Looking for a bit of advice

[JillyBean23]

I'm looking for some advice and am hoping you ladies can help me if you have been in this situation.

I am currently pregnant with our third. We have two daughters at home. We were on the fence about whether we would have a third or not. I had been taking boy friendly supplements and was eating more calories (unfortunately that was because I was nursing) just in case we did decide to go for it then there wouldn't be so many changes at once. I NEVER thought I would get pregnant fast as it took seven months and stopping nursing to get pregnant with her. Well, just as I was starting to feel content with our family of four we found out that we were pregnant (isn't that how it always goes). At one point we actually thought about termination but couldn't go through with it.

Anyways, fast forward and due to Christmas and a two week vacation over new years, I had to have my NT scan at 11 weeks and 6 days (measuring 12 weeks 1 day). My nub shots are quite girly, but the comment on all the sites I posted are 'early but girlie' 'it can still rise'. One person did say 'it's so girlie I don't see it rising.'

Anyways, I think I know in my heart that unfortunately it probably is another girl. What I am torn about now is whether I find out gender and just deal with it now, or I cling to that small bit of hope that the ultrasound was done before the nub rose and it actually is a boy. I'm bitter and upset about this whole situation (getting pregnant when I did, that its probably a boy... really I just hate being pregnant). I don't know if my husband can stand me for another 22 weeks and feel like if I find out it's a boy at least this will all be worth it, but that if I find out officially it's a girl the next 22 weeks will be even worse.

I guess in the end I want to know, for those who did find out they were having their third of the same gender, did you wish that you waited until birth or did you find knowing helped you deal with it before baby came. Regardless this is our last baby, and I honestly NEVER imagined we would be in this situation.

[pink_bean]

You could have the tech write the gender down and find out when you are ready. Some people find out a few weeks before the baby is due so they can prepare. I think inevitably you have to decide what would be the worst case scenario, being disappointed during pregnancy or postpartum. But I do hope this is your boy!

[KidAtHeart]

I had the tech write it for us. I couldn't bear to find out too early (as boy#2, too depressing for 20 weeks), and I didn't want to be in denial, as with boy #3. So we found out with about 7 weeks to go. We also didn't tell anyone we were finding out so that I could have that time to put my happy face on. As it turned out, I got my girl and then we decided to announce.
Good luck! I hope it goes your way!!

[lucky3]

Dont think too much about the nub guessess , those are just guessess.

I have 2 girls at home & i did IVF / PGD to get my boy & when i posted my nub shot all the guess i got was Girl. It was so scary & even though i did IVF/PGD & i knew we put back boy emby those 2 weeks waiting was hell. At 15 weeks he was all boy.

So if you are really worried pls. get a gender scan done & get the confirmation. It is what it is. So if you get a confirmation. you can atleast be prepared rather than worring.

GL i hope u get your boy.

[LilithWiser1979]

DS1 was an "early, but girlie" for us. 11w 6d and the idiot tech told us she was 96% sure it was a girl. At 20 weeks, we saw a very obvious turtle, and he hasn't been shy ever since!

It is best to prepare to hear pink, but only you know when that news would be the easiest to handle. I was more afraid of not bonding with my baby than I was of being depressed all pregnancy, so I found out at 18 weeks with DS2 (and at 11 weeks with DD via Panorama!) to give me the most time possible to process it.

Good luck, whatever you choose. I'll send you some blue dust!

[2blue1pink]

We found out ds3 is coming Monday at 11w5d from the blood tests. For me, knowing sooner than later is better. The more time I had to think about girl things, and think about possibly getting a dd, the harder it would be. As it was, finding out was hard. But I feel like I need as much time as possible to get it together.

Hugs and blue dust to you!

[SpicyTunaSushi]

I am in your boat. I am 22 weeks pregnant with several DDS and just had the tech write it down. I didn't have a nub shot- no US after 8 weeks.

My DH wants the surprise, so I thought I would look and process it, but after a week or so after the US I have been able to find peace with not knowing. I really want a DS, swayed 3x(DD2 was an IG style sway), with a swayed m/c too. I have thought about finding out closer to birth and am having fun with not completely knowing and putting all of my few boy things away. I also try not to think about it solely being a DS. I try to concentrate on DD things, names, clothes, etc. I have found a balance to it.

