DH not really on board with #3

[1moregirl]

I can soooo relate to this topic. We have 2 boys and one girl in the middle and I have been desperate for a second girl since before we conceived our third child. My DH probably would've settled at the first two, but our third was an unplanned surprise. We were overseas and I lost track of my cycle and we thought it was safe. Since the third my DH has been giving a definite No every time I hint at the possibility of a 4 th and final child. Our daughter had been begging for a sister and I really wanted to give her that since I myself had grown up with sisters. My DH even laughed at my Mum asking him one day if we were having another and said, "not with me she's not." Like I have plenty of time to go out and find another partner to have a child with when I already have 3 children with him and am turning 44 this month. I recently conceived a 4 th time after a light and albeit sneaky sway on my behalf. I got a BFP yet very sadly I miscarried at the 10 week Mark. I was convinced God was punishing me for getting pregnant without DH's consent. He had been really excited about this 4 th baby and genuinely upset when we lost it. Yet just today he again said to me NO more babies and that I could go out and have one with another man if I wanted one. I could seriously contemplate packing up and leaving him if he leaves things like this and won't even come to some sort of compromise with me. It's ridiculous. It's my body I feel that does most of the work so it should surely be mostly my say.

[atomic sagebrush]

1more, I got pg without Dh's strict consent (he was showing up and DTD, but not actively TTC) and I got my DG and a healthy baby so I can SWEAR this isn't the case.

I thought I had about .0000001% chance of getting pg at 42, but a miracle occured. Praying that you have a similar miracle.

[1moregirl]

Thanks soooo much atomic sagebrush. I confessed it on the ingender website and man did I cop a canning. And most of the time it's the women who judge that don't have DH's with the same issue so they just don't get it you know? I'd almost like to do the same thing again if I can't talk him round but he is adamant about wearing a condom now so I don't know how it's going to happen except for like a miracle in the case of the Virign Mary. Lol! You got any ideas for me? Something keeps telling me that the zofran caused my miscarriage. I don't know why. I just have a gut instinct. Also, do you think I should take a prenatal multivitamin this time or wait til I get a BFP? Thank Hun and thanks sooo much for sharing your pregnancy experience with me. It's always sooo comforting and reassuring when you know you're not the only one going through things.

[atomic sagebrush]

Ingender behavior is not allowed on here and is not going to be tolerated. That's not the way we roll around here.

I'm not obviously suggesting that anyone go behind their husband's backs or anything, it's just that a lot of us (not you or me luckily, but a lot of us, I see and hear some pretty screwed up stuff on here as I'm sure you can imagine.) are told one thing by our husbands like "oh sure you can have X number of kids" and "we'll do that after...I finish college, we have a bigger house, we make more money" etc etc and then we end up in our 40's without the family that we wanted and whoops off goes husband with new wife and new family and we get to enjoy our Lean Cuisine in front of the TV phase without the family that we wanted and oftentimes our husband agreed to! :/ Grr.

I think that what you can do is just tell him how you feel and hope for a change of heart, unfortunately. Once they start insisting on condoms or pulling out, the ball is kinda in their court (so to speak LOL). My husband was willing at that time to have unprotected sex now and then, and I just prayed that something would stick, which it did fortunately for me. But if I had known that I would still be able to conceive I wouldn't have gone that route, I really didn't think I would get pregnant at 41 and have a healthy baby with no problem at 42,a t least not without trying very hard. (now I know better, it's still possible girls, fertility doesn't decline as fast as they make it out to!) For me it was like I was indulding myself in a bit of fantasy thinking "oh wouldn't it be fun for me to get accidentally pregnant" and having unprotected sex, and not sneaking around with used condoms and stuff, I can't endorse that of course. Not saying you or anyone was suggesting that, just wanted to be clear for anyone reading this.

[atomic sagebrush]

oh and I know you know this already but age is the main cause of losses for gals in our age group. It wasn't something you did or didn't do, just bad luck.

[1moregirl]

I just hope and pray if I get pregnant again that I don't miscarry again. That's what I'm afraid of. The same thing happening again. Yet I had our 3rd at 40 so surely I can do it one more time?

[atomic sagebrush]

That's what we all hope. The odds are what they are (not fantastic) but they may be better than the experts make it out, esp. for those of us who have already had babies later in life. I woke up every morning 100% convinced that was the day I would lose the baby. Every time I went into the bathroom. I just kept saying "stick with me baby, stick with me" and I had a huge dollop of good luck that I did not deserve. Wishing you the best of luck!

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. I am very lucky in that I am highly fertile - always conceived within a month or two of trying, so I'm very thankful for that. Yet, my main issue now is just being able to maintain a pregnancy and not miscarrying again. If I decide to go through with one more attempt it will be in Jan 16 and I will just have to hope and pray that the last miscarriage was due to a chromosomal thing and not due to my age. I will have to be mentally prepared that it won't be an easy pregnancy, due to always wondering if it will stick.

[atomic sagebrush]

Good luck and sending you all my "omg that old lady is having a baby dust'.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh and my pg and birth was really easy. I had a much harder time with my pregnancies in my 20's and 30's than I did with that one for some reason. It's not always more difficult, over time your body may "learn" what to do at least for the birth part.

Try to always keep in mind, when you look at the odds, that most of them are coming from a time when not that many gals WERE having babies in their 40's and many of them were people who couldn't get pregnant for some reason and/or had never had a baby before. Having babies in your 40's just wasn't that common and so it's not really a random sample size.