I realized this month all i actually wanted was a baby.. and gender doesnt matter!

[Kristenann]

For a long time i have been convinced i only want a baby girl, that i wouldnt like a boy as much (tho to some degree this does still ring true)..

However yesterday i got dreaded AF, devastated not the word! i might be being a drama queen or emotions are playing big trick with me but i was so convinced i was pregnant that i just broke down when i realised AF was here. Cried loads, felt really down all day, didnt want to do anything etc... is this normal?

I have always been very paranoid i am infertile i dont really have any proof i am btw but just always felt worried. I dunno if any relevence but i am 29, back when i was 24 i got regular 28 day periods - like weirdly enough day i got paid was day i was due AF, now its 30/31/29/27 etc... (but more average seems to be 30). they are also more painful, before i didnt feel them at all - now i do - same with ovulation pains i never got them, now i do. is this a bad sign?

last cycle AF 13th December, ovulation about day 16/17, and took till day 31 to have AF. is this any bad sign?

So.. need some help here, now all i want to do is conceive.. i mean at the same time id like a girl but mostly i want to conceive .. what can i do about BD based on this? *please note last month we did do 2 tries in 2 days, and i have to note here that on day 1 lots of sperm released again without being graphic it was obviously a lot but on day 2 i hardly noticed any, again is this relevant to when to BD for conceiving basis?*

Also, i am going to start being healthier on my diet.. so i only eat 3x a day thats normal but i am going to go back to my cranberry juice drink (i love it and it has 40% vitamin c in the serving i have), i will also get some probiotic yoghurt for breakfast.. (has b12, calcium.. but only like 15% rda). i will do my fasting period still, so i likely to wake 8am breakfast 9am, middle meal 12, end meal 4pm. again this is normal for me. i will have the odd bad day, twice a month is planned where i eat loads of chocolate haha! i will likely have 1500-2000 calories a day, sometimes i will tip 2000 and all day i drink my usual diet no sugar lemonade cause i love it. If i drink a cup of tea it will be very sparingly once a day max and will be cause im hungry and trying to stick to diet plan i had in place before and i sometimes find tea keeps me feeling fuller atleast. (please note i hardly drink tea its like once every 2 days at most).

I have also gone and bought pre seed lube (tbh without being gross we need some kind anyway make it easier), and i have now bought a basal temperature thermometer and of course i have my clear blue ovulation kit still to hand.

Thanks guys for the support so far. its been awesome. when i am pregnant i am going to cry so much in a good way! i really hope and pray it works this month i cant cope with such a bad disappointment, i mean god it feels awful doesnt it?

[Throwaway_panther]

I think that's great if you have reached a point where you don't care what the gender is! Many of us would love to get there

I think if you're looking to increase fertility, that's a good plan. The SMEP method is also pretty effective -- sex every other day starting CD8 until a positive OPK, then two days in a row, skip a day, begin EOD again until BFP or period. I recommend BBT tracking though too since pos OPKs can differ as much as a few days from ovulation compares to BBT indicators.

One question though, and this isn't to talk you out of dropping your sway: have you only been trying two or three months? At 29, that is super normal and not an indicator od infertility! Up to a year is normal, though I know how hard that is when you're desperate to be pregnant. I do tell people if they're really concerned to push for some blood tests or at least have a preconception exam with an OBGYN or GP to bring up concerns.

But don't go by feelings, either. I thought I would also have trouble. A history of anorexia and endocrine disorders had my doctors even telling me that I'd have trouble. I had many weepy therapy appointments right before we TTC I was so sure.

Nope, I get pregnant like it's my job. And we've discovered our losses are likely from a male factor (don't forget your partner's role in all of this!). Our guts are not always right

[Kristenann]

Hi thanks for your reply. December was our first try, tbh i am more gutted because i really wanted a September baby and i have just got married and was fertile over my wedding night - i just thought it all poetic and lovely. (still super gutted this hasnt happened!!)

How quickly did you conceive?

I guess the BD every 2 days would be ok. I am going to try in evenings this time, dont know just feel could be luckier since all tries last time were in the morning.

