If you have or grew up in a "large" family....

[begonia]

Background:
Since I grew up as one half of a pigeon pair, and so did DH, to us a "large" family is really anything bigger than 2 siblings And I know there are a LOT of ladies on here with 3+ already, and probably a lot who grew up that way too.

I have a very fractured family and growing up was kind of on my own, and really as an adult still am, although obviously now I have DH and my kids. Holidays are really just us, plus either my mom, or his parents. So 6 people max, LOL.

Questions:
On raising a larger family: What do you love about it? How do you manage to still be intentional with each child? What are the upsides of having several of the same gender? And downsides ... but if you offer a downside please offer how you cope with it so I don't get too terrified!

On growing up in a large family: Especially if as adults you ended up close to siblings and or parents, I'd love to hear what some things were that your parents did that made you close as a family. Some of it I do think comes down to the personalities of the kids, and those we can't control, but I do believe parenting plays a crucial role in how a family evolves as the kids age, so I'd love to hear what you think worked and what you plan to do with your family.

[Mochagirl]

I grew up in a family of 4 kids (where I was the youngest and only girl), and now I'm going to have 4 kids as well. Honestly, when I look back at my childhood, I never remember not getting enough attention from my parents. I don't feel like I missed out on anything by being in a big family, and there were lots of benefits. One of those is that there's always someone to play with. This is great from the perspective of the kids, but also great from the perspective of the parents - I notice that my friends with one or two kids have a much harder time keeping their kids entertained than I do. Now that ds3 is finally old enough to play with his big brothers, they will play together (and fight, unfortunately) all day long.

Another thing I like is that you never get lonely. This Thanksgiving we didn't go anywhere (we normally go to my Mom's house with all my brothers and their families) and it could have ended up being quite depressing, but our house is always full and chaotic, so even when it's just us here, it can feel like a celebration. I know that my aunt always envied my Mom her chaotic house at Christmas, especially now that we all arrive with our spouses and kids - 8 going on 9 grandchildren. My aunt only had two kids, neither of whom had children, so Christmas is always quiet and lonely at their house.

[begonia]

Thanks Mocha I'm having a not-so-great day with the GD and I thought some heartwarming stories (like yours) would help me feel better about having a larger family, even if it is all daughters. It's interesting that you grew up the youngest and only daughter with 3 older brothers ... did your mom long for a girl too, do you know?

[Mochagirl]

We've talked a bit about it. She thought her ds3 was a boy (this was long before u/s existed) and had a closet full of pink clothes waiting at home when she went to the hospital to have him. She said she wouldn't believe the doctor when he said it was a boy and was in complete shock, but fell in love with him immediately.

As far as I know, I wasn't a planned pregnancy, but she has spent my entire life telling me what a gift I was. She and I are best friends, and I think our relationship has fed my GD all along - obviously I want what she and I have with a daughter of my own.

She knows about the swaying (not all the details, but she knows about the diet), and I know she thinks I'm crazy - she keeps telling me she didn't do anything different to have me. However, I think she understands why I swayed. She knows how desperately I want a girl, and she's been telling me since the day my twins were born that she hopes I get to experience having a daughter someday.

And yes, I've always kept it in the back of my head that I was the youngest of 4 and the only girl, and here I am having my 4th child and praying it will be a girl too. At least I'd be able to give her lots of advice about what it's like to grow up with 3 older brothers .

[nuthinbutpink]

My parents were the best. 100% involved with all of us. My dad was home every night, mom cooked, we ate at the table as a family every night. My childhood is my family. There were a lot of us but like the PP poster said, I was never lonely and certainly never neglected or overlooked.

I have 4 and I feel certain mine don't feel neglected at all, even with the baby. We do a lot of stuff together as a family. You don't have to carve out time everyday for each of your kids. We do homework together, eat together, we put them to bed in a divide and conquer way but switch it up so we each spend time with the kids throughout the week reading to them, etc.

4 is hard. I am usually exhausted but our neighbor who has one child said to me tonight that because of being around us, she wants a second child so badly- that is the best compliment we've gotten in a while! She said just watching the kids play together, etc. it makes her want to have a bigger family.

True, the kids have their own personalities but for us, just like my parents, it is up to DH and I to control the dynamic and set the tone. The kids follow our lead.

[begonia]

I think our relationship has fed my GD all along - obviously I want what she and I have with a daughter of my own.

This is interesting bc there is no doubt in my mind part of the reason I wanted sons was precisely because my mom and I have had a very poor relationship for as long as I can remember. Also, she grew up with 2 sisters and they were flat-out AWFUL people; the few interactions I had with them as a child are memorable only bc they were scary! I think one is still in prison TBH. She had a miserable relationship with her mother. So really my "model" for a mother-daughter, or even sister, relationship is not one I intend to follow, nor is it one that gives me warm-fuzzies when I think of having daughters. I know I can change that pattern with my girls and I will do everything I can to build a relationship with them more like what you and your mom seem to have.

