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  1. #1
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    Step by step directions? Lol

    Hello!

    I stumbled across this forum after scouring the Internet for info on conceiving girls. Thought I would reach out.

    I have three boys, and we would like to begin trying for our fourth and final child in December. I bought the Babydust book, but feel sort of half-hearted about it. For one thing, I don’t like the odds of one Bd, multiple days before ovulating. I conceived all three of my sons easily and right away, and would really love another easy conception. Especially because I really want a September baby and that would mean I need to get pregnant the first month trying!

    For another, Ive been tracking my ovulation this month, but it seems very unclear. I had quite a few days with dark lines, including some that were proceeded by a couple days of faint lines, then another day with a dark line! Huh?? I just don’t trust those strips—I can tell I’m ovulating now because I have sore boobs and clear, slippery CM and I don’t really get when the cutoff starts. I have had these symptoms for the past few days.

    So, I’ve been perusing this and other boards, and just feel incredibly confused. There is so much conflicting advice out there.

    I just want an “in a nutshell, step by step, do this” directions, because I feel confused and stressed. I desperately want a daughter, but I don’t know that I’m up for douching, checking PH, eating crappy fat-free food with artificial sweetners, etc.

    Right now I’m thinking I would rather have sex starting after my period ends, daily or every other day for the frequent release factor?? (Or is that a total no no since it’s against Babydust), until I have CM. Then stopping. Skipping breakfast, doing cardio, and trying to cut back on snacking.
    Is that enough?

    I am a healthy eater and a very big eater...tons of snacks all day, lots of nuts, fruits, veggies, tons of Peanut butter, oatmeal, whole grains and breads. I eat very little meat and not a ton of dairy, either. I am a healthy normal weight. I don’t work out much. I got pregnant with my boys very easily and I know I was ovulating with the last two, not sure with the first (who was a surprise!). Not sure how many times we dtd those months that I conceived, but probably not that many, if more than one, honestly.

    Thoughts?? Would love a game plan!

    Thanks so much!

  2. #2
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    Hi and welcome!

    Babydust is garbage. It's junk. I have people show up here regularly who have gone a year not conceiving on it (and since it's only been out since 2016, that's quite a shock). All they did was steal the one attempt (which we discovered several years before the Babydust book came out), combined it with Shettles timing which has been completely debunked https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gen...le-timing.html and went out and found a very poorly done study from Nigeria that supposedly proved this "method" worked. Then they started a Facebook page in which they allegedly manipulate the comments that are allowed to make it look like it's working but I've talked to several people who got opposites and told me their Facebook posts were never approved. So, please feel free to not do Babydust, LOL.

    We do believe in the one attempt (and I'm happy to explain how we uncovered that number of attempts swayed - let me know) but since timing has been debunked, we have that one attempt at a point in the cycle that's a good chance of conception. Or, we can even have more attempts right from the start.

    You can't reliably use OPK to judge when cutoff starts. They really aren't that good a technology. I know what the claims are but after 12 years helping people with OPK on two different sites, I'm convinced that the number of people they work for so clearly, is a very small minority. I do want to let you know that the faint lines are negatives (you may know this already, but many don't) It's only when the test line is as dark or darker than the control that the test is actually positive. Then you'll ovulate in 24-36 hours' time.

    We have never douched on this site (I have the directions for those who must, in the safest, clearest form I could write, but I don't recommend it and never have) and we dropped checking pH within the first year. You don't need to do either of those things, or use any jellies or other stuff in the VJ. They don't work and aren't necessary. https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gen...ph-pickle.html

    I think you're having a very common misunderstanding about our swaying diet. It's not fat free, nor do we recommend high intake of artificial sweetener (indeed, I'm totally cool with you guys leaving it out) While we did play around with low nutrient foods that was only for a few months till we found out that whole grains, vegetables, and fruits were not affecting sways at all and now people have tons of those things if they want.

    Short version of the Low Everything Diet:

    1500-1800 cals for most (a large minority go up to 1800-2000 cals or even beyond, a very few go down to 1200-1500)
    40-50 g protein for most (large minority goes to 50-60 g)
    30-60 g fat for most (large minority does 50-60 g)

    Get more of your protein and especially fat from vegetable rather than animal sources
    Low carb veg are free and unlimited, have as much as you want, no need to count
    high carb veg (including potato) and fruit count only calories, not fat or protein

    Whole grains or white at your discretion (PCOSers or those with insulin resistance, over 38/40 or more than 30 lbs to spare use whole grain only)

    PCOSers, those with IR, more than 30 lbs to spare, or over 38, especially over 40, use full fat dairy only, no skim, and limit/ avoid sugar. Other people not in those groups can have full fat dairy or skim and sugar within limits.

