Extremely gender disappointed

[IslanderGirl]

I feel terrible for even saying this, but it’s how I feel. I just found out I was expecting a girl and wanted a boy, more than I thought I did. I was trying badly not to obsess. Not to wish too much for a boy and are only planning on 2 children.

We had the ultrasound last week, and when I opened the letter and read female, I felt no joy, I just instantly burst into uncontrollably tears. We already have a girl, and she's very loved, we love her with all our hearts and wouldn't trade her for anything. But I wanted a boy, I always wanted a boy and a girl. My DH only wants two as did I, so this is it for us, and it kills me that it's another girl.

Like I said I feel terrible and guilty for even feeling this way. I just feel empty and betrayed. I know I should be just thankful that I can even have children as I know so many don’t even have that option and that she’s a healthy baby but I can’t seem to control that I'm miserable and bitter, and jealous of everyone else that gets to have one of each. Every time I see a little boy, my heart breaks inside.
My DH also wanted a boy, but he's handling much better than I am. I will NEVER have a son, and I feel like I will never be completely happy with two girls. And it just sucks. And I feel terrible for having those feelings and thoughts, but they're there, and I don’t know how to make them go away.

I know it's crazy, please tell me this goes away? I can't handle it. I am glad we found out now and not when the baby came out, I wouldn't want to fear rejecting my own child when they are born.
The guilt on top of feeling this disappointment just makes me feel even worse for even having these thoughts but I just don’t know how to embrace and except it and happy. I don’t even want to share the news with anyone because every time I think about it I just want to cry.

[txmomof3beautifulboys]

It is so perfectly normal for you to feel this way. For me, I was heartbroken when I heard my third "It is a boy" Crushed beyond belief. THen I felt the little guy moving around in my tummy and just all of a sudden started being "ok" with it. I wont say my gender desire has gone away....it hasnt and I am now swaying for a girl...but I love this little man more than I ever thought possible and every day I thank God for his bright eyes and beautiful smile. I think time will ease your disappointment and pain. Hugs to you!

[Kitty0911]

The disappointment definitely goes away! Especially if you spoil your little one rotten :) With my third boy I used retail therapy to help and it made me so very excited for him! Yes I would see pink clothes and adorable outfits for girls, but there were so many new styles for boys that it made it easy to overlook them. I started to think of all the positives to having three boys and I slowly got over it (to put it frankly).

Give it time. Grieve, cry, be sad, angry and disappointed. It helps to let them all out. And once you are exhausted from feeling all the disappointment and emotions and want it just to be over with, it will, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel! Especially when you finally get to see your beautiful baby's face! :)

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry. I wanted a boy with my first and when my second was another girl, I was devastated.

It gets easier. When they are little, they are ALL you do. You have very little life for yourself or about yourself. Now that my girls are older, I have to say, it's pretty cool. The sky is the limit for girls where I am and the older they get, I don't see them as "girls" anymore- they are just human beings living their lives and gender just doesn't matter much.

I know that last part is very hard to understand right now but I hope you will eventually come to see that. I always say that giving your child a same sex sibling is a true blessing. It's a friend for life- not everyone gets to experience that. If you look beyond the toddler years and venture into the future in your mind, it can be pretty great. Hugs to you in this moment.

[Coffepot]

I have no real words yet to offer but I'm going through the same thing. I've swayed for a girl for over a year (haven't eaten breakfast or meat and exercised an hour a day 6 days a week, etc.) and just found out I'm carrying DS2. The things that I'm trying to do is list and read about all the positives about having 2 of the same gender. It's so hard. Swaying really gets your hopes up which makes the crash so much harder. One of the things that is helping me is a quote from another GDreaming member...who reminded me that sometimes the biggest gifts are God's unanswered prayers. Somehow, this struck me. I have no idea what is to come. I hope the two can be best friends and the plan for this little XY defied "swaying" odds for a reason I have yet to understand. I appreciated other's comments that it is OK to feel sad. So I pass on the same words. I felt selfish for being sad...but somehow when someone else gave me the OK and permission to feel this way, I felt less guilty shedding tears over my failed sway. I feel like I failed. Like I failed my husband. Like I failed my family (who has yet to have a granddaughter). Like I failed my son, who has been asking for a sister for 9 months. I have to change the picture of our family I've always had in my head. That's HARD! The picture has been the same for so long. If I find anything that helps me-I'll be sure to share. Just thought I'd let you know you aren't alone.

[lyagirl]

Hi I'm just going through the same thing, found out yesterday I'm having ds3. I was crushed as I'd worked hard at swaying and my pregnancy seemed different. But no, the baby's still a boy. I'm devastated to be honest. I'm dreading leaving in a min for school run and everyone asking me. I feel on edge teary still. And the guilt for feeling it is awful. My hubby is away tonight so I'm probably going to cry it out and hopefully feel better, trying to keep it in to save face is worse. I feel your pain, I don't mind if you wanted to pm me to chat xx


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[lyagirl]

Oh just realised this is from Oct, hopefully you found a way to come to terms with it :)


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