When do you say 'enough is enough' ??

[motherofboys]

How do you know when to call it a day?
Dh recently agreed to sway in the new year. Then I had a really bad GD dip. The worst I've had in a long long time.
Now I'm out the other side I just don't know if I can continue doing that to myself.
Maybe it's time to just call it a day?
I could be happy with my 4 boys, but I'm so scared that I'll regret it one day.
I just feel so exhausted from constantly living in the future. Always planning ahead, hoping but not wanting to hope. Even during my last couple of pregnancies I was planning when to go for the next.
I know in my heart that if I had a girl already, I'd be happy to stop at 4, in spite of planning 6 when we first started out.
How do you decide that there isn't going to be that one more chance (which I know if it's a boy there's the temptation of another one more chance)


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[purplepoet20]

I understand how you feel. Weeks before DS3 was conceived I was convinced that I would be happy with just 2 boys. After I got preg I was sure it was a girl and then started to feel it was a boy. I had to wait until I was 36wks to know it was a boy. I was happy to have another boy but I did miss the thought of having a girl. When we found out that DS3 lost twin was a girl it hit both of us really hard. Sometimes I feel God is not going to let me have a girl. I was abused by an aunt and my mother because they believed that you have to have boys to keep a man. I have often wondered if God thinks I am like them and will not give me a girl. I used to be afraid of having a girl because I thought I would somehow be like my mother and abuse a daughter. Now I know I could never do that. I love having boys since I was a tomboy but my husband who is his mothers only child wants his little girl back and wants to give his mom her first granddaughter.

I do in a way want to be done having kids but sometimes I wonder what if I get a girl or what if I have another boy. Is it all worth it. Will I be happy years down the road.... and then my boys do something silly and I know I couldn't live without any of my boys. I love doing outdoor things with them and all their activities so I know I would continue to be happy.

I have decided to continue trying until I am 35yo (sept 2016). until then I am trying for a girl but if I have another boy then I am ok with that. since I would be over 35 when I would finish BFing #4 I will not be trying again. DH and I will both be fixed.

There will always be the what-ifs in your mind, that is what makes us human.

[motherofboys]

I keep thinking I don't have to decide now, I can wait and decide in a year or 2 but the I'm still living in the future and still hoping. And I'd never regret another, but if I never have a girl I'll always think what if the next one was a girl. Such a difficult choice to make.

[Magical22]

I have no idea to this question I have 2 boys, would go a third to try for a girl but what if it's a boy?? Then I face gender disappointment and a life time of smart comments from everyone about having 3 boys


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[Princess Mom]

I am kinda different but can relate to the question. I am asking myself the same question, I know I would be devested if I cant have another daughter, yep another I have
DS 7 DD 5 DS 11 months.
Since I found out my 11 month old was a boy I knew I wanted to try again for a girl, I did want him to be a boy though for my son, he is surrounded by so many girls. But I have a want inside of me I can not let go, and to top it off so does my daughter, she is always asking for a sister and gets so sad when she watches "full house" the TV show with the 3 sisters. I have 2 sisters and all her friends at school have sisters. And I just don't want to disappoint myself or her. My husband doesn't care about the gender. I am doing cut offs for 3 cycles now, I ovulate tomorrow or might be now, ph is 4.5 and wondering if my 1 attempt will work and if it does is it a girl? Or should I just called it quits, bad thing is I'm only 27 and DH is going to be 39 and doesn't want to be 40 and having kids. So I'm unsure also, but all I can do is pray for another daughter.


Best of luck ladies, I really wish you all the best on having daughters. Every mom should have a daughter

[trifecta]

I have no idea to this question I have 2 boys, would go a third to try for a girl but what if it's a boy?? Then I face gender disappointment and a life time of smart comments from everyone about having 3 boys


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I have the same dilemma and it's so hard to decide. I think I could happily raise a third boy if he was as wonderful as the two I'm raising. I even have an amazon list and secret pinterest board for my hypothetical third son! I know it's irrational but the idea of people thinking I had failed somehow, or my being the butt of people's jokes, or having people think my third boy was less essential eats me up. I can imagine a happy future parenting another boy but when it comes to dealing with other people I don't think I would handle that part of it well at all, not even the well-meaning comments. I know it's my own failing that I can't just put aside what other people think of me but it's a struggle.

