Feeling bummed after mom's comment for some reason?

[Throwaway_panther]

Hi Guys,

Sort of venting this out as I process my feelings before seeing my therapist next week.

I'm one of three girls -- my youngest sister is 8 years younger than me, 5 younger than my other sister. It was sort of a "joke" growing up that my youngest sister was the "last chance for a boy," but that was often the joke all 3 of us girls made. I was actually the one my mom constantly said was "supposed to be a boy" which left me with a lot of issues growing up (amongst many, many other issues of abuse I think stemmed from my sex, as well).

So now, working through my own issues, we're having a girl when I so desperately wanted a boy (no, we didn't sway; only found out about the concept after getting pregnant... turns out I followed a pretty textbook LE sway. Oops!).

We're keeping the sex a secret, sort of to help me process my own feelings without getting other people's comments to make me feel worse (or better, even). Plus... it'll help us get what we really want at our shower ;)

Well, everyone is convinced I'm having a boy. My mom in particular has pushed it.

Then, when in discussion about how my husband and I conceived "on a day I hadn't predicted," though I'd been using nothing but the Ovia app to really predict ovulation, she goes, "Oh, well maybe you really are having a boy! If the timing was right on ovulation!"

I pointed out, "Shettles? Nope. That's not actually a thing."

She immediately goes, "Ha! Well that explains why we have your youngest sister!"

Something about her finally confirming that yes, my youngest sister was a failed sway of sorts, has really hurt me and made me feel like, "I am doomed to have all girls, too." I know that's illogical, since we all know how Shettles isn't the only thing, and my parents were very much not in love; my mom has always been a chronic undereater, etc. She even had said how a friend of hers had commented, "Oh no, you're supposed to take Robitussin to get a boy!" in how she got her third child to be a boy (to which my mom said, "Oh... well way to tell me now," since my sister had already been born).

Does anyone have any insight or just comments of support? I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much, but I just can't shake the sensation of, "Wow, she DID try, and it failed. How will it work for me?!"

Thanks for listening :(

[Beau82]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've dealt with my fair share of comments too. I was always told that my husband's family doesn't make girls (he is one of three boys, his brother has two boys, there are no granddaughters). Even when I got pregnant with my third, I received comments like "why bother trying? you know it's going to be another boy", said in jest but hurtful nonetheless.

Don't feel doomed. Your mother tried Shettles which we know doesn't work. That alone is no reason to think that you can't conceive a boy. You are not your mother and you definitely have more information at your fingertips than she did. You said you know her diet leans girl. So she likely had a few factors that would cause her to have girls. Don't fret! Know that a lot of us (myself included) would love to get pregnant with a girl effortlessly like you did!

[Magical22]

I totally understand but for me it's the opposite DH has an all boy family until recently when my two SIL got PP the added pressure for my ttc #3 and hoping for our DD.

How many kids do you have? Will you be trying again? It's still always a 50/50 chance you have as much of getting a boy then anyone, here take my blue dust [emoji170][emoji170]


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[Serendipity]

Other people's comments and projections are responsible for a lot of Gd I think. Really sorry you are hurting, try to practice your "uh-huh" smile whilst ignoring the stupid hurtful comments. Hard, I know.

[Throwaway_panther]

Thanks guys. <3

I'll send my pink dust your way -- this is my first, and we've definitely always wanted a minimum of 2 (though lately I've been leaning more towards 3 or 4, as is my husband), so I know I still have chances. It's just scary to see my mom "try and give up" with her three... and boy did she let us know it growing up.

Also, I don't know if it was effortless for me to have a girl ;) If you see my post in the "How we got our girls," I was being pretty abusive to my body -- I hope none of you have to go to those extremes to get your girls! I'm just thankful I was able to conceive easily despite all of this (and my thyroid issues which had only recently got resolved).

Thank you so much guys <3

[atomic sagebrush]

Some of us on this site have 2,3,4 or more Shettles opposites. Unfortunately, that's the one thing that the laymen have heard of and so we just have to put up with hearing it trotted out again and again (even from some rather surprising sources who should know better like doctors). I just figure it's like being surrounded by people who think the earth is flat, there's no explaining them out of it so you just gotta hold your head high and be secure in your knowledge.

The directions for Shettles for a BOY is what is getting us girls 70-75% of the time, so it's not surprising that if she was doing a lot pink friendly in terms of diet, and then having one attempt at ovulation, that she'd get a girl. It's really not a failed sway at all (although it's absolutely possible to have one), it's just a matter of having done the wrong things (which is no ones fault). If she had worn a blue feather on her head, you wouldn't be sitting here saying, "but she tried to have a boy, the blue feather was on her head, and it didn't work" because you know in your gut that is silly.