How do you handle going to baby showers for your DG?

[pink_bean]

Well, I just got invited to a baby shower that I DO NOT want to attend because for some reason I am particularly jealous of this person getting a girl after a boy. It's my husbands family so he might want to go. I really want to get over these feelings but it's hard because we both have boys the same age and I swayed for a girl and it didn't happen for me. And I don't know if she swayed or not but she does get a girl. And now I have to go to her baby shower where everyone will oh and ah over all the cute girl things. I didn't have a shower because I really have no family here. Which also fuels my jealousy because she has support and my husband and I don't. I know I sound bitter and childish. I'm really not like that usually and I was in a better place with my GD but I don't think I can do this.

[Bambi]

When I was pregnant with DS2 my friend was pregnant with a girl (we both already had a boy). One of our friends was throwing her a baby shower but I knew I couldn't face all the girly stuff and seeing her joy whilst I was trying to cope with GD as I was expecting a boy. So I decided not to go. I just let her know I wasn't feeling well (well I wasn't, I was sick with jealousy) and wished her a great evening with friends. I'm glad I didn't go - I could not have brought anything positive to that party.


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[pink_bean]

Thank you. It's hard, isn't it? This is the 3rd baby shower for a girl in my husband's family that I have been invited to. I didnt go to the other 2 but they didn't trigger my GD as bad because one was for a teen mom and the other was for a girl after 2 boys. To be fair, I hate baby showers, period and I always have. I think the games and everything are stupid. Just my opinion!

This is like a big family party. They are even having a clown for the kids. So, I feel like hubby might want to go for our ODS but maybe not because we never go to anything his family invites us to since he works so much.

[smarston3]

My Sister in law just had a baby shower for her little girl. (First girl in the family on both sides, I have 3DS). I'm not going to lie...it was rough. Thank Goodness for wine because it was the only thing that got me thru it. Also, I'm lucky that my MIL understands my GD. (she has two boys). So, I would just look at her anytime someone made a ignorant comment to me.What was also hard, was I was in the middle of swaying. So, I had to watch what I ate and not start bawling thinking about how easy it was for her to conceive my DG and I'm in the middle of "starving myself" to get one. I know none of this was helpful, but wanted you to know, you aren't alone in your feelings and I'll be thinking about you.

[pink_bean]

I think steeling myself for the comments is what is really getting me. Plus I don't care for her much and this comes from before her being pregnant with a girl. I wish wine was an option but I don't think it will be.

[pink_bean]

Sorry to keep venting but part of it is my husband's family is very judgemental and competitive. The women clearly favor girls and they are just materialistic. At least this is the impression I've had of them for the last few years. Our kids are considered special because they are lighter than all the other kids and they get alot of attention for this, which also bugs me. My husband and I are humble people and we don't have much. But I'm away from my family and pretty isolated as a SAHM so they are all we've got around us.

[smarston3]

I think steeling myself for the comments is what is really getting me. Plus I don't care for her much and this comes from before her being pregnant with a girl. I wish wine was an option but I don't think it will be.

can you treat yourself to a spa day the day after? something to look forward to that is just for yourself?

[pink_bean]

Well, lately I can't do anything for myself which is another thing that makes my GD seem so much worse. Believe me, I'm no martyr but my life right now is so, so, hard. Things were getting better but then our babysitter had health problems and there went my only source of childcare. i just never get anytime for self care anymore.

[Claire33]

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough patch. In such situations that trigger GD I just fake it til I make it. I put on the biggest smile and pretend everything is ok. But if you don't think you can do it, you can send your DH alone with DS, I'm sure your DS would love it with the clown and everything.

[pink_bean]

I might just do that. I can fake it while I'm there maybe but then I'll just end up feeing bad when we get home.

[pink_bean]

Well, I feel kind of bad because we didn't go and it looks like not many people went. (I saw pics). I'm sure I overblew it up in my mind how bad it would be for me, which was selfish but I am really sensitive these days and I didn't feel strong enough to go. We actually couldn't go anyway, for other reasons.

[BB Bear]

Don't feel bad. It just wasn't meant to be for you to go. Sending you big hugs and kisses. x

[Nann3r]

I could not agree more with this thread it seriously makes me feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one that struggles around people who got the gender I wanted... /: I'm trying to be sensitive though on this post as I am one of the few on the gender disappointment feeds that wanted a boy but got a girl. The GD is the same however, which is why I find comfort in this feed. I feel terrible but I hurt bad.. I just had my DD this March, but BOTH my sister I laws are pregnant with their second and announced a week before I delivered my DD that they are having sons... As dramatic as it sounds, I had to unfollowed one of them (discretely) on Facebook cuz I couldn't stand to see the photos and the nursery and the posts about his arrival. It makes me sick and I want to cry every time.. I avoided another friends' baby shower this weekend as well as SHE is having a son too.. I have 5 friends/family around me who are pregnant and/or just had a baby and their all boys.. It's like a knife in me every time I see a photo or someone starts talking about it. :( we are ttc the end of this year. I am attempting to sway blue more than I did the first time as I hadn't even really heard of swaying till AFTER my DD. but I'm soooo scared... The sister in law on my husbands side already has a daughter. And now gets to have a son. The first grandson of the family.. His side is VERY judgmental and competitive.. We especially are with this couple.. I wanted that the first son SO BAD! :( so when we conceive again, I'm so worried the GD will be multiplied by a million given the circumstances..