[motherofboys]

I'm 28 but my husband turned 46 this month. I know he'd like to be done but has been holding out for a girl. I keep thinking I was always happy with boys, I wanted boys. I've been lucky to get them, and all healthy. I was lucky I didn't want a girl from the beginning, I've only been through major GD since ttc ds4. Dh wanted a girl first time round.
I think we could have a good life, we could manage ok with 4. With 5 we could manage too, but less comfortably.
I still get very broody though but I don't know if I always would.


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[Adia]

Such a hard gamble....we all want to look back on our life when we are older and be glad we took the risks we took, but this is a tough one.

[motherofboys]

I don't want to be trying 'just to get a girl' I guess I have a small window of time that I can wait to decide. If I could be sure it was a girl I'd go for it. Don't know if it's easier to avoid the heart break completely


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[Magical22]

I have the same dilemma and it's so hard to decide. I think I could happily raise a third boy if he was as wonderful as the two I'm raising. I even have an amazon list and secret pinterest board for my hypothetical third son! I know it's irrational but the idea of people thinking I had failed somehow, or my being the butt of people's jokes, or having people think my third boy was less essential eats me up. I can imagine a happy future parenting another boy but when it comes to dealing with other people I don't think I would handle that part of it well at all, not even the well-meaning comments. I know it's my own failing that I can't just put aside what other people think of me but it's a struggle.

Yes I totally get this. It's probably because when I was pregnant with DS2 when I mentioned he was a boy I got so many inappropriate comments. I felt like I had to defend my son before he was even born. On Dh side of the family it's just male dominated soooo much pressure to have a girl it's unbelievable. When I think of having a third I feel so much pressure to please everyone. When I said nope no more I'm stopping now the pressure was all gone. But I do still want a third... I feel so torn.


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[Magical22]

I don't want to be trying 'just to get a girl' I guess I have a small window of time that I can wait to decide. If I could be sure it was a girl I'd go for it. Don't know if it's easier to avoid the heart break completely


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I understand this!! :(


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[Magical22]

I had to go on clomîd to have Dd2, I only have a small window to try again so I have to try again soon if I want a third, great more pressure. Plus I want my third close so we can get back out there traveling and taking the kids out and about which is hard with a new born.

Dh isn't keen for a third but he's coming around to it, very slowly. So definitely the last chance if I do go again.


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[motherofboys]

There is a lot of pressure, and like yours, dh family is very make dominated. My family was always female dominated following the maternal line back. I'm the first in god knows how many generations to not have a girl.


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[hotdogz&boyz]

I can actually understand exactly where you are coming from. But, strangely, (and your case may be very different), I don't think it's always related to GD. GD seems to have this way of being a "catch all" for feelings we aren't entirely sure about. I'll tell you why I think this....

I have two sons (5&3) and a daughter (19mo). My daughter was a successful GD sway. We are pregnant again and are team green (however, I will say that I am rather sure it's a boy). But I am STILL dealing with the same feelings. Almost as though I never got my daughter at all. My husband would love another daughter. Although he wasn't the one who had stronger desire to start our journey. It feels like I might have regrets if we don't try for a fifth child. But it also feels like if we have another boy (let's assume that we are having DS3 right now and the fifth would be DS4), I will STILL feel like I want to keep trying for another girl. And I can't really tell you why I feel this way.

My mom says that the itch to have another child often never fully goes away. That she had those feelings for a decade after having my youngest brother (who was a surprise baby #3, they were stopping with 2). That scares me a little, that those feelings are not going to leave. I want to feel complete with my family. DH and i planned 4 kids from the outset and, if i am being honest, it seems like we should be thrilled with our lot given that we did get "lucky" enough to have one of each sex. And, like you, I always preferred boys as well. So, really, I 'should' feel like I won the lottery. But I still find myself wanting to have another, wanting to have yet another girl (which was not something I really ever thought I would "need" prior to having children). I had said, like you, that I would be fine stopping at 4 if we had one of each sex. But, here we are, and I still feel like I don't know when to say "enough is enough." And additionally, I dont even feel a preference this time around, which REALLY makes no sense to me, if I am feeling focused on having another girl. Ya know?

