JenB17
July 8th, 2014, 05:05 AM
Hi Ladies,
Sorry for this hugely massive and ridiculous post – I just need to get some things off my chest. Sounds so silly as I am blessed with some fab friends and family, yet I don’t feel I can talk to them about this and it makes me feel so alone. I do have one friend going through exactly the same thing as she is pregnant with her 4th boy – but I don’t always know if it’s appropriate to talk to her about how crappy I feel when she is trying her best to get through any GD she might be having.
Anyway, here goes:
I am Mummy of two gorgeous boys and I love them dearly. I made some fab friends in my anti-natal class when pregnant with DS1 and we all had boys in the same month which was awesome! Then we all got pregnant for our second DC and I am not joking when I say that every one of them had a girl, except me. When we found out with DS2 I did suffer GD. Luckily DH appeared to be understand and said we could try for DC3 down the line. As it happens (like in most scenarios) DS2 is the light of my life. Our family wouldn’t be the same without him and he reminds me every day how guilty I feel/felt for my GD.
I then find this site and spend the next 18months reading and studying and planning the world of swaying. In between I miscarry with an unplanned pregnancy – can’t help but now feel that was my girl and that maybe I didn’t deserve her or I can’t carry girls. I decided to go back on the pill until I was ready for my sway.
About 6months or so later I then start with LE diet and begin my sway plan. I didn’t want a ‘perfect’ sway as that would encourage my Martha side far too much, so I basically decided to concentrate on a few elements – mainly exercise and diet. I am already vegetarian and I worked hard to make the diet work. I joined the other girls on the exercise board and did the best I could. I work nights so was unable to fit in the recommended amount of exercise but I tried to do what I could. It was taking me so long for my body to sort itself out after coming off the pill that I don’t think I was ovulating. By now I have been on the diet (trying ish with the exercise) for about 18weeks and Xmas is here. I start relaxing on all counts where I am getting fed up and snacking a lot!! You can guess what happened next – BFP!!!
From day 1 I just knew it was another boy – really strong gut feeling which has never left. I always said to DH that after we found out the sex of DS2 and I had GD, I was adamant I didn’t want to know for our third and final. My last pregnancy and I want to enjoy it without and guilt/disappointment. So team green we are. Well, except that I just KNOW in my heart of hearts that this is another boy. EVERYTHING that could possibly suggest boy is saying just that from pregnancy symptoms, to every old wives tale going, to the nub theory etc. Plus, not one member of my family or friends thinks it might be a girl. I just wanted to have a little hope – but there isn’t any.
The anxiety is killing me/keeping me up at night etc – knowing that I won’t ever have a DD. I am such a determined control freak; a complete and total Martha type. I usually get what I want, but not because I am spoilt or selfish, but because I work damn hard to achieve it. But not having a daughter is one of the few things I can’t control and I am so sad.
I know I will love this little lad as I do my others. It is totally not about how many boys (boys are fab!) but about not having a daughter. I am sure it will get easier, but it didn’t after DS2. I just knew with him I had one last shot, so I focused on swaying. Now I have no more cards to play. I absolutely don’t want 4x children as it’s not the best thing for our family.
Of course, these are the times where everyone around me is having girls or already has a perfect pigeon pair. Of course my sis had a daughter – which I knew would be a girl as soon as she announced her pregnancy and all the other exercise swayers are having girls (I am so chuffed for them) but again, its me being the only one yet again having that only boy!
I find it so hard to be around them – but seeing as the majority of people I know (ok, all except 1x friend!!) have a mix of gender, it makes me feel so inadequate that I can’t have both, that I am not made to have both and I am not lucky enough to have both. All DH side is boys and I so wanted to give them the first granddaughter.
DH kind of gets it’s a bit, but also admitted to me that he thought I was ungrateful and selfish with the GD from DS2, so you ladies are my ‘vent machine’ – the only place I know to come where people understand.
Sorry again for the huge essay - -I have a bad habit of explaining every detail, lol! Thanks so much for reading though, it really means a lot.
