Wanting one baby but dh says NO

[Butterfly Spirit]

I'm so horrible Atomic, I would make the appt and then pretend I had it put in!
muhahaha
But I loved your response to her anyway!

[auroara78]

omg butterfly, I had the same thought muahhahah! Devious minds, I know!

I am so terrible (yes, this is awful to admit) that if I really do decide I want a 4th a few years from now, but DH is hesistant, I'm just going to do the diet and supps and seduce him....and we'll have another "opps" (DS1 and 2 were opps, but they were truly accidents!)

I think the "opps" approach also depends on how your husband would take it. My husband is a BIG believer in destiny/fate so if we were to have an opps, he would be totally OK because he would feel like the baby was meant to be here.

The better approach is obviously to talk it out, let him know how much it means to you, maybe ask if he could just postpone the vasetomcy? My husband was against number 2 for a long time (money, etc) and I just kept talking to him about my desires for more children.

[Mum23boys]

I have 3 sons and used bribery to get my 4th - My hubby has always wanted a sports car since we had to sell our first one when our first son was born so i said if he got my pregnant he could go get one on finance !!! After our 12 week scan i think he will be dragging me around show rooms !! An expensive way to do it as will be paying for it for ever but will be worth it if i get my daughter !!

[Mrs_P]

LOL mum, prob TMI but my hubby is promised something in the bedroom if he gives me a little girl - keeping him interested and doesn't cost as much as a car

[deaks66]

LOL mum, prob TMI but my hubby is promised something in the bedroom if he gives me a little girl - keeping him interested and doesn't cost as much as a car

id give my dh a little something in the bedroom every night if i get my little girl... might live to regret that... hope so!

[Lassie1982]

I think you should to him more or even write him a letter. Personally I don't think you should go ahead without his consent, it's dishonest and will put strain on your marriage. I could never go against something so important.

I realise I am probably in the minority here - but I'm on the same side of the fence as Northern_Shutterbug.

Whilst I understand the desire and longing you have, and can appreciate that it must be awfully painful, it doesn't seem to make it right to force or trick DH into something if he is dead against it just to satisfy your own desires.

I appreciate that it would be a very hard situation - one that i will probably find myself in in the future (I'm pregnant with our second, i want a 3rd, DH is dead against a third, and wants the snip) but i cannot imagine doing something against his expressed will.

I think you should talk to him more, maybe a letter, maybe even counselling, but certainly not doing something if he has expressed that he doesn't want it.

As someone said - some DH's are happy with 'oops' babies, and that different again....but if your dh is so against any more that he wants to have a vasectomy then its obvious its something he feels strongly about.

Try and put yourself in the other shoes, how would you feel, if he went ahead and did something that you were adamantly against? Lets say he went ahead and got the vasectomy, without telling you upfront, just came home one day and said "honey i've had the snip" - knowing full well that you are dead against it...how would that make you feel? Because he would probably feel a similar way if you announce you are pregnant when he has made it clear he doesn't want anymore children.

As you say, I am sure that he would love the child regardless, of course he would - but would he ever love you the same again?

Try speaking to him, it might take time for him to come around, but surly its better to get to where you want to get to going down that path, rather then the other path...

[bec2483]

so ladies this is what i'm thinking at the moment and it might sound a little crazy if i do the accident thing its something i would never tell him that i trick him into it sometime i say what he doesnt no won't hurt him if he new the of course he would feel betrayed but telling him wouldn't never be on the cards he never wanted dd4 either i like butterfly_spirit and auroara 78 are thinking and if he was ever to get the snip behind my back and never told me i would be none the wiser he wouldn't be smart enough to do that anyway

[deaks66]

i reckon talking to him or bribing him (in a non malicious way obviously!) is the way forward not an oops. Mine was dead set against a 3rd and a 4th but i have talked him round with an added little guilt trip (you have sons, i don't have daughters...sob) added in and now we are going forwards together.... feels better this way.

[Mrs_P]

I know with my husband if he is dead set against something otherwise a no is not really a no, its more of a maybe and depends on how dead set am i. At the end of the day whilst i would never go behind his back (unless i knew he really would be ok with it) you also have to consider how you'd feel never trying again. If its something thats that important to you its unfair of him to just dismiss it saying no, there should at least be some discussion.

After our dog died (his first proper pet) my hubby said no more, there too expensive, we have all the kids it would be a risk as other dog was soooo good with them and its too hard. But i have always had a pet and it mean't a lot to me. Although he said i no i looked anyway and found our lovely little spaniel girl, his no eventually went to i'll go and have a look and the moment he saw her he feel in love with her and we brought her home that day. Point is i know with him if its really a no or not. If its something that means that much to you work on him first before you do anything you may regret (or he does something) a realistic idea of a baby (esp if a friend has one etc) is different from the thoughts of one, get him broody x

[bec2483]

i think i will talk to him again to see if we can agree or not i'm say i'm feeling a little guilty or ready and i haven't done any think yet but i do no that i need to a least give ttc a little boy or my heart will always ache and i will hold dh somewhat response able for it