What you said about regrets really resonates with me, because those are my same thoughts. That one day, way down the line, I'll regret not having that fifth child, regardless of gender. And I think it's easy to link that to GD, to think that the feeling stems from not getting a girl (or not getting another girl) instead of just stemming from a general fear of regret. I think that many moms struggle with the fear of regret in regards to their family size. And I actually know someone (my aunt) who does regret not having a third child. And her kids are older than me. It scares me to think that the regret won't come in until after its too late (aka: my kids are much older and I am "too old" to have another).

But, anyway, that long post was just to say that I do understand, even if it seems like I shouldnt, because I "got a girl." I struggle with similar feelings of possibly being complete with what we have, but also wondering if it won't be "enough" for me down the line. And the pressure to just make the decision now, even though it's not like we don't have time (I just turned 30 this week, hubby is 32). Hugs to you. I wish I had good advice. But I can just relate.

[motherofboys]

Thank you, it's good to know I'm not alone. I hear friends saying 'no more for me, my family's complete' and I want that feeling. It's scary to think I won't ever have it.
Sometimes I really do feel like I can be happy with what I have.
I went to lunch with my mother today. We see each other once a year and have a terrible relationship. I've come away feeling a mix of wanting a close female relationship, and a feeling that if I can be closer with my boys than I am with her, surely that can be enough.
In 40 years time, will I be worried about the pretty dresses and hair bows I didn't get to buy? Part of me says no, that will be a tiny thing by then. The other part says yes, you'll always wish you'd gone for 1 more.



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[Dreamofpink]

I always dreamed of two girls & two boys but here I am wanting five now. I'll admit that a lot of that is down to not wanting to think that next time is *my very last chance* of having a girl. That pressure is such a lot to deal with. I'm really not ready to face the finality of a last baby, we have the space & energy for a couple more. My biggest problem is a DH who did not want a third & certainly does not want anymore. I've had to stop mentioning swaying & wanting a girl as that just makes him more resistant. He knows that I love having kids & how much I want a dd but I can't make that the sole reason for having another - even if, in my eyes, it is the main reason. I'd love to have the money for HT but having a big family is also important to me & we can't do both. I just have to hope we get lucky. I told DH that I'd keep going until I got my girl & he knows I would too. For me 5 is my limit at the moment as we wouldn't have to change our car & we could fit them in our house no problem. I just wish DH had the same desire for these extra blessings as it puts such a dampner on it all for me. I hate that that's always divided us. :(

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[motherofboys]

I would love to go high tech too, but I just feel in our situation it would be too selfish. We are waiting to move, we are in a 2 bed, with 4 boys. Ds4 sleeps with us, we have a cot next to the bed not that his ever used it. He has always slept in our bed. And 2 sets of bunk beds (so a bed ready for him) in the other bedroom. Our car, the middle rows, middle seat, only has a lap belt so a child can not travel in that seat. All little things like that add it up don't they?
Dh seemed to feel that it was better to protect yourself from hurt and get on with appreciating what you did have after we found out ds4 was a boy. He said for a while that he thought we should stop. He said he cant make girls so what try?! If course I know it's not possible to not make girls.



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[lemonade]

I have no idea to this question I have 2 boys, would go a third to try for a girl but what if it's a boy?? Then I face gender disappointment and a life time of smart comments from everyone about having 3 boys


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This is where I'm at exactly.

If I have a third and he's a boy too, while I might used to the idea and learn to love having three of a kind eventually, I'll be sentenced to a lifetime of hearing stupid "hands full" comments, and see the same looks of pity, or prying questions about wanting a daughter. I mean, I got looks of pity from strangers even when I was pregnant with my second son. I couldn't believe it.

Even I look at women with three boys and wonder if they had been trying for a girl.

If I lived in a bubble with just DH and I, I'm sure I'd just happy with three sons because DH always wanted sons, and he got them, and it makes me happy to see him happy. But it's outside influence that feeds the fire. My own dad only wanted girls and got them, and was very obvious about hoping my second would finally be his granddaughter. (I felt like as failure.)