Is there anything else i can do (both of us) to help our fertility. My egg being good, his sperm being good bla bla? Thanks

[atomic sagebrush]

atomic tough love warning - You are being incredibly unrealistic about your chances of getting pregnant the first month. NO ONE on Planet Earth should ever get upset about not conceiving the first month they try. It has nothing to do with swaying, it is simply reality. It's believed that there is a 20% chance (under ideal circumstances) every month of conceiving. That means 80% of the people who try in any given month do not get pregnant. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means it wasn't the month. It takes fully fertile people doing nothing to sway 3-6 months on average to conceive. This should be your expectation. At your age a doctor would tell you to try for 12 months in the United States, 18-24 months in the UK before doing any investigation into your fertilty.

It is SUPER common for women on their first child to assume/fear that they are infertile. I know I did and I had reasons and concerns about my cycle and my cramps, etc etc etc exactly as you describe and I was 99% convinced it all meant I was infertile and ooopsie I got pregnant like the very first time my husband and I had sex because I wasn't being careful, since I was soooo sure I was infertile LOL. Practically every new mom who I have worked with has expressed that concern. So please don't read anything into all that, it's your mind playing tricks on you.

It's normal not to have ovulation pains when you're younger and start having them as you get older. Happened to me, happens to lots of us.

People always seem to think when they don't get pregnant it's some kind of lack of nutrients and suddenly start eating nutrient-rich stuff. It really isn't though and there are sites full of women with actual infertility who are taking tons of vitamins all the time and still not conceiving. I really cannot recommend you up nutrient intake - I can't really tell if those are fortified foods you're adding or whatever but I'd not have you add them in unless they're within your nutrient intake for the day (1500-1800 cals, 40-50 g protein, 30-60 g fat) and not fortified.

Use the barest minimum amount necessary of Preseed. not the whole applicator full, just a little on him for lube. Small amounts are neutral, larger amounts may sway blue, so use just the minimum you need.

You can't tell how much sperm is in the semen based solely on the amount and certainly not the amount you notice coming out of you. A guy can make tons of semen with barely any sperm in it, or have a relatively small amount of semen that has tons of sperm in it. Plus it all depends on how much comes back out and you can't always tell that the way you think. So don't overthink that part of it either.

Are you doing shallow release or jump and dump??

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi thanks for your reply. December was our first try, tbh i am more gutted because i really wanted a September baby and i have just got married and was fertile over my wedding night - i just thought it all poetic and lovely. (still super gutted this hasnt happened!!)

How quickly did you conceive?

I guess the BD every 2 days would be ok. I am going to try in evenings this time, dont know just feel could be luckier since all tries last time were in the morning.

Is there anything else i can do (both of us) to help our fertility. My egg being good, his sperm being good bla bla? Thanks

You really, really, really are headed down the wrong path with this line of thinking. Even if you only have a mild preference for a girl, you should still at least try to sway a little IMO because this is simply TTC messing with your head. The odds are sky high that you're going to get pregnant within the next few months and then you may end up with regrets that you didn't at least try a few basic things.

I cannot ever recommend BD every other day and vehemently urge you not to go to SMEP or anything yet. It has been one month, you gotta give it time, girl! Why not try every 4 days instead, it's still going to be better odds than one (or two) attempts in your fertile window. Start after AF ends and keep going till you're sure you've ovulated even if it means going all the way to next AF starting.

[Kristenann]

Thanks i think haha
so, with the attempts we did - i purposely laid down for some time, long as possible but was harder to cause morning, only because i half wanted to give it as much chance as possible.. i laid down atleast 10 minutes before going loo. We did missionary (tbh again this is normal).
only considered lube / pre seed is because without being graphic, its not easy without it so i figured might as well ya know?
Like i said i am half torn on girl sway now, its preferable i get a girl, id love a girl! really would! however i dont wanna impact on my fertility to get one incase it never happens (if makes sense)..

the stuff i drink, i think its got added/fortified b12 but i recon the calcium is naturally in it.
vitamin c in cranberry juice defo fortified.

I think biggest problem this month was the genuine shock i wasnt pregnant, was sooo convinced i had 100 symptoms of pregnancy and yet instead my brain was most likely thinking it..

I am defiantly considering a every 4 day BD now likely do that this month, i am inclined to this time also try when i have ovulation pains .. just because i know we didnt BD when i had them, so want to try that this time. i also wanna do evening BDs again, i dunno just wanna try it different this month.

