Not a great day....

[Fae]

Took my son to the neighborhood park. He met a little boy and starts playing with him. He has an adorable little sister there too. Their mom asks me if I know what I'm having.... I tell her another boy. Immediately she starts in saying all kinds of rude things... I could never handle two boys blah blah blah.. On and on and ON about how fantastic it is to have both.


Earlier in the day my mom is talking about how true the saying is.... A son is a son till he takes a wife a daughters a daughter all her life.

I am also am worried about autism it runs in my moms family... My brother my nephew and cousin all have it though they are very high functioning. I felt like I really lucked out when my son didnt have it and now I'm worried all over again.

Just feeling so anxious and sad :/

[Fae]

I do feel better and more upbeat after lurking and reading on here.... I don't know if that's healthy or not but I can't force away the GD feelings and reading about all the swaying techniques makes me feel more in control and like I can do something next time.... I know once he is here this will probably go away but of course I'm terrified it won't. Ugh :(

[shiningstar]

Two boys are great, I promise. That lady at the park doesn't know what she is missing. And that saying is BS. It depends on the personality of your child and how you raise them. My brother lives near my mom and sees her most everyday. I live 5 hours away and haven't seen her since Thanksgiving. You just never know where your child's life will take them. I don't think gender determines how much your child will be in your life when they are grown.

Since finding out I'm having boy #3, I have done a lot of soul searching. I have come to realize it's not about me. My two boys are going to get a brother. How great is that? I have visions of them hanging out when they are older. That makes me so happy.

I hope you feel better soon. I know it's hard not to let others get you down. Cheer up, sweetie. xx

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry. People are just really awful sometimes and that saying isn't true. Some daughters can't stand their mothers and some boys will never leave if your son marries a girl that appreciates family. I make sure we see DH's family enough. I buy all of DH's family gifts. I remember the birthdays.

Raise your boys to choose wisely when they choose a wife. That can make all the difference.

Regarding autism, I am not sure what to say. If your son is okay, odds are this baby will be too and giving your son a brother is the BEST gift you can give him I think. They will be very lucky to have one another and they will do things and have a bond that a brother/sister relationship could never have.

It's a gift that you gave them. You should be proud of that! That's how I would answer the next nasty person that you come into contact with.

[BabyGirl4Me]

Oh Fae what a terrible day, and what a jerkwad at the park!! People are so rude and ignorant. That was totally uncalled for. I believe in karma and eventually it does come back to people who do bad things like that and it bites them in the arse. Try to take some comfort in that.

My Mum teaches special education. Most of the students in her class are Autistic and are on the lower-functioning end of the spectrum. She works with them to teach them life skills and prepare them for success in a group home setting. I used to volunteer at her school all the time and it was so great to work with them over the years and watch how much the flourish and grow. :)

Nobody really knows what "causes" autism. There is some evidence that it can be more common in some families than others, but I doubt that all cases are caused by heredity alone. The evidence just doesn't support that. I hope that brings you a sense of comfort too. I said a prayer for you and your baby that you both are healthy and happy.

As for that old saying - Atomic actually has said many of times that she's very close with her sons, and their significant others. So that isn't always true. I actually know quite a few guys who are super close to their moms/grandmothers. On the other end of the spectrum, I know plenty of women who don't talk with their mothers at all.

I hope you start to feel better. I can relate to the feeling of sadness and anxiety. GD is like a thief in the night - taking the joy right out of pregnancy and making it a painful and hurtful experience. You deserve to be happy. *big hugs* and hope you start to feel a bit better soon. :HH:

[Fae]

Thank you I did say something like that to her. I said with the age difference (4 years 8 months by the time hes born) its great that its another boy they will have a better chance at being close and I really do want that.

I hate that I'm not excited about my pregnancy. How strange is it that I had no idea I'd feel this way? I thought that I'd be fine with another boy it's thrown me for a loop. I've dealt with one bought of major depression in my early 20s. I feel numb a lot but I'm scared to take anything during pregnancy however I do not want to fall down that rabbit hole again. I'm an anxious worrier by nature but this is different. With DS 1 I had antidepressants ready to take as soon as he was born for fear of post partum... I did great and I don't think I would have even needed them... I feel like I need them now but I don't want to hurt my baby.

[Fae]

I do feel slightly better about the autism... It raised the risks to maybe 10 percent and that's a 90 percent chance he will be just fine.

[hlmcdaniels]

To make you feel better my BIL has autism and both of my boys are actually ahead and advanced, so try not to worry:) as far as having two DS's as soon as you see how close and the best of friends they are, you will not regret having two boys! When I had GD I went baby clothes shopping and it really cheered me up, maybe take your son shopping for baby brother to also get him involved:)

[Fae]

He talks about all the things he will teach him and says he wants him to sleep in his room.... It's so sweet and it helps. I do have brief moments where I am excited. They don't last too long but they happen and I guess that's a good sign. I've only known the gender for 3 weeks I guess that's not enough time to be over this... I sure wish it was. More than I want a girl I want to bond with this baby and be happy.

I can't thank everyone enough for the support. It's very much appreciated.

[hotdogz&boyz]

Truly, that lady in the park has NO idea what she is missing out on. What makes her "qualified" to say how awesome it is to have one of each...when she doesn't have any other experiences? I think it's awesome to have brothers. Someone else thinks its awesome to have sisters. Someone else is delighted to have twins, etc. etc.

I adore watching my boys together. I love listening to their little conversations about which matchbox cars are faster or watching them take turns filling their boats with water and sinking them in the tub. Or giggling together over something funny the dog did. I grew up with two younger brothers and the relationship is rather cool. My brothers are 22 and 26 and are best friends. I hope mine are even a fraction of how close my brothers are when they grow up. I feel lucky to get to see this close, loving relationship form. And I think you will adore watching it as well.

It seems to be a really common trend on here...people worrying about bonding with a GD baby. And more often than not, mama has a very special place in her heart for that child. The bonding just takes a little longer. You will be fine, let yourself take all the time you need.

And no one can tell you whether the medication is called for in pregnancy. I do think you should mention it to your doctor though. An unhappy mama is not going to be healthy, in any way, for her growing baby. It sounds like you need a risk-benefit assessment for taking it. And hopefully your doc can help with that. For what it's worth, I have three antidepressant babies...all perfect and healthy. But I have a serious mental health issue and I know I am not the mom I need to be without them. It's worth a chat with your care provider.