Then I see baby girls everywhere, or moms of boys announcing a baby girl next (that one stings the most). And I look at those moms who have daughters and I know they have this sense of fulfillment that I long for. Nobody ever questions a dad who dreams of having a son, so why is this any different? A comment on this thread rang so true to me... "every woman needs a daughter". I know not every woman wants one; some dream of only having sons. But we all grew up with girl dolls. When most of us pictured having kids one day, at least one would be a girl, right? Most of us probably had girls names all picked out too. I certainly spent way too many hours obsessing over girl names. Boy names were an afterthought. The pressure is everywhere. Online too. Pinterest seems to be geared towards cute ideas for girl nurseries, girl clothes, just pink girly crafty things in general. Mommy bloggers can have that mommy blogger existence unironically when they have sweet little girls who actually do crafty things and sit quietly for pictures in pretty outfits. (Totally stereotyping here... I know little girls can be hellions too.) Not that I want that fake Pinterest worthy life... but it just fans the fire.

I too worry I'll never stop wanting kids. And for that reason I also wonder if it's really about gender. When I had a hard time staying pregnant the first time, it destroyed me to see any pregnant woman or babies. Now that I have two adorable sons, I get the same exact feeling looking at moms with baby girls. (Granted, I always thought I'd have at least one daughter.) I'm not sure what is going on, but I hate these feelings and it worries me that even if I do have a girl next, something else (like seeing babies after we've decided no more) will incite these same feelings and I'll never be content. I worry I'll never feel "done".

[trifecta]

My mom says that the itch to have another child often never fully goes away. That she had those feelings for a decade after having my youngest brother (who was a surprise baby #3, they were stopping with 2).
This is what I suspected. I think it's reassuring in a way that GD might also just be part of a healthy biological drive to have more children.

[motherofboys]

Other people's influence really doesn't help. When I was pregnant with ds4 a girl in ds1s class (7 at the time) asked "will it be a sister this time?"
It's funny but at my primary school as a child there was a family with 8 boys. I remember all the adults being quite mean about her behind her back. That she'd only had so many to get a girl and should stop and how terrible it was. I thought it sounded great.
When I was a teenager and we owned a little holiday home, there was a family behind us with 3 boys and one next to us with 4 boys and I always thought how lucky they were.
I assumed that because I wanted lots of babies (we originally said 6) that some would be girls. I hoped that I'd have a boy or 2 first. I knew dh wanted a girl so when we were told ds2 was a boy at 12 weeks (something I didn't think was possible to tell) I denied it until 20 weeks. When ds3 was a boy I had a moment of "not this time then" it wasn't till ds4 that it was really important.
I think if I had a girl, I'd still want more babies, but it would be easier to say that we'd stop.
I do look at people with lots of the same and wonder if they hoped, if they were disappointed. And people who have a few of the same and then opposite I wonder if they did anything differently. Even unintentionally.


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[1+2+3boys]

It really is a hard one. I really want to be done with my three because I find three challenging enough and really want more time for myself in life and here I am fantasising about one more child. I wish that I could be done but I want a girl too and know without doubt that I only want another child to have a girl. I could only go into this parenting a baby and toddler thing again plus the work of one more child if I were garunteed that girl as much as I would love the next boy too. But then would I want another and another until I got her? I know it would not be fair on myself or the boys I have now. I don't get clucky any more at baby girls, it is toddler and school aged girls who catch my eye. Who knows, I may feel different in a few years but I don't want to have any regrets. This is why I have my heart set on HT even though I am not 100% for it ethically. I feel like what other choice do I have though?
We can not afford it but will find a way to make it happen and think more that we actually can't afford not to if you know what I mean.
Kids are so expensive. When they are all highschool age and older the money we spent on HT will seem alot smaller compared to all the other money we spend on the kids. Now that I know that HT exists I feel like I have a responibility to persue it due to my strong feelings around wanting a girl. But if I had never heard of it I would be swaying for sure and would want it to be my last child no matter what but if it were a boy then could I stop? I was a tomboy and love having lots of boys and think it would be easier not having a girl without being constantly reminded that I have 'All boys! OMG poor you" by so many dumb asses. Then I worry if what if I had left over XXs if I did do HT, I think I would feel like I should give my girl a Sister. I'd be so lucky to be in that situation though.

