Can I do this? (name issue)

[Tiggerian]

Hiya girlies.

This might be a bit confusing, so bear with me.

Every since expecting my DS1 my OH and I have agreed on one name for a girl: Alys. It's our dream name and what we always imagined a DD would be called.

Now, I have two half sisters. Same mum, not same dad. My youngest sister L is 15 years old and has lived with her dad since she was 2 years old and since then I have hardly seen her. After L (15y) and M (20y) dad divorced our mum things have gone downhill with our mum and after a long, nasty court battle L was send to live with her dad while M was ordered to stay with our mum. When I was 15 years I moved to my dad and was banned from my mums house.

So, for the last 13 years I've barely seen L. But we do talk occasionally on Facebook! I talk to our sister M daily. We grew up together and supported each other and I have more of a bond with her (please don't think I'm nasty or cruel - it was my sister L's saving grace she grew up with her dad, she may have missed out on having all her sisters, but she has a close bond with M and a happier, safe childhood - which we didn't have!).

Now, to the point. M & L's paternal grandmother's middlename is Alice and my 15 year old sister has recently expressed a wish to name her future daughter Alice-Isabel. And my sister M effectively 'banned' me from using Alys for 'our' daughter and said L would be very angry if I did.

I understand the sentimental value of the name, but considering we hardly see each other (I haven't seen M or L for over 4 years now and it's not going to be possible for either of us to travel for some years yet).

Now, we've settled on another name - but considering we could possible have twins, would it be completely heartless if we name one of them Alys?

My OH and i had talked that as my sister is so young she may well change her mind + if she doesn't and she names her daughter Alice, then our Alys would just be "Aly" in the family. I dunno.. it's difficult.. =/ my friends and in-laws say they don't think it's a problem. But what do you think?

[The Anchor]

Silly question...are Alys and Alice pronounced the same? At any rate, that's a tough one! Are you more worried about hurting M & L's feelings?

[my4leafclover]

It is very common in families to have sibblings or even cousins use the same name for their children. Usually it is the grandfather or great grandfathers name. It can be tricky, but in time people get used to it. If it is spelled differently and you have a different last name it helps. Nicknames help also, and some may go by their middle name. You hardly see your half sister. If this is your dream name use it. From what you wrote there may be years in between your dd and hers IF she has any. When the dust settles, just write her a note or talk to her and tell her it was your dream name and that it really is ok if it is her dream name too. I am sure "alice" would be honored.

[Tiggerian]

In English, yes - but not in my native language! i and y are pronounced very differently in Danish. The ending 'lys' means light in my native tongue - I don't think I can explain the pronunciation and I can't find it online. It's pronounce a-LYS, so the pressure is in the back, where as Alice in Danish is pronounced as AH-lees (quick ending on the 's' - like sees with a 'L' in front) with the pressure in the front. (makes sense?!)

So In English, same name - not in Danish!

Well, I'm more worried about P'ing them off. They do have an extra ordinary temper both of them! It's quite impressive to watch really!

[Boymomsrock]

She's 15. I had names back then too but I certainly wouldn't have been hurt if one of my distant relatives used one of them. I wouldn't worry much about it.

[The Anchor]

Well now that you've explained it (and I do get it, btw, lol)...I find myself in love with the name Alys as well! It's beautiful...I think you should keep it, and like a PP said, if M or L ever raised it just explain that you have always liked it, and just because L was the first to mention wanting it doesn't mean she gets the rights to it.

[Tiggerian]

I know! It's just.. well they are increasingly putting their "right" on names - like Lucca, Christopher, Nicholas, Nanali, Gabriel, Isabel are all off-limits as those are names they like and want for their children, which I've respected when naming my other two (despite Nicholas being very high on my OHs list). But I just feel like I gotta draw the line somewhere! I "got" Noah which both M and I liked - but both L & M are years away from having children, so it kinda sucks for me to forego my dream name because they may/may not have a child with that name. I just don't know how to sort of explain that to them without P'ing them off because I do get the sentimental value - but when we hardly see each other, it just seems a bit pointless.. Our children won't exactly meet more than maybe every few years, if that! (neither L nor M have seen my youngest who has just turned two for example).

[Butterfly Spirit]

One thing I have learned.. if you have a dream name between you and DH.. totally and always keep it to yourself until baby is born.. DH and I have had ours reserved since we met, and it will remain that way. But because of us thinking we were carrying girls while we were pregnant we divulged the name several times. My SIL pulled a cruel trick on me (this is the one I no longer speak to because she's caused far too much drama in my life-and his brother is divorcing her anyway) She had a daughter and her second name choice ended up (ironically) being the one I named DS#2. I did not remember that until AFTER DH and I decided on the name because it was trendy and on a popular tv show I was watching. I found out later she was furious once she got pregnant with a daughter again and wanted to use her second name choice.. Anyways one day she texted me and tried twice asking.. if you ever had a girl what was that name you were going to name her? And I remained silent. Then 2 weeks later she texted me and said "We finally decided on the name we are going to name our daughter _________..... because it is SO Beautiful!" I just couldn't believe it.. that person in the family (DH's sister) disclosed the name to her and it turned into a BIG fight.. her husband called mine claiming they've had it picked out for awhile and got it off a tv show as well.. and telling us we had no right to claim the name especially since it wasn't set in stone we would ever even have a daughter. Well... DH responded to him "That's okay, you're right.. you can name her that.. and we are still naming our future daughter that." It shut him up immediately. And when they went to the hospital to deliver my MIL saw names on a board of possible choices and ours wasn't there.. and she confronted her about it since it was such a huge issue.. and she said to her "Oh, we were never really considering that name!" And at the gender reveal party my MIL retold the story to the entire family. Because they weren't there.. because they are getting a divorce.
I'm nervous lately.. DH's cousin is expecting a 3rd girl and DH's sis's hubby asked what we were naming our daughter on Thanksgiving... I just pray ... and pray that they don't use our name.
We have two middle names picked out that we have told absolutely no one but my mom and sister who aren't going to spread it around.

The ironic thing is... my SIL's mom has an obsession with DS#1 and had her daughter name her son his name...
And... my Aunt-in-law.. I was talking about the one with GBBBBBG she also has an obsession with DS#1 and encouraged her son to name their son...after ours.
It's just a frustrating thing to me, and it can turn out viciously..

I believe you guys should use your dream name. And Ally is gorgeous for short!

[3boys]

She's 15 Hun. You can't claim a name at 15 years old. she shouldn't even be thinking about kids yet. I know you don't want to upset your family but the chances are you would lose out on your dream name and when she's a lot older she won't even use the name herself. X

[Butterfly Spirit]

She's 15 Hun. You can't claim a name at 15 years old. she shouldn't even be thinking about kids yet. I know you don't want to upset your family but the chances are you would lose out on your dream name and when she's a lot older she won't even use the name herself. X

I thought the exact same thing... She's gonna change her mind a million times just like everything else you do at 15..and hopefully she's nowhere near that age when she gets pregnant!!!!!