    No fortified foods or prenatal/multivitamins

    Aspartame only if you want to and only the amount approved by the FDA as safe during pregnancy - 2-3 servings a day.

    That's it. Within limits, you have freedom to eat lots of different foods and this is a healthy pre-pregnancy diet based on recommendations of the World Health Organization and reproductive endocrinologists about a safe and healthy diet for a woman of childbearing age who might become pregnant. This is my diet, I invented it (sometimes people think I'm misrepresenting someone else's diet - but I'm not!) and so anyone who told you that this is some fat free, high aspartame diet is steering you wrong.

    I BEG you not to have sex every day starting when your period ends. I have a full explanation of that in this thread:https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gen...nk-lately.html This "method" using the term loosely is a good way to both a)get a boy and b) not get pregnant at all. The frequent release hasn't worked. Even if it may sway a little, it cuts odds of conception hugely when done properly, and the trouble is, most people end up not doing it properly. Something comes up. A kiddo gets sick, everyone is tired, hubs gets called in on a work emergency, etc. And daily BD (even if it swayed pink, which it doesn't) ends up being every other or every two days. And there's no guarantee that ovulation stays regular, so you can easily end up accidentally having 2 or the dreaded 3 attempts in the fertile window, then doing your cutoff 4-5 days too late anyway. It's just not a good method for those of us who actually live on Planet Earth where people get tired sometimes.

    Cardio is a great tactic. Absolutely include that.

    I would def. love to see you try to stick with 3 meals a day (you don't have to do only 2 meals. both 2 and 3 are equally acceptable on LE Diet, I got my girl with 3, and that's still a huge change for those of us boy moms who eat like Hobbits -all day every day) I believe in the LE Diet, but if you feel like you can't manage that, even just going vegetarian, pushing breakfast back, and stopping the snacking will really help.

    I know it seems like a lot, but it's actually a much simpler approach than the other sites. If something doesn't make sense please just ask me, that's what I'm here for, and I answer every question asked.
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  3. #3
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    Wow, thanks so much for typing all this out. Very helpful!
    I read the other threads you posted and the background info is good to know.

    My concern is that this swaying girl plan almost sounds like how I got my boys! I do eat and snack a *lot*, this is true, so I could/should cut back on that, but otherwise the foods I eat sound like the girl diet— yet I have all boys. I also believe that all 3 boys were conceived with one attempt in the fertile window. That’s why I was leaning towards trying something different!

    I’m a little confused by what I was reading on the forums—are you supposed to completely abstain until dtd once during the fertile window? Honestly, it was a huge stretch to think we would be dtd every day anyway....we have kids that are always getting in bed, we are on opposite sleep schedules, he’s out of town a lot, etc., so...probably should be more realistic about that anyway. Lol.

    Would love to hear further insight. Thanks again!

  4. #4
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    I get all that, but here's the thing. Gender is never 100% set or anything close to it; no matter what you do to sway you always have a chance of the other gender (even with ideal sways we only get 70-75% absolute max) So let's say you were doing a lot of pink friendly stuff and when you conceived you actually had like a 50-60% chance of a girl, but then luck brought you boys those three times. You might go over everything you did in your life and think "ok I gotta do the opposite of all those things" but a good amount of those things were actually pink friendly!! So by doing the opposite, you can very easily end up making yourself LESS likely to have a girl, if that makes sense. It just makes no sense to disregard the stuff that has worked for most people most of the time (like the one attempt!) to do the opposite when for all you know (and our results do seem to show pretty clearly), that one attempt was swaying pink for you all along.

    There are some things in swaying that are simply out of our control. We have a whole lifetime of stuff we did and ate and experienced, genetic factors, and what our husbands bring to the table, that may potentially sway for us. So you can't look at your life and say "but I did all this stuff and got a boy! this means this must sway blue" because you're not seeing the 1000 other things that were swaying blue for you.

    To put totally hypothetical numbers on this as an illustration:

    Let's say you came into TTC your boys (due to a lifetime of experiences, genetics, and hubby's experiences and genetics) 60% set for blue.