Long story short I feel awful that I have trouble being happy for people.. The jealousy, bitterness and pain is so heavy... And because it's family, it is so hard to avoid. So believe me you're not alone. And I'm so glad I'm not alone either. <3 we'll get through this together. And whatever happens was meant to happen. Just have to keep telling ourselves there's a bigger plan than what we are seeing:)


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[pink_bean]

Thank you, Nann3r. I know it's so hard to understand these feelings brought on by GD. I'm sorry you are going through it. It does get better but the triggers are hard. The person I was talking about just had their baby and I would love to be able to avoid them for the rest of my life lol but since our kids are related that's unlikely. I wish you all the best and glad we have this site to know we are not alone.

[atomic sagebrush]

I found a sudden case of raging diarrhea went a long way towards solving this situation.

I actually had to go to two baby showers when pg with my GD baby and the one that was worse was the one where they were getting my same gender (which she wanted). I personally despise showers and she just got SOOOO much stuff it was hard not to feel jealous.

[Nann3r]

It's crazy how real gender disappointment is. I'd never heard of it till I google searched "depressed about the gender I'm having" and gender dreaming popped up.. That was how I found this site! when I was searching for other moms who felt how I did... /: my husband didn't understand and we fought bad about it when I found out I was having a girl. I was so mad and didn't wanna be pregnant anymore. Horrible thoughts/: I kept them in my head tho. But my husband was furious at me that I was upset in any way.. Kept saying I was selfish and that I was going to treat her poorly when she arrived and told me I wouldn't love her. He didn't understand.. He also got the little girl he wanted. :( I was soooo emotional and all of my feelings had to be bottled up. It made it so much worse. This is bizarre but I had a dream the night we found out that my teeth were falling out. And just dropping out of my gums leaving gaping holes and kept trying to get them to stay in but they wouldn't.. SO WEIRD!! I looked it up cuz I read somewhere that dreams have meaning (ex. dreams of falling, losing hair, being chased but can't run etc) Sure enough the translation of teeth falling out means you've recently experienced a great loss.. Gender Disappointment is a very REAL psychological thing. It IS a form of depression. I'm SO glad I stumbled onto Gender Dreaming during my dark days.. Not only did I find comfort in other women who struggled, but I found ways I could at least TRY to have my desired gender (I had never even heard of gender swaying!) :)


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[pink_bean]

It is a form of depression and it is a loss that we have to grieve and the grief lasts longer for some of us, I think. The funny thing is, I waited for so long to have kids and I used to feel so sad that it may never happen for me. But ironically GD has felt so much worse. I think it's because my dream of having a daughter is more than likely never going to be realized and I'm sad about it.
When someone else gets what they wanted and are so happy about it, it hurts because I for one have never felt that joy in pregnancy.
Everyone's dream family is different. We all have someone's version of it. But we wanted OUR version. My first experience with GD was a coworker who was also a good friend. She wanted a boy but was having a girl. I really did not understand her pain (I didn't have children yet.) but tried not to judge. Other people were not so understanding and made her feel worse. I honestly think people just can not understand GD unless they have experienced it. None of us want to feel this way. And we all love the children we have, that goes without saying. It's the very real feeling of loss for the children we may never have. Or who may take much longer to get here than we planned.

[pink_bean]

I found a sudden case of raging diarrhea went a long way towards solving this situation.

I actually had to go to two baby showers when pg with my GD baby and the one that was worse was the one where they were getting my same gender (which she wanted). I personally despise showers and she just got SOOOO much stuff it was hard not to feel jealous.


I despise baby showers. I always have even before kids. I opted out of one with my son because I honestly hate being the center of attention. Plus, we have no family here. I did end up getting lots of gifts anyway for my first. My second only my mom got us anything.

The woman who had the baby shower our MILs are sisters. They sent her a bunch of stuff for her daughter. When we had our first my inlaws sent us lots of clothes and blankets ( they live in another country) but nothing for our second. Which I am not complaining. I am grateful for the gifts and they have helped us alot. They have also never expressed disappointment in our second boy. It's just I know if we would have had a girl they would have sent gifts. I get the logic behind it but it kinda stings that having a child of the opposite gender of your first makes people more excited.