How to get over gender disappointment?

[MrsSparkles]

I found out yesterday I was having a boy.
My husband is being supportive, and I picked myself up to look at boy clothes and count my blessings.
But waking up this morning I have no connection anymore to the baby growing inside me.

Last night I dreamt he was adopted by a family who wanted him.
It was a really relaxing dream and made me feel so much better.
I told my husband this morning and he got really angry and said, we couldn't have 'it' adopted what would people say !!!!
I wasn't even suggesting it, just recalling my dream to him.
He then said that I need to accept that it's not what we want, and that we will try again.
At the end of the day, he's not the one who will be caring for another son, he works a lot and so I will be staying at home, so can he really understand?

I've cancelled my private scan which was due in a couple of weeks.
My husband said last night he is not really bothered if we go or not, and I feel like I don't want or need to, and that it will be really upsetting for me to get the official boy confirmation.
I also deleted the pregnancy app on my phone, it used to be so exciting for me to check it every morning and see what was new.
Now I am left dreading the day when I feel movements.
I just don't know what to do, I know I am lucky to have a baby at all, I know that there are lovely ladies who have lost their babies on here who would read this with utter disgust.
I just don't know how to stay positive, and how to reconnect with this life growing inside me.

As soon as I saw the nub on the scan yesterday, all I wanted was to get off the table.

I feel like a dispicable person right now, I just want to take this baby out of me and put it into a lady who wants and deserves it

[BrightSky]

MrsSparkles you are not a dispicable person at all, I think a lot of us here have been in the same position and felt terribly guilty about it too, but it's really hard when all you know about your baby is their gender, you haven't seen his sweet little face yet. Is this your first? Do you know for sure? I've just had my second boy, I elected not to find out the sex as I would have truthfully had these feelings too and now that he is here he is just perfect! Don't get me wrong, I still really want that girl, but there's no way I would change him, he's exactly who he's meant to be and so different to his brother. You are dealing with some strong pregnancy hormones and just the thought of what is to be, you will feel differently once he is here and it sounds like you will be having more, maybe there will be a daughter in your future.

[Kawazza]

Hi MrsSparkle, I feel like I could have written your post myself. I felt like this only a few months ago. Gender disappointment is real and I found this forum really helpful and reading other people stories in the same situation. I felt like such a horrible person also. I really wish I had the answer for you and could make it go away, as GD is awful. When your son is born you will fall in love, and not want to replace him. Hang in there I hope you feel better soon

[MrsSparkles]

MrsSparkles you are not a dispicable person at all, I think a lot of us here have been in the same position and felt terribly guilty about it too, but it's really hard when all you know about your baby is their gender, you haven't seen his sweet little face yet. Is this your first? Do you know for sure? I've just had my second boy, I elected not to find out the sex as I would have truthfully had these feelings too and now that he is here he is just perfect! Don't get me wrong, I still really want that girl, but there's no way I would change him, he's exactly who he's meant to be and so different to his brother. You are dealing with some strong pregnancy hormones and just the thought of what is to be, you will feel differently once he is here and it sounds like you will be having more, maybe there will be a daughter in your future.

Thank you for being able to relate.

This is our 1st biological child together, but I am step mom to DH 2 sons.
His ex-wife had extreme GD, and when they found out their 3rd son was another boy she terminated at 19 weeks, she then went onto have an affair with her work colleague.

My Dh told me from day one that he wanted us to have a DD, and I felt the same way, and that we could have a 'first' for both of us.
I know it sounds silly, but I don't even want his ex to know we are having a boy, because she'd gloat that Dh has 'had another boy'

His kids are great, and I really like them, but I do always wish they were girls.
I have such strong connections to my goddaughters, and find it such a joy to look after them.
However when my nephews 2 and 8 need babysitting, I tend to make excuses.

[MrsSparkles]

Hi MrsSparkle, I feel like I could have written your post myself. I felt like this only a few months ago. Gender disappointment is real and I found this forum really helpful and reading other people stories in the same situation. I felt like such a horrible person also. I really wish I had the answer for you and could make it go away, as GD is awful. When your son is born you will fall in love, and not want to replace him. Hang in there I hope you feel better soon


Hope so, because right now all the things I had planned i don't want to do.
I don't want anymore scans, I don't want that perfect home birth in my head-and will instead go for the c-section my consultant was pushing for, I definitely don't want to breastfeed (have today ordered formula and bottles).
Right now I am wondering why I didn't realise exactly how strong my GD was, and thinking we should have not tried to sway and been happy not having a baby.

I should have known this would happen, every time a friend announces she's having a boy I feel such pity, like they've just had the worst news.
Perhaps people with such strong preferences as mine should not even attempt to conceive, I don't know

[BrightSky]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, maybe there is someone u can talk to and get your head around everything before the birth? Don't give up on your dream birth or breastfeeding if you want to do it, babies are all pretty much the same regardless of gender anyway and it's such an amazing experience, I hope you do find some joy in it. Is HT an option for another child?

[Kawazza]

Hope so, because right now all the things I had planned i don't want to do.
I don't want anymore scans, I don't want that perfect home birth in my head-and will instead go for the c-section my consultant was pushing for, I definitely don't want to breastfeed (have today ordered formula and bottles).
Right now I am wondering why I didn't realise exactly how strong my GD was, and thinking we should have not tried to sway and been happy not having a baby.

I should have known this would happen, every time a friend announces she's having a boy I feel such pity, like they've just had the worst news.
Perhaps people with such strong preferences as mine should not even attempt to conceive, I don't know

Please believe me I felt the above also. It really is awful.
I think you should have your scans, now you know it's a boy you can say hello and start to heal.

[rainbowflower]

I think it's quite normal after you find out you're having an opposite to feel a sort of depression for some time. It's a bit like a grieving process (grieving the dream you had) and at first it's hard to imagine feeling less pain but gradually it does ease

My only advice is to make no big decisions right now and be kind to yourself.

I found choosing a name I loved helped a lot, and eventually a 4d scan helped me bond too. Granted there weren't many boys names i even liked... but certainly once I had chosen one it helped me to think of him as "my son".

Someone once said "a lot of what you wanted in a girl is possible in how you parent your boy" . But equally a girl would have been no guarantee of that bond you're after as sex doesn't determine their personality.

I now have 3 boys, my second was the result of a pink sway. But he's adorable now I've got.to know his character and bonded with him properly (something thats hard to do while he's still in your tummy). He loves rainbows, nature, cars, and baking and would do anything to help me in the kitchen! He's very helpful and affectionate. That's his personality that i love and is independent of which body he is in.