    You did some pink-friendly stuff and ended up between 50-60% likely to have girls over the course of 3 conceptions, and just didn't get the luck of the draw any of those times.

    But these things were STILL swaying pink for you! So now what would happen if you stopped doing them, and instead "did the opposite"?? You would take yourself from 50-60% likely to have girls, back to your "natural" setting of 60% likely to have boys, or even beyond that! I believe what happens very, very regularly is that people actually inadvertently sway their way right into another boy this way by thinking they need to do the opposite.

    What we've found is that it is best to do what has worked for most people most of the time and not try to figure out some sort of personalized recipe where you change everything in your life. Because all our bodies really do work pretty much the same, there are no people who are backwards and boy things sway pink or whatever. It just doesn't work that way any more than there are people out there who breathe carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. I know some sites will say "well maybe you're the opposite" when their tactics don't work for people, but that's because they can't bear to admit that there is anything uncontrollable or any luck involved in gender - they want to tell people it will be 100% successful if they do it right, but that just isn't true. We sway to boost our odds, not to get a guarantee. Guarantees are only available from IVF/PGD. Swaying just gets us better odds than we'd have had on our own (even if that is just 50-50, which for some of us, that's an improvement LOL)

    Our results are better than ever with the approach we have going, in line with all sites/sources that are honest about their results (70-75% depending on tactics used) and with a much shorter time to conception than any other sway site, 3 months on average.

    RE abstain - neither abstain nor FR has seemed to add anything. Only the one attempt has worked. So it's fine if you want to try abstain (if your husband is younger than 35, that is) or FR (although I agree like I said before, it's hard to stick with) in addition to the one attempt, or feel free to scrap those and have hubby do regular release every 2-4 days or even "do what he does" with one attempt. The one attempt is what matters.
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; August 30th, 2019 at 11:30 AM.
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  5. #5
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    Thanks, this is very helpful. It makes sense when you write it out, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain things in detail. My husband is 35 now, he will be 36 in December when we begin TTC. Just curious what that has to do with FR vs. abstain?

    So—just because i really DO need step-by-step directions...are you saying that we should have ONE attempt during the fertile window, and it doesn’t matter how often we do (or don’t) dtd before and after that window?

    I’m also totally confused by ovulation, tbh. I tracked this month and it seems like I had one darkish strip on CD11. However, that was followed by 2 faint days.
    Basically, my calendar looked like this:
    CD11–Med/dark in AM, faint in PM
    CD12–Faint AM and PM
    CD13–Faint AM and PM *EWCM begins
    CD14–Med Line AM and faint PM—CM
    CD15–Med Line AM and faint PM—CM
    CD16–Faint line—sore boobs, CM
    CD17–Dark line—sore boobs, CM
    CD18–Dark line—sore boobs, CM
    CD19–forgot to take test—sore boobs, CM decreased
    CD20 (today!)—med line—sore boobs, CM basically gone

    Sooo...what is my fertile window here?! In this scenario, what day would be the best day to DTD?

    Do I need to keep tracking? Or can I go by symptoms? Or what?!
    Thanks again for your help!!

  6. #6
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    Studies have found that DNA damage from sperm that can cause health issues with future pregnancies (in rare cases; this is not a for sure thing at all) start to occur more frequently at 35+. Abstain makes less healthy sperm. So since abstain doesn't work anyway, it makes no sense to me to incur even a minor level of risk chasing abstain, which does nothing for your sway. Thus we have a cutoff age of 35 for using abstain.

    It has appeared not to make much if any of a difference what frequency husbands release in. It's all about the number of attempts. Now, if we wanted to take 1000 couples and have some abstain and some do FR or whatever, it ~may~ be there is a microscopic level of pink sway from doing those things, but in our results they've added nothing (and may possibly be hurting sways by cutting odds of conception so far that people get sick of swaying or various sway tactics, like one attempt, and end up giving up or adding attempts to conceive)

    The one attempt, on the other hand, has been very consistent over time - and again I'll share the long story of how we found out that swayed if you want me to. So it makes the most sense to me to have you guys do one attempt, with regular release or "do what he does" if you can't do abstain or FR (since neither abstian nor FR is working for us anyway)

    I suspect that you ovulated CD 18 ish. That makes the most sense. But that ~may~ not be accurate and what's more important, it very well may not be what happens next month or any other month. We can't use what happened this month to predict future months. People have results all over the map. We won't truly know what happened till your period arrives and we can look back 12-14 days and may be able to see when ovulation occurred.

