Age gap between children..

[FitBlonde]

My son is currently 2 1/2 and we had planned to try for #2 in April, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I had a terrible pregnancy with morning sickness, bleeding and SPD. My son had severe reflux until he was 16 months. I'm just not sure I'm ready to do it all over again just yet. I'm worried if I leave it too long the gap will get too big and they won't get along.

Do you have a larger gap between your kids (say 4+ years) and how do you find it?

[Abifasc]

My boys are 21 months apart and I love it. I think 2 kids are easier than one!

[carmella_marie]

my kids are 28 months apart and we are definitely going to go even longer between 2 and 3. for me, 2 kids was not twice as hard, it was like 10 times as hard since my second had severe reflux like that It is getting easier as they get older though.

[nuthinbutpink]

I think you should do what you are okay with but I think 4 years is a lot to have two kids want to play together- that's not the only reason to have kids though...they will make friends of their own too!

To put it in perspective, where I live, 4 years difference could mean you would have one child in first grade and the other would be in 5th grade- it's a big difference in maturity. My two older girls play together. They have 2 year, 9 month age gap. Three years old meant the older one was still home with us for 3 more years before she went to school full time. She "grew up" with her younger sibling, side-by-side at home.

Now, my eldest is friendly with her sister that is 5 years younger but they don't "hang". Way too big of an age difference. They are obviously still sisters and buds, but not a playmates.

[hotdogz&boyz]

I understand being afraid. My oldest son was unplanned, I had a really hard time adjusting to motherhood, part of which was due to his severe acid reflux and failure to thrive. But I went the other way...I wanted another almost immediately because I guess I wanted to be beyond the fear of having another (I don't always do things logically! Lol). But, ill say, it worked. My second son was nothing like his brother, healthy and hearty without issues. I also found having two to be easier than having one.

That said, I don't think having a gap of 4 years is necessarily going to create a divide where the kids couldn't be close. My brothers are 4 years apart and have been very close their whole lives. Sure, the first-grade and fifth-graders didn't have a lot in common at school. But they played similar sports, enjoyed some similar activities (building things, nerf guns) and they played together pretty well across the ages. I even enjoyed playing with my youngest brother and there are 6.5 years between the two of us. I don't know if that experience is outside the norm, but a close friend of mine has 4 years between her boys and even though they are still little (6 & 2), they play and interact much the same as my two who are 4 & 2.

In the end, it's what works for your family. The dynamics will be fine, no matter how you decide to space them.

(For the record: I am 2.5 years older than my immediately younger brother and we have never gotten along very well. As children we didn't fight, really. We just didn't have similar interests and saw life so differently that we just kinda ignored one another. As adults, we are cordial, but not close. We don't have anything in common. So even close-in-age children aren't guaranteed to be close)

[carmella_marie]

We are aiming for 36 month gap this time. At first I thought we were done at 2 kids but now to see them playing and having so much fun I want another one!

[motherofboys]

I have 4 boys aged 8, 6, 3 (4 in a week) and 4 months. The 1st 2 are 20 months apart, they were 4yrs 1month and 2yrs 4 months when the 3rd arrived and the 4 year gap between DS1 and DS3 hasn't made a huge difference. In fact DS 3 loves the fact his big brother can read to him, and the oldest 2 are so excited for their little brother to start school with them in Sept (we start at 4 in England)
I admit I prefer smaller gaps but even with small gaps between each child eventually you are going to get a bigger gap between the eldest and youngest and you do find there are bonds there. I can already see a special bond between #1 & #4 developing where he knows so much more about things now and how to help and likes to sit and cuddle and protect the baby.
It took a long time to conceive my 4th which was why we ended up with a bigger gap this time, of more than 3 and half years.
And obviously you may just want to two, but my point is you have to do what's right for you and whatever happens your children will find some way to form a bond, be it playing with similar toys or being an extra care giver.

[signingmommyfor3]

I am concerned about it too. Ours are close in age. There is 8.5 months between the first two and 19 months between the second two. The middle DS is really close to both his brothers, but the oldest and youngest are not as close. Now there is a possible 6 to 7 year difference between my youngest and our last (since we aren't ttc quite yet) and I am scared what kind of relationship they are going to have.

[odd]

I only have 1 so far but if things go according to plans..the difference between my son and 2nd will be 5 years. Which i feel is too big of a gap..if I had it my way, I'd have had my 2nd by the time my kiddo was 3 but thanks to hubby dearest, things are different. I am grateful in a way coz it gave me an opportunity to explore gender swaying

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[pinkin2011]

My Son turned 4 10 days before I had ds2. My ds2 had terrible reflux too and it was just a nightmare I am glad I have the 4 year gap because I would not of been able to cope if ds1 was younger. In saying that my ds1 is such a placid kid has been from day one! My ds2 on the other hand is a nightmare!!! He is 17 months and just a handful!!! It is a hard one and only you can make that call but your next bub could be a perfect baby you just never know!