It's just not possible....

[Adia]

I finally got to see baby bean on an ultrasound last Wednesday. It was a massive relief to see a heart beat at 8 weeks when 2yrs ago all we found was an empty sac at 8 weeks. I am starting to allow myself to believe that this may be a viable healthy pregnancy.

Although, as I predicted, the gender paranoia has kicked in. I am super busy with the end of the semester and all the fun that accompanies Fall and the holidays, but in those quiet moments when I am alone....I start to panic. It is a deep and aching panic that i haven't felt before.

I was so convinced DD3 was a boy that I didn't even worry about having another girl. I was so crushed at her gender ultrasound. I simply can't experience that again. I know I can get over another girl and end up loving her to pieces....

The thought of doing the Panorama, Harmony, Materniti, etc tests sends me into a tailspin. Even looking on Amazon reviews for those lame ass "gender prediciton" kits (that we all know don't work) makes me start to almost hyperventilate. I don't know if I will have another scan before 15 weeks so the pros on here can start guessing by the skull and nub...I can only hope for that to ease me into either gender. I really want to book an elective scan at 15 weeks but I almost can't. DH and I were discussing that the other day. We agreed that it would just be me or just the 2 of us, but I know I will have a strong emotional reaction either way.

I need to know the gender, I really need to know the gender, either way, but I am starting to think I can't handle to process of finding out. I know a great deal of this panic is because I have been dreaming, hoping, trying for a boy for so many years. DD3 is almost 6.5yrs old and I have hoped/dreamed/prayed for a boy for that many years and then some. DH really wants a boy and always has. The idea that I might have to give up something I have held onto for SO long and disappoint DH....is just more than I can handle.

Any input, advice, or sympathy is greatly appreciated.

[jmomof3girls]

I so get you! I'm nervous and I'm not even trying yet. I also have 3 girls and #4 will be my last. I can't wait to get your update. My fingers are crossed for you!

[Adia]

Thanks Jana....I just don't know how I can book a scan or have a blood test and still function while waiting for the results or the scan.

If I book a scan I will not be a functional adult as the day gets closer. If I have a blood test I will lose my mind every time the phone rings....I know myself.

[jmomof3girls]

Adia, I would feel the same way. You're not alone in those feelings! I'm nervous for you.

[Adia]

Thanks Jana...that helps tremendously.

[jmomof3girls]

You're welcome. I'm looking forward to your update! :heart:

[AKMommy]

Could you have hubby book a scan and not tell you when it is? Would that make it worse? For me it would be better. I'd just tell him a 2 week date range to schedule it. I'd also think about having the doc write it down on a paper and seal it. That way you can find out with just hubby in a private setting.
Are you a teacher? Maybe it could be after school/class hours, so you don't need a sub.

My youngest boy is about 6.5 too. I was also convinced he was a girl and was crushed when I found out he was another boy. I was in denial until his birth. Now, he's crazy. Lol. The wildest boy we've got. :)


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[Adia]

Thank you so much AKMommy & congrats on your twin girls!

I posted my worries in my in my Due Date forum & they helped me decide that the best approach for me is to have a scan at 13 weeks & then have the ladies on here guess the gender by the skull & nub theory. I'll get confirmation of the guesses at my 18 weeks scan. Their are some very good guessers on here!!!

For some reason I just can't handle the thought of a gender bomb drop date. I think I can handle the guesses of friends on Gender Dreaming because I know all of you understand gender disappointment/desire.

DH says my plan makes no sense at all, but he's happy to play along. Honestly, it is the only plan that doesn't make me start to have a panic attack when I think about it.

[jmomof3girls]

It sounds like a great plan to me. Although, I can see where it would sound weird to someone other than us! LOL :happy:

[1+2+3boys]

Gosh, thinking of you Adia. It must be agonising. I so hope it is a boy for you :)

[Adia]

Thank 1+2+3...the agony comes and goes. I will rest so much easier when I know either way. I have names picked out for both and keep referring to baby as "him or her" so it will be nice to assign a name and gender to this bub. I still have tough moments where I just know its a girl and i have to start dealing with my sadness of never having a boy.

Jana...it does sound crazy doesn't it? I even stumbled trying to explain it to him, DH just gave me a puzzled look and said "ok, babe". It was hard to even make it sound legitimate to him but it makes me feel better knowing that I will most likely get the news on here from people who understand my feelings.