Your baby will be their own person too and that will make them special once you meet them.

Be patient - these dark feelings wont last forever xx

[MrsSparkles]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, maybe there is someone u can talk to and get your head around everything before the birth? Don't give up on your dream birth or breastfeeding if you want to do it, babies are all pretty much the same regardless of gender anyway and it's such an amazing experience, I hope you do find some joy in it. Is HT an option for another child?

I spoke to my sister today.
She said that for her the GD hasn't gone away, and her youngest son is 2 now.
She said she can't lie and that she is so happy I am having boy, because she couldn't have coped with the green eyed monster had we heard pink.
I don't want to be like that. I genuinely am so happy for the ladies who get their DG on here. And I don't want to be overtaken by jelousy.

My best friend had GD too, her boyfriend has 6 daughters and she wanted to give him a son.
She had the most precious girl, and he left her two weeks after, but he would have had it been a boy. He's just horrible.
But I did think 6 kids 3 mums, do some guys just throw one gender.
I know everyone says it's not true, but I am worried now that even if we go HT we won't get any female embryos !

[MrsSparkles]

Please believe me I felt the above also. It really is awful.
I think you should have your scans, now you know it's a boy you can say hello and start to heal.

I really can't bring myself to go to another scan.

[MrsSparkles]

I think it's quite normal after you find out you're having an opposite to feel a sort of depression for some time. It's a bit like a grieving process (grieving the dream you had) and at first it's hard to imagine feeling less pain but gradually it does ease

My only advice is to make no big decisions right now and be kind to yourself.

I found choosing a name I loved helped a lot, and eventually a 4d scan helped me bond too. Granted there weren't many boys names i even liked... but certainly once I had chosen one it helped me to think of him as "my son".

Someone once said "a lot of what you wanted in a girl is possible in how you parent your boy" . But equally a girl would have been no guarantee of that bond you're after as sex doesn't determine their personality.

I now have 3 boys, my second was the result of a pink sway. But he's adorable now I've got.to know his character and bonded with him properly (something thats hard to do while he's still in your tummy). He loves rainbows, nature, cars, and baking and would do anything to help me in the kitchen! He's very helpful and affectionate. That's his personality that i love and is independent of which body he is in.

Your baby will be their own person too and that will make them special once you meet them.

Be patient - these dark feelings wont last forever xx

Your son sounds very much like my nephew.

I don't think it's possible for me to like any boy names, we tried to prepare ourselves all pregnancy for a boy, but the name thing is hard.
We tried last night and this morning again, but still nothing we like.
I've told my husband he can go ahead and pick, and I'm sure it will grow on me.

[trifecta]

It sounds like you had an awful lot of external pressure to have a girl because of your partner's baggage. It really shouldn't matter what sex your first child is. I'm so sorry that you weren't allowed to experience this in a natural, unpressured way. It just seems so unfair. I don't think you are a bad person at all.

[BrightSky]

Your son sounds very much like my nephew.

I don't think it's possible for me to like any boy names, we tried to prepare ourselves all pregnancy for a boy, but the name thing is hard.
We tried last night and this morning again, but still nothing we like.
I've told my husband he can go ahead and pick, and I'm sure it will grow on me.

This sounds just like me during pregnancy. I said to my husband if it's a boy you pick the name I don't care.. But in the end I picked the name and I really love it. I feel bad about it now but you can't help the way u feel. I agree with trifecta, this is still your first child and you shouldn't have this added gender pressure.

[MrsSparkles]

Thanks for all your understanding messages and posts on here.
I feel a lot better today.
I realised I've judged his ex for years because of her decision to terminate based on gender.
But if I disconnect and stop enjoying pregnancy and this little ones babyhood, then really I'm no better.
I also don't want to be dreaming of another sway, whilst I will try again for baby #2. I never want this one to think men are inferior to women, that kind of sexism has no place in society.
I'm sure I will look at the pink frilly stuff with longing still, but I am determined to pull myself together and be a good Mum.
And let's face it, if this boy turns out half as good as my husband he will do wonderful things, and the world needs more men like that.

Thanks again for all the lovely private messages, and everyone reaching out.
It was such a shock to me to feel this way.

Have woken up this morning feeling fresher, and without a headache (crying when pregnant, that congestion is no joke!)

[MrsSparkles]

It sounds like you had an awful lot of external pressure to have a girl because of your partner's baggage. It really shouldn't matter what sex your first child is. I'm so sorry that you weren't allowed to experience this in a natural, unpressured way. It just seems so unfair. I don't think you are a bad person at all.

I understand what you're saying.
The pressure was mostly applied by myself to be honest, the childish part of me wanted to 'one up' his ex.
At the end of it all i don't have to compete with anyone, and that's a truly ugly part of my personality coming out.

[BrightSky]

I'm glad you're feeling better, it's amazing what a good sleep can do. Those first rush of feelings are intense, Im sure you will be a fantastic mum, and yes, I still look with longing at those frilly little dresses, but then I see my husband with my sons and what an amazing man he is and instantly feel better thinking there might be more in the world like him. xx

[MrsSparkles]

I'm glad you're feeling better, it's amazing what a good sleep can do. Those first rush of feelings are intense, Im sure you will be a fantastic mum, and yes, I still look with longing at those frilly little dresses, but then I see my husband with my sons and what an amazing man he is and instantly feel better thinking there might be more in the world like him. xx

That's so lovely. We're really lucky to have amazing men in our lives, and to be blessed with babies.
I'm going to rebook my private scan, what do they say 'act in haste, repent at leisure'. The woman will probably think I am bonkers, or maybe have pregnancy brain.
And yes, a good sleep really fixes so many things. I barely slept two hours the night of the scan.

This morning before he left, he put these mittens on the pillow, they're so tiny and cute. I can't believe in less than 6 months I'm going to have a little guy who can wear them34122

[jdd1017]

MrsSparkles you literally had every single feeling I have had this pregnancy. We found out at the 12 week (yes, 12 weeks!!) NT scan that we were having a boy. To this day I still cannot put into words the pain and heartache I have felt. I bawled in the waiting room after the sono, I couldn't even talk about the baby or the pregnancy for a couple weeks. I just wanted to pretend it was all a bad dream or a cruel joke and surely I was not unlucky enough to have a THIRD boy!!! The next OB appt I practically had an anxiety attack in the parking lot of the office just thinking about going back into the place that I found out the devastating news. It was like I had PTSD, as silly as that sounds. At my 20 week anatomy scan I told the tech that we didn't know the gender and to write it down because I didn't want to see it on the screen again. I dreaded that sono, I didn't feel any connection with him at all. I wish I could tell you that it gets better as the pregnancy goes on...i so so so hope that it does for you, but for me it is day by day. One day I am fine and think of how great it will be to have another boy. The next day I am sobbing uncontrollably in a dark closet. I wish we hadn't found out the gender. Someone wrote on here that she didn't think we were meant to find out the gender of the baby until birth because at that moment you can truly love the baby, and I actually related to that a lot. I keep having thoughts of having the baby and crying when I see him because I will keep thinking "you should have been a girl". It makes me dread the delivery, which is supposed to be exciting!! My DH has lost all patience with me and gets so angry with me when I cry and have a bad day. My friends know I'm struggling but honestly none of them can relate because they don't have kids or have one of each. It is the loneliest feeling in the world. I am just thankful to have this forum to come to and know I'm not alone.