I'd like to get a move on in the next two years though. I am only 26 but DP is 42 and I don't want him to be too old to not be able to be around long enough for her if we do get her. The Men in his family don't have the highest number that they get to

[motherofboys]

That's why I don't want to wait if we go for another. Dh is 46. He says it doesn't bother him and he'd wait a few years just to enjoy ds4 more.
I truly feel I could be done when I don't think of the gender thing.
It's funny but the thing that makes me broody most is photos of my own boys as baby's.
I'm ready for the next stage if parenting, but so scared to move on and then regret it


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[motherofboys]

I finally spoke to dh, he doesn't think that I should say completely no more ever. He likes the idea of a bigger gap but he did anyway.
I think I'm going back to waiting. Another isn't completely off the table but I am going to go on the pill (which I haven't been on since 2005) and I'm going to get on with life as if that's it. But the knowledge that if I change my mind in the future I have the option of another, and can sway.


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[hotdogz&boyz]

^^I think this is an ideal solution for the moment. And it's the one we will be making once this fourth comes in Feb-March as well. I am getting a copper IUD, with the knowledge that I can have it removed at any time and we can have another child if we decide its best for our family. And if not. We are good with the ones we have.

I do want to say to those who comment on the comments people make...despite what you might think, it doesn't stop after you get that "coveted opposite." It was one of the biggest surprises this pregnancy. You figure, I have two boys and a girl...I'd think that folks would express nothing but congrats (or shock, depending on their feeling about big families). But I get gender comments every.single.day. Apparently the only family worth having is one that is completely balanced. Much like I got the "we hope it's a girl" comments with #3, I get the "I hope your daughter gets a sister" or "I hope it's a girl to even things out" or "Wow, what will you do if it's another boy?" Literally constantly. Even from family, who knows we have no particular preference. And, also bizarrely, it bothers me just as much as it did when I was hoping myself and might nave had GD if #3 was a boy. I thought it wouldn't bother me, since it's not like I care that much. But it's just so irritating. I did just want to toss that out there. That it doesn't necessarily stop. I have a friend who is having a girl after three boys and despite the fact that her pregnancy wasn't planned (they were done), she always gets "Oh, you finally got a girl. I bet you can be done now." Which is irritating to her since a.) they weren't trying for a girl at all...or any child for that matter and b.) they were "done" before this child entered the picture, so they aren't stopping just because its a girl. Honestly, I have learned so much from this website. Any time anyone announces a pregnancy and/or gender...I have learned to say "Big congrats to you! I am so happy for you." And stop right there. No comments on planning vs. not, no comments on gender. No comments that could be taken the wrong way. I hope I save a hurt feeling or two along the way. Cause other people certainly say enough hurtful things to make up for it.

[motherofboys]

It's so funny you should say that. I knew people would say "you finally got a girl" and I wanted a girl 4th followed by a boy 5th. Mainly because I love the idea of the youngest being a boy and mummy's little boy. But also because I thought it would stop people from thinking i had just kept going to get a girl. Then I realised they would think that the last one was a shot at another girl as a sister for the other one and think I'd 'failed' again.
I think people shouldn't be commenting on other people's family make up anyway, but really we need to try to not let it bother us. People have always got something to say no matter what you do.


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[Magical22]

Yeah my friend has a pigeon pair and when she got pregnant with her third everyone asked why she would have a third when she already has one of each. Umm because I want another child....

Guess you can't win :)


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[pink_bean]

My husband said enough after 2 boys. I think that's why I was so desperate for my second to be a girl.

[Magical22]

My husband said enough after 2 boys. I think that's why I was so desperate for my second to be a girl.

Dh doesn't want more then the two boys we have. He's coming around to a third but I feel very alone in the decision sooo much pressure to have a girl.


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[motherofboys]

That must be hard. After we found out our 4th was a boy dh said no more for a while. He was convinced he couldn't make girls so what was the point in trying just to be upset again. It's been such an emotional roller coaster. I feel comforted knowing the options always there if I want to take it but for now I'm happy. I guess that's all I can ask, to be happy with whatever I have


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[lemonade]

I wonder if the comments are as bad if you're a mom of two or more girls? It seems like everyone wants boy moms to have girls. Does it go the other way too, or are we just the "unlucky" ones?

(Funny I have to even type that, because I certainly don't feel unlucky with my adorable little guys. People are insane.)

[trifecta]

I wonder if the comments are as bad if you're a mom of two or more girls? It seems like everyone wants boy moms to have girls. Does it go the other way too, or are we just the "unlucky" ones?

(Funny I have to even type that, because I certainly don't feel unlucky with my adorable little guys. People are insane.)

