Bfp (but paranoid!) - unhappy update page 3

[djmommy]

I have been off the forums for a bit but I saw this and just wanted to say how very happy I am for you Lace!! Big congratulations and Happy and Healthy 9+months!!

[antur123]

Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you

[LacePrincess]

Thanks everyone!! I appreciate all the well wishes!

I'm still so, so scared and worried there won't be anything there at the scan. I guess after all these years of trying it just makes you pretty cynical about anything turning out well after all that!

[XXforhubby]

I'm hoping and praying for a healthy, hopefully pink, sticky bean for you Lace!! I'm sure all will be well! I understand about being cynical. I thought, and still do from time to time, think this baby is too good to be true. His due date is literally perfect, even if he comes early or late, because of my DH's work schedule. I keep pinching myself.

I don't think it's too good to be true for you either and hope you can soon enjoy your pregnancy !!

[LacePrincess]

Thanks XX. I really need to stay away from Google, it's soooo not helping!!

I guess right now until I get to the scan, that I have a hard time believing there's anything there at all, yk? It's been so many years since we've even seen a bfp that I keep assuming the worst. I suppose it's just my heart trying to protect itself, it's a lot easier to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around. Less heartbreak.

Well I guess I'll just have to hang on until the scan, at least I get an early scan, my worst nightmare would be having a MMC and not even finding out until 12 weeks+.

[XXforhubby]

I know it's hard. Especially this early. Avoiding Google is a great idea! When is your first scan?

[Beans626]

Congratulations Lace! I am so excited to see your BFP! I know how hard it is thinking about everything being ok. Relaxing and just letting nature progress is something hard! I wish you nothing but the best and a healthy, sticky, pink bundle!

[LacePrincess]

I know it's hard. Especially this early. Avoiding Google is a great idea! When is your first scan?

Aug 12. Not too long away - it'll be 7.5 weeks or so then. So far enough along the they should definitely be able to tell what's going on.

I was freaking out last week because of some brownish spotting, and they offered to bring me in for another round of bloodwork, but I ended up saying no. I just don't want to know, yk? I mean if my levels were falling I'd probably mc naturally anyways, and if they weren't then they couldn't tell me to do anything but wait and see. If they were borderline then I would've just worried even more. I also told DH to hide all my remaining HPT's, as, I just don't want to know, LOL.

Waiting is hard, but waiting with baited dread is that much harder. The spotting has stopped, thankfully, but I'm not hurling up a storm yet, so worried again, LOL. As I said, I'm really trying just to distract myself and not Google!

[XXforhubby]

I'll be checking back for updates then on or after August 12th! Il praying for a nice sticky bean with a strong heartbeat!!

[LacePrincess]

Well I guess I was right to be paranoid. I'm starting to miscarry this bean, today is 6w4d. Sh!t.

Was spotting a bit of brown over the weekend, but didn't worry too much. This morning started to spot pink and checking internally had slightly blood tinged ewcm. Did a HPT and the line is fading out, so that's that.

The timing is just rotten (not that there's ever a good time to m/c!) as DH is leaving for new city for new posting today, so I get to have the 'fun' of miscarrying by myself too. The 4lbs I managed to put on in the last two weeks is also rather depressing to me. This sucks so damned hard.