If you have or grew up in a "large" family....

[love being a mummy]

I am classed as having a large family because I have 5 children but to me it doesn't really feel that big.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I only had 2 children but most of the time I dream about the future, about xmas time and the big family get togethers all my children and grandchildren together.
I am one of 3, I am the oldest and only girl.
My mother was one of 9 so I had lots of cousins and I loved xmas day at nans house when we were all together. So to me it felt like I grew up in a large family.

I never planned on having 5 children but I don't regret it at all. I would like to have another son one day I have 1boy and 4girls.

Questions:
On raising a larger family: What do you love about it? So many people to love, so much love in return, family events,
How do you manage to still be intentional with each child? You will find ways, it all depends on what the child likes / dislikes.
What are the upsides of having several of the same gender? Sharing clothes lol
And downsides ... but if you offer a downside please offer how you cope with it so I don't get too terrified! Only real downside I have faced is the comments from other people, when you have girl after girl people can be negative and say "oh not another girl, you poor thing" makes me sad to hear that, cause I don't feel like that at all.

[purplepoet20]

My childhood is a time I would love to forget and my family Everything from my dad not knowing I existed, My mother blaming me for everything wrong in her life (stuff before I was born), My sibs treating me like we are not related, And the abuse that was ignored.

I want to start a big family of my own so I can start fresh... lots of babies!

I love to hear my kids talk and they love that I listen, even to DS2 baby talk. DS1 loves to cook with me and he is so proud. My boys know that I am always there to play, read, talk, or hug. Little things are the key to wonderful memories.

[nicnee1976]

I was one of 3 (1 bro, 1 sis) and DH an only child. We are expecting our fourth baby. I had a terrible childhood. My older sister was a bully and she turned my younger brother against me, so I spent all of my teenage life alone in my bedroom. I lost all confidence in myself and cried a lot. I hated christmas due to the evil sister and holidays etc.

Luckily at the moment in my family I do not have any of the bullying that I endured, nor do I allow it to happen here. I have 3 boys and they have an amazing bond. They squabble a bit, but nothing malicious at the moment. My older 2 are very close, and the youngest adores my middle son. I do not know if this baby is a boy or girl yet, due in 7 weeks.

What I love about my little family is that they all have very different personalities and they don't need me to be with them one on one so much, because they entertain each other a lot. I love their little ways and the fact that life is never dull. I don't have time to do loads of one-on-one stuff with the older 2, but I read with them every night without fail. My older 2 are academically advanced, so I'm sure I can't be doing too much wrong. My youngest is bright too, but a bit early to see how academic he is.

The downsides are: going on days out - cost a fortune!!, trying to co-ordinate each of their individual needs, mornings, tea-time and bedtime are bonkers at times!!

I am a bit daunted about having this next baby and how our life will again be thrown into chaos, but I figure it will only be for 6 months or so until some order is restored and time will fly!!

[DoulaMama]

Good point Nicnee...another downside is hotels, travel, costs of holidays...cost of everything! Food bills are CRAZY here and I can only imagine with 3..or 4 boys that it's going to get much worse! LOL But, I try to save when I can. We don't go on many holidays anyway so we'll just have to save for a bit longer for Disneyland etc. I would rather have a large family and not have as many goodies anyway xoxo

[nicnee1976]

I agree Doulamama. I budget for Xmas, they all get £100 worth of gifts each, and I never go overboard. I'm sure that will change when they are older and want more expensive stuff, but I hope by then to be able to work more hours and earn more money!! I'm dreading it if they all want to go to Uni, with Uni fees here going through the roof!!

We still do 1 or 2 holidays a year, but try to do it as cheaply as possible. We too would love to do Disney. We went to Florida to go to Disney and Universal before we had kids and it is our dream to go back and take them.

I too dread to food bills in 10 years time!! Lots of potatoes and pasta I think!!

But at least with lots of kids even if 2 of them don't get along, there is a good chance they will get along with the others. I felt as a child that since I did not get on with my sister, I had nobody else. I never planned on having 4. I just never felt finished after the others were born, but this time I know I'm too old to do this again and I feel like enough is enough now.

[Mochagirl]

We gave up holidays long ago when I decided to become a SAHM. Unless we can drive there and stay for free, we don't go. We have to fly across the country to visit dh's family this Christmas, and the plane tickets alone are going to cost well over $3000. It's going to KILL our budget for many months and drive us further into debt, but we haven't been there in a year and a half, so dh really wants to see his family.

And yes, I dread the years when we'll have 3 (or 4) teenage boys in the house eating everything in sight. Hopefully by then I'll be working again, though, and with 2 incomes things wouldn't be quite as tight.

[ELP]

Right!! Part 1!!

I am 1 of 6, now we are grown up we adore each other, as kids it was the usual battles. BGGGB then 1/2B I was 2nd.

