When do you plan on telling people your pregnantg again?

[EmmyRoo]

It's weird, but with DS1 and DS2 we told parents and siblings early (5 weeks and 7 weeks) due to the fact we were seeing them and couldn't get away with not drinking without arousing suspicion! I also told work at 7 weeks with DS1 as I was so nauseated and working full time. Our rationale was that if something went wrong, our parents and siblings were who we'd turn to for support. We never told friends until after the 12 week scan.

This time however, when things did go wrong, the first thing we did was ring our parents, tell work, tell the boys' childminder and text the one friend who did know to ask her to pass it on to everyone else. I was surprised that I wanted the world to know, as I'm normally pretty private about such personal stuff, but I just couldn't face meeting someone who didn't know and having to tell them. A couple of weeks on I'm now able to leave the house and face strangers without having a desperate urge to tell them what I'm going through.

Next time, hoping there is one, I think I'll actually tell my friends early, save myself the stress of trying to keep it secret and hide the bump, as I now know I'd want them to know if I had another loss.

X

[Rainbow baby]

Thanks ladies for all the reply's!! One of the reasons I don't want to say anything is because of my children! With my angel I told my parents at the 12 week scan and they ended up telling my kids even though I didn't want them to know! I honestly don't even know if I want to tell them again! I would rather them turn up at the hospital to a healthy lets just say little sister for now
My children...my poor children suffered so much they need not suffer again and I feel this is my fault, my fault for letting them get excited, making them toss out cloths and toys in the exciting await, helping me, massaging my feet, talking/singing too the baby I honestly hold a lot of guilt regarding this and it is something that has made me determined to give them what they were/are waiting for! It broke my when my eldest ds 10 said "mum please don't tell me when there is another baby, I don't want to have to hurt this bad again, I would rather you wait until you know he is ok". I am so unsure of what to do with the children, I plan on seeing a shrink to help me out with this and waiting as long as I can.

[Rainbow baby]

Sugar and spice, I know what you mean, I was sure I was feeling my son everyday and thought I felt a big kick the night before we found out at 20 week scan that he had passed. He had passed a few days to a week before the scan. I felt him for weeks after too! They explained it to me it may be everything is so compacted and swollen other things are felt easier at that stage, plus my body knew before I did and was already dealing with it! It is weird to me though I have never really been sure it was baby until around 24 weeks with my older sons I never felt much of anything until then!! When do you plan on telling your older children?

[The Anchor]

I had JUST told family and a few friends IRL...within a couple fo days I started spotting, and u/s a few days later showed no h/b - lost bub at 12 weeks. Like we had jinxed it somehow. If I could, I would hold out telling anybody until 6 months. This however, is COMPLETELY impossible for me. I looked like I was 5 months pregnant at 12 weeks last time around, and appeared absolutely maniacal at work wearing thick bulky sweaters in 30 degree weather.

[harleyquinn]

I don't plan on telling anybody, I even quit FB because at this point, I see it as a major life change along with a few other things we are going through and I don't want people writing me and asking me how I am doing, if I am trying again etc (I told people too early last time...I thought I was good and like Anchor, had a gigantic belly straight away) so I just desperatly want my privacy and will let others know when I have an anatomy scan and KNOW that all heart and parts are working....no longer CARE about the comments about a 5th boy. I really get those comments, let me tell you. It was hard for me, when people would know I had a loss but say the worst things that didn't help at all and made me like them less But I know they just don't know.

My kids already know I am pg...its hard to hide it when you are going to ER for hours on end and lots of appts and constantly worrying. I decided to be honest right away because I don't want them to think I am distant or they did something wrong...I am just distracted and it isn't them. So I did tell them. Whether that is right or wrong I have no idea, but it seemed the best to do for our situation.

[Rainbow baby]

Thanks ladies, Harleyquinn I know what you mean about people saying things and as much as you know they meant nothing by it you just can't help but hold them at a distance and have less time for them! I even had somebody say "oh well you don't need any more boys anyway"! In that moment I looked back to rip them apart but I could see in their eyes they had realised they said something out of line and they already had tried to fix it! Nobody can say the right things, I wished they stopped trying! I deleted my face book for a few months after too! I think I will when I get my bfp as well!

[harleyquinn]

^^I got that comment too.

Comments about multiple boys usually don't bother me at all, but when one is dead..then they do. You may not KNOW you WANT a 5th boy, but you do. I think what bothered me the most though..is people I really care about saying I am nuts for wanting 5 kids, and I better hope for girl because of the clothes. Or if I were you, I would get a job and move on from the baby phase. Why do I tell people anything??

I am sorry to sound so bitter. I really am.

[Rainbow baby]

I have said that a few times also because it is true! You really do not know what you want, I doubt many people could agree with that! I never knew I wanted another son so bad until he was gone! We were actually told he was a lil girl when we found out he had died! It made not one scrap of difference. I am bitter too. I just wish I wasn't effected by what comes out of ignorant peoples mouths but really I am

[jellybeans]

I have been thinking about this too. I've decided that we won't be telling our boys until I am big enough that they ask...ds1 has been very confused by my recent loss, i feel that miscarriage is a very complex thing for a 3 year old to understand and I would hate for him to have to go through this again. I am however still planning to tell a few people very early on, my parents and my two best friends who are the people that are being a massive support to me right now. Other than them, I have no idea when we will tell anyone else. We thought that we were all clear after firstly a great 12 week scan and blood results, and then a seemingly healthy morphology scan at 19 weeks...I had just announced the gender on Facebook the day before I found out that we had lost our baby. I will definitely not be putting anything pregnancy related on Facebook at all in the future..people who I don't see can just be surprised by a birth announcement instead!

[onthepond]

With our DD (our 1st), we waited to share the news until we were 14 weeks. With our 2nd (unfortunately a loss at 10 weeks), we shared with a few and were heartbroken to have to share the loss. If we are blessed to get pregnant again, we are seriously not sharing with ANYONE until we are 14 weeks, and at that point, I think we will tell my best friend and mom and wait to share with everyone else until it is beyond obvious. We also will not be posting anything of FB at all until after baby is born. Just us, though, and all have to do what feels best for them! GL to all.