What I'm trying to say is, you're not alone. You will have good and bad days. You will feel like a horrible mom because you can't bond with this baby yet. But what you are going through, while it might not be talked about much, is normal. I truly believe GD is something that is very common but is so taboo that no one mentions it. I am here for you if you need anything.

I read an article that says Oxytocin, the chemical that is released during and after labor, causes feelings of love for your child. I have clung to this statement and hope that as soon as I see him, the Oxytocin will be so strong all of my GD will disappear[emoji4]

Oh, and just remember-pregnancy hormones make everything so much worse. It makes your emotions so raw and your thinking irrational. It's like PMS on steroids. I try to remind myself of that when I'm having a bad day. Chances are, a year from now we will look back and laugh at how depressed we were! At least I am praying that is what happens!


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[MrsSparkles]

a Someone wrote on here that she didn't think we were meant to find out the gender of the baby until birth because at that moment you can truly love the baby, and I actually related to that a lot.


That statement really hits the nail on the head for me !!!!

I wondered if we have some kind of mental health issue, GD is so not talked about but I really really do think it is in the same category as anxiety, and maybe even PTSD like you said.
I wish that more people would research into it, because it's such a stigma - I looked on net mums (which my midwife says is the devils work-she is so funny), and there was a lady who posted about her GD on there.
I sent her a PM and told her to come to gender dreaming, because the net mums witches(oops I mean women), said some truly awful things to her.
That's the reaction of the general public though, because they don't hear it as a valid pregnancy ailment.
It is though, it's a type of dark sadness that takes over and is just as valid as any other form of depression and stress.

Just a thought, looking at your profile picture - you're so super gorgeous, maybe the universe is giving you boys because they can be your bodyguards when they grow up ;)

There's no way that we won't love these boys with all our hearts when they arrive, I have no experience as a FTM, but everyone tells me it is indescribable type of love.

[Blckhrt]

MrsSparkles, I was thinking about you all yesterday and even lying in bed last night, so I am SO happy to read your updates. I felt so, so, so similar to you when we found out our first was a boy...to a T...and all I can say is that everyone is 100% correct, just you wait till that moment you first hold him and you will be unbelievably thankful you got HIM as your baby. It's completely indescribable.

While I'm not "anti" formula, I do want to give you gentle encouragement, since you were going to BF anyway if it was a girl, to go forward with nursing your son. It truly is one of the most amazing forms of bonding available, and that little prince deserves the same nutrition a princess would!

He is going to be your world - he's not your nephews, he's not your stepsons, he will be YOU and your husband in one tiny package that you will be in awe of. I'm so sorry you experienced such disappointment at first, and gosh can I relate. But truly, the hardest part is over. You'll warm up to the idea of him over the course of pregnancy, and then when he's born any and all thoughts of wishing he was someone else will be a thousand miles away. Although I wish you hadn't had to feel the crush of disappointment, I am now so excited on your behalf for you to meet your sweet son! Take care of yourself, hun!

[MrsSparkles]

MrsSparkles, I was thinking about you all yesterday and even lying in bed last night, so I am SO happy to read your updates. I felt so, so, so similar to you when we found out our first was a boy...to a T...and all I can say is that everyone is 100% correct, just you wait till that moment you first hold him and you will be unbelievably thankful you got HIM as your baby. It's completely indescribable.

While I'm not "anti" formula, I do want to give you gentle encouragement, since you were going to BF anyway if it was a girl, to go forward with nursing your son. It truly is one of the most amazing forms of bonding available, and that little prince deserves the same nutrition a princess would!

He is going to be your world - he's not your nephews, he's not your stepsons, he will be YOU and your husband in one tiny package that you will be in awe of. I'm so sorry you experienced such disappointment at first, and gosh can I relate. But truly, the hardest part is over. You'll warm up to the idea of him over the course of pregnancy, and then when he's born any and all thoughts of wishing he was someone else will be a thousand miles away. Although I wish you hadn't had to feel the crush of disappointment, I am now so excited on your behalf for you to meet your sweet son! Take care of yourself, hun!

I'm so sorry my story affected you and apologise if I gave you a sleepless night.
Thank you for your loving and kind words.

I am going to continue on with my plan of breastfeeding, I'll keep the bottle I bought, as I do intend to pump and freeze if I can.
There are a few things happening in 2017/2018 that mean I will be away from baby for 2 nights, so do you think it will be okay for DH to use a bottle with breastmilk ?
I've read about babies getting nipple confusion though, that is one thing I worry about, but he will be 6 and 9 months old both the events I am going to, so hope he will not have that.

I am going to have a scan, whilst away over Christmas I will hit the 16 week mark, so I am just going to have a bonding scan.
They give you a free peek in 3D, although apparently babies look like skinny little gnomes at that stage lol

Again, thank you.
It is hard to believe that strangers on the internet can touch my heart, reach me, and emphasise with me more than anyone in my 'real' life.
But it is true, and I am so grateful to everyone for showing me such kindness.

[Blckhrt]

Oh, please don't be sorry! It's only because I relate so much and have a huge amount of compassion for you going through those feelings. It is HARD. Disillusioning, self-flagellating, imagination-shattering hopelessness that you have no control over and just have to allow to pass. I'm just so happy to hear you're already feeling better today.

Your plan to be away for a bit when he's several months old will be no problem at all! I'd actually recommend introducing an occasional bottle of pumped milk by no more than 6-8 *weeks* old. I think nipple confusion happens more (and worse) when a baby has never experienced anything but a real nipple for months on end...then they think, what is this joke of a rubbery imitation nipple?! I started pumping at about 6 weeks, we introduced a bottle shortly thereafter (for the occasional date night out, which everyone needs!), and we had no issues whatsoever. I kept pumping for over a year (even though I'm a SAHM, I had a great supply so it seemed silly not to pump just once daily and store it up) and in the end I donated over 1,000 ounces of frozen milk to a couple of local babies who needed it. :) My son actually just weaned last month, at 21 months old, since I was drying up several weeks into this new pregnancy, and I was sadder to stop than he was!

