Why do you want that dream gender, anyway?

[Tiffani3]

Hi girls all your words are so moving.

I have 3 ds who I adore completely they are all so different and special in their own ways. They adore me too they will literally do anything for me! I am so proud of them and I know that they will grow to be strong handsome men who tower over there mum and give the best son cuddles

I would love to give them a sister some one to protect to worry over, and to understand girls from a sisters point of veiw. Also for my dh I feel as though I've failed him by not giving him a daughter, I want a daughter to look at him like he is the most wonderful man in the world.

And for me although I have these 4 wonderful men in my life she's missing
It's like this ache in my heart, head, stomach, everywhere. I what to know what she looks like, her personality how she smiles etc!

When I was pg with ds1 dh and I discussed if we had a boy he would deal with willys and all men stuff and if we had a girl then I would deal with all girly stuff! I'm so frightened I will never get my job never have that daughter, always looked at as though I've failed as a mother as a woman
I pray to god that this pg is her.
to give me the only thing I've craved my hole life to feel like for once gods listened to me and I will be truly happy and fulfilled.
xx

[Surprise5th]

I have a girl and 3 boys. I want my daughter to have a sister, she has been begging for a sister since she was little, and just got three brothers. I love all of my children equally but in different ways, but I think having the youngest be a girl may make the boys a little more sensitive. I also think they will all be super sweet to a baby sister!

[Shakti]

It's a variety of reasons for me. We're trying for our first child next year, with a strong desire for this one to be a daughter.

It has been a very long-standing desire. It began with what was a horrific childhood for me, ever since, I've been itching for a daughter, as I long to give her the childhood that was as good as what I should have had, basically, its the most direct way to create a new family legacy. I don't feel like I need all girls, just for my firstborn to be a girl.

Ever since I moved to the Netherlands to be with my husband, this desire has grown even stronger. Partially because when it comes to feminism, the Netherlands is WAY more progressive than the South of the US, where I come from, and partially because my husband and I have known which girls' name we want since we've met, and have only very recently found a boys' name that both of us are just as crazy about.

Of course also, my mother-in-law has been amazing to me ever since I met her. She never had a daughter, and my husband's one and only brother has had his only child, a son, so a granddaughter is something I'd really love to give her.

Ideally, we'd like a daughter and then a son, we're likely having 2 children. So if this pink sway works, we're likely swaying blue for our 2nd. This goes opposite to what I've heard many people express that they want, a son first and then a daughter, so that the son can be protective of the daughter. While I certainly think that good father-daughter and brother-sister relationships are extremely important to a woman's growth, neither of which I had, it's also important for girls to learn how to protect themselves, not to learn that they need a man. It helps too that from my observations that men tend to also be protective of their mothers and their older sisters, while it's easier for a woman to be nurturing towards a younger brother than an older one, at least while they're children anyway.

That said, if we do end up with all boys, between having an absolute legend of a man like my husband as a father, and growing up among the progressive attitudes of the Dutch, my sons are more likely than most to be the kinds of men that this world needs more of, so either way, I'm rewriting my family legacy.

And it certainly does help too that between frequency of BD, frequency of exercise, and diet, that a blue sway looks much easier to do while having kids already than a pink one. Not a deal-breaker, but it certainly does help for practical reasons.

I know to some it may seem crazy swaying when we don't even have kids yet, but my husband suggested it when we were having a heart-to-heart about my childhood, and what effect it's likely to have on how I am as a mother. And the devastation of never having a daughter is likely to be much greater than the devastation of never having a son, so if the odds of a sway working are around 75%, then even with only 2 children planned the odds of never having a daughter are very low. Either way, I don't think it can hurt anything.

ETA: Also, when we conceive our first, I'll be 31 and my husband will be 33. When we conceive our second, I'll be around 36 and my husband will be around 38. So if we want one of each, it seems better to do the sway that also helps fertility (blue) at the time that we both have declining fertility.

