Disappointed, guilty, depressed and angry... Help :(

[Mama2013]

I need some advice.. Long story short I have a 19 month old son born June 2013 from an unplanned pregnancy. He is my world and from the second I found out I felt how close of an attachment I had with him. I have been so happy with my life since than I haven't wanted anything to change. 5 months ago I found out I am pregnant again... I am in no way close to ready for another or to share my attention with another child. I felt so afraid and confused and thought so many times about not going through with the pregnancy but couldn't go through with that. My hubby and I grew on the idea of a younger brother. I prayed for a boy and hoped... Last week we find out it's a girl. After reading other posts on here I see so many mothers would die for a girl and I feel so selfish for being as disappointed as I am because I get to experience both genders. But I completely devastated I have lost all interest in my pregnancy and am just depressed. Every time I see my son I want to cry because this isn't how I wanted things :( has anyone else gone through this ? What was the outcome? I feel so disgusted with myself I want to cry all the time because I feel this way...

[nuthinbutpink]

The first baby is love at first site. From then on, you love them because they are you but it takes time to get to know them and let them in. It's normal to not have the same connection initially.

You are fortunate to get to raise both gender and one day, I promise, you will see that. Having a second boy would have introduced a level of competition that your current son would have had to found a way to handle. By having the opposite gender, done things brothers would compete over is removed from the dynamic.

You'll love her just as much as him and my only other advice is to use some sort of birth control so you can be mentally ready should you try for a third! We all know how babies are made!:suprise::kissy:

[WannaGirl]

I cried for days when finding out the sex of my third child, love him to pieces now, it took me about a year once born to get over the depression (probably should have seen a doctor about it). Nothing will change the love for your first child, hopefully you get used to the idea.

[Mama2013]

Haha yes we do know how babies are made but I was on birth control when I got pregnant with baby girl. Started my pack a little late and told hubby to pull out and one time he didn't so I took day after pill 48 hours later. Still pregnant..... Getting the iud after this one lol

[Mama2013]

I really hope one day I can look back to this and think what the hell was a I thinking not wanting a girl but it is so difficult feeling this way right now and I just pray to god every single night that my happiness won't be sacrificed but only grow stronger with this new baby because right now I am so miserable, selfish and just want to hug babyboy all day long because I feel like our relationship will never be the same. Probably isn't helping my anxiety ether that they are due the exact same day In June... DS was a week late induced so I hope they don't share a birthday. Also all the boys of hubby's family just say " your son is going to hate having a sister, poor guy ".

[pink_bean]

Remember the pregnancy hormones make everything worse! It sounds like you are most anxious about having another baby and how that will effect your relationship with DS. That is completely normal to feel that way! Maybe you thought the transition would be easier with another boy. Just know your feelings are normal and you will feel better once you hold her.

Don't listen to people's negative comments, you would get the same or worse if you were having another boy. Soon you will hear how perfect your family is, since you have one of each. By the way, I grew up with an older brother and although we fought a lot as kids, we also had a close bond and he was very protective of me when we got older. So, keep that in mind.

Give yourself some time and then go shopping for her and pick out a name. It will help.

[trifecta]

Feeling guilt and a sense of betrayal toward our existing children seems to be an almost universal experience during pregnancy. I had two boys and still experienced it. I think it's totally normal and will fade when you discover that you really can love two children just as much.

[Mama2013]

I hope you all are right. And it's nice to hear I'm not the only person who feels this way because I have been feeling so ashamed and hating myself for feeling so sad. And yes a big part of it is I wasn't ready for the unplanned pregnancy and then not getting the gender I wanted just made me feel that much worst :(

[BabyCakes]

I totally understand what you mean. I have a little boy and then i had a little girl i can tell you that it is the most wonderful wonderful wonderful thing you could ever imagine . I 100 % swayed for a daughter so i was ecstatic to be having one. But I also understand wanting to have to two of the same. My kids are the best of friends and the when I pick them up from school when all they want to see is each other. It's so sweet! You are going to be so pleasantly surprised! It's amazing! Xoxo

[kitkat18]

We have all been there most of us on this site. What you are feeling is totally normal. I too had terrible GD with DS2 ( I was the opposite craving a DD) and he really is the light of my life. Your daughter will be so special, give yourself time to grieve then go buy some gorgeous little girl outfits and think names, decorating the nursery etc Big hugs X

[Sarah4girl]

The love you feel for number one is something special. Another baby won't take that away. When you are holding your little girl and looking into her eyes you will fall in love again. Each child is so different and your little girl will offer different and special things, just like your son. Give it some time to sink in and be kind to yourself.


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[nickie]

I also need help... i m in very bad psychological status ever since we found out we r having another boy... i m heartbroken...
I know all the things i should be thinking but i cant think them. I m drowning in my own disappointment. Pls help me. My heart was aching for that little girl which will never come... so unfair fir this boy. Terrible mother. I have issues i should have settled them before ttc.
I keep relating this feeling to all my previous disappointments in life.

[Mama2013]

Well know you aren't alone. It's too bad we couldn't trade isn't it ? I've known I'm having a girl now for a few weeks and I'm starting to feel more accepting... But every time I try to go out and shop for her I get depressed and leave with nothing. The face everyone seems to want a girl after having a boy makes me feel even worst about my situation! But Nickie just know you are not alone because I know exactly what your feeling and I hope that it passes for both of us


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