Just found out - please help

[JoeyB]

I am 21 weeks & found out yesterday the gender. I will admit I have never been maternal & didn't think I really wanted a child until my husband and I decided at reaching 30, it was kind of now or never. Having sad that, I have grown up knowing I would only ever want one child and it had to be a girl - to the point my friends actually joke at my bluntness of not wanting a boy

Well obviously I have found out that we are due a boy

I am full of a million different emotions & I really need some help getting passed them. I have found an ounce of comfort finding this site & knowing I'm not abnormal. But I still feel sick to the stomach & am struggling to stop the tears (I'm an emotional & fairly negative person at the best of times!)
I'm pleased I appear to have a healthy baby & of course grateful I conceived with no issues and pregnancy has been fairly easy so far - but then this adds to the guilt I feel and makes me feel worse. Especially with knowing people who struggled / struggling to convince, have had babies born with health problems & have had horrid pregnancies

The my biggest fear - what if I can't bring myself to love my child? I feel like I'm not sure if I do now & how the hell is that going to change? I have read people say it all changes when the baby is born, but I can't go the rest of my pregnancy feeling this way.

I have a couple of friends who are pregnant (they aren't finding out the sex) I'm now convinced they will have girls & am starting to resent them, which is just crazy!

Please please tell me what I can do to get over this & soon - thank you for reading & helping

[sweetdream]

Try to buy special things. Picture yourself a boy.
I can't tell you you'll get over it now. I'm not finding out cause in pg I can't really see the child. But just the boy/girl.
But as soon as you can hold your child and you can feel the love. Its different. Then its not just a boy. it is your Son. Your baby.

I know how you feel. Big hug

[covered in blue]

Oh I'm sorry! GD is awful isn't it. I know how you feel. You will get over it, but it's a grieving process and it takes time. Time to grieve the daughter you never had, time to readjust your dreams for your family, and time to get excited about what will be. I like the "fake it till you make it" attitude, and I agree with sweet dream. Go buy some special new things for a little boy, surf the net for cool baby boys stuff, and picture yourself doing those things that you wanted to do with your daughter with a little boy instead. Imagine him playing ball with your DH in the yard, baking with his Mummy, giving his Mummy a big hug, and growing up to be a lovely young man and a father of his own. You will get there! You absolutely will be besotted with him! Will that take away your want for a daughter? Probably not. But he will be a great blessing and you can fit this little boy into your family :). He will become part of the dream. Hope you are feeling better about it soon xxx

[Zivic-Bubac]

If you plan more kids, maybe you can sway next time and get a girl? :FX:

[Hopingforaprincess]

I never wanted boys and now I have three and they are the loves of my life. I believe that sometimes we are given what we need and not what we want. Time heals and you will have a different perspective once he is here...good luck to you!

[luckyfourleafclover]

I totally feel your pain, but I agree with the other ladies who have replied. You WILL love that little prince so much, & you will surprise yourself by how much you will love him. Your 'gender disappointment' will turn into 'gender desire' which is a completely different thing.
Do I still wish for a daughter with every atom of my being…hell yes. Would I swap one of my boys for a daughter…hell no, not for a million daughters in pink frilly dresses with bows on!

We are here any time you need to vent.

[lemonade]

I agree that Gender Desire and Gender Disappointment are completely different things, because I'm the mom of not one, but two little boys and I definitely only have Desire now. You'll soon see that you are going to fall head over heels with this tiny person. Boys are sweet and they love their moms. I feel so lucky to have my boys. My dad was my grandma's only child, and his dad was an only too. My grandma was crazy about my dad and perfectly happy to just have him. He was there for her till the day she died. I saw firsthand how much boys, and eventually men, love their moms forever. My own DH feels incredibly protective of his own mom and talks about her so lovingly. So I have seen many very positive examples in my own family of mother-son relationships. To think I will always be their mama, their first love, is very special to me. I promise that once he's here these feelings of disappointment will crumble away. You just can't imagine it until he's here.

[Peebell85]

Beautifully put lemonade, desire and disappointment definately are different, I never thought about it like that.

[3boy mumma]

JoeyB I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. It really hurts and I can empathise with you 100%. I have 2 delightful little I boys and I just found out that despite a very planned pink sway and a completely different pregnancy, we're expecting our third little mister. Im so thankful he will be a healthy little guy, but I'm devastated it's not the girl I thought bub would be. I know that once bub is born I will adore him like my other darlings but in the meantime I need to grieve not having a daughter Like I've always wanted. I agree with all the beautiful responses here, allow yourself to grieve and talk it out as much as possible on here or with a trusted family member or friend. Xx

[3littleladies]

I so desparately wanted my 3rd to be a boy & I also thought will I truly love this child or will I forever regret having that 3rd, well let me tell you I wouldn't change her for 5 boys, I love her more then life itself, you will love your little boy the same.

The gender desire is still there for me, I still feel a little sad when I see a baby boy but Im ok knowing that im done, our family is well & truly complete.

[Claire33]

I've been there, 3 times! It's difficult during pregnancy, but you will see that you will love him with all your heart. And this little innocent being needs you so much, as much as any daughter. We mothers must not forget how much our sons need the unconditional love of their mother. My sons are so sweet and loving, I would never swap them for the world, and not for any daughter either. Give yourself time to grieve, you will be ok. You will learn to deal with other people having daughters, it stings each time, but you will get used to it and get on with your life. You are blessed with a beautiful child and you will fall in love with him I promise!