Maternal Dominance Hypothesis and Priviledged Daughter Hypothesis

[atomic sagebrush]

had another good thread on this subject here https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/68176-control-freak-vs-stress-vs-hardship.html#post1001982

[ForeverRestless]

I did not read along all the 26 pages but I don't feel thats true at all, at least for me.
Maybe I am an exception. I am one of those "lucky ones" who sails gracefully through life... I am the last one of 4 children, I never had to compete because I was given everything. Schoolwise I always learnt very simply and quickly and with no big effort. I concluded my studies at university. I am graceful by nature and never had to compete with other women ever. Never felt I had to.
I am not at all a control freak, I am much more laid back, and I have a sort of resignation that in any case life will take over, so no need to freak out.
My sister is just the OPPOSITE. She IS a control freak, really, she strives to be perfect, and to be the first one, being her the first child she always had to demonstrate she was able to do everything. She was always charged with loads of responsibilities. She always trained herself and made huge efforts to achieve her idea of good shape. She has an iron discipline. But above all... the control thing is her main personality trait.
I have 2 boys. She has an only child, a girl.
All the girls mamas I know: many of them are control freaks, suffer from anxiety and absolutely are not those people who gracefully sail through life... according to this theory I should have like 10 girls...!! LOL
Anyway... I hope you dont mind me posting, I just felt in total disagreement with this theory.
Xx

[atomic sagebrush]

It is not JUST or even mostly personality, though. If it was, I wouldn't bother recommending diet and exercise and number of attempts and Clomid/Femara, etc. If it was, then the things our husband did wouldn't matter and some of them do seem to make a difference. Other things matter aside from personality but personality stuff can still matter. You can always find people who don't seem to fit into these categories but that's because other things are more important. It doesn't mean that this idea isn't true to some extent.

And I also think you've misread part of the essay. I did not ever say that being a laid back person who glides through life was the only way (or even the best way) to get a girl. In fact we know that being stressed out and not in control of one's life actually can sway pink. There are many women who feel very upset/nervous/worried about various elements in their life who have all girls. Stress that is out of one's control sways pink and girl moms are not emotionless robots who don't have reactions and responses to the world around them. But I have talked to I'm sure into the 10's of thousands of people by now and I PROMISE you guys, there is a difference. There is a difference between the average girl mom and the average boy mom and I know this not only from talking to so many people, but because I experienced the personality shift firsthand when I was swaying for my daughter. It is really really hard to "see" it when you're in it yourself but it's for reals.

To be quite honest with you (for the success of your sway) your posts I've recently answered have been complete and total boy mom to me. :) That's ok, because we can sway via diet, exercise, number of attempts, and other things.

Because really, none of this matters. It doesn't matter if you agree with this theory or my explanation of it. Set all that aside and focus on what I'm trying to get you to take away from this. Do not treat swaying as if it's a game you can win or a daughter is something you can earn from swaying hard enough and checking off enough stuff off the to-do list. Because you are actually setting yourself up for a failed sway by doing all the pH testing and temping and charting and planning and scheduling. So just don't do those things, treat swaying as a lifestyle and not an all consuming project, and that is all you need to do.

[ForeverRestless]

...so I assume that everyone who searches for info and try to understand something in this wild sea of information (sometimes contraddicting one another) is a boy mom! ��*♀️
But thank you for the precious adivse to not treat sway as a win/lose game (even if for someone who has GD, it really is). So true...
Anyway Atomic, yes I probably misread, as written I did not go through the whole 26 pages of discussion and also English is not my maternal language... I got probably just some info and missed other important points.
I know it's not important what I agree or disagree with, or if what you research and write is true or not, it probably just pushed my buttons �� no big deal :)

[atomic sagebrush]

Hey, I'm not here to argue. Really not.

Everyone investigates swaying. There is a difference between the level of attention to detail that comes from the boy moms and that which comes from the girl moms.

Believe, don't believe. Your choice.

I'm trying to help people have successful sways. That is my sole motivation. And if I were to ignore this stuff and sit by while people then go down the rabbit hole of scheduling and planning and plotting and scheming and rearranging their life to do every sway tactic under the sun, when I 110% believe that undermines their sways...well, that would be a pretty jerkish thing for me to do. So I try to convince you guys about the personality stuff because it's my job to do that, because I really want your sways to succeed and if I sent you out there unwarned about this stuff, I would be setting people up to fail.

[ForeverRestless]

Hey! Me neither! Mine was just an observation but finally I had time to read the entire essay and it really makes a lot of sense!
I just got triggered by this hypothesis bcs it seemed not very true for me but I was missing the most important part of the essay! LOL
Like... read everything b4 comment :-)
I so agree with the way to approach sway and the more I go into details... the more I am convinced that I will pick just few things and leave the rest it to the fate (or God). There's just too much to control...
Hugs!