I love the idea of a "bonding scan"! I didn't find out my first was a boy till the 20 week anatomy scan and as a result I did not enjoy it one bit, I just wanted out of there. I see those pics now of his sweet tiny profile and wish I had appreciated it in the moment. So in that sense I think it is fortunate you've found out so early, because you'll hopefully get to enjoy any later scans to the max. <3

[MrsSparkles]

That's fantastic advice about pumping and bottles.
There's some really annoying articles online , they tell you possible obstacles and problems, yet offer no real advice.
Just goes to show that we need a real mum, and real experiences to be able to suggest things that actually work !
Did you use a manual or electric pump ?

[Blckhrt]

Electric - my insurance would only pay for the Ameda Purely Yours so it's what I used. It's actually pretty terrible for an electric pump, but it still got the job done...just frustratingly slowly. :) Manual pumps seemed like way too much work to me!

[Hopefully Pink]

MrsSparkles, I just wanted to let you know that I felt the same way when I found out my 2nd was also a boy. I cried so hard for the rest of my scan. The week after was a rollercoaster of emotions. I know how you feel and I am so sorry. All of your feelings are real and okay to have. Be kind to yourself now, it will get better. I slowly came around during my pregnancy and when I had my sweet Reed I fell so in love, it was a stronger bond than my first son. I still plan to try for a girl, we are going to go HT in the spring (Reed is 17 months). Breastfeeding helped my bond with him so try to stay open to that, but keep the formula and bottles just in case. I know it is hard, but I promise you he will be the love of your life. I felt sad that my prayers for a girl weren't answered but Reed is the gift I didn't know I needed. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find the peace you and your husband deserve.


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[Throwaway_panther]

I'm so sorry my story affected you and apologise if I gave you a sleepless night.
Thank you for your loving and kind words.

I am going to continue on with my plan of breastfeeding, I'll keep the bottle I bought, as I do intend to pump and freeze if I can.
There are a few things happening in 2017/2018 that mean I will be away from baby for 2 nights, so do you think it will be okay for DH to use a bottle with breastmilk ?
I've read about babies getting nipple confusion though, that is one thing I worry about, but he will be 6 and 9 months old both the events I am going to, so hope he will not have that.

I am going to have a scan, whilst away over Christmas I will hit the 16 week mark, so I am just going to have a bonding scan.
They give you a free peek in 3D, although apparently babies look like skinny little gnomes at that stage lol

Again, thank you.
It is hard to believe that strangers on the internet can touch my heart, reach me, and emphasise with me more than anyone in my 'real' life.
But it is true, and I am so grateful to everyone for showing me such kindness.


I'm so, so sorry for the turmoil you're going through MrsSparkles. I know what it's like too, also with the a first kid. I'm really glad you're considering BFing -- I also had a very hard time wrestling with the idea of my breastfeeding my DD, since I'd always had my mind wrapped around breastfeeding a son -- and I'm so glad I did. Now I miss breastfeeding her as often, since she's seemingly self-weaning much quicker than I ever would have thought!

Re: breastfeeding questions. Nipple confusion is controversial, as is -- many professionals don't believe in it. But even then, I believe after 12 weeks it's minimal.

I'd say if you want to do both breast and bottle, make it a habit after at least those first 6 to 8 weeks. Dr. Harvey Karp of "The Happiest Baby on the Block" recommends introducing a bottle by 8 weeks so they're familiar with it and don't reject it. I did this.

The KEY though is to not fall off on the bottle -- my DD was fine with them... but then only had maybe 3 or 4 total and since I work from home, I was just nursing her all the time. She flat out refused a bottle any other time and still won't take one, we just luckily are able to feed her solids enough if I need to leave the house for longer than a few hours.

And again, as for the gender disappointment -- be kind to yourself, even if you feel you never get over it during your pregnancy. I was here with my first, and so many told me, "Wait until they're born; your feelings will change." They were absolutely right, and it will happen for you too -- it just sucks that pregnancy is so long for us to get through to that point!

[MrsSparkles]

Hopefully Pink & Throwaway Panther

Thanks for your messages, I am feeling a little better each day.
Whats helping at the moment is looking at cute baby boy outfits on Instagram, and imagining a little boy similar to my husband.
My husband was adopted, so there's not any baby photos of him, only ones as a toddler - so in a way it will be nice to see perhaps what he may have looked like as a baby :)

One of my male friends just found out his wife is expecting his 7th daughter !
He is feeling the gender disappointment bless him, It's crazy to think that he has had two wives (both seemingly different in lifestyles), and still hasn't had a son.
He says he wants to try one more time for a boy !
I don't know how many times I would try to sway pink, don't think it would be 7 or 8 times lol

[coralsky]

First, I want to give you a huge hug... you are not alone.

I felt v similar feelings to you with both my sons. DS1 I waited until the birth to find out gender, and although the GD didn't hit quite as hard that time (maybe cos he was my first, and I knew I wanted another.. or maybe cos the baby was here, so I fell in love, although still felt the GD). DS2 I found out early and the GD hit hard.. but I have to say although my feelings were stronger the 2nd time, I definitely preferred it that way- because by the time he arrived I had worked through a lot of stuff in my head, and was able to focus on him, and not those feeling so much, you know?.. and I also felt the bond stronger that time, as there wasn't the 'shock' of GD at the time of the birth.
Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time to readjust. I cant promise your desire for a DD will go away, but I can promise that it WILL get easier with time, and that you will love your son more than you ever thought you could once he arrives.

Re BF/bottle I wanted to chime in on this because with all 3 of mine I have done a mixture, but all different, and all seemed to work pretty well for me. DS1 had BF only till 9wks, then mixed feeding to 15wks, then formula only. DS2 had BF only, except for one bottle per day right from leaving hospital (in the evening- I needed the break, as he was my worst for feeding during the night!) up until 3months, then mixed to 5months, then formula only. DD had BF only until 3 months - first bottle at 14wks, then mixed to 6.5 months.. and they ALL took a bottle no problem at all - no nipple confusion whatsoever! (with a slight exception of DD only drinking 1oz on first bottle, but then guzzling the full bottle the next day!) I did use the 'closer to nature' bottles too, so I don't know if that helped, or perhaps I just got lucky, but I do want to assure you that just because they have BF does not necessarily mean they will refuse milk from a bottle. :)

Try not to worry too much about all the conflicting 'advice' from the health professionals, and find what works for YOU.. someone once told me that you can get all the advice from lots of experienced people, and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, but at the end of the day - you will know your own baby better than anyone else, so trust your own judgement. And that is so true! Just be prepared for lots of trial and error and learning along the way, but that is what motherhood is all about. :)

Huge congrats to you, and I do hope you will feel better & better as the time goes by xxx
Oh and PS. I also found shopping for lots of cute baby boy clothes helped! Believe it or not, I actually miss all the blue now! ;)

[MrsSparkles]

Hi Coralsky

So nice to read your story, and that the shopping helped you too :)
I keep ignoring all the little girls stuff, and find it a bit healthier, as all I used to do was longingly look at these cute girl clothes !

