Please help me decide!

[jennibel]

Hi ladies

I haven't been on here much lately. I have been plotting, scheming and planning my sway for months now and the time to start ttc is fast approaching (we are starting to ttc in April!). I started supps in Jan and have gradually been changing my diet and will be much stricter as ttc approaches. I am pretty much doing FGD. We are going for a 3 day cut off, using refresh, have lots of things in the house to help with ions, have got a baby girl fertility spell, hubby is doing quite a bit to help out (cranberry juice, minimal weights at gym and cycling instead, reduced caffeine, tight pants, hot showers etc) - loads of bits and bobs.

But I am still really not sure on one thing - abstinence or frequent. With both my boys we dtd every other day over OV. We dont have a particularly high sex drive so abstinence not a prob and we are both 28/29 so age not a worry. Frequent could be more of a challenge for us but hubby says he is willing to do anything to help. I asked tonight and he said he would be willing to release everyday for about 7 days plus morning of our bd. This is definately more of a challenge than abstinence would be. I just dont know which to do. Does one have a higher success rate over the other? I think abstinence is favoured on IG but I have recently seen lots of successful sways with frequent? I am just concerned over raised testosterone with frequent. And I have bought licorice root and was thinking that DH taking that and then having to do frequent may not be realistic? ARGGH its so hard to decide! Any advice?

x

[Princess of Pink]

I think BDing every day from AF straight though O and beyond works. Really decreases sperm count and got me 2 of my daughters.

[rainbowflower]

if you're not having a big O when you DTD (and if you're not really enjoying it) I wouldn't worry about raising T levels
you could also do FR but without the daily DTD - a release is good enough some days!

[prayforprincess]

Agree with Rainbow- You can dtd daily and use a condom until your attempt/attempts because the ph of his sperm might raise your ph -- though you are using rephresh. I'd still use a condom or have him help himself.

You could do abstain too. Either or reduces sperm count, I might try abstaining for the 1st month and see how that goes. If you don't get a bfp then switch to fr the following month.

Just a question: Why are you trying for a 3 cut off? B & G sperm live just as long.
If I were doing one attempt with a slight cut off I would make it closer to o day to raise your chances of getting pg. At least o-2 or +opk. Timing does not matter at all & especially cause you are douching and lowering his sperm count...just a thought.

[zanacal]

At your age in your situation I would probably have DH take the LR and go with abstinence - but I wouldn't expect to get pregnant with a 3 day cut-off and if I were only going to have one attempt then I'd have it on the day of my first +OPK. I would also give abstinence a couple of goes but switch to FR if not getting pregnant.

[jennibel]

Thanks girls! Zanacal thats what I was thinking of doing - seeing how abstinence went then if dont get pg maybe try frequent. I dont suppose there are any studies which show which lowers sperm count more are there? Regarding cut off I think its just because I am super scared of going near OV to be honest. Every single person I have met and asked has got a girl through cut off and because I conceived my boys on OV it just freaks me out going near OV. We are in no rush to conceive so I dont mind if it takes a couple of months. I know timing is the least important factor but I am just worried that if we went nearer OV and I had a boy I would forever blame that. I dont know though, its so hard knowing what the right thing is to do...

[zanacal]

You probably got your boy because you were DTD every other day (perfect sperm boosting boy timing!) and possibly eating a boy friendly diet too? I conceived my girl DTD once on O day - so that's not every single person you met now :D

[jennibel]

True lol!! Yes, my 'normal' diet is VERY boy friendly!! I suppose I am just worried about messing up in some way. Perhaps I need to look at more sways where DDs were conceived on OV and stop focusing on the cut off ones

[rainbowflower]