Unfortunately, I think you get the "poor husband" or "teenage girls suck" comments if you have all girls. You're right, people are insane.

[motherofboys]

I think it does go both ways, if you don't have one if each your family isn't perfect (rolls eyes)


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[motherofboys]

You know the more I think about it and go about my life, the more at peace I am with the decision. I was ok when I though ds4 was never going to come along (ttc 2.5 years) with 3 boys. It wasn't even till ds4s pregnancy that it became important to have a girl.
Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas


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[LacePrincess]

I have no idea to this question I have 2 boys, would go a third to try for a girl but what if it's a boy?? Then I face gender disappointment and a life time of smart comments from everyone about having 3 boys


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I won't lie, we get smarta$$ comments all the time. It's always super annoying to me when I tell people I have 3 kids, they wait expectedly, then I tell them (while sighing to myself) that I have 3 boys, and inevitably I get the comments. It's eye rollingly predictable.

But that's THEIR preconceived notions, not mine. In reality, my boys are absolutely nothing at all like the 'rough and tumble' cliche, and even if they were, there's nothing wrong with that! And now that I have two of my boys in a very serious ballet school, I usually get many envious comments if any, as there are so very few boys that they really stand out.

Personally I've come to realize that I really would be ok with having a fourth (or more) boy. I love my kids and they're all so different from each other!! What I won't love are the comments or looks that come with having a big family these days, but then if other people are judgemental, that's THEIR problem, not mine. I can afford my kids, I raise them to behave well, so really people can bugger off if they have a problem with it!

[LacePrincess]

Oh and here's something else to think about.....

I know that it must be a rarity for most of us boy moms, but it seriously happened to me! Another mom at our ballet school after the Christmas show came up to me and told me her biggest dream was to have 3 boys. She already had two boys, and wanted a third but only if it was a boy!! I was pretty shocked as, I'd never heard of anyone who felt that way before, LOL.

So it was such a weird but really cool feeling to have someone actually envious of me for a change. Quite amazing. I've never met anyone who had two boys and actually was afraid of having a girl before. So yeah, I think a lot of our struggle as boy moms is the judgement we get and the girl bias our society seems to have.

[motherofboys]

I know someone on another site with 3 boys who wants another but is scared to go for it as she wants a 4th boy.
But I have come to realise that it's other people's opinions and pressure that made me want a girl in the first place and then my own obsessiveness ran away with it.
I stayed at a friends over New Years. I took my eldest 2 (it was a 4 hour train journey so didn't think ds4 would cope well as he hates travelling and gets travel sick and ds3 just likes being at home. He has actually asked to 'never go on holiday again' as he doesn't want to spend the night away from home) another friend came with her 2 boys and the friend we stayed with has 2 girls. I really didn't feel at any point (we arrived Wednesday afternoon and stayed till Friday afternoon) that I was missing out or sad that I didn't have something she did or couldn't buy something she can.


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[LacePrincess]

motherofboys, I really agree that there's a big component to my GD of others' expectations.

Like, I want more kids anyways, of either gender. But I feel like I'd be judged worse for wanting to have a fourth child than for wanting to keep going to try for a girl, if that makes sense? I do feel like if I had a fourth boy I'd either get pity for not getting a girl, or get nastiness about popping out so many. The judgement I get as a boy mom is nothing compared to the judgement I will get for having 4+ kids for sure.

Personally I'm most envious right now of baby girls through about preschool. That's when they're usually all done up in bows and pretty dresses. I really don't care much once they hit school age, I think mostly because my own boys do share my interests and are dance kids, so I'm not losing out on anything.

If I have a fourth boy though, he will have the CUTEST WARDROBE EVER. I am sick and tired of our stores having aisles and aisles of petticoated floufy adorable dresses and absolutely NOTHING for baby boys except for a few plaid shirts and jeans. UGH.

[motherofboys]

I know what you mean. There is twice as much on offer for girls than boys.
My boys do share some of my interests but because I'm a tomboy so it's more that I like what they like. There are some things I like they won't go near though.


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[LacePrincess]

I know what you mean. There is twice as much on offer for girls than boys.
My boys do share some of my interests but because I'm a tomboy so it's more that I like what they like. There are some things I like they won't go near though.


