Another pink announcement within family and friends tonight, I was doing so well until the last few

[californiadreaming]

They just keep on coming

So. many.

How can there be this many girls being born and scanned around me, while I'm 31 weeks with my third boy. My third boy, who was conceived about a week and a half after a strong sway miscarriage. I tried so hard. I want it so much.
And it feels like everyone around me gets it first/second/even third try.... who has to try four or five times? Why do I have to be the one to try to scrape together money we don't have, to try high tech before my time runs out?

WHY does it hurt so much?
Why can't I feel happy for family members instead of seething resentment and utter despair. I'm so exhausted from pasting on a happy smile and buying pink for everyone else but my own kid

Why does this have to be my lot... to have a husband who hates how emotional I am around news like this? To be in a position that I make my husband think I'm ungrateful for my lovely boys (I'm not), because I can't abandon the dream of a daughter, and can't stem the tears when yet again, it comes to another and not us.

I realise that at 31 weeks I'm a hormonal mess but I'm gearing up for a third round of crippling post-natal depression, and then will have to try and cope with saving for and going through the emotional rollercoaster of PGD.... in the hope that it even works.

What will happen to us if I spend all that money and we don't get a baby?

What happens if I just can't carry girls, or my husband doesn't 'do' pink sperm?
Will I hurt this way forever?

I love this boy inside me, I really do. I'm just so distressed that after 6 pregnancies and fingers crossed, 3 babies soon.... I still don't have my daughter. I am built to be a girl Mum... how can it not happen? Lost isn't a big enough word tonight.

[familymatters]

Awww hun my heart goes out to you. You're very poignant words made me feel your pain strongly. Try not to look too far ahead for now. It's important to plan for PGD if that makes you feel better but don't start stressing that it won't work etc because you have every chance that it will work. Same with your PND, try not to worry about it yet as you never know hopefully you might not develop it this time. If I was you I'd try to divert my energies to preparing for your new arrival. Some good old fashioned nesting helps to get you excited about the new baby. Sorry that your feeling so conflicted at the moment, it's not a fun place to be at all.

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

[pink_bean]

Hugs to you. I have two sweet boys that I love very much but I completely understand and relate to your feelings. I wish I had the magical words to comfort you and take away your pain. Just know you are not alone.

[californiadreaming]

Thank you. Another pink announcement in the family this week. In-law this time, but hurts just as bad. It is literally everyone but us and it is slowly killing me.. everyone knows it too. I try to pretend, but I'm running out of reserves... next time I reckon I'll just burst into tears on the spot. I feel like everyone is either pitying or laughing at my run of boys :(

[Kittybear]

Oh Hun. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Pregnancy with GD is truly awful. I wish I had some magic words to make it go away, but I can't, but I can share some things I know to be true:

This bit, GD wise, is the worst. Once you see him, touch him, smell him, the hormones will start and you will fall completely and utterly in love with him.

GD won't disappear overnight but it won't shout quite so loudly as now.

It may seem like you are the subject of some cruel cosmic joke (regarding your family having girls) but you are not. It is just coincidence. When I had ds2 (sway opposite) all of my mummy friends from my ds1 were either expecting girls or had already had a girl. Every one of them now has a girl except me. Then, I joined a local post natal class. Of 13 of us, 4 were boys. I was like 'are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!!' But it was just 1 of those things. After the shock, I got over it. Sure, all of those girls are cute, but I want MY girl, not some other random baby in a pink baby grow ;)

I started planning ht when I was preggo with ds2. That was over 2 years ago. Do your research here, there is a wealth of info available. I do understand using it as a coping mechanism (I did). I also subscribe to the 'fake it till you make it' school of thought, and it works for the most part.

No one is laughing at you, and if they do dare, call them out! Ask them why it is acceptable to laugh at an unborn child?! That usually shuts most idiots up ;)

Sorry if any of this has come across as flippant or trying to make light of what you are feeling, it is not meant like that at all, I just have a pretty dry sense of humour. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Xxx

[MommyMegan251]

I truly know how you feel. Pregnant with my 5th boy. Won't be having any more babies, so I will never have a sweet girl. And my friend just found out today that her 2nd baby is a girl. I want to cry. I hope you get a girl one day. I really do.