Jenn:

here's a study testing abstinence over varying number of days: Within-subject variability of human semen in regard to sperm count, volume, total number of spermatozoa and length of abstinence (http://www.reproduction-online.org/content/57/2/391.full.pdf+html)
and another testing frequent release (at 8hr intervals): Human sperm characteristics during frequent ejaculation (http://www.reproduction-online.org/content/71/1/135.full.pdf+html)

unfortunately there aren't any that test both that I've found

[prayforprincess]

jennibel - I was just like you...did not want to dtd on o day. And yes, a lot of people I know say they had a cut off, but do they really know?? Probably not, they know the shettle's method and b/c they had a girl they presume it was a few days before. But most women do not precisely track their ovulation when trying to get pg -- unless they are us :) Even we, who live and breathe tracking o sometimes cannot exactly pinpoint it. So no offense but many ladies don't truly know the timing of their conception at all. Plus, I know a great many women who dtd right through o and got a girl. Infact my best gf has 3 girls and always dtd around when she "thought" she would be o-ing cause she just wanted to get pg. Anotehr women I met at a party had 5 girls and said she did the same thing -- dtd when she believed she was o'ing and had all girls. And for every women you meet that says she had a girl with a cut off, there is another that has a shettle's opposite, because it doesn't matter. Timing doesn't matter.
And like Zan said, it was other things that cause you to have a boy, not when you dtd. Like AS says (u should read her essay on timing), timing has been the most studied method of gender selection and in over 30 years, nothing has been proven --shettles has been disproven over and over. In all this time if there was something to it, then it would have been found out by now.
I am not trying to change your plan - you have to do what feels right to you. But with one attempt and such a far cut off after killing so many sperm through douches' abstaining, supp's etc. getting bfn's months in a row gets upsetting no matter how much you don't think you care how long it takes.
Sorry, I just know I was in your place a little while back and held in my head things that just were not true. And now I am focusing on what is really true and proven to get me my girl, like diet!! Maternal condition is your greatest sway factor and most likely what will ultimately determine whether you conceive a girl or boy.

[jennibel]

jennibel - I was just like you...did not want to dtd on o day. And yes, a lot of people I know say they had a cut off, but do they really know?? Probably not, they know the shettle's method and b/c they had a girl they presume it was a few days before. But most women do not precisely track their ovulation when trying to get pg -- unless they are us :) Even we, who live and breathe tracking o sometimes cannot exactly pinpoint it. So no offense but many ladies don't truly know the timing of their conception at all. Plus, I know a great many women who dtd right through o and got a girl. Infact my best gf has 3 girls and always dtd around when she "thought" she would be o-ing cause she just wanted to get pg. Anotehr women I met at a party had 5 girls and said she did the same thing -- dtd when she believed she was o'ing and had all girls. And for every women you meet that says she had a girl with a cut off, there is another that has a shettle's opposite, because it doesn't matter. Timing doesn't matter.
And like Zan said, it was other things that cause you to have a boy, not when you dtd. Like AS says (u should read her essay on timing), timing has been the most studied method of gender selection and in over 30 years, nothing has been proven --shettles has been disproven over and over. In all this time if there was something to it, then it would have been found out by now.
I am not trying to change your plan - you have to do what feels right to you. But with one attempt and such a far cut off after killing so many sperm through douches' abstaining, supp's etc. getting bfn's months in a row gets upsetting no matter how much you don't think you care how long it takes.
Sorry, I just know I was in your place a little while back and held in my head things that just were not true. And now I am focusing on what is really true and proven to get me my girl, like diet!! Maternal condition is your greatest sway factor and most likely what will ultimately determine whether you conceive a girl or boy.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I totally see what you mean. I am trying so hard to let go of the cut off idea, its so silly I know. I am starting to think the less time I am on the girl diet the better!! Think I will not be so obsessed with cut off and like you say it is def hard to track OV, I thought I was a regular day 14 OV girl as have a 27 day cycle but I think it changes ecah month so not so easy to track as I thought! Still stressing about abstinence, frequent or compressed frequent - so hard to decide what to do! I see sways where both have had success and fails. I am tempted to go for abstinence with licorice root and o-2 first cycle see how that goes x

[atomic sagebrush]

gosh I'm so sorry, not sure how I missed this. Never be shy about bumping up a post if I miss it. I sometimes answer hundreds of q's in a week so sometimes one slips by me.