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I'm not at all a tomboy, but I liked boy marketed toys the best even as a kid. (I won't say 'boys' toys' because I think gender stereotyping of toys are stupid). My favourite toys are Legos, and of course most kids like those anyways. I always thought Barbie's were pointless.

I loved reading, and all my boys love to read. I'm a Harry Potter fanatic and so are my kids. I grew up dancing ballet, and I've been fortunate that two of my boys are into that too. There's really not much that I enjoy that my kids don't, except for Disney Princess movies, LOL. And even then I can usually make them watch them if the movies are funny.

And only twice as much for girls as boys? LOL I'm envious of you! Around me it's more like 90% girl stuff. Aisles and aisles of girl stuff with a token rack of boy stuff crammed in the back corner like an embarrassment. GRRRR. I will never forget that time I went to buy more baby socks and I couldn't even find SOCKS that weren't girl socks. We're not even talking unisex - every pair at Sears that day were pink or had lace on the cuff. I was so incredibly insulted.

[irishgirl]

Personally i am going to pretend to have an accidental pregnancy to avoid the AWWWh were you trying for a girl? comments. gonna keep it between myself and dh as long as possible before we tell anyone. And certainly not telling a sole the gender until after the birth. We would of course love a girl which is why im on this site. but i havent lost sight of the fact that i have 3 of the most lovable little men ever. My middle child has expressed an interest in all things girly with regards to toys. went frozen and doc mc stuffins mad at xmas!! It was great! I know in my heart another boy would suit our family perfectly, the other 3 are great buddys. We would welcome a boy 100% if our sway doesnt work. When i think of having a daughter i never think about now (apart from the throwing a girl into the mix with 3 lads, tomboy springs to mind)!! i think about things in the future like weddings grandchildren how mothers and daughters are close, that kind of thing. But whos to say i wont have a daughter in law who includes me in their lives and a pile of grandaughters to spoil and hand back!! I know my own father idolized his mother until she died and my husband is close with his. I know i will always be close with my sons and hope that if i dont have a daughter my sons stick around close enough to visit once in a while!! I have made peace with the fact that i probably wont have a girl and have decided this is 100% our last (dh making sure of it!!) So my advice after my ramble would be try and make peace with the what ifs, imagine life with maybe some cool daughter in laws or grand daughters. Think of how proud you will feel when your sons graduate, when they marry, when they do well in life. You can look on knowing you raised a good man xx

[1+2+3boys]

I know what you mean. There is twice as much on offer for girls than boys.
My boys do share some of my interests but because I'm a tomboy so it's more that I like what they like. There are some things I like they won't go near though.



I think I have almost completely gotten over this one. I have finally found that most of the reasons I wanted my girl can be found in my sons if I look hard or make it happen. My twins (and sometimes DS1) could be the best dressed boys in town. I know there is a great chance that I will never get to do the pretty dress thing so I making the most of dressing them up just in case. I look for really different things like on unique boutique websites and I have started to make some things. I love dapper lad stuff too and I am lucky that my MIL sends the cutest and most smartest shirts from Germany. They are not tacky like many boys shirts, they are like mini business man shirts! I have heaps of braces and bowties. It is expensive and hard to find but has been worth it and helped with GD a bit. They certainly are not outshined by a gorgeous dress. I still wish I could use lace though! One day I would love to have a collection and only make boys or unisex clothes.

[LacePrincess]

Well just because a child is a girl certainly doesn't guarantee a close mother/daughter relationship. Relationships are what you make them.

I mean just look at me and my sister. My family was so dysfunctional that we were miserable for most of our lives, and my mother wrecked our relationships to the point where neither me nor my sister speak to my parents or each other anymore. It's sad but there's just too much damage to repair. (Google children of narcissistic mothers if curious).

So there's no guarantees of a fairytale ending just due to the gender of the baby.

[LacePrincess]

123, that's awesome!! I will definitely make a lot more effort to source out adorable boy outfits if I have another boy. I adore peacoats and Victorian era baby boy outfits, they knew how to make their little lads stylish for sure.

I couldn't justify extra expense with DS2 or DS3, but now that the clothes have been through 2-3 kids everything's worn out anyways so I definitely am justified buying a lot of new stuff.

