Not so lucky this time, my third sway (for a boy) has not worked :-(

[SpottyBear]

:sad:


Yesterday we had our first scan (13+1) and there was a very very clear and definite girl nub. I saw it throughout the scan and its visible in every single picture, there is sadly absolutely no hope of a boy.

I wasn't even sure if I would get any sort of nub picture yesterday and all of a sudden I did and its a definite girl and the hoping for a boy is all over just like that.

We are going to confirm at the 20 week scan, but it is absolutely a given now that its a girl.

Thanks for reading I just really needed to talk about it and I really need to pull myself together too.

[SpottyBear]

Trying the pic again.

[Traci25]

I am in your situation but opposite gender 3rd boy and I'm devasted. I'm dreading tellig my dd she wanted a siter so badly. I know wish I went Ivf route. I have no advice but let you know your not alone. I wish I wasn't pregnant rt now. I hate this feeling. I swayed so hard. My heart is broken. It sounds like your is too.

[atomic sagebrush]

They did get very lucky to have two of each. To me that's like hitting a lottery or something. :)

I'm really sorry it didn't go your way. I wish I had all the answers to this puzzle but I don't.

[Traci25]

HAs it gotten any better for you? I'm struggling and I just wanted a dd so desperately. I don't want this pregancy and pray I misscariage. I hate myself for thinking that way. I just want to feel better and be excited

[SpottyBear]

Thanks Traci and Atomic
Sorry for the late reply, I just needed to stay away for a little while and will again after this.

Traci I am feeling a lot better than I did initially and the crying stopped after 24 hours. In fact that evening we even talked names and choose a name for our DD and that made me feel SOOO much better. In fact I thought GD was gone for good but it has come back since just not as bad. But I have to and am determined to get past this. I read someone else dealing with GD saying "F**K Gender" and do you know saying that out loud at bad moments has helped a bit!
I really really hope you can start to feel better soon Traci, its so tough. I'll be thinking of you xx

[Traci25]

It's actually getting harder for me, I'm so sad my dd hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like a fool for trying again. I hate gd

[Traci25]

So glad your feeling better! I'm trying

[Throwaway_panther]

I want to offer you tons of empathy -- I'm so sorry your heart was set on this and it's not working out. I admit I'm still jealous you at least had the security of having at least one boy -- I worry I'll never have a boy, and I think like Traci, my feelings on a possible failed sway veer a lot darker than many people on here. Regardless, you acknowledging your harder to acknowledge thoughts and feelings is good, I think -- acknowledging and then letting your mind process (even if you're just sleeping!) is good.

I also wanted to add: you didn't necessarily go "wrong" with your sway at all. No sway is 100%; no lack of sway is 100%. We are, ultimately, still at the will of our partners with their Y chromosomes (which we don't have!) and chance. Perfect sways still can yield opposites because that's just how it goes :/ which is unnerving for all of us, I think. And frankly, I've seen several girl and/or boy sways on here with opposites that I thought, "Well, why did she do such and such? No wonder..." and I don't feel that way too strongly with yours at all. Even in terms of BD, I know of very recent successful boy sways where they DTD once (and hey, I DTD multiple times with Os and still got a girl ;) )

I will also say, since you said it's the first time you found out the sex before birth: I think it's good you did. People have different feelings on this, but I personally think wrestling with the GD during pregnancy is easier than having the nervousness and/or excitement around birth get crushed. Granted, I've yet to HAVE a birth yet, but I seriously can't imagine having gone through my own pregnancy and being disappointed at the end (especially when so many people, who don't know what we're having, have guessed it's my desired sex).

[SpottyBear]

Throwawaypanter
Thanks very much for your post, I'm very sorry only replying now, I've been keeping away for a while.
I'm very happy to say that I am feeling so so much better and really have totally accepted our 3rd dd to be! I'm still being careful not to dwell on some things but have definitely moved on a huge amount :-)


And if I can reassure you at all when you have your own baby in your arms it will feel so different than what for now you can only imagine. It so hard to imagine what it will all feel like when its your first. And the love for your baby will be your most overwhelming feelings! Well there are lots of other less pleasant overwhelming feelings like exhaustion and what do I do now etc etc! But I hope you feel a lot better with your gd when your own special baby is in your arms and you are a mom :-) And if you don't you know you'll get lots of support here :-) Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy!!

