Others reactions to hearing it's 'another boy'...

[Leokat]

So the other day, at 32 weeks pregnant with ds2 I was out shopping with my mum. She was paying for some lovely baby outfits she decided to get me for the new little one. I'm still having GD, but it has faded somewhat, although I wish I had that excitement... I was pushing my ds1 who is 13 months in his pushchair. My mum mentioned to the sales assistant that these new things were for my second boy (she is really excited whatever the sex anyway). The sales assistant turned to me at this point and said 'awwww, did you not want a little girl this time?!'. I was mortified and didn't know what to say whilst everyone stared at me for my answer, and I could feel people in the queue behind me watching. I decided to go down the same old phoney sounding route of 'oh I really didn't mind either way...' followed by a nice smile. She then went on to say that she has her heart set on having 2 little girls when she has her kids and wants no boys! I couldn't believe the rudeness for a start, but as I was walking out of the shop I felt really low, she obviously didn't know that it broke my heart not getting a dd this time and it sort of reinforced it in my head that I've got the 'consolation prize'. I feel wretched for thinking this, but if everyone else thinks it too then I just want to hide away!! I guess people will be less enthusiastic that my second child is of the same sex...maybe that's natural or maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing?! I feel like even when I have mentioned to work colleagues etc that I'm having ds2 they act pretty uninterested, I can imagine if it was a girl they'd probably exclaim 'that's great, awww one of each!' or something like that! People have even said to dh in his work 'ooh wouldn't it be nice if this one was a girl!?' I feel like I've disappointed everyone! I feel so envious of the people I see with a mixed family, essentially that's what I want, not just all girls or all boys, but I guess it's luck if the draw...
Anyway that's where I'm at - just thought I'd share with you. If anyone gets how I feel then I know that they will be on here! Xx

[trifecta]

I'm sorry. In my experience people do act less enthusiastic about a second boy. They're just being thoughtless. It's cool that your mom is so excited for a second boy, though. My family and my husband's family are the same way; they thought a second boy was great and were just excited for us to have another child. It can really help to know that the grandmas and aunts and uncles--the people who really count as opposed to strangers--are going to be crazy about him.

[Adia]

You will get better at dealing with the stupid comments. People can be so dumb sometimes.
So happy to hear your mum is excited, those are the coolest grandmas in the world! I wish I had one like that or my kids did. I come from such a huge family, as does DH, that a new baby is just another baby....add it to the list.

[luckyfourleafclover]

I know EXACTLY how you feel but I have to tell you that when your DS2 is born and you see him for the first time and really get to know him, you won't feel like he is a 'consolation prize' and you won't care if anyone else thinks so either…

...although I want a DD with every cell of my being, I wouldn't swap DS2 for all the princesses in the world…the very second he was born and to this day I am shocked by how much I love him. He is so different in personality from DS1 and so I don't feel like I have '2 of the same' if you now what I mean.

there is a MASSIVE difference between Gender Disappointment and Gender Desire…

I am afraid you will always have (annoying/insensitive) people making comments like that to you when you have 2 boys, and I think your tactic of smiling and making a comment like you did is the best way!

[Leokat]

Thank you everyone for making me feel better, I really hope and know that deep down that I will fall in love with this baby as soon as he arrives. I like what you say luckyfourleafclover about not feeling like you have 2 of the same. I guess I sometimes think that I will have that, and you're so right they will both have their own personalities. When I think on it that way it makes me eager to meet the new baby and get to know him for being 'him'!
You're right about my mum too, she really is great and she is an amazing granny to ds1. (She had 3 boys and then me after an 8 year gap, although never suffered from GD. It wasn't until her own mother died that she decided she would like a daughter and was lucky enough to get one. She told me that all she did was put a pink bootie in her bedside drawer and a pink outfit in my fathers bedside drawer and that was that! I guess that's swaying old school style!) anyway I have had no option but to spill how I feel to her, as she knows me inside out anyway, and she is very supportive thank goodness. You're all right, those are the ones who matter in the end. Thanks again, this site really is full of understanding lovely ladies. Xxx

[Mulberry Smurf]

It's totally her loss little boys are amazing (as are little girls I am sure!). Wonder how she's going to manage to order up those two little girls she wants! Congratulations on your pregnancy :) I agree with the other comments it isn't two of the same it's two children and they're all yours to love and cherish :) xx

[Machin29]

