devastated

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Dear atomic,

you've been such a great help. I really need some advice.

I can't seem to get pregnant anymore (35y old, husband is 40). We have been trying since July, been on diet since April.

In July I used cheapy OPKs and didnt really have a positive, so our one attempt was probably mistimed.

But since August we used Clearblue (the one with flashy and solid smiley). We always had our one attempt at the first solid. You are probably right, we should go to e4d. We didn't do that regulary these last months tbh.

My husband has given up Sauna (just figured out a month ago, that it might be harmful, it wasn't a sway tactic).

We just did: limiting attempts, diet, fasting for 12 instead of 16 ours. I even ate 4 instead of 3 meals these last eight weeks. Still no snacking. Dropped clomid. Couln't get femara. Spermiogram of my HB last year was ok.

My Cycle shortened since the diet from about 40 days and longer to about 31 days these last months. It has never been so regular.

We are doing no other sway tactics. I have even given up the idea of a girl, I just want to get pregnant and have been crying a lot.

We only have one biological child (nearly 8), our other son is the adult stepson from his former wife (long story). So I fear that after all these years we are to old.

I feel like we have lost so much time, saving money for HT. 2 years went by, then my miscarriage in april. And now it's nearly winter and still no baby. I am taking folate acid and thinking about prenatals.

On the other hand I remember that you wrote somewhere that boy moms often panik when not getting pregnant and then do a full blue sway.

Oh and we did Jump and Dump. I dropped that 2 months ago. This month I feel asleep after the attempt but got a slight UTI.

How long is recommended to lie still after the attempt? I am ready to drop more tactics. I just want a sibling for my son. I was down to 56,5 kg in summer (startet with 62,5 kg) and now gained 2 lbs and held steady there for 8 weeks.

I haven't tracked totals anymore for 2 months, but i def. ate more than the months before.

Did a lot of sport 6 days a week. In September it dropped to 4 days a week. Now I did no sports for 2,5 weeks because of holidays and because I have a horrible cold. Also drank tea these last few days because of the cold (before that it was lots of coffee).

We did no shallow release. Please help. I feel like I spend all my fertile time for HT and now get punished by not getting pregnant anymore.

Last year at the HT clinic my thyroid was ok. Had a Vit D deficiency (don't know, if I still have it, as we kept HT a secret to my doctor at home).

I always thought we were a high fertile couple, but we are not anymore.

Oh and I drank a lot of diet coke, better drop it, right? I will try to eat more fats (eggs, fish, jogurt), just had cheese but that was it basically, I probably eat to much bread/carbs (whole wheat, but still to much I guess ... I have always been a carb junky).

Sorry for the long post, I just can't seem to stop crying today when AF arrived.


note: wanted to add, for 3 days I had brown spotting. Long wait for the full flow. Could this be a progesterone issue? I know spotting before AF from my previous cycles. ... also: can UTI prevent conception?


Again I am sorry for so many questions. Thank you so much in advance!!

[Racey hoping pink]

Hi just wanted to send you a virtual hug, so sorry for your loss earlier in the year, I'm nearly 36 and my hubby 42, we have 2 boys but really want a 3rd and last baby. We are having a similar issue, we have tried every 4 day for 3 cycles and I was upset when my period arrived recently too, we are going to try the 72 hour pattern now rather than 96 like we had and I'm feeling more positive and hopeful. I've been lying down for 10 mins after and using a tiny amount of conceive plus. Wishing you all the best, I hope we both get our bfp very soon xx

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Thank you so much. We even did 2 attempts 48 hours apart this cycle and it didn't work. But the first one was probably too early. Every 72 hours sounds good, thank you we will probably try that. Is "conceive plus" a prenatal oder some kind of jelly? sending you hugs, too and yes, it would be so wonderful if we would both get bfps soon.

[Racey hoping pink]

It's a fertility lubricant, I use it because of dryness down there, I tried a little sylk at first but thought it might have been hindering conception and I remembered Atomic said small amounts of a fertility lubricant are likely ok for swaying pink so I switched to a sperm safe one. x

[atomic sagebrush]

Please do not add in prenatals. That is not what is happening here. Only eat 4 meals if you are losing too much weight. This is clearly a mechanical problem to me and not a diet/supplement problem.

The FIRST thing you need to do is go to every 4 days in the 72 hour pattern. If you've been doing one attempt, you should not feel devastated about not conceiving yet, that is quite common. Give e4d a try first and then we will go to e4d plus one.

The sauna may be having a BIG effect. As did the jump and dump especialy if you did that immediately rather than after 5 minutes. Also try laying down part of the time on your stomach, not only your back.

