How do you know when you are done?

[XXforhubby]

The title says it all. I'm looking for some advice. Those of you that are through with having kids, how did you know? Do you still feel like there is someone you haven't met yet, but you have learned to deal with not having anymore kids? Did you just wake up one day and know?

I'm not sure I feel ready to say I'm done, but I'm feeling pretty comfortable with my family the way it is after having DS3. It just feels right. Yet I also feel like there is someone I haven't met yet. The problem is we would have to add onto our house or buy a bigger one, we would have to buy DH a large vehicle, DH would need a promotion (this is going to happen anyway soon), and I MAY have to go back to work so 1-2 kids in daycare.

I know there may not be a clear answer, but I look forward to hearing any experiences!

Thanks!


DS1🏼, DS2, & DS3 completes our family !

[smarston3]

I'd like to know too..we are struggling with this as well.


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[maidentomother]

I don't have kids, but personally I would never make a choice that would put my kids in day care or mean that neither I nor another adult in the household were providing full time care. But I'm really ant-daycare/pro AP. I know my view is biased though bc I could afford a nanny if needed.

What will make the choice for me will likely be age, unless anti-aging technology hurries up! I don't want to be an old mom, I'm already older than I ever wanted to be having kids.

I personally like even numbers and it makes a variety of things easier, so since you already have 3, why NOT a 4th to round things out?

Good luck whatever you decide!

[smarston3]

Maiden-we are very lucky that I work from home so I get the best of both worlds without childcare costs. And hi!! It's good to see you again!!

My worry is, I can say I'm done. But, what happens 5 years from now when I want another and it's too late..can I live with the disappointment?


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[XXforhubby]

Maiden-we are very lucky that I work from home so I get the best of both worlds without childcare costs. And hi!! It's good to see you again!!

My worry is, I can say I'm done. But, what happens 5 years from now when I want another and it's too late..can I live with the disappointment?


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I feel the same way, yet we have living and vehicle constraints that will make it tough for us to overcome without me going back to work. I won't be able to stay home with him/her until kindergarten like I would want. It's so hard to know what to do!


DS1🏼, DS2, & DS3 completes our family !

[netti02]

I had this dilemma a few years ago. Working shift work wanting more kids, relying on others to help. So I switched jobs to permanent nights. Hubby works mon-fri. We still have someone come over on the weeknights i work but i normally work thurs/fri/sat nights and only need someone over one night.

The 2 little ones have daycare on fridays only so i can sleep. This helps reduce the expense there.

We did purchase a bigger car and then took the chance sold our house and bought a bigger one which was luck really.

If i look over everything i was getting myself in the best possible position to have more kids without increasing childcare needs or reliance on others.

Im due in July with baby no5 and no matter what it is this is my last and it already feels that way. I didn't have those feelings with ds3 or ds4. But now i do. I think its a combination of space, vehicle and managing all that we have now.

Its certainly a combination of finances and how you feel in terms if you have anymore. This last one wasn't an easy decision but we feel we can still manage and are very much looking forward to meeting this new bundle to our family

Mum to 4 Boys awaiting her Princess

[maidentomother]

Thanks smarston! Have you had your baby yet?

[yarranabbe]

We are a 3 child family and have decided to go once more. I didn't feel finished. Our family feels lopsided. And yes we are needing to upsize our house and car but we would have needed to one day as it was

I didn't feel the completeness you have described. So maybe you are done?!

[mommymachine]

If your heart is saying it wants another, and your head is saying "but what about ---(finances, housing, car space, etc)." My advice would be to listen to your heart. <3

[mammacass]

My fave saying in relation to this is "you never regret the children you have... Only the ones you do not"

Going again for number four was a massive decision for us which took quite a while to make, but as others have said I just didn't feel finished and knew I would always be wondering what if. I already know whole heartedly that this will definitely be our last - and I never once felt that with my last child.

Opinions regarding childcare vary greatly, I see nothing wrong with children attending daycare as it can be quite beneficial for them socially. And many women have a desire/need to work just for themselves and their own fulfilment.

I like what you said, how you "feel like there is someone you haven't met yet"



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