3rd child on the fence/ opinions/experience?

[squigglepink]

I never wanted more than 2 kids, but I want a daughter so badly, and that's why I'm going for three. I definitely would have stopped at 2 if I'd have already had a girl. And now I'm convincing myself about all the great things about having a bigger family...bigger celebrations in the future...more kids to have fun with...more chances to raise them well and be together in the future. But if I'm honest with myself, the thing that I consider ideal is a pigeon pair. You get to experience raising both genders without the stress and expense of more than two kids.

ditto

[ABC.2606]

I never wanted more than 2 kids, but I want a daughter so badly, and that's why I'm going for three. I definitely would have stopped at 2 if I'd have already had a girl. And now I'm convincing myself about all the great things about having a bigger family...bigger celebrations in the future...more kids to have fun with...more chances to raise them well and be together in the future. But if I'm honest with myself, the thing that I consider ideal is a pigeon pair. You get to experience raising both genders without the stress and expense of more than two kids.

Yea - I agree with you - we probably would have been "done" at 2 if the 2nd had been a girl and there are definitely the practical factors to think about in having more than 2. But the way I think about it is, my boys are only 3.5 and 1 and I LOVE watching them get to experience having a brother. Maybe I'm jaded because I grew up with only one brother (1 boy, 1 girl home), and we've never had a good relationship and never had anything in common growing up. I know this is not the case for everyone - I know brother/sister pairs that are close - but I do think there is something really special about the same gender sibling connection. So just like those of us with only one gender feel like we're "missing out" on getting to raise the other gender, those with 1 of each I think are maybe missing out on something too. That said... regardless of whether our next baby is a boy or a girl, we are pretty firm that we have to stop at 3, so if we do have a girl she wont get that sister relationship. Hopefully her two older bros will be very loving & protective though!

[atomic sagebrush]

I know the sister relationship messes with people's minds but I will say my daughter has 4 big bros and they all dote on her. My three little ones age 3, 6, 8 play great together even though two of them are boys. I also know of a ton of women who can't stand their sisters. So I'm not sure that is all it's cracked up to be anyway.

I don't have any full blood siblings and none my own age either and I always wanted a big brother.

[srg09cag11]

Anyone want to weigh in on having a fourth child? We're basically avoiding the topic for now. I think I want another one, but I'm not sure whether or not it's the right move for our family.

[atomic sagebrush]

What are the ages of your kiddos, srg?

[Beau82]

Anyone want to weigh in on having a fourth child? We're basically avoiding the topic for now. I think I want another one, but I'm not sure whether or not it's the right move for our family.

It was no question for us having a fourth. My husband always said he wanted an even number and we just both knew we wanted more than 2. I've always been ok with an odd number and always wanted a big family. To me, for some reason, five kids or more is a big family hence why I want one more .
I will give you my husband's reasoning for wanting 4. He always felt that a family with 4 kids is more harmonious than a family with 3. That hasn't been my experience (i'm a middle child with an older brother and a younger sister) but for him, growing up with 2 brothers, there was always fighting and they rarely got along. He grew up with a neighbouring family of 4 boys and he said they each kind of paired off and seemed to get along much better. Appearances can be deceiving of course so who knows how "harmonious" they actually were when nobody else was around. Now, having kids of my own, I can kind of see his point. We often have one of my 2 nephews over for a sleepover. They are both around the age of my oldest two boys and the 3 of them will often fight. If I have both nephews over, it is much better. With three, two of them always seem to gang up on one of them whereas with four of them, they generally pair off and have teams, etc. It does just work better with four.

To be completely honest, it's what worries me the most about having a fifth boy. I don't know why but I've always felt that a boy needs a brother whereas a girl is ok alone. Well before having kids, I always envisioned myself having only 1 girl in a big family of boys. My oldest two are close and my younger two are close so where will a fifth boy fit in? I know it will work out fine but it's something I think about and yet another reason why I want a girl so badly. I was relieved when DS2 was a boy b/c I really wanted to give DS1 a brother close in age.

I really do love having 4 kids. I felt like it wasn't a huge jump going from 3-4 kids. We already had a minivan at that point and our house is big enough that it didn't feel overcrowded. 4 is a great number

[Georgia_Peach]

We have 3 now and I am wanting one more. I just feel like 4 is a good number. I have two older boys and my daughter is just over a year. I hope for one more girl. . But will be happy with a boy as well. I just don't want her to be left out. I see how close my boys are and I want that for her. We have a 5 bedroom house so space isn't the issue.. it's more everyone else judging.
I love having 3 kids. It just feels natural to me... but people always say things like "Oh you must be busy" etc... I can only imagine what 4 will be like! 😂

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[Erin514]

Anyone want to weigh in on having a fourth child? We're basically avoiding the topic for now. I think I want another one, but I'm not sure whether or not it's the right move for our family.

Personally, I would never have four because I hate being pregnant and had rough deliveries. Three is already a sacrifice but I'm willing to do it one last time because I just feel like there's someone we haven't met yet.

I have read that studies show parents with 3 report the most stress, while 4+ takes you back to normal levels again. I guess 1-2 is manageable, 3 is hard because you're outnumbered, and then by the time you get to 4+ you've probably just said "aw, f*ck it. Play with matches if you want just don't burn the house down". You must learn to chill. ;-)

[atomic sagebrush]

I also think it's because with 4 or more living under one roof, you have to be "all-in" as parents. It's a 24-7 job and while that sounds vaguely depressing it's like you just kinda surrender to it and enjoy the task at hand. It's fun, like doing a really all encompassing project for a few years. With two, you do still have time for your own pursuits (albeit not much haha). I think three is hard (keeping in mind I have 3 little ones at home and 2 away from home now so I feel like a parent of three these days) because it's not quite enough to be all-in in the mommy game, but at the same time it's hard to do ANYthing for yourself due to constant kiddo needs. It's a kind of no-man's land, if that makes any sense.

[TRL]

I have 4 and it's tough! My kids ages are 17, 12, 9, 3.
I think soon as you hit the driving and dating and college years. It's a completely different stress. My 12 year old is starting puberty and is impossible. The 9 and 3 year old are fine so far. I personally think the early years are physically tiring but overall is do able, there is no comparison with the stress of older kids. It's for sure a full time job and very hard on a marriage. I feel like I'm crazy most of the time because of the stress, and I have full time help. If you can find a balance with kids and marriage then it's ok. If You don't have help so you can do date nights, I would say don't do it.
I think with 4 you are split 4 different ways, between sports, school, homework, dance or whatever else they are interested in.
Sorry just being honest.
I love having 4 but most of the time feel overwhelmed and very tired. Also my husband works crazy hours. But that is why I have help, but the nanny and I divide and conquer.