It makes complete sense why you would want a daughter if you're that close with your mom, particularly if she has told you what a gift you were to her. I can see where that makes the GD harder and I'm so sorry for that.

[begonia]

My parents were the best. 100% involved with all of us. My dad was home every night, mom cooked, we ate at the table as a family every night. My childhood is my family. There were a lot of us but like the PP poster said, I was never lonely and certainly never neglected or overlooked.
^^I hope my kids can say something like this one day. What a great tribute.

I have 4 and I feel certain mine don't feel neglected at all, even with the baby. We do a lot of stuff together as a family. You don't have to carve out time everyday for each of your kids. We do homework together, eat together, we put them to bed in a divide and conquer way but switch it up so we each spend time with the kids throughout the week reading to them, etc.

4 is hard. I am usually exhausted but our neighbor who has one child said to me tonight that because of being around us, she wants a second child so badly- that is the best compliment we've gotten in a while! She said just watching the kids play together, etc. it makes her want to have a bigger family.

True, the kids have their own personalities but for us, just like my parents, it is up to DH and I to control the dynamic and set the tone. The kids follow our lead.

This is all good for me to read ... excellent point re: kids following your lead. It is one thing I am so cognizant of yet so terrified of at the same time. I wish so badly I had a better model from my own childhood, but instead I'm just leaning on my heaping helping of the "what not to dos" that I got from my own parents.

I appreciate y'all chiming in though; it really does help me envision how fun this can all be in the next several years, and that helps with the GD because it makes me think about my family, my children, and not about their gender.

[TTC5]

I came from a family of 7 kids and despite everyone saying to me OMG what a big family, it actually never felt big to me lol!

I am so close with my sisters I love it and this is what I love about having all girls myself because I know they will get this same enjoyment too, hopefully

Downsides to having all girls... I am not sure there is any to be honest!

[KnockYourBallsOff]

I love this thread!!!! I was wondering the same thing! DH and I come from fractured families and Christmas is always so quiet, it really stinks. We are thinking 2 more kiddos, so 5 total and I am homeschooling so that they can really have a strong sense of family. YAY for big families!!!!!

[DoulaMama]

On raising a larger family: What do you love about it? Hmmm.....well some days I hate it(totally honest). Most days I love it. I'm pretty darn sure that the bad days are only because I have 3 VERY close in age and I'm with them ALL DAY LONG. I'm a SAHM who homeschools and somedays I want to find the nearest bridge...if you catch my drift The things I love- having so much love in our house. Everyone gets along really well and the kids love being together. The enjoy the same things, we all love camping and hanging out in the outdoors. I love seeing how each one has their own distinct personality. The laughs we have....seeing all 3 kids rush to the door to greet their dad...it makes my heart melt The hard times are hard, such as today when my 3.5yo found my mothers lip tint under the couch(she must have dropped it) and proceeded to write all over our beige couches, the wall, the carpet, my books, the wood furniture, our flat screen....I nearly died(and he was pretty close too ) Those moments I would rather forget...but hey...that's my life.

How do you manage to still be intentional with each child? I do try to get out with each one of the children by themselves each weekend. I've taken my oldest and middle out to a movie, out to lunch, etc. They really love just having my hubby and myself all to themselves. I also do quiet time with either my oldest or middle each night. Read books, talk about stuff. Other than that, we just hang out together and each one needs to realize that I can't be there for them every second of the day. My oldest DC feeds the baby his lunch and cleans off his tray, wipes his hands and gets him down from his high chair. He really loves helping me and it's so nice that he's up for that kind of stuff.
What are the upsides of having several of the same gender? And downsides ... but if you offer a downside please offer how you cope with it so I don't get too terrified! Upsides...Well, I don't know any different so I guess I can't say. They all get along but I think they would if there was a girl thrown in there too. They seem to like the rough and tumble stuff...but I used to love that too. I think that the only downside of having 3 boys is the fact that I can't use any of my pretty girly fabric or sewing patterns on them... LOL

On growing up in a large family: I came from an insanely small family. Counting both sets of grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and ourselves....there were 12 of us. Plus we never lived anywhere near most of our family so christmas and Easter, Birthdays...all were very quiet. I hated it. I met my DH and he was one of 4 boys...35 cousins....HUGE family get-togethers....I was in heaven. I knew I wanted a large family(agreed on 2 kids but knew in my heart I would most likely want more...thank goodness he was ok with that!!) and I'm happy to be getting that!! 4 kids should be lots of fun!!
xoxoxo