    I always recommend OPK. They suck, but are more reliable than symptoms (you can have symptoms 5-7 days prior to O and even 3-5 days afterward). I would have the first attempt at first positive OPK, and keep testing. In your case, you'd have had an attempt on CD 11 to cover your bases, and then kept on testing. CD 17, you'd have had another attempt (the sperm from the prior attempt would have been long gone by then) and would have been covered regardless of when you ovulated.

    Or, if you don't want to track, you could do the every 4 day method which I'll tell you how to do if you're interested in not tracking with OPK.
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  7. #7
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    I SWEAR I’m not a dumb person, but for some reason this just isn’t computing.

    My husband will be 35 turning 36 in December, which is the month I would like to conceive. So...since abstention leads to less healthy sperm, but FR also could lead to less healthy sperm, would you recommend say, DTD a few times BEFORE the fertile period? Like, say, cycle day 7 and 9. And then ACTUALLY bd with the intention of pregnancy on the first day I got a positive dark line? And then once again about 6 days later or so? (While still testing positive?) I guess I’m confused because I thought they key was ONE attempt, and wouldn’t that be TWO attempts?? Am I just dumb or what?

    And I’m assuming the 4 day method means...bd every 4 days? Throughout the entire cycle? (Whether fertile or not?) Is this still swaying for a girl? Please elaborate, and also tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes.

    You are so helpful and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the long explanations.

  8. #8
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    FR does not lead to less healthy sperm. It leads to fewer sperm overall but they are more healthy.

    It's fine to BD before the fertile period with protection or have husband release on his own. If you don't believe in frequency (and I don't) then I'd either do regular release or let him "do what he does" (the latter is good for hubbies who just aren't into swaying and don't care at all - just better not to ask anything out of the ordinary from them).

    That is not two attempts because there will be no sperm left after 6 days. Contrary to what some sources claim, sperm can only fertilize an egg for 2-3 days after being deposited in your reproductive tract. Modern studies have found that BD 4 days before ovulation has about a 1 in 1000 chance of conception, 5 days before O has 1 in 10,000, and BD 6 days before O has 1 in 100,000 chance. All those people who claim they got pregnant with weeklong cutoffs or whatever ovulated sooner than they thought they did. People just are not getting pregnant 4 or even 3 days before ovulation.

    One attempt means one attempt that has a legit chance of fertilizing the egg. even 4 days before O is pretty slim chances, and 5/6 days before doesn't count as a viable attempt.

    So with the e4d method, yes, it's just BD every 4 days. You can count this in the "every 72 hour" pattern (and this is how most people do it - but they usually go to this method after several months at one attempt at pos OPK) OR in the "every 96 hour" pattern (and this is less common but is how people who are just starting off tend to do the e4d.)

    I recommend starting off with one attempt at positive OPK with whatever frequency you prefer. This is because I have a higher level of confidence in the one attempt since we've been doing it much longer and have a much higher sample size. WE are getting good results with e4d, but this is with a small sample size and most of them were swaying and on diet a long time (which may skew the results to make it look more effective than it really is).

    I happened to get my girl BD about every 4 days or so and then the week we actually conceived it was more like 5 days apart. This wasn't by design as we hadn't figured out any of this stuff yet, but it did just happen to work out that way for us. But I'd been on diet a really long time too and had a lot of other stuff swaying pink for us.
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  9. #9
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    Thank you! So, for the first month you would recommend dtd the first day that i get a positive OPK, followed by another bd 6 days later.

    If that doesn’t work after a month or two, move to dtd every four days (from beginning of period till end of ovulation?).

    Is that my plan!?

  10. #10
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    Start off with the one attempt at positive OPK for sure. Then some people decide to start doing e4d after that till they're sure they've ovulated (sorry I'm not sure where you're getting the "6 days later" from? This is to guard against delayed ovulation. You don't HAVE to do this (you could just stick iwth the one attempt) but a lot of people have done that.

    It's totally up to you, but if you're not sure if the OPK are going to be reliable, that is a way you can probably have the one attempt, but at the same time be guarding against the possibility of ovulating later than you think you're going to.

    Yes, after giving one attempt (with or without additional attempts after) a try, then go to e4d after that.
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