Question for you ladies with 3 or 4 of same gender, and one of the opposite.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Hello ladies. I received confirmation on Wednesday that we are having our 4th boy. I have one dd too. She will be smack dab in the middle with 2 older brothers and 2 younger ones. She's three years old. When we told the kids the new baby was a boy, she didn't take it like I thought she would. She keeps saying she doesn't want a brother, she wants a sister. It is heartbreaking to hear. I tried so hard to get her a sister, and to experience a baby girl for myself just one more time. I'm not sure she even gets the whole idea, but I do, and it really makes me upset. I did have gd but it has been much better over the past 2 weeks. Hearing my dd say this is bringing it back again. Ht has never even crossed my mind, or another baby for that matter, but I find myself thinking that I would do anything to get her the sister she says she wants. We don't have the money for this, obviously.
My question to you is this...if you have a few kids of one gender and are expecting or have one of the opposite sex too, do you have these feelings? If not, can you tell me why you don't? I'd love to get some insight and try to turn my thinking around.

[Cinss]

In my situation DP had 2 DDs from a previous relationship, then we have our 2 year old DD together and are expecting our next baby in May which i think may be a boy, so i have started to have these feelings, if this baby is a boy, should we try to give him a brother because the girls have sisters? DP has said that we will only be having 2 kids because 4 is enough for him. But now i am feeling like well is 2 enough for me? I would love to have another girl and another boy, but i dont think that would ever happen in reality. So for now i am just going to enjoy what i have and think about the what ifs later on. I think we will just have to wait and see how this baby fits into our family then decide.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thanks Cinss. I think I need to see how this baby fits into our family too. I hate thinking and feeling like this.

[nuthinbutpink]

First, she's 3. She may want an elephant tomorrow.

When I was pregnant with DD3 and told DD1 and 2 I was told "we already had enough girls". Now, after DS, I hear that they would have liked another sister and they ask if I'll have another girl!

It did hurt my feelings with the original comment but they are kids, they say things and move on.

Your DD will be special- I can just see the photos now when they are all grown- your DD standing in the middle of her brothers, love on all sides. It's sweet and it makes her special for always.

[RedCanoe]

Would I like my DD to have a sister? Sure. I have a sister and we had a lot of fun growing up together and have a good relationship as adults, as well. Plus, I look at my boys and they really are very cute together. :)

BUT, I think sometimes you have to know when enough is enough. We never planned on more than 3 kids, and only went to 4 kids to balance our family with a DD. I just have to be satisfied with that. A sister for DD would be nice, sure, but I think for us 5 kids would be too much for DH and I to handle - emotionally and financially - and that will take away from all of them. Time to focus on the family we have and enjoy them rather then keep worrying about what we don't have. She won't have a sister, but she will have 3 older brothers, and that will be great too!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thank you so much nbp!!! I've read many of your posts and must say, you are a very wise woman with a ton of useful information.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

You are absolutely right RedCanoe. I need to read things like this. 5 is a LOT!!! I need to focus on them and put the other thoughts our of my head. Thank you!!

[Violet_]

This is a tricky one. I have three boys, not sure what this one is. If I have a girl, I'd want another girl. DH wants to stop at four. But then again, he wanted to stop at three, so we'll see. He may come around. I'm just taking it one day at a time (or one baby at a time).

[3Pink1Blue]

I've got 3 girls and 1 boy thanks to GD. In my heart I would love for ds to have a brother, but for us, 4 is a lot of kids. I also don't 100% believe that I'll get another boy and then all we've done is give the poor little fella even more sisters lol
That said, DD2 was 3 when we found out #3 was another girl. She was super upset for about a week. Oh and dd1 (who was 10 at the time) cried when she thought that #4 was a boy, she was utterly devastated. "Only sisters" she said. Fast forward 1 year and she adores him. No more babies they all now say, our family is perfect. I can't help but agree :)

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thank you!! The more I read, the better I feel.

[strawberrymom]

My 8 yr old nephew keeps telling his mom he wants a brother but whenever he plays over here with my 3 year old , he complains that he is too "baby" or such. So I think age gap can make a difference too. Your DD says she wants a sister but would she be intersted in one thats 5 or 6 years younger?

[Atsaukina1]

yeah my dd has wanted a sister all these years:(
after the birth of last ds even my son 100% wild boy said we need a girl now lol

[Tiggerian]

Look, she's only three years old! My 4 year old wants a brother, a sister, a dinosaur, a robot, a kitten, a puppy, an aeroplane, a motor bike, a power rangers phone, a star wars sword, a space rocket, a penguin, a transformer, a snake, the easter bunny... I could continue for years!

I wouldn't take her upset seriously. Most likely someone has been feeding into her that she should want a 'sister' because she had so many brothers and she has taken this on board, which is why she can't understand that another brother might be nice too! It's not necessarily a bad thing to be the only one of one gender.

You gotta know your limits and not keep having kids because one of your children 'might like it' because by the end of the day, if you overstep your limits the children you already have are the ones who will pay the price when the finances don't stretch far enough, mum and dad can't keep up and are stressed out, etc.

[Rainbow baby]

I doubt a 3 year old would understand much about brothers and sisters and probably want's a sister because her friend cousin has one, plus if she see's you react she might do it again for attention! The fact is.. if this baby was a girl who is to say they would get along later anyway!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thank you ladies. I've made the decision to stop at 5. I think my emotions played a big part in this. I did say in my original post that I don't think my dd gets the idea of a sister. It was me wanting to give her that. I have a sister and we are very close. But I know sometimes that isn't that case. Your input has been extremely helpful. Thank you again.

[hotdogz&boyz]

I don't have one of each...but I wanted to add that my son is also three. And we talk about the baby that is coming a lot (he is really into it). He says he is "getting a sister...and it's a BOY!" Lol. I think gender (boy, girl, sister, brother, etc) is really fluid for them at this age and it is not a concrete thing to grasp. I agree that someone is feeding her the "sister" line and she is just repeating it. Which is playing on your emotions of wanting another girl. Kids are great at playing on our emotions...even if they don't know it ;) But I think her being the only girl, smack in the middle of boys, is really cool. Honestly, I would LOVE to have your exact family (although DH would never go for five, he says only four).

[Mrs_P]

I always wanted a daughter and have had that such a strong overwhelming desire for a girl since i was little. When i had my son i knew i wanted him to have a brother for that bond - which he got, 2x. Although i felt at the time a third boy wouldn't add anything to the mix its amazing how strong the bond has become now there are 3 of them. I never really wanted more than one daughter though - i wanted to be the one she was close to. Well it was lovely dream anyway even if it will never happen - but that my 2 cents worth for what it counts :bigsmile: