Back talk

[Chunky Monkey]

I don't have a 4 year old yet, but sounds like great advice has been given! Just wanted to throw out an idea that has been working for my 3 year old for a little while now. I got sticker charts with about 25 spaces on them, from a teacher's supply store. If my son does something good, I'll reward him with lots of praise and a sticker. For example, our recent struggles have been getting through dinner without getting up, going to bed without getting up or making excuses, etc. So I'll let him know he gets a sticker if he finishes his meal without getting up, etc.

I also reward him if I "catch" him being extra kind to his little brother or picking up his toys nicely. When he gets all of the stickers on the chart filled in, he turns it in for new books, toys, puzzles, etc. I keep the "grab bag" put up and let him choose his prize when he finishes a chart, that way it is up to him what his reward is. He gets control of that It takes about 10 days to fill a chart, but he gets the instant reward of a sticker, without having a bunch of little prizes everywhere. He also gets to pick his prize, so he knows what is left in the bag to choose from for next time. He always tells me what he wants to pick next time. I think this part of it helps him with being patient and another part helps teach him about working for what he really wants.

These came with about 30 charts since it's really for classroom use, but I get a new one out each time he fills it up. It hangs on our fridge too, so it's always there and he often likes to count the spaces that he has left to fill in. It amazes me what my little guy will do for a little sticker! Just thought I would share! Good luck!

And to be fair, we do the same thing with my 1 year old. It has no real meaning to him, but we do it more for my 3 year old. He sees his little brother finish his dinner, etc. and he sees him get a sticker. Then he gets to pick prizes too. I find things to reward my youngest for to keep their charts pretty even

[ThePack]

Seems like parenting never gets boring! My oldest daughter was the easiest infant, toddler, preschooler, etc. She's 11 now, and she's finally trying to exert some independence (which I'm glad to see for her development but *argh* the back talk can really wear a parent down--whether the child is 4 or 11)!

If it's any consolation, my 2nd daughter was strong-willed on steroids since day 1. But now, it seems at least for awhile, she's settled in that she needs to be respectful of adults. So I think it is somewhat true that the energy and patterns you establish with a child early on do help as they get older (even when it's hard to see that in the middle of everything).

[LolaInLove]

ChunkyMonkey & Sunrise, that is the exact same system my children's K teacher uses, just with pennies....she said it is the method prefered for that age range by the majority of educators (in their teacher mags and such), so right on, ladies!

By the way, I did try some laughter the other day...younger came to tattle on older, saying she was being mean. All casually, I said, "Well, why don't you go kick her in the taco?" (We think taco is a funny word for vag.) She laughed and then older laughed and they forgot all about it and started having a pretend taco-kicking display for us. (Sorry if you think that's crass, we are kinda nutty artist people.)