I do worry about being really sad at birth, but I still have time to think through that.

[SweetLily]

Spicy tuna, I had a DS with my 4th and only wanted a girl as I had 2 ds already. I cried right there in the US room and for 30 more minutes in the lobby, dh didn't even know what to say. he wanted a girl and was disappointed too. I wished at that moment I had not found out--I had not wanted to but he really did, it was his first baby. By the time my little guy was born I was thrilled and the GD really only lasted a couple of days.

With ds 2, they had said via US that he was a girl. It was in shock after his birth, tho when they said he was a boy when he came out, but I wasn't disappointed. It didn't matter then--I was holding my sweetheart that I'd grown for 9 months. I. Just. Didn't. Matter.

With DS 1, my first child, I also really wanted a girl, and was disappointed for that split second before they placed him in my arms. Then it didn't matter either.

*IF* I am blessed enough to have another, I know my heart cries for a girl. So does DH's. But I will not consent to finding out. I don't want to go through the GD before birth and I know at birth, it won't even matter to me.

My heart goes out to you...I think you need to do what feels right to you and not let anyone--including dh--push you into finding out if you don't want to. And if you do, thengo for that and never mind anyone else. I've known couples that only one finds out...hugs

[trifecta]

I found out with mine and would find out again if we had another. I would rather just know and deal with my feelings so they're not hanging over my labor and birth. I also love to decorate.

[JillyBean23]

Thanks everyone for the posts. While I still don't know what I'm going to do it helps to hear other peoples take on it. It's so hard when it seems as though there have been such good results with boy sways, and here I am one of the few who doesn't look to be getting their boy. Just have those moments of 'why me.' There are good days and bad days where one minute I am totally fine with three girls and the next I cannot believe we got ourselves into this situation. I have really convinced myself its a girl so I think I'll be ok, and regardless of the disappointment when I see her face this will all make sense. Gender disappointment/desire is an AWFUL AWFUL thing. I wish everyone could just get what they want. Guess it's one of the few things in life we cannot control. I thank everyone on here for sharing their experiences/advice as it seems that no one ever talks about it in person. I guess I just want this baby to get here so we can move on with our lives. This is the last baby regardless of gender and while we were in our baby making years there was always this 'what if'/'what will the next one be'. Just want to get on with living and working on accepting the cards that we have been dealt and enjoying our girls. I know I don't post a lot but I read a lot and really appreciate everything everyone has to say.

[2blue1pink]

Thanks everyone for the posts. While I still don't know what I'm going to do it helps to hear other peoples take on it. It's so hard when it seems as though there have been such good results with boy sways, and here I am one of the few who doesn't look to be getting their boy. Just have those moments of 'why me.' There are good days and bad days where one minute I am totally fine with three girls and the next I cannot believe we got ourselves into this situation. I have really convinced myself its a girl so I think I'll be ok, and regardless of the disappointment when I see her face this will all make sense. Gender disappointment/desire is an AWFUL AWFUL thing. I wish everyone could just get what they want. Guess it's one of the few things in life we cannot control. I thank everyone on here for sharing their experiences/advice as it seems that no one ever talks about it in person. I guess I just want this baby to get here so we can move on with our lives. This is the last baby regardless of gender and while we were in our baby making years there was always this 'what if'/'what will the next one be'. Just want to get on with living and working on accepting the cards that we have been dealt and enjoying our girls. I know I don't post a lot but I read a lot and really appreciate everything everyone has to say.
I am in the same boat with DS3 although DH has agreed to go for a 4th and if we did that we would definitely definitely go HT. Hugs to you, I wish this was easier!

[JillyBean23]

SpicyTunaSushi - when are you due? I am July 14. Have a feeling we are close as I am 20 weeks now. Seems like most people find out and like you I think I am leaning towards not (don't think I'll even get the tech to write it down - bad willpower), but unlike you I have quite a girly though early nub. Will keep an eye on your updates and keep my fingers crossed for you (and everyone)

ps. saw your post about the results being so good so far and someone has to have the girl and SOOOOO feel the same way.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Boo! I just lost my reply!

