Thoughts on age gap for #3?

[MiaMelb]

I've got two amazing girls, one 28 months and the other 8 months. Their bond is growing stronger every day which I'm really enjoying watching. I'm wanting to sway for a boy with #3 but am unsure of what kind of age gap to try for. I can't imagine juggling 3 small children at once so was thinking roughly a 4.5-5 yr gap between #1 and #3. I don't really want them any further apart then that. If #3 is a boy I'd be happy with him 3-3.5 yrs behind #2. My concern is with the realistic possibility that #3 could be a girl then feel she may get left behind her older sisters and end up feeling left out given the older two are so close in age and the third may be 3-3.5 yrs behind.
Any thoughts or experiences on ideal age gap for #3?

[Erin514]

Just my 2 cents but I would do whatever feels right for you and not worry too much about whether they will play together well with a certain gap. I think whether they will get along has WAY more to do with personality and how you raise them than with age. I have six years between me and my only sister, and we get along well, although as children the gap was too big for us to have a lot in common, but my husband and his sister are only 2 years apart and don't get along at all. My aunt has three daughters all about 2 years apart and the oldest and youngest have the most in common because they are very "girly girl" types into shopping and make-up, while the middle one is a tomboy and really doesn't get along so well with the oldest.
My two boys are almost three years apart and I found it a very nice gap because the oldest is high-needs. I don't know how i would've managed if they were closer (at 4, he still rarely sleeps through the night). My youngest is easy, so we're feeling OK about a smaller gap and our third will be born when the boys are five and two.

[GirlieCat]

I agree that in the long run it comes down to personality but age does make a difference when growing up. I am the third girl... my two sisters are 21 months apart and I am 31 months younger than #2 sister. #1 and #2 were closer growing up because of age and things in common but now that we are adults #2 is my best friend and neither of us are that close to #1. Good luck.

[MiaMelb]

Thanks for your thoughts Erin. I know you're right that environment and how they're raised will probably play a significant part in how #3 fits in.

Just as a side note, congrats to you and your family on your little one on the way. I'm curious if you think you'll find out the sex before the birth? I noticed you mention #2 was a sway opposite. Not sure if I'd want to know before or not.

[Erin514]

We'll find out because I want to have time to get over any disappointment before baby arrives if that's needed. Not sure if we'll shell out the $500 that it costs here for the fetal DNA blood test or just wait until the ultrasound though.
To be clear, DS2 was an opposite on the French gender diet. I hadn't found this site yet and with him I was 90% vegetarian but eating a lot of full fat dairy and beans for calcium and magnesium, so my macros were probably not very LE at all. Plus I snacked. Hopefully this time I have better odds! :-P

[Throwaway_panther]

Another vote here for "it all depends!"

I'm the oldest of three girls, my next two sisters being almost 3 years younger and then almost 8 years younger. Neither #3 or I were close with #2 growing up, though #2 and I still shared a lot of jokes/good times too, and she and I were very close -- though it was, in my case, me being in more of a caregiver role;

I'm now close to both #2 and #3, but neither of them is close with each other -- and they have a closer age gap than me and #3.

Husband is oldest with a 15 month gap with his second brother, 2.5 years with his third, and almost five or six with his sister. He's closest with brother #2, not very close at all with brother #1 and hates his sister.

I could go on and on with examples -- you never know until you have them! I maintain that child spacing is best for the parents to determine on THEIR needs!

[atomic sagebrush]

I think your needs have to come first and foremost.

I have my first two (my oldest is 25 years old today!! WOW!! hard to believe.) who were over 3 1/2 years apart and I felt like their age gap was too long. They didn't get along that well when they were little and I always blamed it on the large age gap. BUT they did both get tons of one on one time and it was easier on me and my marriage. Now that they're grownups they do get along just fine and are even roommates now.

Then we have a very big age gap (13 years) and had our three little ones. My next two were less than 2 years apart, and then my daughter came along 2 1/2 years after that. They play together very well, much, much better than my first two. But it has been tough sometimes, on me physically/energywise and on my marriage too. I have less one on one time with them, although they are more independent and self-starting than my older two (which is a good thing!) And interestingly, even though my 3rd and my 5th have a very similar age gap to my first two, they still play really well together - which makes me think it may not have been solely the age gap with my first two, and possibly more a personality conflict when they were younger.

Long story short - there are benefits and drawbacks to every possible combo you can come up with and if you feel one way is going to work better for you personally, don't discount that just because you think a scenario will be better for the kids - maybe maybe not!!!

[foxtrotmama]

My two boys are 22 months apart. Our next baby will be closer to 3.5 years younger than DS2, maybe more. I loved having my boys close together but absolutely could not have done it again.

My biggest worry having is that my boys will remain really close. They'll be in the same age ranges for activities a lot of the time, they're close enough in age that they play with each other's friends, play with the same toys, etc. Then any baby, whether I get my girl or it's another boy, will be left out while they're kids because of the larger age difference. My DH has two brothers who are as close in age as my boys and then he's a larger gap, and they're really close and he barely knows them tbh.

All in all, I think my main priority is to set myself up for success with parenting and just hope that they end up with compatible personalities.

[MiaMelb]

My fingers are crossed for you too Erin. Thanks for your thoughts. I look forward to seeing how the journey progresses for you.

[MiaMelb]

Sounds like a very similar dynamic with your boys and my girls. Comparable personalities will go a long way with #3 and hopefully family centred parenting will encouage the rest of the bonding between them.
Good luck with your girl sway.