Sad, but how does it sway? (late loss)

[SweetLily]

So. We got the daughter of our dreams. And then we lost her at 17 weeks.

We're trying again in 3 months to give my body a little time to heal, I'm 39 now so there isn't a lot of time to spare.

Does a mc like that sway either way?

I keep going over everything trying to figure out if we'd done this or that differently would it have had the same outcome? I'm so heartbroken. I will probably only get one more chance, cause if it happens again dh will refuse to keep trying with me (he'll want a surrogate) so I want this to work so badly. I don't know how to keep going, but I want my little girl so bad. I know I can never get this one back, but oh how I want a little girl. now more than ever.

Anyway, just hoped someone knew how a late loss might sway.

Thanks.

[mommymachine]

I am so so sorry for your tragic loss. Praying for your healing. I truly hope you get a pink rainbow very soon.


Mommy to 5 with number 6 due in June!!

[Throwaway_panther]

I am so, so sorry for your loss SweetLily :(

Don't beat yourself up over what you could or could not have done -- the unfortunate reality of miscarriages is that there's often nothing we can do. Are you planning on doing any testing?

I know, conventionally, conceiving after a CP or miscarriage tends to yield pink, and I happen to know someone who had a late miscarriage followed by a CP followed by a healthy pink pregnancy (all in under a year), but I don't know if there's any hard evidence on a "3 month post-MC" swaying means.

I and everyone else is here for you though during this difficult time :( I would add that pressuring yourself for "one more time" probably won't help -- have you talked to a professional about the loss and the stress of conceiving? I think that would help <3

[maidentomother]

Oh hun, I am so VERY sorry. Did you have any testing done? What does your dr say?

I personally think the later the loss, the more it sways pink, all other things being equal.

[SweetLily]

Yes, Maiden...I let them send her sweet little body off to be disceted so they could figure out if there was a real reason or if it was just my irritable uterus. Im praying there was something else, like amnio infection or the SCH that was small but there or something!

It was an awful chain of events. I had 5 days of warning, bleeding and contracting and the drs woudn't do ANYTHING. I brought in evidence of how well procardia works even and they wouldn't try it. Im so upset.

My water broke at 5 am and I immediately felt something in my vag. I had to wait 2 hours for drs to show up and confirm it was "something". I felt her struggle as the placenta detached and she had no more air. She started kicking frantically and then there was nothing. By the time the drs arrived I needed an emerg d&c cause of hemhoraging from the placenta detaching, but the baby wasn't out yet. I went to go pee before the surgery and delivered her into my hands.

It was the worst experience of my life.

I am so scared if I get pregnant again it will happen again.

I am so sad beyond words. I'm so scared to try again but I want to be pregnant NOW and I;m not even done bleeding yet. My milk just came in and my breasts are exploding.

I dont even know how to go on anymore.

Thanks for the support hun. And from all of you.

[Babygirlquest]

Oh hon, just devastated to hear this and your sad sad story. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think any loss sways pink but I hope you will take some time to grieve for your little girl as this sounds very traumatic. I'm so sorry the doctors didn't listen :-(

[maidentomother]

Oh my god. :( That is so awful! I can't believe they wouldn't try something it's not like it would have hurt anything. And feeling/being aware of her throughout the birth...how traumatic. I'm so angry no dr even tried to spare you that. What is the point of modern medicine? I am praying you get answers that make sense and hopefully some reassurance that it won't likely happen again or can be prevented easily. Can you push for more frequent/aggressive monitoring next pregnancy? That seems necessary at the very least for your mental health. I so hope your DH and kids and others in your life are providing good support.

I'm just so sad this happened to you. Haven't you been through enough? Life is so unfair.

Did you have a name for your little girl?

[The Anchor]

Oh no Lily, I am so so sorry. Such a tragic loss. Know that I am thinking of you...HUGE HUGS.

[Erin514]

Your story is just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your precious daughter. I just can't believe how badly the doctors failed to help you through this ordeal! I hope you can find a way to heal.

[Throwaway_panther]

That is absolutely heartbreaking and traumatic SweetLily. My heart aches for you -- I wish with all my strength this hadn't happened. I truly hope you can talk to a grief counselor -- you truly experienced a trauma. I am so, so sorry this happened.

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[XXforhubby]

Oh my goodness SweetLily! I'm so incredibly sad for your tragic loss! I'm stunned that they didn't do anything to help you and your sweet baby girl [emoji22]!

I'm hoping and praying that you get some answers once her testing comes back. I am praying for strength and healing to be sent your way.


[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602] completes our family![emoji170]

[Frilly Lady]

I'm so sorry for your dreadful loss sweetLily, sending strength your way. X

[trifecta]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter.