Oh just seen you are due in June, maybe she has already arrived!!!! Hope all went/goes well :-)

[SpottyBear]

Traci 25 thinking of you too and so hoping you are doing ok xx

[Throwaway_panther]

Throwawaypanter
Thanks very much for your post, I'm very sorry only replying now, I've been keeping away for a while.
I'm very happy to say that I am feeling so so much better and really have totally accepted our 3rd dd to be! I'm still being careful not to dwell on some things but have definitely moved on a huge amount :-)

I so understand your feelings about worrying that you will never have a boy. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever have not 1 but 3 girls!! I worried so much in my first pregnancy that I would never have a girl and indeed I did have a boy first (whom of course once he arrived I loved very much!) Its surreal now that it has flipped and I suffered gd over now having a girl and not a boy!! So you really never know whats going to come down the line! And you could easily end up like me!!
And if I can reassure you at all when you have your own baby in your arms it will feel so different than what for now you can only imagine. It so hard to imagine what it will all feel like when its your first. And the love for your baby will be your most overwhelming feelings! Well there are lots of other less pleasant overwhelming feelings like exhaustion and what do I do now etc etc! But I hope you feel a lot better with your gd when your own special baby is in your arms and you are a mom :-) And if you don't you know you'll get lots of support here :-) Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy!!

Oh just seen you are due in June, maybe she has already arrived!!!! Hope all went/goes well :-)
She did and you were very right! :)

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[Traci25]

That was so sweet of you thinking of me. I'm struggling so much. I have so much guilt. I hate myself for not wanting to be pregnant, I hide it so I don't have to talk about it in fear of breaking down. I hate hearing "another boy! You poor thing!" I find raising a son really tough. They are obsessed with their dad which is lovely but I'm always the outcast. He is innocent and I do love him, but not wanting it, it's so difficult. It's not the baby part it's he raising another boy. I want to wake up and it all be a bad dream. I'm afraid he's going to have something wrong like autism bc my struggles while pregnant.

[SpottyBear]

She did and you were very right! :)

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Oh wonderful!!!!! So so thrilled to hear this! Congratulations! Enjoy this very special time with your new little baby :-)

[SpottyBear]

That was so sweet of you thinking of me. I'm struggling so much. I have so much guilt. I hate myself for not wanting to be pregnant, I hide it so I don't have to talk about it in fear of breaking down. I hate hearing "another boy! You poor thing!" I find raising a son really tough. They are obsessed with their dad which is lovely but I'm always the outcast. He is innocent and I do love him, but not wanting it, it's so difficult. It's not the baby part it's he raising another boy. I want to wake up and it all be a bad dream. I'm afraid he's going to have something wrong like autism bc my struggles while pregnant.


Oh Traci so so sorry to hear of your continuing struggles, so very difficult for you. I think without your beautiful newborn to snuggle and hold and smell(!) gender is so overwhelming. I think allow yourself to feel rubbish about this. Thats ok. Thats the way you feel and its ok to feel like that. Adding guilt to the mix is an extra hardship you don't need. You wish things were different and its crap that they aren't. Hopefully with time these feelings will ease and go away soon for you.

I really do hope that once baby arrives and becomes your own special little baby that that will help you. I know unlike with your first you do know what to expect but still I hope this comes true for you too. And all babies looking different and having different personalities and traits and talents etc is something I'm holding onto too. I understand your fears about something being wrong but really feel that your emotional feelings will have no impact on your unborn baby. Maybe this little man will be a real mammy's boy!


Will be thinking of you, hang in there xx

[Traci25]

I'm sorry your struggling as well. It's crazy to think when I started having children I would ever be in this position. I assumed I would have girls bc I'm from a family of 3 girls. We are so close as well as my mom. I just wanted that as well. All around they are all girl pregnancies I'm one of the only ones having a ds. He's sweet and innocent yet I can't find any bond like I did with the others. I feel like the worst mother. I'm just praying like you said when I hold him it will happen. I just worry about raising another one, it's hard and my boys are daddy's boys.no matter how much fun we are having they still want him. It's crazy! I'm hAppy though I married an amazing man That is an amazing daddy. I'm thinking of you and praying that you will continue to keep doing so well!

Thank you for such kind words and thinking of me. I can't express how that makes me feel so not alone and not a mad woman!!

[familymatters]

Traci25, my DS1 is the biggest mummies boy, he adores me and is always seeking me out for kisses and cuddles. He tells me he loves me at least 5x a day :D You just dont know what this little guys personality will be like. As we speak DS1 is lying on me watching TV telling me all about his plans for the day...he's such a sweet boy. I look at DHs relationship with his mum and I pray that I have the same relationship with my boys. They chat on the phone several times a week, we have his parents over for dinner regularly, they socialize together, they are just very close. I know it's not the same as having a DD but there is no reason why this little guy won't be a total mummies boy!

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