[Blue]

I always thought I'd have a boy first! I dreamed of it really .... My husband wanted a girl he got what he wanted!!!

I love my baby girl - she has brought so much luck and love I to my life. She is already my best friend and my companion ❤

My reason for wanting a boy is I wanted a brother to protect his sister to be there when she needed the support in her life if me and my husband aren't around. I want a boy to protect his sister!

I'm an only child , I had a brother who passed away at 4 days old. I also feel to fill that void that I had a baby brother to love but God had different ideas. I also think part of me wants to give my parents the joy of having a boy too. They love my baby girl so much she is a mini me !! Having a boy will complete our family
Also would love to have my hubby to have a little mini him. Copying him etc I just need some testosterone in the house for him! He has 3 sisters lol!

[suregena]

Family balance, I guess. I don't plan on having as many as 4 kids but I fear I would if I never got a girl. Mainly, I have such a wonderful relationship with my mom... and I'm her only girl out of three boys, so it's just one of those things, I guess.

[Tiggerian]

I just want to be able to do all the things my mum did before she got sick (mentally ill and is no longer recognisable as a person).

I love my sons, but I really want to experience that mother-daughter relationship. My mum and I used to sit and talk about when I had kids, got married.. how she couldnt wait to see me try on my dress, see me having my first baby, be a grandmother. We used to go shopping all the time, have long evenings in with a glass of wine for her and pop for me watching movies, eat steak dinners just for the hell of it, spontaneously go out for shopping sprees she'd surprise me with.. She never got to see any of it..

Of course I will do a lot of these things with my boys too - But they just don't care about it. They want to play playstation or computer games with daddy, watch killer robots on telly and roar like dinosaurs.. all the things that while I think its lovely to watch I'm not a part of. I can't be a part of it either because "Oh mum ur a girl.. u dont get it!" and it makes me a bit sad because I see the boys having such a great bond with their dad nad how much their dad loves being able to make little "Mini me's" who loves what he loves and appreciates Star Wars, Transformers, Avengers and whatever as much as he does (yes, he is a geek!)

I want a little bit of the family where I can see "me", because atm except for my boys love for books - it's all daddy! They are exact little copies of my OH.

And by the end of the day.. I remember my mum in the early days with so much love and it hurts so bad that she can't be here now. (She's alive but.. she isn't "my mum" anymore.. every thing that made her the best mum in the world is gone). I want to be there for my little girl like my mum was for me.. through the heartbreaks, the happiness, I want to see her on her wedding day, help her with her first child, stroke her and hold her tight when everything goes wrong.. Already the boys are pulling away - cuddles and kisses are for girls, if things don't go BOOM it just isn't fun..

My boys are very stereotypical boys!

I don't even know if it makes sense.. But I remember the feeling of being able to make wrongs right when I found out I was expecting my little girl and when she passed away - well, of course it was horrible, but somehow it helped to think I would experience having a girl before I was done having kids (makes sense!??), and I was desperate for a boy with my first son (I cried for joy when they told me its a boy!). But as time goes by and this feeling that Lily was the only girl I was ever going to have and i lost her breaks my heart even more..

If someone came and said I could have a girl if I gave up one of my boys I'd never agree to it. They are my heart and my soul, but I miss just that little bit of sparkle in the midst of all the roaring dinosaurs and fighting super heroes!

[cravingsalt]

Oh Tiggerian. That was powerful. I pray that you get your little girl- and that everyone here gets their dg's. Gender desire is such a consuming force for so many reasons that those who never experience it will never fully understand.

