18 month old still wakes up, help!

[DoulaMama]

We already tried this before more then 3 nights and she did not stop .There is no such thing here like "work yourself out of the room" She scream bloody murder when Im right next to her! I get what others says that she calm down and you go out and go back ect. well she wont calm down at all. And I just can't leave her alone in the room like that , crying in the dark alone , scared.
I was really interested in tips how others did it...but like a nice way? Not to let her cry alone for nights and nights until she learn she can't trust me anymore because Im not coming when she calls me.I think she would feel abounded and unloved.
So I guess we try baby steps...like the water and bigger bottle nipple...

Yup You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what feels right in your heart. xoxo She won't need you to do this when she's 15 She will know that you have always been there for her and that she can trust you. Go with your gut. Just know that when times get tough and you need to change things for YOU, that's ok too. We all do what we need to do. Lots of love!!!!

[lindi]

I haven't read all the responses to this thread, but I had something similar with DS only it was breast feeding. Here's my take if you're interested- the fact is, she's used to getting milk in the middle of the night. So she is legitimately hungry for it. If you woke up every night and had a sandwich, eventually you'd be hungry for it, because your body adjusts to this being part of your eating routine. She also gets comfort from the sucking. So you've got 2 things to "replace"- that meal, and a way to comfort her. Hopefully, eventually once her body stops giving her the signal to wake up because she's hungry, she'll just sleep on.
I did this with nursing in a very long and aggravating way but it worked. I couldn't measure like you can with a bottle- so I timed how long I fed DS for, then cut 30 seconds off it every other night. You could cut half an ounce a night or something, wean her slowly from the milk so her body has a chance to figure out it needs those nutrients during the day- take a week to do this at least so she can also adjust to sucking for shorter periods. Maybe if she's awake does she take a pacifier? You could offer her that after the bottle is gone and cuddle her a little and put her back down like you do after her bottle.
Hopefully if you do it slowly she'll start to sleep through when she used to wake up. I'm not sure the water will be so helpful because she may sort of wake up more like "dude what happened to the way my milk used to taste?"
good luck!!

[zanacal]

lindi - I did that exact thing with DS1 when he was around 7 months old to cut a night feed. Worked for me too

I think you're either in the controlled crying/crying it out camp or you're not - it's something that each feel very strongly about and a debate probably not worth getting in to because it always gets so heated!

[dannikins]

firstly, lindi has a great plan there!....
i acutally done that with one of my boob monsters
maybe try slowly cutting back how much she gets in her bottle untill she gets nothing.

secondly, you dont let them scream for hours. thats just stupid, and noone here expects you to do that!
you go in, comfort them, weather its picking them up, or just stroking them, what ever works, then as soon as they stop crying you put them down and leave the room, then after 10 mins you come back and do it again, but the trick is everytime you do it, you leave it 5 minutes longer each time.

for example, she crys you give her a cuddle put her down, leave the room, she crys again,you go back after 10 mins do it again, then go back in 15 mins, do it again then go back in 20 mins...etc....
thats what i done for my son, and within 3 nights he was sleeping right through a happy camper.....
the returning every so often is to let them know that you are there and they are not abandoned, but at the same time not giving in.

sorry i just felt like i needed to explain that, but i do understand why you dont want to do it, it IS a tough thing to watch and listen to, it IS heartbreaking to do, and for those days-weeks you DO feel like a bad mother. and will be eaten with guilt!

good luck, i hope you find something that works for you...

[Flava]

Thanks girls! I will try the less milk for sure starting tonight! And I can do 5 min.( i guess lol) so let's see...

She slept all night last night!!! Only waked up at 7!! BUT she eat a half pizza and some bites of a muffin for dinner!( this is a LOT of food for her) So maybe She does wake up because she is hungry??
I don't know but I was happy lol but I know this only happen sometimes...

Thanks for the new tips I try tonight!

[Flava]

I have good news! I read somewhere on the net to put flavored water in the sippy cup. How could I forget that I did it for DD3 too! Well it works!!( I tried just water but she don't want it) No more bottle for us she go take a nap with her sippy cup and go to sleep with it too! Also eat a lot more food during the day and she only waked up 2 night yet and had to give her a bottle with milk but she was hungry because she did not eat much on that days. Hope we can throw it out soon! FX
What I do now I give her dinner and also feed her 1 more time before she go sleep.so far so good...Im sure the more food help here. (only she don't drink milk now)she don't always drink all the water from the sippy .
I just hope we can go on like this and soon she get use to it and eat a good dinner and wont cry when i put her to sleep.(because she do cry a little every night , like 5 min or so and then she go sleep...there was no cry last night)
Thanks for all the help and good ideas !

[zanacal]

I'm glad things are improving Flava x

[TTC5]

Yup You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what feels right in your heart. xoxo She won't need you to do this when she's 15 She will know that you have always been there for her and that she can trust you. Go with your gut. Just know that when times get tough and you need to change things for YOU, that's ok too. We all do what we need to do. Lots of love!!!!

ITA

[LolaInLove]

I don't want anyone to cry all night but eating in the middle of the night when you eat food during the day is 100% unnecessary. It is a habit and I am of the opinion that it is better to teach her to console herself so she can put herself back to sleep. If you don't stop, why would she? I'm not saying don't go to her but absolutely would not feed her. I would do what that Nanny on TV does for sleep training. You lay her back down, do not speak to her and slowly work yourself out of the room.

If you want to get your life and health back, I would put in the effort to male her self reliant. It doesn't take more than a few days usually and I bet she will be better functioning throughout the day when she wakes well rested.

Flava, I agree with this 100% (although I haven't read through all of the posts yet). My mom told me this when I had my first, and a huge goal with both was to teach them as babies to teach themselves to console and go to sleep. Luckily, by 10 weeks old both were sleeping through the night and have never woken up since except for illness or occasional nightmare. At this point, it is indeed habit, and you can break it, the trick is just doing it without losing your mind or feeling cruel. I know it is hard and I HATED to hear my little ones cry, but I really like DM's method with her DH patting the back until she is soothed, but NO boob/bottle/food. You guys could take turns if your DH has to be up early for work, etc.

I'm going to read on, this is a good thread and I think a problem that lots of parents have trouble solving!

[LolaInLove]

I would cut back on the drinks of milk during the day, this will be filling her tummy up but not providing enough to keep her full during the night.

I know how hard it is when all you want to do is sleep but it really comes down to having to be tough/strong and take the bottle away cold turkey. This is what I have learnt anyway from our experience. After a few nights believe me she will start to learn you are not giving in and she will start eating more too once the bottle is gone.

When she cries out during the night, go in quietly without talking, tuck her in, pat her bottom, stroke her hair sit beside her so she isn't alone and when she calms down try walking out. If she starts up again, go back in and do the same.

It is going to be tiring, but worth it just takes time and perseverance xxxx

YES! This is great advice.....I still won't give my girls anything but water for an hour or two before dinnertime. It makes a big difference on how much they eat. Of course, my 9 year old is out of baby territory completely and eats very well, but my 6 year old is a big drinker and always tries to sneak a drink out of the fridge while I'm making dinner.

And everyone is right, this is something that is not going to resolve quickly, but something that you must work on for a bit...you never know, it might end in a week or so if you are lucky and find the magic strategy.....but it's either try a bunch of strategies and stick with them or just learn to live with it. I think you BOTH will be much happier if you are sleeping through the night and she is eating more during the day and can console herself to sleep more on her own. Just remember that YOU are the boss and you can't give in....you have to teach her this, and if she freaks and you come running, you are teaching her that no matter what, if she starts crying, you will drop all teaching and discipline and give in.