A son is a son until he takes a wife.....maybe not so true!

[nuthinbutpink]

I have been meaning to post this because I feel like because of one stupid saying, that mothers of boys assume they will be one day sitting alone in their house in a bathrobe with nobody to talk to. A recent magazine article by More magazine had some surprising findings.

More conducted an exclusive nationwide survey of 751 men and women ages 18 and over. They hoped to explore the parameters of eldercare. They found that most of us do plan to help care for our again parents but there were some interesting differences.

Here are some stats from the article-

Percentage who describe their relationship with their mother as "VERY CLOSE" or "SOMEWHAT CLOSE"- 84% of men versus 76% of women

Men ages 18 to 29 are almost twice as likely as women of the same age to live with their mothers

Men over age 55 are six times as likely as women of the same age to share living space with their mom.

Men in almost every age group were more than likely than women to report that their mother lives with them. ***

The study did fine that girls will take in dad- women ages 40-54 are twice as likely as men of the same age group to share their homes with their fathers.

*** The men did report that the daughter-in-law played a significant role in day-to-day care. Teach your men to choose wisely, ladies!

So, let go of that stupid saying. Your boys are just as likely, or even more likely, to stick with you through your twilight years and be there for you when you really need them.

[rainbowflower]

awww :) nice to read!

[Dana-Alicia]

Yup, this is what I believe as well, as I see it every day with my dad and his brothers. They take care of their mother with such love and respect.

[carameline]

Lovely :)

[Dreamofpink]

My biggest fear, but hopefully not a reality if this article is anything to go by. However I still yearn for a little girl to share the wonderment of motherhood with when she's older :)

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[Determined]

Beautiful to read my biggest fear


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[PrimalMamma]

My biggest fear too. My only sibling - my brother - has all but abandoned my parents, with no hard feelings but he is very involved now with his inlaws. My husband is one of 4 boys & none of them are connected with their mother at all, 1 is completely estranged from her & the rest also barely speak to her. If it weren't for me my husband would have nothing at all to do with his mother. It terrifies me.

[Dreamofpink]

You could have been writing that about my husband too Primal :( It terrifies me but I console myself with the knowledge that DH's mum just can't be bothered with her four sons & it really hurts him. It's got to go both ways & I figure that as long as I maintain a healthy interest in the lives of my sons as they grow, then I'll not end up like my MIL.

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[trifecta]

My husband has a good but not super-close relationship with his mom and I send the Mother's day presents, pictures of the kids, etc. I think about my possible future as a MIL but it doesn't bother me too much because you just can't predict what the future will hold. I'm not super close to my parents and I live on the other side of the country from them so I know a daughter isn't a built-in life companion (not a healthy expectation, anyway, in my opinion). I've definitely known some mother/daughter pairs who were unhealthily enmeshed, including my own mother and my sister. There has to be balance and it's up to me to build a full life even if it doesn't include a daughter.

[Claire33]

Primalmamma, just curious as to why you think your DH and his brothers don't have contact with their mom? What is she like and how was their childhood with her? This too is my greatest fear you see :(

[Determined]

So very true regarding relationships with girls u never know

[PrimalMamma]

Claire33 they had a great childhood with a very dedicated mother when they were little boys. My husband is the eldest & was lucky enough that she was interested & dedicated all the way through. She & my FIL separated when my husband was 20 & had already left home. At that point her other 3 were still at home - 18, 11 & 9 years of age. When I came on the scene my husband was 22 & all 4 boys were living at home with their single mum & they were super close. She was an adored Matriarch. We got engaged & moved away & that's when things began to change. She started online dating & met a man from the town that we had moved to. She took her youngest son's out of school & relocated them to our town, 4 hours drive away & after only knowing this man for 3 months. The man has 6 children from whom he is all estranged. We gradually worked out he is very weird. He doesn't communicate, doesn't greet people who comes to his home & participates in a fringe Christian Faith that is very unusual. My MIL converted to this religion & they got married. She became totally obsessed with this religion & completely neglected the younger boys, even going away to a religious retreat while one of them was graduating high school & missing their formal (like the prom) & doesn't have any photos of them in their suits or anything. She went on a 3 week holiday to Utah, USA (we live in Australia) during her youngest's final senior exams, leaving him at home completely alone. She kicked both boys out of home the minute they finished high school. She has changed completely - she used to play hockey & other sports but her religion now dictates that as a woman she can't wear trousers or joggers & running isn't ladylike so she has stopped all of that & wears odd skirts & things. She also cannot cut her hair anymore because apparently that is against their faith also, so in her mid-50s she has hair past her backside. She has become obese from her lack of exercise & participates in "Daniel Fasts" to try to lose weight in her faith. We are a family of Paleo eaters but she says she can't try Paleo because it has an evolutionary basis & is against her faith. She raised her sons atheist so this is a huge change. She has banned them all from entering her home because they are not Christians. We don't even know her address & she lives 2 suburbs away. She started telling our boys that we are going to hell & if they wanted to go to Heaven with Granny they needed to pray & say Grace at dinner & ask Jesus to forgive them at night. This is not what we do as a family so our eldest became absolutely terrified & stopped eating because we wouldn't pray over the meal. We asked her to stop saying such things to them. She said it is her faith & her responsibility as a Christian to "save" them & if she can't teach them about Jesus she can't look after them. So we said that's fine, you can't look after them then. I think she was expecting us to cave as she is the only family we have within 5 hours drive but we haven't, she has not babysat them for almost 4 years. She has supervised visits with them with one of us present; for a while we would have her over to look after them at home while we went out to do things but then our eldest told us she was reading her bible & trying to cast demons out of the house, walking around speaking (yelling) in tongues in the living room so we stopped her doing that also. So it's her own doing really.