You just did all the testing for IVF. If you were "too old" they would have known that then. You are not getting pregnant because the one attempt wasn't enough.

Did you ever take medication for the Vit. D deficiency?

I never recommend more than 2-3 servings of Diet Coke anyway. But I don't think that's what is causing this.

UTI is unliikely to cause trouble conceiving.

The spotting before your cycle starts is quite common. Was there 14 days between ovulation and the onset of the red flow? I do not think this is a progesterone issue but instead that you've stuck to the one attempt too long.

Any antihistamine or jelly?

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Thank you so much for the quick answer! It helped to clear my head and to calm down.

No, we did not use any antihistamines or jelly.

Understood, I will not add a prenatal and DH will quit sauna for some time

How many month would you recommend the 72h pattern? I hope we can keep up, lol, as my sex drive is low these days (DH is happy about the new pattern though ... about 3 months and if it won't work, then try 72h plus another attempt at solid smiley?

Yes I did take a Vit D suppl. last year for the time of stims, egg retrieval and for the transfers, because the HT doctor thought that the deficiency was significant in my blood works. After that I stopped / forgot to take it. I also had Vit D defiancy a few years ago.

I haven't tested it again. Do you think I should get a supplement and take one every few days? (You don't recommend these things for daily intake is what I read?)


Thank you for the thought of IVF Testing last year. Haven't thought about it that way. Our pretestings were good, so you are probably right

Do you think, more veggies could help conceive? I was good on eating fruit daily but was very lazy about veggies these last months.

And yes: it is about 14 days from first solid smiley to flow

Atm I still have horrible throat ache and coughs. After this virus, would you recommend exercise again? I used to cycle and walk until 2,5 weeks ago and liked it very much. Is it a sway tactic that would be dropped sooner or later?

[atomic sagebrush]

For 2-3 months or even longer if you choose. It's all about what you feel comfortable with.

We don't need to add an attempt until you are ready.

Let's go ahead and add in the Vit. D again 3x a week. Get the lowest dose you can find (NOT tens of thousands of IU) While I don't think that's what is happening it will help us rule it out.

Again, I don't think this is a diet issue. Fine to eat veggies if you like but I think this is just a case of not enough attempts, plus the sauna and J and D.

Exercise done in a reasonable amount shouldn't need to be dropped. Once you're feeling better you can add that in again. Let's start with 4x a week.

If it's 14 days from O to the red flow with a couple days spotting beforehand that is likely ok. How much fat are you eating??

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Thank you atomic. I am feeling better.

I am currently CD 15. Got flashy smileys since for two days now. We attempted on CD 12 and CD9 and will keep the 72h pattern. DH avoids sauna now and I didn't add a prenatal

Saaadly, I suddendly gained nearly a 1kg (nearly 2 lbs). I couldn't do sports as I had this cold now for over 3 weeks (dizzy, coughing, sweaty) and ate a little more chocolate each day, so now I am heavier

But still didn't snack and today was the first day where i could do sports again, yay. Still a little sick but not so dizzy anymore.

I am considering skipping this month because of the sport and weight. But I am still more than 4kg lighter than when starting and I read today that a cold sways a bit pink?

Also you were right? I didn't track anymore. Now I did. I ate about 1800kcal but only about 35g fat (too much bread and chocolate these last 3 weeks). 3 weeks ago, weight and diet were perfect for months. I really worry that now I did a full blue sway this months.

On the other hand I feel like we really have trouble getting pregnant now and that I shouldn't skip a month. I think we wont skip.

I am motivated again though and will regroup and eat more fat from tomorrow on and continue getting started with the sports again

[atomic sagebrush]

2 lbs is nothing. Don't worry about that.

Do not worry about exercising right now.

You don't need to wait to try if you feel up to it. I am fine with you trying this month.

It is what always happens when people don't track. They cut back more and more and don't realize it.

???? I am really confused what you are saying when you say you were eating 35 g fat. That is TOO LOW and I would have wanted you to increase that. So if you were worried you had increased to 35 g fat that is fine, that is barely more than the minimum. You can have up to 60 g fat. EAting 1800 cals and 35 g fat will not sway blue.

[Drunken Cockatoo]

Thank you no sorry I wrote that in the wrong way. English is not my native language.

I meant that I thought I would be getting about 50g fat or 60g, but it was much lower these last days and probably weeks. I didn't notice because I didn't track totals. But I will now continue to track again to up fat to 60g and eat more things like Jogurt and cheese instead of so much bread. I started with PCOS LE in April and have sadly shiftet to LE these last weeks (less fat, more chocolate and bread). But I want to regroup and get back to PCOS LE and aim at about 1800kcal and 50 to 60g fat. This was what I did in summer and want to get back to it