The bottles and formula I ordered arrived today, and I felt a pang of guilt.
I've put the formula in the back of the cupboard, and the bottles I will use when he needs to be looked after my someone else.
I got some glass ones with latex teats, they're so cute and feels quite 1950's lol - hopefully my DH doesn't drop them during feeds !!!!

I do feel like the universe is testing me now, as I keep hearing 'It's a girl' from every friend that's expecting.
Well there's another friend pregnant and we don't know what she's having yet, but she had IVF and has been dieting - so my money is on a girl for her too.
I guess on the plus side, my son will have his pick of pretty girls to befriend :)

[coralsky]

Awww please don't feel guilty at all! Whether you choose to BF or formula feed, or a combination, I believe no-one should ever feel guilty about their choice. It is your choice to make, and either way there are plenty of advantages & disadvantages whichever you choose.. most of my friends never attempted BF at all, mainly cos they just thought 'that's not for me' and didn't feel bad in any way, and nor should they IMO. It is definitely a personal decision to make. :) If you do want to try, I always think it does help to have bottles & formula in the house and 'available' to you anyway, just in case you need them.. in my experience, it always made me feel better (and sometimes made me keep going) knowing that I had a backup plan if it got too tough. Just as a side note- if no-one has mentioned it already, I highly recommend lanisoh lanolin nipple cream- apply after every feed (even if nipples feel fine) it really helps protect (and repair) it was a godsend to me. ;)

Oh I am so sorry a lot of your friends are having girls... it must be tough to hear announcements right now, I totally understand.. it sounds like a good plan re the clothes though, and if you have to buy any gifts for your friends, then you can always stick to the practical things like baby bath, bouncy chair, nappies, etc too.. sometimes those type of gifts are the most appreciated ones I find! :)

Huge hugs to you, remember you are not alone in your feelings, and its ok to feel this way... it will get gradually easier with time xxxx

[lindz]

I know exactly how you're feeling. Pregnant with my second boy, and wondering why other people who so badly want to be parents continue to have miscarriages and here I'm am so selfish complaining about another boy wishing they could have him instead because they actually deserve him. This pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, one day I'm feeling better the next the littlest thing will send me into tears. I also am debating skipping breastfeeding this time around because of all the sacrifices I have to make. I enjoyed breastfeeding my son, but this time I want to go HT for a daughter and knowing I can't even start the process until I'm done breastfeeding makes me feel frustrated and that I'm wasting my time. I'm sure my feelings will change once he's here, and it's so important to my husband that I breastfeed the first year(it used to be important to me but I feel so let down about this baby not much is important to me anymore). I think you should try the first couple weeks and see how it goes. It really is a special bond. I was able to give my son both a paci and bottle his first week home and we never struggled with nipple confusion. It was always such a relief for me that he would take a bottle if I needed to be away from him. You should know that with this being your first child, he will be so special. You will just love him so much. He won't be like your nephews or your stepsons or any other boys you've been around. He'll be all yours and you'll seriously adore him. I was a little sad my first was a boy, but that went away the second I met him. He is just perfect and I wouldn't change him for the world. I've told my husband so many times that even if I have girls down the road I can't imagine loving them more than my son. He has a special place in my heart, and I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was mine. I've noticed no differences with gender for at least the first couple years(my son is turning 2 at the beginning of February). That could change as he gets older, but don't assume that boys are these wild crazy kids and girls are little angels. Every child is different and you will love your son exactly the way he is especially since he will have a part of his father in him as well. I hope you're able to start feeling excited about your first pregnancy, and once he comes you'll enjoy every second


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[MrsSparkles]

Awww please don't feel guilty at all! Whether you choose to BF or formula feed, or a combination, I believe no-one should ever feel guilty about their choice. It is your choice to make, and either way there are plenty of advantages & disadvantages whichever you choose.. most of my friends never attempted BF at all, mainly cos they just thought 'that's not for me' and didn't feel bad in any way, and nor should they IMO. It is definitely a personal decision to make. :) If you do want to try, I always think it does help to have bottles & formula in the house and 'available' to you anyway, just in case you need them.. in my experience, it always made me feel better (and sometimes made me keep going) knowing that I had a backup plan if it got too tough. Just as a side note- if no-one has mentioned it already, I highly recommend lanisoh lanolin nipple cream- apply after every feed (even if nipples feel fine) it really helps protect (and repair) it was a godsend to me. ;)

Oh I am so sorry a lot of your friends are having girls... it must be tough to hear announcements right now, I totally understand.. it sounds like a good plan re the clothes though, and if you have to buy any gifts for your friends, then you can always stick to the practical things like baby bath, bouncy chair, nappies, etc too.. sometimes those type of gifts are the most appreciated ones I find! :)

Huge hugs to you, remember you are not alone in your feelings, and its ok to feel this way... it will get gradually easier with time xxxx

The guilty feeling is because I always wanted to breats feed, and as soon as I found out I was having a boy...well I just couldn't wrap my head around it.
It made me feel sad that i had those thoughts, I think I completely lost my mind in the 24 hours of the scan !

Thanks for the tip ! I will get some of that cream.
My nipples are already so sore lol, my boobs have gotten so big that my H cup bras don't fit...so i bought a J...and last week that got too small, so now I have a 36K.
I'm only in the 2nd trimester, so I am terrified of what they will end up like hahahha.