[SweetLily]

I called her Miss Lily. Lily was going to be her middle name, and hubby still really wants to name our one day daughter the name we chose so I just left her with Miss Lily.

[SweetLily]

Oh my goodness SweetLily! I'm so incredibly sad for your tragic loss! I'm stunned that they didn't do anything to help you and your sweet baby girl [emoji22]!

I'm hoping and praying that you get some answers once her testing comes back. I am praying for strength and healing to be sent your way.


[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602] completes our family![emoji170]

No the drs didn't do anything at all. They just let her slip away. I'm in such a state of depression I can barely eat, I feel choked by anything I try to swallow. It hasn't been a week yet, I guess I need to give myself time.

We will try again in 3 months. I'm doing growth hormone until then to get really healthy eggs (yes, I know this is super controversial and I know the risks and I don't care) and I am ordering Procardia from mexico to have on hand if I start contracting again. I have a solid plan of action at least.

I used to say drs were good for sewing ppl up and catching babies. I had to catch this one myself, so as far as Im concerned they're not good for much anything else! I shouldn't get too carried away, I think they did save my life with the emerg surgery since the placenta abrupted while both were still inside me but I feel so angry. Usless tits. If they hadn't taken 2 hours to arrive after my water broke, I would have been directed to deliver both baby and placenta before the contractions stopped.

It was so traumatizing, I dont think I will ever be ok again. I want my little girl back so badly. She was so perfect. I can't help but think I must have done something wrong. But I don't know what. and the drs offered so little guidance. I took tub baths to help ease the contractions the week I was bleeding, hoping it would help them stop, not even thinking that maybe that would cause an amnio infection! IDK if thats what went wrong, but its possible. They gave me no guidance at all! and The OB they were going to send me to in the city was one of those who was like, oh just get pregnant again. It took SIX YEARS!!!! The drs said I was infertile!!!!

Will I ever be able to get pregnant and hold on to baby until at least 30 weeks again? Will my body put me through this horror once more? Will I ever get a little girl?

I just dont know. I'm so heartbroken.

Thanks for all the support.

[XXforhubby]

Huge hugs sweetie! You are going through so much right now- give yourself some time. This is not something you get over- you will be able to cope better in time.

I hope they do proper testing and get this figured out. I too hope you can get pregnant again and carry to term.

In the meantime, take each day at a time. My heart aches for you sweetie! [emoji8]


[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602] completes our family![emoji170]

[all4princes]

Yes, Maiden...I let them send her sweet little body off to be disceted so they could figure out if there was a real reason or if it was just my irritable uterus. Im praying there was something else, like amnio infection or the SCH that was small but there or something!

It was an awful chain of events. I had 5 days of warning, bleeding and contracting and the drs woudn't do ANYTHING. I brought in evidence of how well procardia works even and they wouldn't try it. Im so upset.

My water broke at 5 am and I immediately felt something in my vag. I had to wait 2 hours for drs to show up and confirm it was "something". I felt her struggle as the placenta detached and she had no more air. She started kicking frantically and then there was nothing. By the time the drs arrived I needed an emerg d&c cause of hemhoraging from the placenta detaching, but the baby wasn't out yet. I went to go pee before the surgery and delivered her into my hands.

It was the worst experience of my life.

I am so scared if I get pregnant again it will happen again.

I am so sad beyond words. I'm so scared to try again but I want to be pregnant NOW and I;m not even done bleeding yet. My milk just came in and my breasts are exploding.

I dont even know how to go on anymore.

Thanks for the support hun. And from all of you.
This is so heartbreaking, im so sorry. 😢

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[SweetLily]

Thank you for all the love and support ladies. I just have to get back on track and get in shape again before I TTC and hope it works out better. I think the autopsy will show she was malnourished, I noticed a big change in her activity around 14 weeks (I felt her from 9.5 weeks, seriously) and she got way less active and didn't respond to being poked and prodded--at her NT scan at 12 weeks the tech said she was feisty cause she kicked and punched at the wand whenever it was pressed down on her. I think it just goes to show there was an existing problem and next time will go better.

I feel so sad for my DH, he has had to keep going and keep working cause we can't afford him to take time off, while I stay home and cry all day. He only took one day off work, and they gave him grief for it. Even with a note from my dr. Unspeakable. anyway, the loss has been so hard on him, but it has brought us closer together and our love has deepened.

Thanks for everything, I love all the ladies on this site even tho I don't come on a lot. I try not to obsess.

Hugs :)

[atomic sagebrush]

We always wonder if it was something that we did but the thing is that most of the time the things that happen are totally out of our control. We look at one little thing like a bath or moving heavy furniture etc but it is usually just bad luck and happening anyway. I am really sorry and I hope that this is soon going to fade away when you get your rainbow.