I totally understand the disappointment, it's awful up Say it and I think we feel ashamed up say it but we have to be honest with ourselves and I think that everybody has a preference, I found out on Monday that I'm expecting my 3rd son, early weeks of pregnancy there was a second sac but there were no fetal movements, I'm starting to wonder If maybe this would have been a female, a daughter would have been lovely as I often feel like the odd one out.
This pregnancy wasn't planned and I found out I was pregnant a week before my mum passed away in November, so of course you can imagine for the last 20 weeks everybody has been saying to me 'you'll be having a little girl', I must admit I was hopeful, although I wouldn't allow myself to look at pink as I thought its would jinx me lol -stupid I know, I suppose I felt deep down that I was having another son, I was adamant with my second son that he was a girl I was disappointed ill be honest but I wouldn't change him and I know I'll feel exactly the same when this little one is here, the boys have hoped and prayed for another brother as well so I suppose I find myself thinking 'at least I am lucky enough to have children and so far (fingers crossed) they're all healthy clever little boys, although I make myself have the positive thoughts it still didn't stop me feeling sorry for myself and crying non stop for 24 hours, also I think little boys have more love and affection towards their mummy's which is lovely xxxx


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[Leokat]

Sorry to hear about your mum Machin29, you must have gone through a difficult time. I think I too would have been of the thinking that it must be a dd this time as I think it's natural to think that when one door closes another may open up and it could be in a similar 'form' like a daughter. In my family my mum and I are close and my older brothers mainly do their own thing (most of the time that's things that drive us crazy...long story) so I always compare things to that in years to come and freak out, but I guess that's not logical! I also wondered if I was having boys since one of my older brothers and my dad have passed - was I to replenish all the males?! I know it didn't make sense just one of those things you wonder about fate and all that... I just hope things work out better with my two boys than what I have seen my mum go through with hers and I'll do my hardest to make sure they 'walk the line'!
Yeah I wonder how she will 'order' her two girls... Things don't always pan out the way we originally think do they?! x

[Machin29]

They don't unfortunately do they? It's one of those situations I think where you have to look at the positives.
I think I'm lucky to have two healthy children but when u imagine how things could be but the disappointment soon goes away when they're born and they're your little bundle of joy gender doesn't matter xx


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[jen75]

I have to say that being on DS4 i have not even been into any shops etc or bought anything. i have always wanted a dd, but have got 4 DS. no 4 on way and i am finding it really tough just to cope with the every day comments which you always get especially in my profession (running a childcare setting). i have stopped making polite answers and protecting their feelings as they are not thinking about mine. i would have answered, yes desperately, why do you know how to ensure i get one next time. this usually stumps people and i hope makes them think about what they say. you are so right about feeling that you have the consolation prize i feel that way too. i hope it will be better when he arrives. xxx

[Leokat]

Hi Jen, I can imagine getting asked things like this when you're on ds4 must be pretty annoying. It always makes me feel awkward and when I say something 'nice' in return I always think I sound like I must be lying! Gender disappointment seems a lot more common than I thought, it's just that you don't really hear anyone ever admit it. My cousin started telling me about the shettles method last night when we were discussing the possibility of dh and I having a 3rd (just came up in conversation) I kidded on that I had never heard of it, but I most definitely have and intend to sway big time for #3 if there is one...! If only there were an easy option! Even harder for us in the UK even if I did have a spare few thousand! Xx

[Mabel_79]

I have just had my third son after a hardcore sway. There are quite a few of us on here that have just had our third blue so i'd say you must want a third baby/child to sway as it's far from guaranteed.

After my sway I felt I had to be having a girl but nope another boy. That's not to say I wouldn't sway again, you just need to make sure you would be at peace if the outcome was another son.

In terms of hurtful comments, I now preempt all those comments by introducing the baby as "this was my final try for a girl, but it's my third son...he's absolutely gorgeous tho and i wouldn't swop him for the World".

People never seem to make any comments after that except nice ones like 'every child is a blessing' and 'so long as they're healthy that's all that matters'. To which I nod and agree.

I love my ds3 more than anything and feel guilty that I was so devastated after my 20wk scan i was googling adoption etc.

I still have gd- especially as my SIL has had a girl and I know I never will. But it hasn't stopped me bonding immediately and falling head-over-heels in love with ds3.

Plus, having a brother is a great thing for a boy. When I see my elder two playing together it's just fab.

Enjoy your ds2. It will be fab xx

Xx