IMO we as children, remember very little from when we were children! Hopefully, as adults, we come away with an overall feeling of confidence and security which is from knowing we were loved not from foreign holidays and trips to the zoo. I find its more about the people your family mould you to become than shared rooms, or the latest consoles. We are raising adults at the end of the day

Ask yourself what was the best day of your life? What day would you re-live if you could? I'm sure it wouldn't be one from your childhood but one from recently with your own children, so what is the best thing a parent can give their child? the ability to become a parent! And if their never born then they will never know that amazing feeling (Sorry it took so long to get to this point lol!)

[ELP]

Part 2!!

The best things about having a large family!
The security from being from a big group is great. My kids always have someone looking out for them. they are rarely picked on in school, and very confident in the class room. If the younger kids have an issue they will sometimes go to one of their older siblings to help solve it before feeling the need to call in the big guns (thats me:bigsmile) This also takes some of the headache of dealing with bickering 5 yr olds in the park off of myself, not that its a duty I avoid! But if my elders can explain to kids throwing chestnuts that they make take someones eye out then I can get on with the dinner

I have very often found that kids from a big family are extremely well behaved! They all have their wild side but you won't often see a child from a large group throwing a tantrum! they must learn from the others that acting like a wally just makes you look like a wally, not good! They are often very polite and ask for nothing, again because they are usually used to be being told, 'sorry darling, we just don't have it today' (see bad things about a big family).

And main grea thing about the gang is just that they are all totally gorgeous! And you will fall in love as fast and as deeply with every one as you did the 1st And you can tell yourself 'If I never had you, you wouldn't be here' and is such a gift to give

Theres a 1000 things more but I'm sure these are the main points lol!

[ELP]

Part 3

The worst things about a big family!
On a practical side, laundry lol!!! Flippin hate the stuff, dont we all Wear and tear on the house! I'd be embarassed for you to walk into my house, not because its dirty as I work hard to keep it looking like a warzone! But, stains on carpets, I can't keep up with, doors popped off thier hinges, so frames need replacing, curtains pulled off their polls from toddlers spinning in circles in them! You get the picture! When the kids leave home, I am getting white carpets and walls and developing an ocd complex lol, until then it feels like damage limitation

On a financial side, you pretty much cannot afford holidays unless your very well off, we try and go camping every other year but we don't have vehicle big enough. Clothes and shoes, you wear out to the knees before replacing! Xmas becomes a guilt ridden painful experience (not that the kids ever notice though, they have a great time!) And the need to constantly tell them 'no' when they ask for things, which is honestly not very often they even ask bless them (goodness, tearing up now lol, flamin hormones) But then is this a bad thing??? Who knows, I know some real spoilt, ungrateful little brats who have a lesson in simple manners if they brave to cross my thresh-hold lol!!!

On a closing note I will say that we are from the UK, so health, dental(if your lucky!) and schooling is all free. If we were US then we just couldn't afford our gang I don't think? But I'd still push the limit lol

[glory]

Questions:
On raising a larger family: What do you love about it? How do you manage to still be intentional with each child? What are the upsides of having several of the same gender? And downsides ... but if you offer a downside please offer how you cope with it so I don't get too terrified!

I love the way the boys just love me, that they play together and share, though it isn't perfect, you can really tell kids who have brothers and sisters and only children apart quite easily. Of course they fight and bicker and want, want, want but I think that is just kids. I don't think any feel left out, we do quite a bit of juggling to fit everything in and sometimes I think I am mad to want another, 3 was going to be it but now I am excited to be evening out my 3 (well hoping to be). I actually am better about finding time for me now, wheras with 1 and 2, I just thought I had to be super mum and do everything, now if I need help, I ask, if I want to go somewhere I do. I feel less guilt and am a better mum for it.

On growing up in a large family: Especially if as adults you ended up close to siblings and or parents, I'd love to hear what some things were that your parents did that made you close as a family. Some of it I do think comes down to the personalities of the kids, and those we can't control, but I do believe parenting plays a crucial role in how a family evolves as the kids age, so I'd love to hear what you think worked and what you plan to do with your family.

I am 1 of 6 kids, that are spread over 18 years (same mum and dad- they just started early and ended late). I LOVE being part of a big family, I always have. I am that one in the family who likes to organise family get togethers. We all in one way or another work together and it can be tough being confronted with everyone but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can go into work and see 3/4 of my family in one day, it really is nice.

My mum and dad aren't perfect, but they love us to bits and would do anything for us. The only complaint I have is they do want to be involved in our lives and decisions a little too much, but I do think it comes from a good place they want us to be happy and do right but at the same time they just have to let go. I am hoping to learn from this when my kids are bigger! One of my siblings is a functoning addict, in that he drinks and drugs on a bit, but he still goes to work, he still pays his bills, but he is probably the biggest worry of my mum and dad, but at the same time, I love that at any get together there is no fighting, we don't go on about stuff that we do wrong, it is nice.

Mum and dad have 10 grandkids so far and that too is just nice. The kids always have a cousin or 2 to play with.

I see people with 4 kids and think they are mad, life is just so hectic, but I am sure people sometimes see me with my 3 and go, what chaos! It all will work out.