[PINKwish16]

Hi atomic! I’ve been reading through all the comments, and I was wondering whether you thought the following was a positive for swaying pink or not. I have 3 boys. I haven’t started a sway yet but after reading through all this I thought I’d ask. For a while now I’ve been feeling very fulfilled with the boys, everything is great but when they get all boisterous and loud I just cave and get my husband to deal with them, like he’s better at dealing with them when they are being a pain, not out of laziness it’s like I don’t have it in me to have it out with them so to speak, and maybe they listen to their dad more than me.

Also another thing is when it comes to comments from people like would we try again for a girl, I get really offended/upset inside, like it must look like what I have isn’t good enough, I feel like I’m not good enough because I ‘just’ have boys. I feel down when I can’t join in the girly conversations with friends of mine that have Girls, about hairstyles etc, it just all makes me feel kinda useless, even though I get a great deal of fulfilment from my kiddos. When I had my third boy a relative once told me ‘some people just can’t have girls. But I was hoping to buy Pink this time’ ...it hurt, I thought it was rude and I felt so useless. Like I didn’t provide a girl for the family, what I have isn’t good enough and there’s something not good enough about me that’s why I didn’t have a girl. Sometimes out of nowhere a comment will make me dwell over this for days. Is this the type of thing you tend to find girl mums feel?

Also in terms of at home tasks, as I have my hands full with the kids school schedules and playing with them when they are home I am mostly very busy, so I get all worried when extra jobs come up, when any home admin comes up I feel like I can’t take another task so I now usually get my husband to deal with things (which he is happy to do, it’s just normally I’d have taken care of everything). My husband wants to move home next year and my immediate reaction was ‘oh the stress, no I can’t do it!’ So he said he’d take it the project so to speak, wed chose somewhere together but he’d deal with all the rest. We’ve moved twice before and I dealt with it all and it was quite a stress, but I’d take it on and I’d deal with it. Now I just feel like I will take things on if I have to but it would really stress me out and make me emotional because a lot of my energy is spent on the kids - which is fine, as I love them. Anyway, sorry this is such a long message, just thought I’d explain and ask everything in one go, as the more I read through the thread the more I realised things are different for me these days and is this the type of change that will help sway? Xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

I can't tell anyone if they're more girl friendly or boy friendly personalitywise. On the one hand yes some of what you describe was very much true for me between my 4th boy and my girl...I started turning over responsibility to other people and I just felt very very overwhelmed and then I got my girl. If you feel like you're handling things differently then you probably are. But writing me a message to check to see if you're girl friendly is more of a boy friendly thing to do, if that makes any sense - it's a bit of that control freakishness I'm talking about. (but not a dealbreaker! I mention it so you understand what I'm talking about here.)

[PINKwish16]

Yes I do get what you are saying lol. Thank you xx

[atomic sagebrush]

I feel I need to point out that sometimes as I get to "know" people on here, and I read back these old threads now that I "know" them more fully, I have to laugh. Because I can emphatically, unequivocally, without question, completely and totally identify them as "boy moms" even though they think that they are not and argue about how none of this stuff applies to them at all.

Um, yes, actually, yes it does. You know I love you, girls, but yes, it really, really does.

Again, I bring this personality stuff up, not because I like being a big fat meanie pants making people feel bad about themselves for things they can't change about themselves, but because I want your sways to work.

There is a type of person who tends to have more boys, and they are highly detail oriented and try to control things down to a very specific level (such as, just to give a completely random example that absolutely did not happen, the amount of grams of sugar in a pumpkin on the alternate LE Diet). Then there are people who tend to have more girls who will ask me things like "why aren't you helping me more" or try to find any way they can come up with not to do my recommendations because they just think it's going to magically work out and they don't need to worry about it).

Is it universal? No. Is it always predictable? No, and I just had a blue sway produce an opposite that I would have sworn was going to work out based on personality. If it was predictable I would not take people's money for swaying, that's for sure because I'd just know going in it wasn't going to work. But it IS real, and so that is why I tell you guys about it, even though it would be wayyyy easier if I just kept that info to myself. It's because I want your sways to work, and if I didn't mention these things I would be undermining u with my silence on something that really CAN make or break a sway!

[atomic sagebrush]

ok, so I just wrote a good answer to a thread where someone was making a "vision board" about their girl and another person was running the treadmill while thinking about all the girl clothes they had bought already. It seems to fit in here:

atomic tough love alert:

Ladies PLEASE do not do vision boards or "visualizations" or going on the treadmill while you think about girl clothes etc Anything where you get uberfocused on "asking the universe for a daughter" and/or sit there thinking about how great it will be once you get her, planning for the glorious future, etc. It a)does not work and b) actually can undermine your sway because not only does it keep swaying in the forefront of your mind all the time, but it makes you feel like you can "earn" a daughter if you want it bad enough and that you're doing a successful project where you're making firm steps to achieve your goal (that are not steps at all but are basically just you doing something fun and enjoyable).