[LilithWiser1979]

Whatever you choose, I know it will be the best route for you. Personally, I needed to know ASAP. Panorama is a test they can draw at 9 weeks, and have your results within a week and a half to two at over 99% gender accuracy. I needed to be home, getting my results on the phone alone, and be confident in the accuracy, which I was able to do with the Panorama. I am home during almost all of the OB's office hours, so I knew that it was really likely that I'd be able to digest the news on my own, hyperventilate and scream and cry or jump up and down in ecstasy, without anyone else around. The last gender reveal in an ultrasound room was so traumatizing, I needed to not ever do that again. I also feel like I have a great amount of confidence in knowing for sure that she's a girl because the Panorama AND three ultrasounds (including a 13 week nub) all agree that she's a girl. I think I'd have a hard time believing just the gender ultrasound again.

I have my fingers and toes crossed (and am sending ALLL my blue dust!) for you!

[atomic sagebrush]

What I really wanted to do, but couldn't because my husband is a huge a$$, was have him book the scan and just not let me know when it was, take me in the car one day saying it was for something else and then end up at the hospital for the scan. Then he would have had the tech write it down for me and open at a later date. That is what I would have loved to have done.

What I did do was just not tell anyone (including him) till the day before the scan that I was having a scan that day. For some reason it helped me feel less nervous. Because the news was last minute he couldn't come with me and I just felt better about it that way. I felt like no matter what happened, if I broke down and had a nervous breakdown then only I would have to know and then I could take my time telling eveyrone else about it. I was really unstressed about the scan compared to my scan with DS 4, so that worked for me.

[1+2+3boys]

I think I would be so stressed if I were pregnant with my 4th and most likely last too and had not done HT which is still possible due to money. I remember when you found out you were pregnant and just wanted to focus on that since it had taken so long, isn't it a pain that GD still gets to us. It is not fair. I find the not knowing is torture. I hated the anticipation leading up to my 16 week scan with the twins. And the anticipation is worse when you have a date to find out but at least it is a shorter anticipation and I think I would prefer that in some ways instead of a long drawn out one to the 20 week scan. I think it is hard no matter how you do it but you have to do what you think will be easiest for you. Goodluck however you do find out and you have a whole lot of understanding ladies on here to vent to at anytime. I really hope this is your little guy xo

[jmomof3girls]

I think your plan sounds great. I think that's what I'll use it for my plan too. And yes, it might seem crazy to dh but it seems like a perfect plan to me. I simply love that you have 3 girls like me. There's not too many of us here.

[Adia]

Thanks Lilleth, Atomic, Jana & 1+2+3...I appreciate your input and support.

Its kind of funny that we all have different plans in our head of how we get to that fateful u/s. But we have to do what works for us!

I seriously considered one of the blood tests but we have lousy insurance & I know it won't cover the majority of the cost no matter what. A major reason for not doing one of those tests is I have my final exams next week. This has been a horrid semester & I am having the hardest time focusing as it is. If I had a pending gender update I wouldn't get anything done & my grades would suffer.

I found an elective scan place that I had considered going to for the 15 week gender scan but I know I will have a strong reaction & like Lilleth said, I need to be at home in a protected environment on my own terms when the guesses start rolling in. I think having others guess on here will ease me into it & I can start coping with either.

We really don't have the money to be spending on lots of scans so I plan on going to the elective scan place at 13 weeks for their sneak peak package, which is cheaper than the gender determination scan, and having the ladies on here guess the pictures from that. The scan place says they get saggital (sp?) views & 3D or 4D if we want. I just want a few good side views so I can get nub and skull guesses.

Whew...so glad this makes sense to you ladies...we almost have our own language and culture here, don't we!

[1+2+3boys]

I think a lot of ladies get a sense for what may be ahead with the good old nub guessing and end up deciding from there

[jen75]

hi there , heres hoping your DS is on his way. I never thought i would consider having a 4th and having yet another Ds was really really hard for me to deal with, especially when we got the harmony test results and new DH confessed to feeling a bit disappointed, i am now considering a 5th through hi tec, i do not know how we will make this happen, but i do not want to sit in my old age and wish i had given it 1 more shot. I would say though that the bigger boys love their little brother so much its lovely to see and that really really helps. I am sending you all my blue dust, keep us posted. xxxx