Feeling selfish

[MommyMegan251]

So one of my friends who only has one boy right now just found out she's pregnant with a girl. I want to be happy for her, but at the same time I want to cry. And people are commenting "Finally, a girl!" Ummmm.... finally? It was her second try. I tried 5 times. All boys. Finally would describe how I would feel if I ever got my dream come true princess. But I won't be having any after this. So I won't get people saying "Finally!" to me. It makes me feel things I don't want to feel. I shouldn't feel jealous of her. She deserves to be happy like anyone else. There are women who can't have kids at all, and I've been crying for weeks about another boy. How selfish of me. How do I deal with this?

[familymatters]

Ahh I'm sorry you're experiencing these emotions right now, they are so consuming and so hard to get rid of. It's ok to feel the way you do, so many of the women on this site understand your feelings. Don't waste your time feeling guilty about self-precieved selfishness, it's not selfish to desire a girl. Yes there are women who can't have children and that's their struggle, but your issues are your own and therefore valid. I'm not sure how you reconcile your feelings if you are sure you aren't having more children, I've read that time is the biggest healer - the older your children get the more at peace you become with your family of all boys. I wish there was a magic bullet to help heal the pain but there isnt. Although at least you can come and vent on this forum and know that you'll always be understood and supported xx

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[MommyMegan251]

Your reply was so sincere, and made me feel a lot better. Thank you so much. Hearing that someone... anyone... understands and doesn't think I'm a horrible person for feeling the way I feel really helps. I'm so glad I came to this site. Thank you again.

[Foreign Chick]

Hi MommyMegan, I can very much relate.
Last year my cousin who already has a son (btw I felt as if she took my chance of having one, when she found out it's a boy, I know how stupid, but that's how I felt) found out baby #2 was a girl! Just like you, I couldn't help but be jealous! She is my family, I love her and I wish her all the happiness on earth, but when it comes to this one very tender subject "Dream Gender" the heart feels what it feels! I don't think you were being selfish, it's just natural that we feel some sort of resentment toward someone who gets what we wanted for so long, so easily! Sadly for my cousin, she found out later on, the daughter she was predicted to have, turned out to be DS2.... I felt so terrible for being upset about it and hated it even more then, because I knew she was dealing with GD as well.... You are definitely not alone with your feelings and I wish I could tell you it gets better but most likely these feelings of jealously will resurface each time you'll come across a friend who expect your DG :/ I can only imagine how much harder it has to be if you know for sure you won't get to try again... Sending tons of hugs your way xx

God bless~

[MommyMegan251]

Thank you so much. Right now I just try not to think about it much. Hubby says we can try again in a few years, but I just can't. I already have too much to deal with, and if it turned out to be another boy I feel like I would resent it. And I don't want to do that because it's not the baby's fault. So.... this is how it is, and I just have to learn to live with it.

[pinkcomestrue]

I agreed with family matters, I'm so glad to have found this site, GD is not fun, but you are just one of the millions who feel this way, and this site is allowing you to express all your feelings.. I did post mine a while ago and it makes me feel so much better!

And funny enough I also have a cousin who is expecting her second, found out was a girl at 20 weeks, I love my cousin but I can't help not to feel down when she announced, 10 weeks later she told me that her second is indeed a boy! I instantly feel so happy although she is going through her GD, and I felt so bad that I was feeling happy, the baby is hers no matter what gender, I shouldn't be that bloody selfish but somehow I just can't help it!

Thanks to this site I could really be myself


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