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  1. #1
    Big Dreamer

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    pregnant after miscarriage - how do I feel happy again?

    Hi all,

    I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks & a D&C in december. I am finally pregnant again but I just dont feel excited or happy about this pregnancy. I really want this baby but I just dont have the happiness inside me this time. I am probably just worried about having another miscarriage but I just don't know how to get past this. I have tried all sorts of things to focus on this baby, looking at baby things in shops but I just dont feel anything. Just numb really like there is no point looking.

    I have booked in for a scan in 2 weeks time for peace of mind but I would love to know if you have been through something similar & what helped you.
    mummy to 10yrs & 8yrs. 7weeks dec 2016 4yrs.
    After 2 failed sways we are going high tech

    May 2019 IVF1 4 follicle, 4 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 5
    JUly 2019 IVF2 8 follicles, 3 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 6 frozen & waiting for us
    our precious was a failed FET .
    IVF3 1 day 5
    2020 COVID halts our plans & we cant travel
    2021 6 more egg collections yeild 17eggs in total. Frozen gametes shipped to clinic & 16 survive the thaw & only 3 fertilised. None to test on day 5

    Jan 2022 this wasnt the plan.......
    Feb 2022 stopped growing & left me at 8weeks

  2. #2
    Dream Vet
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    Sorry for your loss It is really hard being pregnant after having a miscarriage. I also had a miscarriage at 10 weeks before this pregnancy as well as one before that so I found it really hard at the start of this pregnancy. My current pregnancy also started off a bit weird with unusual bleeding so that also didn't help. I was mostly convinced for the first 12 weeks that I would miscarry again so I didn't let myself get excited. I had a scan at almost 7 weeks but it was measuring behind by about 4 days so even though I saw the heartbeat it didn't give me that much reassurance unfortunately.

    Feeling numb is a good description of how I would have felt. It did take some time to accept that maybe I was actually going to have a baby even after the 12 week scan was all good. I think it is a pretty normal way to try to protect yourself from another loss but I'm not sure it really works. I don't think you can force yourself to enjoy the pregnancy though so I think you just have to try to get through this stage and in time you will start to get more excited.

    Sept 2008 Sept 2011 March 2017



  3. #3
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    Huge (((Hugs)))) Kc, I don't have any advice. Just take it one day at a time. Thinking of you.
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  5. #4
    Big Dreamer

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    Just to touch base & say I am 12weeks now. Im still finding it hard to even think that I am pregnant. It doesnt consume my every thought like it did with my boys. I have had 2 scans (at 7 & 10 weeks) & I do feel more reassured but still finding it hard to feel any connection. I dont really have any pregnancy symptoms either so it just doesnt feel real at all. I am still waiting on m NIPT results & I am having another scan in 2 weeks. I am hoping it starts to feel more real once I start showing & I feel it move.
    mummy to 10yrs & 8yrs. 7weeks dec 2016 4yrs.
    After 2 failed sways we are going high tech

    May 2019 IVF1 4 follicle, 4 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 5
    JUly 2019 IVF2 8 follicles, 3 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 6 frozen & waiting for us
    our precious was a failed FET .
    IVF3 1 day 5
    2020 COVID halts our plans & we cant travel
    2021 6 more egg collections yeild 17eggs in total. Frozen gametes shipped to clinic & 16 survive the thaw & only 3 fertilised. None to test on day 5

    Jan 2022 this wasnt the plan.......
    Feb 2022 stopped growing & left me at 8weeks

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  7. #5
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    I think even aside from having a loss, the more kiddos you've had, the less it eats up your every waking thought. I would forget I was pregnant sometimes with my later kids!

    I never felt connected to my pregnancies either. I love my babies of course but it was never this feeling of closeness that some women experience.

    Sending and hopefully once things progress this feeling will pass for you.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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  9. #6
    Big Dreamer

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    that makes perfect sense atomic! I think I am often so busy it is the last thing on my mind. I cant say I was connected to DS1 at all during his pregnancy - happy & I though about it heaps but I didnt bond as such until I met him. Thanks for your wise words xx
    mummy to 10yrs & 8yrs. 7weeks dec 2016 4yrs.
    After 2 failed sways we are going high tech

    May 2019 IVF1 4 follicle, 4 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 5
    JUly 2019 IVF2 8 follicles, 3 fertilised & only 1 made it to day 6 frozen & waiting for us
    our precious was a failed FET .
    IVF3 1 day 5
    2020 COVID halts our plans & we cant travel
    2021 6 more egg collections yeild 17eggs in total. Frozen gametes shipped to clinic & 16 survive the thaw & only 3 fertilised. None to test on day 5

    Jan 2022 this wasnt the plan.......
    Feb 2022 stopped growing & left me at 8weeks

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  11. #7
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    Me too! I was certainly excited by the idea but I did not feel any kind of one on one connection with my first either. Then he came out and I thought "OMG it's a BABY!!" I didn't fully realize till that very moment that there was an actual small person that would be there, like FOREVER LOL. I didn't really feel that insane mama love till he was about a week old and then once it took hold it completely consumed me, but I sure didn't feel it during pregnancy.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by kc15880 View Post
    Hi all,

    I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks & a D&C in december. I am finally pregnant again but I just dont feel excited or happy about this pregnancy. I really want this baby but I just dont have the happiness inside me this time. I am probably just worried about having another miscarriage but I just don't know how to get past this. I have tried all sorts of things to focus on this baby, looking at baby things in shops but I just dont feel anything. Just numb really like there is no point looking.

    I have booked in for a scan in 2 weeks time for peace of mind but I would love to know if you have been through something similar & what helped you.
    Hello, Honey. First, Congratulations on your pregnancy. Second, I don't think it is not good not to be excited about your pregnancy. You shouldn't let the past affect the future. In everything, If something bad happened you need to forget it, Remembering it won't change what have happened. Live your life happily, And hopefully. Be sure that you won't lose your current pregnancy, And you won't.. I hope the best for you and a life full of joy.

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    Hi, I know how that feels. And I can tell you that trying to find happiness or excitement from looking at things in a baby shop may work for some people, but that's not a solution. You will find that feeling of excitement and happiness within you. It is just a matter of getting the right support that you need to be able to shift your focus from the past to what's good in the present. For me, it was the support I received from my husband and the people around me that helped me get through my depressing phase when I had discovered I couldn't conceive. I am so happy to hear about your pregnancy. It really makes me feel very happy when I hear about women getting pregnant and I can understand what you are going through after you had a rough past. But I really want you to stay happy and positive and believe me, being in present and with your husband is all you need. All the best.

  15. #10
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    I cannot imagine what would possess a person to post spam in a person's loss-related forum thread.

    And, I am extremely good at spotting spam at this point, even when you try to make it look like something else, even when you post 17 benign general messages under 10 different names. Your username(s) go(es) onto my special list and I watch your username like a hawk and delete ur account at the first hard evidence that you're a spammer, even if you are very sneaky and sly about it at first.
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