I just feel numb

[Completedbypink]

Hi. Today we found out we are expecting our 4th boy. He is healthy, and is growing wonderfully, but I just feel numb. We swayed for a girl. This is our final baby, and whilst he will a fabulous addition to our family, the feelings are there that I will never get to experience having a daughter. I don't feel like crying, I don't feel like celebrating, and I certainly don't feel like announcing it to the world. It's awful, as this baby is very much wanted, but I just don't feel anything yet.
It was silly of us to even imagine that we could have a girl. Everyone else in our family's and friends are having girls, but not us.
It's only been a couple of hours since we found out, so very much raw, and I'm sure I will get excited tomorrow and start to think of all the lovely little bits and pieces we can buy for him, but just now.........nothing.
I know I'm not alone in these feelings. I thought maybe writing them down would help. Sorry for rambling.
I've gone through looking at cases where the gender was wrong, but the scan says it all. It's 100% boy. I'll attach a photo.
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[Babygirlquest]

Oh Hun. As a fellow mother of four boys, I've been there. Trust me, I know how much it sucks to see everyone get girls just like that while we just get boy after boy.

I'd say take a moment to grieve the little girl you feel you lost, plenty of time to get excited for this beautiful prince. I'm actually pregnant again, with twins this time, but we actually went abroad to do pgd/IVF so I should be carrying girls this time.

All I can say is that time is a great healer. I thought that was it at four boys, but I couldn't give up on my dream. There are ways and means of making it happen, even of guaranteeing it. Please try not to feel too down. He will be beautiful, he will be so special. And four boys is amazing! I promise you that. Huge hugs xxx

[Completedbypink]

Thank you for replying babygirlquest. Congratulations on your girls, and your boys too!!
Yes, I just need a little time to get over the fact that I'll never have my daughter, but indeed, 4 boys is going to be amazing, just like having 3 boys is.
This is definitely our last baby though as it will be my 4th section, and it's already pushing it with this one.
I'm just destined to be a boy mummy.

[trifecta]

I'm so sorry you didn't get the news you wanted. I think you should let yourself off the hook for feeling all of the very normal things you are feeling. Losing a dream is still a loss, and it hurts. Don't fault yourself for your reaction. The bond you and your son experience after he's born is what matters. Regardless of your wish for a daughter you'll bond when you meet him.

[Completedbypink]

You are right trifecta. I have an amazing bond with my sons, and this little boy will be no different.
I'm just thinking about never having a daughter. It's not sinking in. It's something I'm going to struggle getting over.

[Babygirlquest]

I bet one day you'll have dozens of granddaughters (I know not quite the same but even more fun to spoil I think) and you know what? You will always be surrounded by love, four boys to become grown up men and sit at your dinner table, telling you all their dreams and hope for the future. And watching them grow into amazing people. Gender is such a small part of who people are, it matters so much now because the baby is an unknown and gender is pretty much all we can discover until they are born. Once he is here he is his own little person and so very special in his own right. My fourth son, oh my. To think I never wanted four boys. He is just the most divine little guy and everyone stops to comment on how gorgeous and special he is.

This little one will steal your heart. I absolutely promise you. I know quite a few mothers with grown up sons (and no daughters) and none of them seem remotely to be missing out, they just seem so happy (genuinely happy) with their gorgeous tribe of boys.

[Babygirlquest]

Ps I can tell from your post that you are an amazing mother to your boys and I think, given that you only just heard the news, you are handling things so well.

[Completedbypink]

Every thing you have said babygirlquest is absolutely right, and lovely. I'm taking comfort in it. Thank you so much for your replies.

[Completedbypink]

Only just read your last post babygirlquest, that's lovely of you to say. I don't think I'm handling it well in the fact that I feel like this. I have no right to be feeling sad as I have 4 healthy boys. I am going to give myself a good shake, and get on with it.
My longing for a daughter will never go away, but at least I have 4 amazing sons.

[Babygirlquest]

And you are totally entitled to have a meltdown now! It's not fair. It just isn't fair that some people don't get to experience raising both genders. But I absolutely know this little man will be so amazingly precious. It hurts now but i promise it will get better. Take some time. You don't have to announce its a boy to anyone, you can take the time to accept it yourself first.

[Completedbypink]

Thanks you. He will be very precious, just like his brothers.

[ksmom]

I'm sorry you didn't hear girl. Please don't feel bad about not being excited right now. It's the loss of a dream of a daughter that's hard to deal with. It's a type of grief many of us here have experienced. I understand about not wanting to tell anyone. We've decided to keep the gender a secret because my mom is already making negative comments about another boy. :/ I'm sure once your little man is here, the real bonding can begin. It is hard to really bond with a baby you don't actually know and have never seen in real life, you know? I hope in time you will heal. I wish you all the best. *hugs*

[Mum4life]

I can completely understand what you're feeling, because I'm feeling it too. We just found out baby#4 is boy#4 via NIPT yesterday too. I'm not sad that he's a boy, I'm sad that I won't have a daughter to raise; I won't get to buy all the cute pink clothes and headbands;I won't get that mother daughter bond and help her through her own pregnancies and births, and just to add another kick to the guts the older 2 were upset as well because they absolutely wanted a sister. This is our absolute last, and pgd is not for us (we're in Australia anyway so would have to travel to the us), so there's no more chances for us unless there's a miraculous unexpected pregnancy that results in a girl.

I have no advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in the way you're feeling ❤️

[rubyroo83]

Mum4life, gender selection might become legal in Australia, actually i really think it will in the next few years so don't say you'll never have a girl

I really feel for you both GD sux.

[Mum4life]

Thanks rubyroo! Oh really? That would almost be enough to get me through this atm. Not sure how dh feels about it though. He knows my desire for a girl, but I don't know if he'd be on board for gender selection. Im onboard for it though lol

[pinkcomestrue]

Just my opinion I know I'm not really helping..

If I set my mind with 4 kids and the God is giving me 3 boys, I think I would wish my 4th is a boy, as i already know everything about boys and save you so much money on everything [emoji4]

My friend who has 4 boys, she is so honest that she wanted girl and she is so proud that she can handle 4 boys, I asked her husband the other day, how are you feeling because the youngest only 2 years old, he goes "I'm very tired because I have to take all of them to the public toilet on my own, but I'm loving my boys"

Hope this will put a little smile on your face [emoji4]



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