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[Claire33]

Primalmamma, I don't have much else to say than OMG! :suprise:

That is just really sad and extreme. Your DH and his brothers have actually just lost the mother they knew and she was replaced with a crazy religious fanatic. Which, for all of us boy moms on here, should be pretty reassuring, that in order to get 4 estranged sons, you have to become a selfish religious fanatic first :D

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation, it's pretty sad and shocking! I feel even more sorry for the younger brothers who were pretty much neglected as teenagers. They must be pretty bitter towards her. I hope the 4 brothers have a better relationship with their father.

Even as adult, you feel kind of lost in this world without some (good) parents to be there for you.

:bighug:

[PrimalMamma]

Thanks Claire33 they are close to their dad but he is more of a friend than a father. He lives on a renovated bus in a caravan park (trailer park) & floats between jobs. He is lovely but not someone we can rely on for support or call on in a bind. My family are great luckily but they are heading toward 70 years of age and not as mobile as they used to be so we only see them a couple of times a year.


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[atomic sagebrush]

oh I guess I never commented on this.

in my family and also my husband's this is completely untrue. In just about every instance the sons have been the caretakers for the family while the daughters go off with their husbands or careers across the country and of course this is also the case in many other cultures around the world where the daughter in law goes to live with her husband's family.

Even with my husband, his sister lives next DOOR to his mother but we are still doing a lot of care and emotional support from 300 miles away. His sister does do stuff, of course, but we still do a lot. My 17 year old son moved in with her while my father in law was sick. My husband renovated her house, buys large amounts of groceries whenever we can, makes sure she gets to doctors appointments, shampoos carpets, etc. He made sure she has Internet that works and tv to watch and that her house is warm and light.

My adult sons are 20 and 24 and I talk to them at least 4-6 hours a week on the phone. They're very supportive and loving and I don't see that changing much if they got married. Whenever I have needed them, they've always been there for me in a heartbeat.

[Lissastick]

This was also a big fear of mine, but my dad was SO close to his mom. He called her nearly every day. All the way up until he died at age 50 - before his own mother :-(
My son is such a mamma's boy! Haha! Though, he loves his dad too. I would be surprised if my son didn't take care of me when I get older. Shocked.

[makemy3rdagirl]

I have been meaning to post this because I feel like because of one stupid saying, that mothers of boys assume they will be one day sitting alone in their house in a bathrobe with nobody to talk to. A recent magazine article by More magazine had some surprising findings.

More conducted an exclusive nationwide survey of 751 men and women ages 18 and over. They hoped to explore the parameters of eldercare. They found that most of us do plan to help care for our again parents but there were some interesting differences.

Here are some stats from the article-

Percentage who describe their relationship with their mother as "VERY CLOSE" or "SOMEWHAT CLOSE"- 84% of men versus 76% of women

Men ages 18 to 29 are almost twice as likely as women of the same age to live with their mothers

Men over age 55 are six times as likely as women of the same age to share living space with their mom.

Men in almost every age group were more than likely than women to report that their mother lives with them. ***

The study did fine that girls will take in dad- women ages 40-54 are twice as likely as men of the same age group to share their homes with their fathers.

*** The men did report that the daughter-in-law played a significant role in day-to-day care. Teach your men to choose wisely, ladies!

So, let go of that stupid saying. Your boys are just as likely, or even more likely, to stick with you through your twilight years and be there for you when you really need them.

Wow. Thank you for this. I’m in the throes of GD and this helped.


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