Wondering if we can even conceive a girl

[lad]

I know this is ridiculous (and that no one can only have one gender), but I'm feeling super bummed lately about whether we'll ever be able to have a daughter.

Both of our sons were conceived in very "girl friendly" settings -- with my first, it was directly following a miscarriage, I wasn't snacking, and I was vegetarian (although we were DTD every other day, so that may have offset it). And then with my second, I was actively swaying--doing cardio for an hour every day, doing the PCOS-diet, eating vegetarian, drinking wine and coffee daily. I weighed less than I have since high school (accidentally--I had a BMI of 19 when I started swaying, and ended with a BMI of 17, even though I tried to keep my weight stable). We DTD every four days.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore both my boys, and wouldn't trade them in a million years. It's just that next time I'd really, really love a daughter. We're hoping to try for our third (and hopefully final baby) next year, and I just don't see what we can do to make it happen. It doesn't help that my dad, who is one of four boys (and then two girls), keeps making comments about how we're destined to have four boys, and several people have said to me that they can see me as the mom of all boys (which I put on a good face about, because it isn't that I don't want boys--it's that I DO want a daughter, and can only have so many kids!).

We're planning to sway again next time around, and I think we'll probably go all in (except no clomid, because I don't know how comfortable I am taking it/don't know how to get it outside of my doctor, who wouldn't prescribe it to me). What does that look like? One hour of exercise every day, PCOS-LE diet, vegetarian, no snacking, wine, coffee, breastfeeding, one attempt, jump and dump? Anything I'm missing or we could try? I suspect that my husband may have high testosterone and a very high sperm count (he's naturally very muscular, confident, starting to bald slightly and extremely hairy everywhere else). For that matter, I probably have pretty high testosterone too--I tend to put muscle on super easily, and I'm also generally pretty confident and accomplished in my field of work. Should we have him try frequent release (I have zero doubt that he'd still be able to DTD after)? Should he try taking something to try and lower his testosterone a little? He really wants a daughter too, so he's up for doing what it takes.

Mostly, am I doomed to have all boys?

[atomic sagebrush]

No one is "doomed" to have all boys. It's just not a thing for all the reasons spelled out here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum...f-that-gender= and here: https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gen...make-boys.html You guys start thinking you're "doomed" after two kids of one gender, but just look at all these big families like the Duggars where they have long runs of boys, long runs of girls, and then long runs of 50-50 any of which are way more kids than most of us on this site have.

Swaying is like an iceberg. The stuff we "see" is only this little bit that sticks up out of the water, and then there's a lot of stuff going on below the surface, stuff that goes back a lifetime, and sometimes it just takes more time to change. You can't assume things like "but I was a vegetarian, but I just had a loss, so clearly this cannot work for me, or it was my BD pattern or exercise pattern or my hairy husband" because while those things were true, there may have just been other factors that came into play that we can only guess at. I don't want you to get too focused on thinking "was it this, was it that" because not only will we never know, but it was all but certainly not one thing because no thing sways that much all on its own anyway.

Additionally, and MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL since swaying is not 100%, it is entirely possible that you had a great sway and then the cards just didn't fall your way. You are looking to change some magic bullet, when the reality is, you very very likely were swaying strongly pink and then just didn't get the lucky break that time. Think of it this way - it is entirely possible you went from 60% likely to have another boy to 60% likely to have a girl and then it didn't go the way we hoped. It is even possible to go from 80% likely to 80% likely and still not get the lucky break. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong (and indeed, I see a lot of people think "I'll do the opposite" and end up doing things that actually are worse for pink than what they did to start with).

A LOT of us have one failed sway and then succeed with a second one (myself very much included). Whether that's due to it taking longer for swaying to help change our bodies, or "better luck next time" or a combination of both, we can't say, but what I DO know is that no one ever magically found some one thing that they ever could point to and say "aha, it was this, this lack of powdered rhino testicles is the sole reason why my sway failed!" It just doesn't work like that, and sitting around thinking and investigating and wondering "was it this, wsa it that" is the exact type of "swaysession/control freakishness" that actually does seem to predict a lot of failed sways.

As for a slightly balding, very hairy husband we actually see a lot of blue swayers whose husbands are balding and/or hairy who don't understand why they don't have boys. This just isn't a thing (and you can see this by looking at the number of bald and or hairy celebs who have either all girls or both girls and boys.) None of the male supplements have worked, although jogging/biking, and smoking tobacco have been shown in studies and in our results to work. "supps to lower testosterone" is likely not the right thing to do anyway as we anecdotally see lots of weight lifters having lots of girls and it really does not seem to come down to male testosterone (and in fact the evidence even for women and testosterone is quite sketchy). We do sometimes have guys use soy milk 12-48 oz. daily so if he's open to that, it's a possibility tho we don't ahve any science to prove it definitively.

I would do what you are suggesting, if you want to try adding in FR that's fine, jogging/biking, smoking, soy milk, all fine, but I think the bulk of what you're doing is what actually works anyway.

[lad]

Thanks Atomic, I appreciate it--I needed a pep talk (and lol'ed at the rhino testicles)! These are all things that I inherently know, but it's hard to get it out of my head.

I also have a really hard time with the swaycession-brain. If you have any tips for combatting that, please let me know! Sometimes I feel so silly because I have these two beautiful kids and we're still a year out from wanting to try again, but already I find myself thinking about what we can do or not do, or what went wrong last time, etc.

[atomic sagebrush]

This is the perfect time to practice. Just let the thoughts come. People think you have to stop thinking about it, but that's not right (you will still think about it, only you'll be in a state of complete panic certain that you're messing up your sway, which only makes it all worse.) Keep telling yourself that you're going to do what you can do, and you're going to let go of the control after that point. All you can do, is all you can do, and at that point then you will just let it go like letting a balloon fly away and letting the winds go where they will. No matter what happens, it will be ok, you will adjust to whatever comes your way. Just keep practicing that feeling of reassuring yourself you'll do what you can, but have to let everything beyond what you can do go, and it gets easier over time (the first few times it will feel like it's not working, but eventually it will start to register.) And accept that you're still going to feel uptight, you're still going to worry, but that won't undo your sway - all of us have those types of feelings and can "sway our way" thru them. It's the people who never learn to let go of the control who are at risk of failed sways.

[lad]

Thanks Atomic, that's awesome advice. I'll just be over here, letting my thoughts fly away like balloons and waiting for next summer!