I don't think I will be shopping for friends babies, I haven't told anyone I'm pregnant except my Mum, Sister and BFF, and I don't plan on telling anyone else.
So am keeping away from social events when I start showing :)

[MrsSparkles]

I know exactly how you're feeling. Pregnant with my second boy, and wondering why other people who so badly want to be parents continue to have miscarriages and here I'm am so selfish complaining about another boy wishing they could have him instead because they actually deserve him. This pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions, one day I'm feeling better the next the littlest thing will send me into tears. I also am debating skipping breastfeeding this time around because of all the sacrifices I have to make. I enjoyed breastfeeding my son, but this time I want to go HT for a daughter and knowing I can't even start the process until I'm done breastfeeding makes me feel frustrated and that I'm wasting my time. I'm sure my feelings will change once he's here, and it's so important to my husband that I breastfeed the first year(it used to be important to me but I feel so let down about this baby not much is important to me anymore). I think you should try the first couple weeks and see how it goes. It really is a special bond. I was able to give my son both a paci and bottle his first week home and we never struggled with nipple confusion. It was always such a relief for me that he would take a bottle if I needed to be away from him. You should know that with this being your first child, he will be so special. You will just love him so much. He won't be like your nephews or your stepsons or any other boys you've been around. He'll be all yours and you'll seriously adore him. I was a little sad my first was a boy, but that went away the second I met him. He is just perfect and I wouldn't change him for the world. I've told my husband so many times that even if I have girls down the road I can't imagine loving them more than my son. He has a special place in my heart, and I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was mine. I've noticed no differences with gender for at least the first couple years(my son is turning 2 at the beginning of February). That could change as he gets older, but don't assume that boys are these wild crazy kids and girls are little angels. Every child is different and you will love your son exactly the way he is especially since he will have a part of his father in him as well. I hope you're able to start feeling excited about your first pregnancy, and once he comes you'll enjoy every second


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Your story is such an inspiration to me, and the fact that he will be your favourite is so nice.
It just goes to show that Gender disappointment doesn't last after our babies get here :)

[Throwaway_panther]

Awww please don't feel guilty at all! Whether you choose to BF or formula feed, or a combination, I believe no-one should ever feel guilty about their choice. It is your choice to make, and either way there are plenty of advantages & disadvantages whichever you choose.. most of my friends never attempted BF at all, mainly cos they just thought 'that's not for me' and didn't feel bad in any way, and nor should they IMO. It is definitely a personal decision to make. :) If you do want to try, I always think it does help to have bottles & formula in the house and 'available' to you anyway, just in case you need them.. in my experience, it always made me feel better (and sometimes made me keep going) knowing that I had a backup plan if it got too tough. Just as a side note- if no-one has mentioned it already, I highly recommend lanisoh lanolin nipple cream- apply after every feed (even if nipples feel fine) it really helps protect (and repair) it was a godsend to me. ;)

Oh I am so sorry a lot of your friends are having girls... it must be tough to hear announcements right now, I totally understand.. it sounds like a good plan re the clothes though, and if you have to buy any gifts for your friends, then you can always stick to the practical things like baby bath, bouncy chair, nappies, etc too.. sometimes those type of gifts are the most appreciated ones I find! :)

Huge hugs to you, remember you are not alone in your feelings, and its ok to feel this way... it will get gradually easier with time xxxx

^ Absolutely this. Fed is best, so whatever you do that is best for you will also be best for baby!

Plus, best laid plans and all that -- what you plan to do before they're here might change when they're here anyway. I think "prepare to be flexible" is the best advice for any new mom, haha.

[MrsSparkles]

^ Absolutely this. Fed is best, so whatever you do that is best for you will also be best for baby!

Plus, best laid plans and all that -- what you plan to do before they're here might change when they're here anyway. I think "prepare to be flexible" is the best advice for any new mom, haha.

Absoloutley !
I plan on cloth diapers, long term breast feeding....but I'm going to be open to these things changing.
My DH is not into CD...he thinks it is a lot of hassle, and as much as I want to BF...I do know that some women have issues, and I may be one of them.
Going to try and keep my mind open.

By the way I have a scan to 100% confirm the gender on the 28th, I am not even thinking there is any doubt, but people on here have said nubs and skulls aren't always accurate.
Going in there with the mindset that he's a boy, and not be shocked when they confirm this.

[MrsSparkles]

Just wanted to update that I booked a scan for tomorrow :)

[Mummyof4boys]

Just wanted to update that I booked a scan for tomorrow :)

Good luck Sparkles! I so hope they say girl!!

[Serenity]

Well I am one of the ladies from your due date thread who recently lost her little one, and I didn't read your post with disgust. Obviously, I was on here because I felt the same way myself. :happy:

My gender disappointment was cured when I lost three babies in a row, then read a post on another forum that said that a lady wanted a girl so much because it would be her "true offspring." I realized that that is exactly what I felt: that if I didn't have a girl I would only leave behind little copies of my husband, and none of me, when I died.

With this thought ringing through my mind, I looked at my kids. One boy has exactly my personality, and the other is the spitting image of me. The truth is that they couldn't be more "my kids" unless I literally cloned myself. :happy:

I've found my serenity. I'm at peace knowing that I've already successfully reproduced myself twice. :happy: I'm doing a very light sway now, but only because I'm curious about what the younger female version of me looks like. I get to see the male versions of myself every day. I believe that I will be truly happy with a third boy, if I get lucky enough to have one. My husband may have changed his mind about a baby now.

I've also realized that I haven't been generally happy with mothering my kids, because I haven't had enough time to focus exclusively on them, and I haven't had enough down time. So I'm changing that. They are also sometimes rude, which really bothers me, and I've realized that it's because I'm not stopping the rude behavior, not because they are boys. I'm taking responsibility for my own mothering experience, and I'm making my life better. I also realized that the baby and toddler stage kind of sucks no matter what gender your child is...when I was pregnant I imagined that the baby was a girl, and it didn't magically make my horrible nausea disappear. :happy:

This is your child. Don't be fooled by his penis...he is 100% yours, and soon you will experience love like you never have before. Find yourself in him. :happy:

The baby that I recently lost was a boy. He was my true son. His gender doesn't lessen my grief. I hated being pregnant, and I thought I only wanted a girl, but honestly I'd give anything to feel him move in me today, just one time. I think your feelings are real and valid, but I also think that if you lost your little one, you'd feel just like I do. Don't underestimate the value of your true offspring...it's incalculable. :happy:

[atomic sagebrush]

I really think you guys are making a mistake planning not to BF because of GD (I don't care how anyone feeds their baby, just saying that if it is a GD thing, that is a mistake). Many times what we plan for is what we make happen, so plan for nursing and then you always have the option of not nursing then. Planning not to nurse, there may be no changing your mind on that.

Even going HT, you cannot do that for 6 months anyway so please at least try and nurse because it does help with the bonding. Plus, it's easier and having to mix bottles, etc is a lot of work that can make you feel resentful.

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: Serenity this is true for me as well - I was always very very bonded with my first two sons so this did not come into play as much, but my 4th son, who I thought I didn't want, who I would have traded for a girl if I could, is practically my clone, it's very strange. He's the most like me in looks and demeanor of the five. my daughter looks like my husband!!