In your situation and age, I would start off with one attempt/abstinence. You can always revisit it later if you don't get pg.

I really really strongly urge you to not do a cutoff and just BD at pos OPK, or if you must do a cutoff, then do a 2 day. Here's my essay about timing and why it doesn't sway. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html Might help put your mind at ease.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks girls! Zanacal thats what I was thinking of doing - seeing how abstinence went then if dont get pg maybe try frequent. I dont suppose there are any studies which show which lowers sperm count more are there? Regarding cut off I think its just because I am super scared of going near OV to be honest. Every single person I have met and asked has got a girl through cut off and because I conceived my boys on OV it just freaks me out going near OV. We are in no rush to conceive so I dont mind if it takes a couple of months. I know timing is the least important factor but I am just worried that if we went nearer OV and I had a boy I would forever blame that. I dont know though, its so hard knowing what the right thing is to do...

But you see, that's because every single person you've asked has heard that "cutoffs = girls" and so then when they have a girl, they automatically assume that it's because they had a cutoff. If they aren't being closely monitored by doctors either via hormones + charting temps (and they only know after the fact for this method) or via ultrasounds and trigger shots, the fact is that they really have little to no idea when they Oed. We see it all the time on this site and on IG - people who have charted for months and years, are as expert as it gets at pinpointing O/CP/CM,and are doing OPK, and yet still have frantic threads wondering if they did O, if they're about to, and when/if they should DTD or not!!!

Toni Weschler, the author of TCYOF says point blank that it is impossible to pinpoint a cutoff for pink gender swaying (without ultrasound and trigger shots) and you have to wait until 3 days past ovulation to really know what day you Oed on. All you can ever do is guess and so all those people you talked to, guessed that they got a girl with a cutoff but they have absolutely, totally, no way of knowing.

3 of my 4 boys were 100% for sure conceived with a cutoff (the other one I don't know).

[Princess of Pink]

I conceived 3 of my girls by BD ONLY on day of ovulation and the other 2 by BDing daily right through my cycle.

I have NEVER had a cut off...so you can add me to the people who HAVEN'T had a cut-off and got girls!

[jennibel]

gosh I'm so sorry, not sure how I missed this. Never be shy about bumping up a post if I miss it. I sometimes answer hundreds of q's in a week so sometimes one slips by me.

In your situation and age, I would start off with one attempt/abstinence. You can always revisit it later if you don't get pg.

I really really strongly urge you to not do a cutoff and just BD at pos OPK, or if you must do a cutoff, then do a 2 day. Here's my essay about timing and why it doesn't sway. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html Might help put your mind at ease.

Thank you, I think I am definately leaning towards an abstinence and will probably just have a one time bd at pos OPK. I dont think I can put up with this diet for much longer to start with - I love my food and drink too much, lol!

[jennibel]

I conceived 3 of my girls by BD ONLY on day of ovulation and the other 2 by BDing daily right through my cycle.

I have NEVER had a cut off...so you can add me to the people who HAVEN'T had a cut-off and got girls!

Thank you, I definately do need people telling me they have got girls without a cut off :)

[NeedAGirl!]

Just on a fluke - since you have a few months - if you wanted to see what affected your DH more, you can actually check with a microscope. Now the ladies on IG who think they can tell the difference between X and Y sperm are, well, full of it. However, you can definitely see a difference in motility. When my DH abstains for about 9 or 10 days, half of the sperm do not move at all, I assume they are dead. In a fresh sample, like 90% are swimming around and you can see bazillions of them! When we just had to do a compressed FR, where DH released on his own 2x and we dtd all within about 10 hours, again about 50% were not moving. What is REALLY cool is that I found I can see this with my saliva microscope!! (Ovulite) You don't need a full microscope. Right after dtd, I just put a fingertip on the scope and you can see it right away! (For the heck of it, I was watching the tons of spermies swimming around and put a tiny dab of Replens on there - they were all instantly dead! LOL!)

[atomic sagebrush]

Interesting NeedaGirl, thx for sharing that! Awesome info!!