[motherofboys]

I like the clothes my boys wear but always preferred boys clothes, I just wanted to do the dresses as well. I could never afford to buy more expensive things for them, even with everything still being passed down.
I prefer 'boys toys' and boys programmes. But I would like to watch the occasional girly film. The boys refuse to watch anything they deem to be a girls film. And I grew up dancing but there are no classes close enough for me to get ds3 who I think would enjoy it the most. So it's judo, karate and football which are not boy only sports but you do get so many more boys than girls at their clubs.
My relationship with my mother is awful so I never expected an instant relationship with a daughter, but I would have liked a shot at a good mother daughter relationship.


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[irishgirl]

I havent spoken or seen my mother in 5 years so I know all about dysfunctional. She still thinks I have 1 child not 3! Of course mother daughter relationships are not fairytales mine certainly wasn't, I tink that is the underlying reason I'd like a girl so much. I see close frie nds relationships with their mothers and I'm really envious. I know I would try to do everything differently with my own daughter than my mother did with me. I still dont mind having another boy though my house is mental and I love it that way if I were lucky enough to have a girl ive no doubt she'd be wild!!

[LacePrincess]

irishgirl, it's a shame. :( I'm sorry. It took me a long time and years of therapy to be able to finally close the door. I kept trying because I thought I should (didn't really want to but thought it was the 'right' thing to do) and it just dragged out the inevitable. I wasn't really able to do the final cut for me in the end. What was the last straw was watching her repeat her poison on my kids, and seeing the cycle start to repeat, when enough was just enough.

The real pity is I won't ever have a relationship with my own sister. :( That one does hurt in a 'what a frigging waste' way. I tried to reconnect but my sister wasn't interested, and it's likely never going to happen. We just weren't ever raised in a household where we were nurtured to have a healthy relationship and our patterns of behaviour are just toxic towards each other.

So who knows if I'll ever have girls of my own, but if nothing else I can see my kids are truly friends with each other, not passive aggressive frenemies like me and my sister, so already at least I'm doing a better parenting job than I was raised with!!

[motherofboys]

I know that feeling. My mum and I didn't speak for years and because she didn't speak to me niether did my brothers. Now I see her once a year and have occasional Facebook birthday messages with my brothers. It makes me sadder to think of the loss of sibling relationship as we were so close growing up and she managed to manipulate them


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[irishgirl]

There are lots of dysfunctional families out there unfortunately, I have an 11 yr old brother I never see and I feel guilty about that I really do because I would have been very close to him when he was a baby up until he was 6. My other brother is very like my mother hes very bitter and although we speak its not normal sibling behavior. My mother suffers from mental health issues so cant help some of her behavior which is ironic because I'm a psychiatric nurse!! Takes all sorts!!

[LacePrincess]

motherofboys, I'm sorry about your situation too. :(


There are lots of dysfunctional families out there unfortunately, I have an 11 yr old brother I never see and I feel guilty about that I really do because I would have been very close to him when he was a baby up until he was 6. My other brother is very like my mother hes very bitter and although we speak its not normal sibling behavior. My mother suffers from mental health issues so cant help some of her behavior which is ironic because I'm a psychiatric nurse!! Takes all sorts!!

It's such a pity, it really is. I didn't understand what was going on until maybe 4-5 years ago, that my mom is a narcissistic personality disorder and no matter how much I want to believe that everything's fixable, sometimes things just aren't.

It is actually much harder to let go of trying to reconnect with my sister, because we will end up going through our entire lives without having any relationship at all. I sucked it up a few years ago and offered an olive branch. It was hard - it took me eating my pride to do so, but I made the attempt so I'd know I'd given it everything I could. I got rebuffed and moved on. It's really too bad but it's not enough for just me to want to fix things, it has to come from both sides.

It's been on my mind lately since for some really weird reason I keep dreaming of my parents and sister the past few weeks. I haven't talked to them for a number of years or even thought about them, so why now? All I can think of is that with ttc again, I'm feeling subconscious guilt for having cut them out of my life, and there's part of me that feels guilty at the thought of having another kid and not having my parents be a part of that. But realistically it would cause far more damage than good.

[Magical22]

I have an amazing relationships with my mum I just want the same with my daughter one day!! I love this thread I haven't even started trying for my third child and final child yet but reading this I feel like it's helping me prepare. So much pressure for a girl is overwhelming!!!


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[Magical22]

Feels good to not be alone with these feelings!!


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