[secretly sad]

This is a really good question. OK here goes - I don't really know why I am so desperate for a dd to be honest. I love my boys so much (as does all the other ladies on this forum) but I just feel like there is something missing. My parents are quite wealthy and I can honestly say that money doesn't buy happiness. I had a very stable upbringing but my father was extremely strict. He stopped work in his 40's because he didn't have to work anymore, however it certainly was not the best idea because he became an alcoholic. I have lived with this for so many years now and watched it basically destroy my mother and rip our family apart. I have learnt to understand this "illness" as best as can but it is so hard. Anyway, I could go on and on but my point is that when he is drinking heavily it makes my gd so much worse to the point where I am so desperate for a dd it is not real! Why do you guys think this is happening? I can't believe I have typed this as I have covered up for my father for so many years. Thank you for listening... x

[secretly sad]

I just want to be able to do all the things my mum did before she got sick (mentally ill and is no longer recognisable as a person).

I love my sons, but I really want to experience that mother-daughter relationship. My mum and I used to sit and talk about when I had kids, got married.. how she couldnt wait to see me try on my dress, see me having my first baby, be a grandmother. We used to go shopping all the time, have long evenings in with a glass of wine for her and pop for me watching movies, eat steak dinners just for the hell of it, spontaneously go out for shopping sprees she'd surprise me with.. She never got to see any of it..

Of course I will do a lot of these things with my boys too - But they just don't care about it. They want to play playstation or computer games with daddy, watch killer robots on telly and roar like dinosaurs.. all the things that while I think its lovely to watch I'm not a part of. I can't be a part of it either because "Oh mum ur a girl.. u dont get it!" and it makes me a bit sad because I see the boys having such a great bond with their dad nad how much their dad loves being able to make little "Mini me's" who loves what he loves and appreciates Star Wars, Transformers, Avengers and whatever as much as he does (yes, he is a geek!)

I want a little bit of the family where I can see "me", because atm except for my boys love for books - it's all daddy! They are exact little copies of my OH.

And by the end of the day.. I remember my mum in the early days with so much love and it hurts so bad that she can't be here now. (She's alive but.. she isn't "my mum" anymore.. every thing that made her the best mum in the world is gone). I want to be there for my little girl like my mum was for me.. through the heartbreaks, the happiness, I want to see her on her wedding day, help her with her first child, stroke her and hold her tight when everything goes wrong.. Already the boys are pulling away - cuddles and kisses are for girls, if things don't go BOOM it just isn't fun..

My boys are very stereotypical boys!

I don't even know if it makes sense.. But I remember the feeling of being able to make wrongs right when I found out I was expecting my little girl and when she passed away - well, of course it was horrible, but somehow it helped to think I would experience having a girl before I was done having kids (makes sense!??), and I was desperate for a boy with my first son (I cried for joy when they told me its a boy!). But as time goes by and this feeling that Lily was the only girl I was ever going to have and i lost her breaks my heart even more..

If someone came and said I could have a girl if I gave up one of my boys I'd never agree to it. They are my heart and my soul, but I miss just that little bit of sparkle in the midst of all the roaring dinosaurs and fighting super heroes!

[stillwanttwomore]

I am not sure why I have this strong desire for a sister for my other daugther. My sister and I aren't even close, to be honest I don't really like her all that much. But I hope my 2 daugthers are not like this (I have found out recently that I am having a girl). I think for me it comes down to "the heart wants what the heart wants". This is to be my last baby #6 and I wanted it to be a girl.

With all that being said I think if I had had all girls and no sons, I would be even more desperate to have a son. I would want to raise a son to treat the special women like the princess that she was. I find that really, really good men can be hard to find, and I love that fact that I am raising 4 of them and I know they are going to make great husband and wonderful fathers some day. That is something that seems to not ge talked about enoguh. Mothers need to take pride is raising a son into a great man....and hopefully ther own daughters can find someone as equally great.

And to the poster who says that she does not believe that a mothers desire could ever be as strong for a boy as it would be for a girl - you are compeltely off your rocker! And your comment really upset and offended me. And I would NEVER want your daughter to marry one of MY sons, becuase she would probably believe that she was better than my son just becuase she was a girl.