[Kristenann]

and sorry, to clarify you mean BD every 4 days starting day 1 of the cycle... so i am now on day 2 of current cycle so BD in 2 days? and carry on like that? day 4, 8, 12, 16 etc? or 4 days after AF ends?

[Throwaway_panther]

Only 1 month!! Oh honey, you're just fine most likely! It's very uncommon to conceive first month trying!

And don't model off of me -- I actually supposedly have a condition called "hyperfertility," so I conceive first try every time except for ONCE, when it took two cycles... and I'm starting to wonder if my husband literally had no sperm that month since it was around when he had a super high fever (And hyperfertility is NOT a good thing -- look at my signature to see!)

I think it would be reasonable to do a lighter girl sway if you're concerned about fertility still (just to ease your anxiety) and getting pregnant ASAP.

[Kristenann]

Thank you.
I just think i got stupid carried away in my head, mind playing sooo many tricks on me. I was so convinced it had worked and i was pregnant. I mean really convinced to point of i am starting to look into when my scan will be, clothes i will need etc.. (got so carried away), i became genuinely gutted.
However, i do think we may not have tried correctly; tell you for why - 27th i got a fixed smiley and i was like oh its the day but then it started flashing (OPK kit im talking about here) on that same day/afternoon i get quite distinct ovulation pains, i choose to ignore them and wait till next morning test and fixed smiley. Im just fairly convinced i ovulated 27th or 28th early. Just might not have been my month! so this time, i am going to listen to them ovulation pains and test more afternoon on the OPKS (i have a new pack that actually say test afternoon as morning surge is only just building). I also have a thermometer now and some pre seed.. Heres to this month!! but this time i wont expect anything and will completely ignore my "2week pregnancy symptoms" going around my head!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks i think haha
so, with the attempts we did - i purposely laid down for some time, long as possible but was harder to cause morning, only because i half wanted to give it as much chance as possible.. i laid down atleast 10 minutes before going loo. We did missionary (tbh again this is normal).
only considered lube / pre seed is because without being graphic, its not easy without it so i figured might as well ya know?
Like i said i am half torn on girl sway now, its preferable i get a girl, id love a girl! really would! however i dont wanna impact on my fertility to get one incase it never happens (if makes sense)..

the stuff i drink, i think its got added/fortified b12 but i recon the calcium is naturally in it.
vitamin c in cranberry juice defo fortified.

I think biggest problem this month was the genuine shock i wasnt pregnant, was sooo convinced i had 100 symptoms of pregnancy and yet instead my brain was most likely thinking it..

I am defiantly considering a every 4 day BD now likely do that this month, i am inclined to this time also try when i have ovulation pains .. just because i know we didnt BD when i had them, so want to try that this time. i also wanna do evening BDs again, i dunno just wanna try it different this month.

ok as long as you didn't do J and D or shallow release for swaying. Sounds like no issue there.

Again, after one month you do not need to be worrying about it never happening. It's just a concern that isn't justified here and now. I just see too many people who give up on swaying out of some fear that they are infertile who then turn around and have massive regrets.

Just save the drinks for a couple times a week instead of daily and don't expect it to help you get pregnant because it had nothing to do with why you didn't get pregnant.

I think I told you this in a different thread but yeah since you have the same hormones in the 2WW as you do in pregnancy it's all too easy to symptom spot and convince yourself you're pregnant when you aren't. Wait for those double lines to get excited!

Ovulation pains are not a reliable way of telling when you are ovulating OR fertile. I sometimes get O pains starting as soon as CD 3-5 (so like right after my period stops) and I don't O for many days after that! They just aren't reliable. So def. do the e4d plan.

Doesn't have to start on CD 1, just start the day after your period ends. It has nothing to do with the cycle day you're on, we aren't trying to make it happen on certain days, we are just trying to be in with regular attempts so whenever the egg shows up, there will be some swimmers there to greet her. So don't worry about what days of the cycle or month you're on, just start the day after your period ends and then go in a Monday/Thursday (for better odds of conception) or Monday/Friday (for better odds of pink) pattern. Not these days particularly but that's how you count the days.