IVF vs. Gender Swaying for Older Moms

[jen4]

Hi! I'm new here and curious what your thoughts are on IVF vs. gender swaying for older women? I am 39 and would like to try for a girl (4 boys currently). I just know that at my age, IVF chances are not high. It seems that older age actually sways girls more so do you think that is my best bet? This is definitely my last baby!! Just can't decide if it is actually worth it to go through the struggle of IVF if the chances of it being successful are so slim. Anyone have any thoughts/experience with this?

[atomic sagebrush]

Would you consider donor eggs? It may really help.

The truth is, IVF using your own eggs is going to be very much of an uphill battle. But if it works, it will be a guarantee.

The truth is, I have seen by far more people walk away disappointed from IVF in their late 30's than with a happy ending. In addition to the money (which we all pooh-pooh, but it really does make a difference for many of us) IVF can be very grueling, and even if you do conceive, you may end up suffering losses and a lot of intense pain and suffering along the way. We sometimes don't hear the unhappy stories on fertility sites, because the people for whom it doesn't work often just disappear. But it is definitely something to take into consideration.

Swaying can definnitely help up your odds, but it's no guarantee. I ended up with a sway opposite at 39 (on the other site, doing things more the old-school way) and then got my daughter with the Gender Dreaming style of swaying at 42. For me, having a baby was way more important than gender, and I couldn't have done IVF financially, either.

What it boils down to is this: what feels worse to you, walking away with no baby and no money (but still having the potential to sway, if IVF doesn't work out) or walking away with an opposite (plus money.) Sometimes comparing the worst case scenarios can help clarify your feelings. The one thing we want to avoid is deciding to sway and then thinking you' can do IVF later on, because as you know already, odds don't improve with time.

Good luck and let me know how I can help.

[jen4]

Hi Atomic. Thank you so much for your helpful response. I have been really thinking about what you wrote about which scenario would be worse and I think that is wonderful advice!

If I'm being honest, I want another child because I really want the opportunity to raise a daughter (which is different from how I felt when I had my first four kids). I am worried that if I sway and it fails, I will still have that desire for a daughter, and having a 6th kid is out of the question for me and my husband.

I know the odds are stacked against me doing IVF, but if I succeed, I will be pregnant with a daughter, who will likely be "chromosomally normal" (which is also a concern for me). Fortunately, the costs associated are not a large concern for me, it is more the emotional toll the process will take. I am leaning towards choosing IVF because as you said, if it all fails, then I will be in the same position I am now, still wanting a daughter to complete my family, and with the opportunity to sway later, if I decide.

As a side note, I have been reading through some of the forums, and I have to say, you are really amazing! You have such a wealth of knowledge and willingness to help and it is really nice to find a safe spot to "talk" through all this. So thank you again!!

[atomic sagebrush]

It's my pleasure, and please let me know if I can help! While not an IVF expert per se I can help with diet and supplements (and always, encouragement.) Good luck and pink dust headed your way!

[jen4]

A few questions for you then:

The fertility clinic recommended taking CoQ10 and DHEA. I also take Fish Oil, turmeric, a prenatal vitamin, and Vitamin E. Should I ditch any of those or okay to take? Should I add any supplements?

What advice do you have about diet? Caffeine? Alcohol?

Also, exercise. I have read that you shouldn't do any intense exercise, so does that mean running, spinning, HIIT- like workouts are out? What about weight lifting? Is it best to stick to exercise like yoga and walking? Or no exercise at all?

[atomic sagebrush]

How much fish oil?

I would wean off turmeric as it is an unknown how it would interact with the medication, plus it can be a strong blood thinner (and the fish oil is too.)

How much Vitamin E?? There's been a couple concerning studies with supplemental Vitamin E being linked to heart defects in babies and I can't recommend anyone who may be pregnant taking any more than is in the prenatal. You don't need it.

I recommend a lowER carb but NOT a very low carb diet. South Beach, Protein Power Plan, The Zone - where you're getting a good intake of healthy fats, healthy proteins, and healthy carbs. You don't need to go onto a keto diet, just have healthier carb choices and be sure you're getting enough protein and healthy fat. I would have you eat full fat dairy only, no skim. (skim dairy is terrible for blood sugar and something about dairy fat has been very fertility friendly)

If you can stand it I'd come off caffeine and alcohol all together.

Exercise - up to 4 hours a week of cardio (and walking is great) In addition you can do yoga and MILD weight lifting a couple times a week but don't go overboard. You have probably heard of women who exercise a lot finding their period going missing, and we want to avoid any of that type of effect when doing your IVF rounds. But some exercise, like the walking, is great for keeping blood sugar low. You will also want to avoid anything jarring (and probably will wish to do no exercise) the week of retrieval and of transfer.