Do you ever stop pining after the girl?
Sorry for this hugely massive and ridiculous post – I just need to get some things off my chest. Sounds so silly as I am blessed with some fab friends and family, yet I don’t feel I can talk to them about this and it makes me feel so alone. I do have one friend going through exactly the same thing as she is pregnant with her 4th boy – but I don’t always know if it’s appropriate to talk to her about how crappy I feel when she is trying her best to get through any GD she might be having.
Anyway, here goes:
I am Mummy of two gorgeous boys and I love them dearly. I made some fab friends in my anti-natal class when pregnant with DS1 and we all had boys in the same month which was awesome! Then we all got pregnant for our second DC and I am not joking when I say that every one of them had a girl, except me. When we found out with DS2 I did suffer GD. Luckily DH appeared to be understand and said we could try for DC3 down the line. As it happens (like in most scenarios) DS2 is the light of my life. Our family wouldn’t be the same without him and he reminds me every day how guilty I feel/felt for my GD.
I then find this site and spend the next 18months reading and studying and planning the world of swaying. In between I miscarry with an unplanned pregnancy – can’t help but now feel that was my girl and that maybe I didn’t deserve her or I can’t carry girls. I decided to go back on the pill until I was ready for my sway.
About 6months or so later I then start with LE diet and begin my sway plan. I didn’t want a ‘perfect’ sway as that would encourage my Martha side far too much, so I basically decided to concentrate on a few elements – mainly exercise and diet. I am already vegetarian and I worked hard to make the diet work. I joined the other girls on the exercise board and did the best I could. I work nights so was unable to fit in the recommended amount of exercise but I tried to do what I could. It was taking me so long for my body to sort itself out after coming off the pill that I don’t think I was ovulating. By now I have been on the diet (trying ish with the exercise) for about 18weeks and Xmas is here. I start relaxing on all counts where I am getting fed up and snacking a lot!! You can guess what happened next – BFP!!!
From day 1 I just knew it was another boy – really strong gut feeling which has never left. I always said to DH that after we found out the sex of DS2 and I had GD, I was adamant I didn’t want to know for our third and final. My last pregnancy and I want to enjoy it without and guilt/disappointment. So team green we are. Well, except that I just KNOW in my heart of hearts that this is another boy. EVERYTHING that could possibly suggest boy is saying just that from pregnancy symptoms, to every old wives tale going, to the nub theory etc. Plus, not one member of my family or friends thinks it might be a girl. I just wanted to have a little hope – but there isn’t any.
The anxiety is killing me/keeping me up at night etc – knowing that I won’t ever have a DD. I am such a determined control freak; a complete and total Martha type. I usually get what I want, but not because I am spoilt or selfish, but because I work damn hard to achieve it. But not having a daughter is one of the few things I can’t control and I am so sad.
I know I will love this little lad as I do my others. It is totally not about how many boys (boys are fab!) but about not having a daughter. I am sure it will get easier, but it didn’t after DS2. I just knew with him I had one last shot, so I focused on swaying. Now I have no more cards to play. I absolutely don’t want 4x children as it’s not the best thing for our family.
Of course, these are the times where everyone around me is having girls or already has a perfect pigeon pair. Of course my sis had a daughter – which I knew would be a girl as soon as she announced her pregnancy and all the other exercise swayers are having girls (I am so chuffed for them) but again, its me being the only one yet again having that only boy!
I find it so hard to be around them – but seeing as the majority of people I know (ok, all except 1x friend!!) have a mix of gender, it makes me feel so inadequate that I can’t have both, that I am not made to have both and I am not lucky enough to have both. All DH side is boys and I so wanted to give them the first granddaughter.
DH kind of gets it’s a bit, but also admitted to me that he thought I was ungrateful and selfish with the GD from DS2, so you ladies are my ‘vent machine’ – the only place I know to come where people understand.
Sorry again for the huge essay - -I have a bad habit of explaining every detail, lol! Thanks so much for reading though, it really means a lot.
Do you ever stop pining after the girl?