didn't explore ivf/pgd when I was under 35- I just didn't know I would end up here.
The work of 4 will be more but I am not afraid of hard work- I like it but I do worry that my other 3 may get less time and help when they need it so that concerns me more than extra work.

I'm from a big family myself so it's not completely foreign to me I just need to wrap my head around our family being bigger than we agreed and having kids later than we agreed.

Nell and Jane I will be following you both and cheering you on xx
4blue I cannot wait to see what your next little one is- I am in awe of your ability to go team green. Have you any tips for doing it? I would love to do it just once to experience a delivery room surprise but am worried it may increase my gd and effect bonding with Bub.

[kittendreams]

4blue old ladies ( and surprising old men who dote on my boys) find me too! And so many of them have 3 boys and loved it which warms my heart. They often say their sons live close and they look after their Mum and treat her like a queen so I guess 4 boys would be even better than 3 in that respect!

Lately I have seen/noticed a lot of 3 boys/ 1 girl families and they just look perfect to me- I want this so bad!