This is the exact type of "control freak" thing I want you to avoid completely when swaying. Try to put your sway out of your head as much as you possibly can and avoid any project (like a vision board or guided meditation) where you're doing something that you think will "earn" you a daughter

And no one now chime in and say "I don't think it will earn me a daughter" because on some level, yes, you do, or you wouldn't be doing it. And don't say "but it helps alleviate my stress" because that is EXACTLY what I mean - you do a sway-related project with the goal of "alleviating your stress/anxiety" and then you feel better when it's done becuase you feel like you accomplished something (BTW, something that is easy and fun and enjoyable) to control an inherently uncontrollable situation. That's the exact type of thing that sways blue, these attempts to control the universe so you have less anxiety about something you really want to accomplish.

And one more thing, please do not replace the time you spent in visualization with panic as you try to control your every waking thought so you get into a cycle where you're hyperventilating into a paper bag thinking "OMG I GOTTA CALM DOWN OR I"M GOING TO WRECK MY SWAY." When you do that, you're simply trading actively controlling things by making a vision board, with STILL trying to control things by forcing yourself not to think about your sway and "keeping calm". Don't replace obsessing over your sway with obsessing over NOT obsessing about your sway. YOU ARE STILL OBSESSING in that case. The problem is the obsessing and the controlling, you can change the focus of your obsession and still be obsessing and controlling.

You are still going to think about your sway some. You are still going to daydream about girl clothes and all the rest of it. The thing you are trying to avoid is indulging all that stuff to the extent that the indulgence itself becomes a control freak project for you. You guys have to let some of this stuff go. you have to come to accept that you will do the stuff that is necessary for your sway (diet, exercise, one attempt - and please note "MAKE A VISION BOARD" and "OBSESS OVER GIRL CLOTHES" are nowhere on that list) and at the end of the day, it goes into someone elses hands, whether that is the universe (which sadly does not respond to heartfelt requests) or God (who may, but has His own plan about what the answer will be) or even just Lady Luck.

[atomic sagebrush]

I posted this in another thread, but I had a funny observation and just wanted to share it with everyone since it's in keeping with the MDH:

I'm not even really asking for input on this one, just want to share one of my interesting observations re blue vs. pink swayers, because it's so odd and interesting that it simply HAS to mean something, even though I don't know what it means!

In the past I've mentioned things like how a surprising chunk of blue swayers try for another baby even though their first baby is really young still (read about that here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-boy/57710-blue-swayers-why.html?highlight=blue+swayers) and about how there's a trend among couples where a large minority of people with all or mostly girls have sex very rarely - once a week, once a month, even once every six months on numerous occasions - compared to those with all boys.

Well, I've noticed another one of these little quirks. Blue swayers are CONSTANTLY messaging me pictures of supplement bottles to "make sure this is ok!" It's like even when I tell them exactly what to buy, they can't bring themselves to do it without getting my approval. Pink swayers only rarely do this, and in fact I have the opposite problem where they go off on their own and take things I did not put in their plans (even the personal plan people, who are CONSTANTLY taking things I never put in their plans even though I have a section in the plans that states DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST). When I ask them why, many of them assume I forgot them, made a mistake about not including them, or was too uninformed to ever have heard about it. (yes, the unknown cranberry, I've never heard of it :p)

It's just a really weird dichotomy of on the one hand, a group of people being terrified to get the wrong thing without an authority figure double checking, vs. a group of people who are immediately assuming "well, atomic obvs doesn't know what she's talking about, think I'll use this thing I found in a study from 1968 done in three people. I will not ask her first because it is clear ~I~ am the actual expert here".

Very much what we would expect to see with the Maternal Dominance Hypothesis. Probably no way to change it, but it's JUST SO UBIQUITOUS it's fascinating.

And ladies, please don't take offense at this. I'm not offended by anyone second guessing me or checking my work, please don't be offended by me pointing out how WEIRD it is that some of the pink swayers are so insistent on second guessing and checking my work. (and I am the first person to admit I certainly went rolling into InGender knowing nothing and second guessing everything Tamara said, extremely annoyingly)

And in the meantime the blue swayers want the atomic seal of approval on everything, even things I tell them very clearly TO TAKE (like messaging me to check to see if Women's One A Day is ok!!! I recommend that constantly!) It is just such a clear cut and consistent difference between the two groups!

Like I've said a zillion times, the reason why we must talk about this stuff is so we can have a greater understanding of the stuff that we CAN'T change. Some of this personality stuff is likely set into our DNA itself, and that's why we focus our sway tactics in other ways. But it is still interesting to unravel the mysteries of why things are the way they are!