Have I left it too late?

[Bridgetjones]

I have two girls, my eldest will be 7 in a couple of weeks and my youngest will be 5 in September.
I am now panicked that I have left it to late to have another baby. I’m worried the age gaps are too big now.

I am really upset about it.

I’ve just been busy all these years enjoying my girls. The thought to have another baby has always been there but never have been able to commit to it.

Sorry if I haven’t posted this in the right section.

[hotlikemexico]

I have two girls, my eldest will be 7 in a couple of weeks and my youngest will be 5 in September.
I am now panicked that I have left it to late to have another baby. I’m worried the age gaps are too big now.

I am really upset about it.

I’ve just been busy all these years enjoying my girls. The thought to have another baby has always been there but never have been able to commit to it.

Sorry if I haven’t posted this in the right section.

Honestly we are in very, very similar positions. I have two boys, my oldest is 7.5yo and my youngest will be 4yo next week. I am on week 13 of my girl sway and we will start actively TTC this month. The earliest possible due date, if we were to conceive this month, would be May 1st. Which means, if we do eventually get pregnant (hopefully!!), by the time our third baby is born, we will have an almost 8.5yo, and an almost 5yo.
I too have thought the same thing. Did we wait too long?

Our main reason for not TTC sooner was money — it took almost 3 years to recover from the income loss while I was out of work after DS2 was born. However, we are in MA, and starting next year MA will have paid maternity leave. That was a big deciding factor.

Also, DS2 is very “high energy,” if you will. DS1 was as well when he was younger, but mellowed out as he grew up. We knew we definitely could not handle a newborn on top of both of the boys being nonstop moving and talking. DS2 is still pretty energetic, but now that he’s older and able to talk and understand things better, it is a little easier.

So, we figured, with the boys being almost 8.5 and almost 5 by the time another baby comes around next year, it will be MUCH easier to manage 3 kids. DS1 is already pretty self sufficient and should actually be a big help. He was only 3.5yo when DS2 was born, and that was honestly a tough transition. He didn’t understand what “having a brother” meant so there was no real way to prepare him. At this point though, both boys understand, and actually have ASKED us for another baby. I’m sure it will still be a bit of a transition for DS2 to get used to not “being the baby” anymore, but I feel like it’ll be easier at almost age 5 rather than if he were younger. We have a couple friends with similar age gaps between their kids as well and all have said that it was easier wirh older kids who were able to understand and even help out with the new baby.

The main thing that sucks, of course, is transitioning back to the newborn stage after being out of it for so long. We’ve been out of diapers (with exception of night time pull-ups) for about a year now, and have been sleeping through the night for even longer than that. It will certainly be an adjustment going back to multiple nighttime wakings, etc.

But for us, we always wanted more than two kids, at least three, and that outweighs the negatives (nighttime wakings and back to diapers). As far as age gaps go, I don’t think that will be an issue for us either. DS2 is very interested in babies. Back to our other friends with similar age gap kids — the oldest/older kids love the younger/youngest kids and loved helping out while they were babies and still play with/hang out with the younger ones as they get older.

Only you will know what is right for your family, of course. I just wanted to weigh in with our thoughts since we are in similar situations. For us I know that we would regret not trying for at least a third and I can’t wait to see my boys with a new baby.


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[atomic sagebrush]

No not at all, that's not too big an age gap!! My first two were 15 and 13 before I had my three little ones. I was 11 when my sister was born and 13 when my brother came along.
Everyone's family is different and there is no right or wrong way to do it!

I bet your girls would love to have a little sibling to dote on!!!

[mommymachine]

We purposely waited this long to have another. My littlest just turn 4, and will be 4 years and 7 months when our youngest is born. It just means she will be old enough to really enjoy the baby. My older two girls will be 9 and 7 when baby is born and they are going to be little mothers to him/her, especially the 7 year old, who is emotionally tortured that she has to wait 6 more months to meet this little person that she already loves so much and talks to everyday.


3 blue 3 pink

Due January 28th

[Bridgetjones]

Thanks for your responses. It does make me feel a bit better.
I'm just so nervous for some reason. It sounds weird but I feel like I miss my two children. I feel like a baby would be taking me away from them and I don't want that to happen.

[atomic sagebrush]

The thing is, though, that they do grow up on ya, that's for sure. One of the things I've realized is that I was probably TOO overly involved in my first two kiddos and when I had my younger ones, I was busier and not so much in their face all the time. This was GOOD for them. Kids do need to have some freedom and space to do things on their own, and yes, even sometimes to HAVE TO do things on their own and us being busy with other stuff happening is a good way to be sure they have those experiences!

[Bridgetjones]

Thank you so much Atomic. I really needed this reminder. I totally agree with you! Now I just have to push through the nerves and hopefully I wont be grumpy all the time with a new baby and little sleep.

[Bridgetjones]

I'm fairly certain I want another child however am so nervous about going back to the newborn days and being pregnant! I don't know if I should be listening to these nerves or whether its just my anxiety and it will eventually go away! Hence the reason I started taking Lexapro a few weeks back to try and help me with this.

Has anyone else felt similar?

[atomic sagebrush]

YES I think that's a totally normal feeling. When I was pregnant again after so long I kept dreaming that the baby was crying and strangers were telling me how to feed him and stuff!!!