But yes, we are due around the same time. I didn't have a US in the range you did, so I don't even have nubs to think about, but I am glad. Nubs are difficult to deal with because you just don't know. The US tech who did my 20th week said that 4 women recently came in and told they were having girls from their NT scan and they were all having boys. That would be so sad and devastating!

And, yes the stats are creeping up to the 75-80% success, someone has to get an opposite. I feel like it could be me. I was thinking boy this pregnancy, but doubt has really settled in with those stats. Without those stats, I would be blissfully unaware. ;)

When is your scan? Have you decided what to do? For what it is worth, in my community, most of my friends are pregnant and due with girls, so we need some boys to round out the average. (horrible logic, I know!)

[JillyBean23]

My scan is next Wednesday (was late booking it so am not going until 22 weeks). Still not 100% sure what I'm going to do. Leaning towards not finding out (we didn't find out with my first and was soooo convinced she was a boy... oh the irony). But at the same time I spend so much time playing with ultrasound pics and looking at nubs that I may get a bit of my life back if I do find out. I secretly hope I say I don't want to know and the tech 'accidentally' puts a pic with his little boy parts on my cd :)

Think it will be a game time decision for me.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Ok- well this is probably not helpful, but the last few days, I have been nub/ramzi-sessing, even though I have neither a nub shot nor a shot that is useful for Ramzi (my US was at 9+ weeks). I have wasted a lot of time and I thought about just looking at the envelope to fin dout (at Dh's work). I was at DH's office and saw the envelope and could have opened it- but decided not to. It will be hard either way. Good luck! What does Dh want to do?

[JillyBean23]

He doesn't want to find out. I know he would like a boy but is not overly bothered by it either way. He's a great guy, and amazing with our girls, and I really wish I could give him that boy but I know he will love another girl just as much. This yet again falls into the 'why me' category, but I see so many guys who when their wives get pregnant make comments such as 'this better be a boy, I don't want girls, etc. etc. etc... insert other rude comment' go on to get their boy and it somehow just doesn't make sense.

You have some great willpower to have it actually written down and not open it. I commend you cause I don't think I could do that. Smart leaving it at DH's work! I thought about getting the tech to write it down but I don't think I could know it's there and not open it.

Ugh, I know a year from now none of this will matter but right now it's just so hard to know what to do.

[Magical22]

Did you find out?


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[JillyBean23]

I didn't find out. Went by myself as my husband couldn't make it and it would have been easy to find out on my own but just couldn't do it. Think I need to cling to the little bit of hope that it's a boy right up until the end, even though I feel like in my heart I know it's a girl. I know that when I hold her it wont matter and she will be mine and that sweet little peanut will need me and this wont matter. I've always had a hard time connecting with my babies before they were born and I think knowing that, for me finding out before actually wouldn't help me, though I do know some people are different. I'm trying not to obsess over this stuff and spend so much time on these sites, but will make sure to update once baby arrives. I honestly wish everyone would just get their desired gender regardless of what it is or family make up they want. This is an awful awful thing and I really wish I didn't feel it.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Jillybean- we are on the same page. A few weeks on, I am not thinking about it very much at all. Third baby doesn't get much attention. I also don't bond that well with the baby in utero, so I didn't think it would matter.

Why are you so sure it is a girl?

[JillyBean23]

Spicy - is this number three for you too? It is funny how third baby really doesn't get much attention. My husband and I were talking about how fast it has gone by (more for him that for me) and how baby will be here before we know it! Guess that's just a product of having such busy lives and little ones to take care of we cannot dwell on everything like we could before.

I'm pretty convinced it's a girl because of my nub pictures. They were done at 11+6 (measured 12+1) but there are a few of them, and they are all very very girlie. Obviously everyone gives the disclaimer that it's still early, but there isn't really any angle to any of them so I think that kinda solidified what I'm feeling. Maybe there is a small chance it will end up being a boy, but I really think it's another girl and I have accepted that and am ok with it. Just ready to be done with pregnancy (110% sure this is last baby) and really concentrate on raising our girls and the next chapter of our lives :)

[atomic sagebrush]

IT's not just "early", it's impossible. I know I've blabbed on and on about this already so I'll just leave it at that.