Sometimes life will surprise you and you get what you want from life in a different way than you expect.

[MrsSparkles]

Serenity that's a really powerful post you've written.
I'm sorry for your loss, but am so happy that you've found your Serenity.
I don't think there's anything wrong with any of our feelings.
Personally for me the GD was very real, and writing and talking about it, crying about it, all made me process it.
Really now I have no sadness at having a boy.
I'm excited and appreciative, and seeing him today was magical.
Can't wait to meet him now.

[MrsSparkles]

I really think you guys are making a mistake planning not to BF because of GD (I don't care how anyone feeds their baby, just saying that if it is a GD thing, that is a mistake). Many times what we plan for is what we make happen, so plan for nursing and then you always have the option of not nursing then. Planning not to nurse, there may be no changing your mind on that.

Even going HT, you cannot do that for 6 months anyway so please at least try and nurse because it does help with the bonding. Plus, it's easier and having to mix bottles, etc is a lot of work that can make you feel resentful.

I am planning to nurse and also express when I go away.
The formula I ordered is in the back of the cupboard now, I felt so guilty when it arrived, as I had already started to realise that my GD was going away every day.
I thought about asking to delete this thread, as I feel really awful that I even wished my baby to go to someone else.
But I want others to maybe stumble on it, and see that it is a choice. We can adjust our mindsets and process things.
If it helps anyone know that, yes it feels awful and like a failure when you hear that your sway failed.
That is normal !
But we can choose to try our best to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.
And everyone without question says when the baby is here, there is no love like it .
So we may as well enjoy the ride

[Throwaway_panther]

I hope you decide to keep this up, Sparkles <3 If anything, you might end up like me -- I look back on my heavy GD posts in here from when I was pregnant and realize just how dramatically I changed with the birth of my DD. It'll be a testament to you to see!

It's interesting how so many of you wanted smaller versions of you -- one of my biggest fears of having a daughter WAS getting a small version of me. My DD is the spitting image of my husband, down to personality and everything, and has removed any of my own projected issues onto her as a result. Certainly adds on to the reality that so much of our gender desire really is rooted in issues within ourselves that we could work through. Though, of course, wanting a child of a certain sex can and still is because it's just what we want!

Don't feel guilty about the formula Sparkles -- if anything, it might be good to have on hand anyway! I just think you might really surprise yourself with enjoying BFing.

[MrsSparkles]

I hope you decide to keep this up, Sparkles <3 If anything, you might end up like me -- I look back on my heavy GD posts in here from when I was pregnant and realize just how dramatically I changed with the birth of my DD. It'll be a testament to you to see!

It's interesting how so many of you wanted smaller versions of you -- one of my biggest fears of having a daughter WAS getting a small version of me. My DD is the spitting image of my husband, down to personality and everything, and has removed any of my own projected issues onto her as a result. Certainly adds on to the reality that so much of our gender desire really is rooted in issues within ourselves that we could work through. Though, of course, wanting a child of a certain sex can and still is because it's just what we want!

Don't feel guilty about the formula Sparkles -- if anything, it might be good to have on hand anyway! I just think you might really surprise yourself with enjoying BFing.

Thank you so much.
The more I look at my GD, the more I realise that actually I think it came from a really unhealthy competitive place - wanting to give DH what his ex could not.
His verbalising that he wanted a DD from the day we began to discuss TTC didn't help, but I can't blame him.
He had a horrible experience with a woman with GD, and didn't realise that by holding onto it, he was potentially creating a monster of a situation with me.
I am pleased to say I am still feeling really positive, I am so happy I went for the scan to confirm gender, I got loads of pictures and keep looking at them.
Last night I started giggling as we drove home, and he asked what I was doing.
I was just thinking that in 5 months time, I am going to be holding a little chubby cheeked version of my DH :babym:
He already has my DH's perfect side profile, and I've always wondered what he would have looked like as a small baby (there are no pictures of DH before the age of 18 months), so maybe our baby will give me a clue.

I wish you all the best of luck with getting your DS in 2017, but I know that even if you get a DD you will be amazing.
It sounds like you truly did work through everything and came out an even better Mum the other side.

[Kawazza]

Just wanted to update that I booked a scan for tomorrow :)

I didnt see these updates, but I am so happy for you Mrs Sparkles and glad you are feeling better x

[Throwaway_panther]

Thank you so much.
The more I look at my GD, the more I realise that actually I think it came from a really unhealthy competitive place - wanting to give DH what his ex could not.
His verbalising that he wanted a DD from the day we began to discuss TTC didn't help, but I can't blame him.
He had a horrible experience with a woman with GD, and didn't realise that by holding onto it, he was potentially creating a monster of a situation with me.
I am pleased to say I am still feeling really positive, I am so happy I went for the scan to confirm gender, I got loads of pictures and keep looking at them.
Last night I started giggling as we drove home, and he asked what I was doing.
I was just thinking that in 5 months time, I am going to be holding a little chubby cheeked version of my DH :babym:
He already has my DH's perfect side profile, and I've always wondered what he would have looked like as a small baby (there are no pictures of DH before the age of 18 months), so maybe our baby will give me a clue.

I wish you all the best of luck with getting your DS in 2017, but I know that even if you get a DD you will be amazing.
It sounds like you truly did work through everything and came out an even better Mum the other side.

Haha, thank you. I can tell you that I certainly haven't worked through everything, and my desire for a DS is still very strong, bordering on obsessive, but I'm in a different place now in that I know myself, and I know the things I'm willing to do to get him -- and that it's possible, even if it costs a lot of money ;)

But a lot of the fears and anxieties I had with my DD did not come to fruition. I was able to love her and bond with her immediately, and miraculously did not seem to deal with any PPD which EVERYONE EVER thought was for sure for me based on my bad antepartum depression, my history, etc.

The things we fear can sometimes be total 180s from what we thought. I thought I'd end up with a C-Section; I got a completely natural, unmedicated birth.
I thought I'd have issues breastfeeding and be a failure; I ended up with an oversupply!
I thought I'd never love my DD -- I love her more than anything in the world; she is literally my favorite person.

[MrsSparkles]

The things we fear can sometimes be total 180s from what we thought. I thought I'd end up with a C-Section; I got a completely natural, unmedicated birth.
I thought I'd have issues breastfeeding and be a failure; I ended up with an oversupply!
I thought I'd never love my DD -- I love her more than anything in the world; she is literally my favorite person.

Reading that just made my day :)
Really inspiring

[Burakoam]

Because I think you need to hear it.. I am so so jealous you have a perfect mini hubby to squish and hold and love and raise. My DD3 looks just like him, acts just like him... so I got as close as I can get with her I guess but still there is something to be said about a son who is your husbands clone, not just a daughter. I feel so much pain on behalf of your hubby.. I am sure he has his own issues watching his ex hate his children, blame him, abort his third son, and then cheat on him and essentially end their marriage. He has really been through the ringer...I think that kind of trauma changes people, truly, and that his biggest thing about having a DD is not wanting to disappoint another woman or be hurt again because he makes boys..I want to give you both a big hug. Your little boy is going to be so loved and you have an amazing opportunity to let him see you delight and love and snuggle that baby. I believe you will be an awesome example to him ofnwhat a wife really is, and a good role model to your step sons too.

[MrsSparkles]

Because I think you need to hear it.. I am so so jealous you have a perfect mini hubby to squish and hold and love and raise. My DD3 looks just like him, acts just like him... so I got as close as I can get with her I guess but still there is something to be said about a son who is your husbands clone, not just a daughter. I feel so much pain on behalf of your hubby.. I am sure he has his own issues watching his ex hate his children, blame him, abort his third son, and then cheat on him and essentially end their marriage. He has really been through the ringer...I think that kind of trauma changes people, truly, and that his biggest thing about having a DD is not wanting to disappoint another woman or be hurt again because he makes boys..I want to give you both a big hug. Your little boy is going to be so loved and you have an amazing opportunity to let him see you delight and love and snuggle that baby. I believe you will be an awesome example to him ofnwhat a wife really is, and a good role model to your step sons too.

Read this through tears, thank you for being so kind and saying such wonderful things.
I hope I can live up to being a good wife, and helping to heal him.
Last night when he came back to work I said "I can't wait to meet our son, I just want to pinch his chubby little cheeks" and started showing him the cute baby shirts I bought.
My DH looked at me really worried and said "Do you mean it ?"
It's so hard, knowing that he is finding it difficult to believe me, but of course my reaction in the first place was exactly what he expected.
Have suggested counselling, but DH is not 'that guy' he bottles things up a lot.

I am so sorry you didn't get your DD yet.
But so heartened to read that she is perfection, and I know that DD4 will be too.

I've screen grabbed your post, so that I can read it when I feel low - it really means a lot to me.

[Burakoam]

That doesn't surprise me, my DH is the same type of guy. Just know I can read that pain between the lines and when you tell him things like you did last night and you mean them like that, you ARE helping him heal and thus yourself too! I am glad my words could mean so much. I was hoping they would. Big big big hugs.

[MrsSparkles]

That doesn't surprise me, my DH is the same type of guy. Just know I can read that pain between the lines and when you tell him things like you did last night and you mean them like that, you ARE helping him heal and thus yourself too! I am glad my words could mean so much. I was hoping they would. Big big big hugs.

They really mean the world.
You're such a kind soul xxxx

[Drunken Cockatoo]

I didn't have time to read all the answers. But I just wanted to tell you that I could relate to you so much in your posts. I felt so so much the same and was shocked by my feelings ... combined with some deep sadness, anxiety and loneliness. My son is now three years old and he seriously is the love of my life. Like he is the child I was always supposed to have and didn't know. Holding and seeing him for the first time was the most beautiful moment in my life. The first year was very hard. Many of my friends had girls and my baby was very active and slept little. But after his first birthday our bond grew even stronger. I am so in love with his blue eyes, his handsome face, his humor, the way he talks, the way he plays outside and with other kids, the way he reminds me of my husband in some weeks. The way he looks so much like me in other weeks. The way he calls me "Mummy" and huggs me so tightly when I come home from work. The way he is so so happy when I read him a story before his sleep. The way he says "I love you so much" out of the blue.

It will be frustrating and there will be sadness and jealousy and so on. But it will also be incredible and such a wonder and so beautiful :)

Hugs

[MrsSparkles]

I didn't have time to read all the answers. But I just wanted to tell you that I could relate to you so much in your posts. I felt so so much the same and was shocked by my feelings ... combined with some deep sadness, anxiety and loneliness. My son is now three years old and he seriously is the love of my life. Like he is the child I was always supposed to have and didn't know. Holding and seeing him for the first time was the most beautiful moment in my life. The first year was very hard. Many of my friends had girls and my baby was very active and slept little. But after his first birthday our bond grew even stronger. I am so in love with his blue eyes, his handsome face, his humor, the way he talks, the way he plays outside and with other kids, the way he reminds me of my husband in some weeks. The way he looks so much like me in other weeks. The way he calls me "Mummy" and huggs me so tightly when I come home from work. The way he is so so happy when I read him a story before his sleep. The way he says "I love you so much" out of the blue.

It will be frustrating and there will be sadness and jealousy and so on. But it will also be incredible and such a wonder and so beautiful :)

Hugs

Your son sounds like a terrific lil guy.
You sound like an amazing Mummy.
Thank you for sharing with me, and I hope I feel all those things with my lil guy - I am so excited to meet him now.
Only 22 weeks to go !

[EVERAFTER]

Hi MrsSparkle, I feel like I could have written your post myself. I felt like this only a few months ago. Gender disappointment is real and I found this forum really helpful and reading other people stories in the same situation. I felt like such a horrible person also. I really wish I had the answer for you and could make it go away, as GD is awful. When your son is born you will fall in love, and not want to replace him. Hang in there I hope you feel better soon

100 % agree. I was devestated and depressed for the first 3 months. Then disconnected for he next three. Later in the pregnancy I was more nervous I would reject the baby and not bond. I didn't trust that people said I would love him once he's born. I am in LOVE with my boy. Gaga for him. Obsessed. Perhaps it's reverse guilt. But the love is real! I still want my daughter and am struggling with doing ivf specifically just for pink. I'd love to have another daughter naturally and I know I would love a son again, but I also know that we can only have two and my heart would always be missing a her...


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[MrsSparkles]

Wanted to update anyone who was so kind as to offer me words of support, you lifted me up in my darkest moments.
Thank you for everyone who contributed.

It's been so good lately, my DH and I have been really connected and connecting to the lil boy growing inside me.
He keeps telling me how different this pregnancy is compared to his ex wife, and that he truly does believe that I am happy.

Since starting to feel movements 10 days ago, the bond I feel for this lil boy is so strong.

Yes, I still harbour a desire that he may become a big brother and have a sister.
But it's not strong, and I am not thinking far ahead now, and just staying in the moment and enjoying every minute of this pregnancy.

Thank you all xx